Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Fiona
The Sons of Hell clubhouse thrummed with life around me.
Music pulsed through the speakers, brothers clustered in groups with beers in hand, and the old ladies had taken over one end of the bar, their laughter carrying over nearly everything else.
My graduation party was in full swing, everyone celebrating as though my diploma belonged to all of them.
Maybe in some ways it did.
I sat near the edge of the room with Charlie asleep against my chest, one hand curved around his little back while the other held my phone.
For the last hour, I’d been finding reasons not to send the message already typed on the screen.
Jasper had surprised me by showing up at graduation. He’d stood at the back of the gym and watched me walk across the stage without ever intending to tell me he was there.
Then he’d left.
Just like that.
My thumb hovered over the screen before I finally stopped thinking and hit send.
Me: You weren’t going to tell me you were at graduation.
His answer came almost immediately.
Jasper: I didn’t want to intrude.
I stared at the words. He’d ridden through the night to Virginia, stood quietly at the back of a crowded gym while I graduated, and somehow convinced himself that speaking to me afterward would’ve been intruding.
Me: You came all the way to Virginia and planned to leave without saying hello?
Jasper: It was your day.
Me: You were part of it.
The three dots stayed on the screen longer this time. Jasper always seemed to take more care when our conversations drifted somewhere he couldn’t hide behind a joke.
Jasper: Your family might disagree.
A laugh escaped me.
Me: Georgie disagrees with the weather
Jasper: Fair point.
My smile lingered, but the hollow feeling beneath it didn’t go anywhere. He’d left right after the ceremony, blaming the long ride home and club business that couldn’t wait. I’d watched him cross the parking lot after he kissed my forehead, lifting one hand before he disappeared among the cars.
Now I was surrounded by people celebrating my achievements, and the one person I kept looking for wasn’t there.
Me: Thank you for coming.
Jasper: I wouldn’t have missed it.
I ran my thumb along the edge of my phone. Somehow, that wasn’t what I wanted to hear.
Me: I already miss you
The second I sent it, heat crept into my face. I’d been getting bolder with him for months, but there were still things that felt too vulnerable once I saw them sitting on the screen.
Jasper: You saw me three hours ago.
Me: I’m aware
His response took long enough that I started wondering if I’d said too much.
Jasper: I miss you too.
My throat tightened. There were a dozen safer answers I could’ve given him. I chose none of them.
Me: Then come back
Jasper: Don’t tempt me.
Me: Maybe I’m trying to
Jasper: You’re getting dangerous.
Me: You keep saying that like you don’t enjoy it
Jasper: That’s exactly why it’s dangerous.
I read his answer twice before lowering the phone.
That was Jasper. He’d give me just enough truth to leave me wondering about everything he hadn’t said. I knew he wanted me. I wasn’t questioning that anymore.
What I didn’t know was what he intended to do about it.
Or how I would feel when I knew.
“You gonna stare at that phone all night, or are you actually gonna enjoy your party?”
I looked up to find Nash standing beside me with a soda in one hand and an amused grin on his face. He dropped into the chair next to mine and stretched his legs out in front of him.
“I’m enjoying it.”
“Yeah, you look thrilled.”
His gaze dropped to Charlie, and the teasing left his expression. “He asleep?”
I looked down. Charlie’s small body was curled against mine, his breathing deep and even despite the noise surrounding us. One hand remained tangled in my shirt as if even asleep, he needed to make sure I didn’t go anywhere.
“Yeah. All the noise wore him out.”
“He’s getting big.”
“Too big.” I smoothed my hand over his dark curls. “Frank says he’s already outgrowing his clothes.”
“Kids do that.”
“I know.”
It should’ve been an ordinary conversation. Charlie growing. Frank and Claudia constantly needing new clothes for him. The sort of thing we’d probably say about every child in the family over the years.
Still, my eyes stayed on his sleeping face a little too long.
Charlie had changed so much since the first time I held him.
So had I.
The music shifted to something slower while a burst of laughter rose near the bar. Somewhere behind us, glass shattered and someone yelled that it wasn’t their fault. Nobody sounded particularly concerned.
Nash leaned farther into his chair. “So, what’s going on with Romeo?”
My attention snapped back to him. “What?”
“Fiona.” The way he said my name was so different from Jasper, but the look on his face was almost identical.
Heat crept up my neck. “Things are fine.”
“Fine.” He made a face. “That’s a terrible answer.”
“It’s the truth.”
“Bullshit. He drove across the country to surprise you at graduation, and now you’re sitting at your own party looking like somebody stole your puppy.”
“It’s your party too. I’m not the only one who graduated.” He gave me that look again, the one that said you know what I mean. “He had to leave. Club business.”
“And you’re okay with that?”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I looked down at Charlie again, tracing one finger lightly over his cheek. “I’m okay with it.”
