Chapter 4
“It doesn’t matter how.” I shoved past Madden and stomped through the sand, searching for any path that could take me back up to my home, but there was no easy way to get back up the mountain and to the mesa that I’d so carefully secured.
I was stuck. With him. I whirled and glared at him.
“It’s going to take days to get back up there.” I pointed to the top of mountain. “And I really must get going.”
He crossed his muscled arms across his black leather vest. “We might as well journey together.”
“Oh, really? How do you figure?” I asked.
He pointed toward the only path forward, one that led around the mountain and through the desert, the sky growing from gray to black to a deep red as it stretched over the path. “Wouldn’t you rather have someone here to help you face these nightmares? We both need to go in the same direction.”
“You don’t need to be here at all,” I snapped. “You can leave anytime you want.”
He stepped closer to me, his voice going low. “Well, what if I don’t want to leave?”
His gaze traveled from the top of my head all the way to my boots, slow and languid.
I was growing tired of all these men who decided it was their job to save me, especially when I had no interest in being saved.
“I’m going now.” I started walking toward the path, made of rock and stone, all different shades of black and gray. “You can do as you wish.”
Much to my displeasure, I heard his boots stomping after me.
We walked like that, in silence, for a while.
I thought he’d eventually give up, decide he wanted to rest or was sick of this trek, but he just continued to follow me, his footsteps a steady rhythm.
The scenery never changed, just black sand stretching as far as the eye could see, rolling hills of it that ran alongside the mountain.
The path we walked stayed flat, but at some point, it would veer upward, back to my home.
Thankfully, no other nightmares appeared, the walk boring and tiring. After everything that had transpired, my muscles ached, my mind felt fatigued, and I just wanted to lay down. But first I needed to tire him out enough that I’d lose him. Except he didn’t seem to tire.
The bastard. All the other men who’d come to save me had been easy to get rid of. All it took was baring my teeth, waving around my sword, maybe shooting a few arrows a little too close their heads, and they’d ran away.
But nothing seemed to deter this man.
He was more determined than the others to use me, no doubt.
To rescue me and then claim me as his own.
Even though I didn’t know how Gilraeth functioned, it seemed to be a patriarchal society, and from everything I’d gathered from my visitors over the years, I knew that if I got out of this place, I wouldn’t be the one ruling—my husband would.
I’d just be the pretty accessory on his arm.
No thank you. Even more reason to get rid of Madden.
I’d have to wait for the right moment to ditch him. He didn’t know the land like I did, and once I got rid of him, he’d be so frustrated trying to find his way to the top of the mountain that he’d give up and leave.
“Are you just going to pretend I don’t exist for this entire journey?” Madden called from behind me.
“That’s the plan,” I said back to him.
“You know, we could make this more enjoyable.”
“I’m enjoying myself just fine.”
Thunder rumbled overhead, a crack of lightning splitting the sky.
Fire and blood, it was going to rain. We’d need to find shelter, and soon.
I didn’t want to be caught out in a storm in the middle of the desert.
Caves peppered the bottom of the mountain, any of them suitable for keeping us safe and dry.
I ducked into one, and Madden followed. I glared at him as I gathered sticks and twigs that scattered across the dusty floor. Madden unhooked a water skin from his belt and set it outside just as it began to rain. My stomach rumbled, but it would be too late to search for food tonight.
Madden sat down and held out his hand, and a ball of fire appeared as he summoned his fire magic.
So he was from the fire court. I could never assume, since suitors came from all five courts on the continent.
He flicked the ball to the little tower of twigs, and soon enough the fire roared to life, the cave cozy and warm as rain pattered down outside.
I swallowed, watching the way the light flickered over his features.
Scars ran along his bare arms, and his wavy brown hair brushed his shoulders.
I wasn’t used to this, someone helping me.
Most of the men who came here had no idea how to survive in a place like this and no desire to help me with anything.
Madden walked outside and returned with the water skin, now brimming with water that made me realize just how thirsty I was.
He held it out to me, and I eyed him warily as I took it, gulping down.
“So you have to eat, drink, sleep, here?” he asked, crouching down and stoking the fire. Embers flew into the air.
I nodded. “I don’t know what would happen if I didn’t. Maybe I’d survive just fine, but I’m not taking any chances.” I handed the water skin back to him. “Besides, if I don’t eat or drink, my body feels weak, and I get headaches, so it’s better to just act is if I’m in the real world.”
“You do a good job of that,” he said, settling by the fire.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
He peered at me. “Why don’t you want to remember who you are?”
I shifted, crossing my legs in front of me. “Who says I don’t?”
He spread out his arms. “Well, you’re still here. Cursed. You create this safe haven for yourself so you don’t have to venture out, encounter nightmares.”
“I encounter nightmares daily,” I argued.
“Right, which you don’t face.”
“Why does it matter?" I flung out my arms. "Why do you care so much about me facing these nightmares?”
He took a drink of water, tipping his head back, the light showing the sharp angles of his jaw and cheekbones. I swallowed and looked away.
“What happened when you faced that dragon?” He shook his head.
“You didn’t fight it. You walked up to it and laid your hand on it, and it’s like you went into a trance.
No one just approaches a dragon and lives through it, not in Gilraeth.
We’ve always fought with the dragons, and they’ve always fought with us. ”
“I—” I winced like it was painful to drag this memory out. “I think I remembered something . . . about my past. I think I was friends with the dragons, but I knew I wasn’t supposed to be, that it would make my father angry with me. But I wasn’t scared. I felt . . . defiant.”
He leaned forward and steepled his hands together. “Is this the first time you’ve remembered something? About your past?”
I nodded. “I’ve seen flashes before, when nightmares have appeared, but just flashes. Of blood. Screams. Pain.” Death. So much death. “This was the first full memory I’ve had.”
And I didn’t know how to feel about it, had been trying not to think about it.
I’d figured out rather quickly that the nightmares brought with them my memories, terrifying memories, so I created my safe haven, a place where I could ward off the nightmares and not have to face them.
Because facing them would only bring pain.
“The very first nightmare to attack me was a vulture-like monster, a shadow,” I said.
“I don’t know how to describe it, except that its wings were as wide as I am tall, and it tried to grab me with its sharp talons.
As it chased me, I heard gut-wrenching screams in my mind, I felt the shadow’s talons scrape across my skin, even though here, it hadn’t yet caught me.
I knew it was a memory, a terrible one. So I ran until I found shelter, and once I had gotten away from the monster, the screaming in my head stopped. ”
Realization spread across Madden’s face. “So you realized that if you found a way to hide or fend off the nightmares, you wouldn’t have any of these bad memories.”
I drew my knees up to my chest and hooked my arms around them. “Whatever happened in my past doesn’t exactly seem pleasant.”
But the memory of me and that dragon felt . . . different. Nice, almost. I’d seen a part of myself that I liked.
“Princess—“
“Sera,” I cut him off.
“Princess,” he insisted. “We’re going to encounter more nightmares on the way up the mountain.
Instead of running from them, maybe you can try to do what you did with the dragon.
I can tell you all about your past, like every other man has done, but that’s not going to help you remember anything.
You have to do this on your own. You have to want to. ”
Doubts filled me. I still didn’t trust him or his intentions.
I still didn’t know if I wanted to remember who I was.
What if I didn’t like who I had been? I’d created a life for myself here.
It wasn’t a particularly good one, but at least it wasn’t filled with the terror, the death, the horror that overtook my mind every time a nightmare descended upon me.
I didn’t want to remember a life like that.
I had a feeling the memories might break me, that not remembering protected me.
A hand gripped my arm, breaking me from my thoughts. I looked down to see Madden’s firm grip on me, and my gaze met his over the firelight.
“You can do this. You’re a fighter, I can see it in you. It sounds like the memory you had of that dragon was a good one. You can have more of those. It’s not all pain, Princess.”
We stared at each other for a minute before I finally said, “Okay.”
His brows raised and he let go of my arm, the warmth from his touch leaving me as well. “Okay?”
“But first you have to tell me why you’re here, why you want to rescue me so badly. You want to be king?”
“I’m no king.” His voice was sincere, his eyes honest. “Would never dream of being one.”
“Then what do you want? Fame? Glory? Riches?”
He shook his head. “You know there’s a sorceress ruling Gilraeth now?”
I nodded. I’d heard as much from all my visitors.
Madden hesitated. “She’s a threat to our survival, and I think you may be the only one who can overthrow her and bring peace back to our land.”
I didn’t detect any lies in his voice, and from everything Madden had shown me so far, he wasn’t like the other men who came here, wasn’t entitled, wasn’t arrogant, didn’t claim me as his own, and though I knew nothing about his past, he didn't seem like a nobleman. Maybe I could trust him.
“Let’s get some sleep.” I lay down on the ground, turning my back to him. “Tomorrow, we have some nightmares to face.”