Nash didn’t answer right away.
“Have you told him about Charlie?”
My hand stopped.
For several seconds, I couldn’t make myself look up. Charlie slept on, completely unaware that one quiet question had turned the room around us into little more than noise.
“Fiona.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
I shifted Charlie slightly against me, though he hadn’t moved. “It’s complicated.”
“It’s the truth.”
“You don’t understand, Nash.”
“Then explain it.”
When I finally met his eyes, there wasn’t judgment waiting for me. Nash simply watched me, giving me space I wasn’t sure I wanted.
“He doesn’t know about any of it,” I said quietly. “He knows Granny adopted me. He doesn’t know I was pregnant at fifteen.”
“And you’re planning to keep it that way?”
“I don’t know.”
His expression changed, concern replacing the easy teasing from a few minutes ago. I looked away before he could say anything else.
“What if he leaves?” The words came out softer than I intended.
Nash leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
“What if I tell him everything and he looks at me differently?” I asked. “What if suddenly I’m too much trouble? What if all he sees is some girl who made a mess of her life before she was old enough to drive?”
“Is that what you think you are?”
“I don’t know what I think.”
“Yes, you do.” His voice stayed quiet. “You think if he knows everything, he’ll start seeing the bad stuff instead of seeing you.”
I blinked against the sting behind my eyes.
Nash glanced at Charlie before looking back at me. “But if you never tell him, how does he get to choose?”
My chest tightened.
“He’s choosing the Fiona he knows,” Nash continued. “But you’re deciding for him which parts he gets to know.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Neither is expecting him to build something real with you while you’re hiding something this important.”
His words hurt because there wasn’t enough wrong with them for me to get angry.
Charlie shifted in my arms, his little hand tightening around my shirt. I automatically adjusted my hold until he settled again.
“He’s mine,” I whispered.
Nash didn’t say anything.
“Not legally—I know that. Frank and Claudia are his parents, and I would never take that away from them.” I brushed one curl away from Charlie’s forehead.
“But I carried him. I gave birth to him. I loved him enough to know I couldn’t give him what he needed, and sometimes I still wake up wondering if I did the right thing even though I know I did. ”
My throat tightened until the last words barely came out.
“And Jasper doesn’t know any of it.”
“Maybe you should let him.”
Fear moved through me so quickly that my arms tightened around Charlie. “What if he can’t handle it?”
“Then he isn’t the guy you think he is.”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?” I asked, glaring at Nash.
“No.” Nash gave me a small smile. “But what if he can?”
I looked at him.
“What if you tell him everything and nothing changes?” he asked. “What if he looks at you exactly the same afterward?”
That possibility frightened me almost as much as the other one. I’d spent so long preparing myself for people to leave that I wasn’t sure I knew what to do with someone who stayed.
“You can’t build something real on secrets,” Nash said. “You know that.”
I did. That had never been the problem. The problem was putting the truth into words and handing it to someone who mattered enough to destroy me with what he did afterward.
“He texts me every day,” I said. “He showed up today when I didn’t even know he was coming.” I looked toward my phone. “Sometimes he looks at me like I’m…”
I couldn’t finish it.
Like I’m everything.
Nash didn’t need me to.
“And you’re scared he’ll stop.”
“Yes.”
For once, saying it aloud didn’t make me feel weak. It simply made the fear real.
Nash leaned back. “What if everything you went through is part of why he looks at you that way? You keep acting like surviving it somehow made you less.”
I looked down at Charlie.
His eyelashes rested against his cheeks, his lips parted slightly in sleep. Nothing about him felt like something shameful. Nothing about loving him did either.
Love.
My chest tightened around the word.
I wasn’t ready to ask myself whether I loved Jasper. Wanting him was already frightening enough. Missing him three hours after he left was bad enough. The possibility of losing him had somehow become something I could feel physically.
That told me more than I wanted to examine too closely.
“I don’t know how to tell him.”
“You just tell him.” Nash shrugged. “Sit him down. Tell him everything. Then let him decide what he does with it.”
“What if he decides wrong?”
“Then he’s an idiot, and you deserve better.” Nash’s voice turned firm. “But I don’t think he will. I saw him today, Fiona. That man didn’t ride across the country because he’s looking for an easy way out.”
I wanted to believe that.
Charlie moved in my lap, his eyes fluttering open. For a second, he looked confused, then his gaze found mine and a sleepy smile spread across his face. His hand reached up and landed against my cheek.
“Fi Fi,” he mumbled.
“Yeah, baby. I’m here.”
His eyes closed again, and he nestled into me as if there had never been any question that I would hold him.
My vision blurred.
Charlie trusted me.
He didn’t know anything about the decisions I’d made before he was born or why I’d made them. He only knew that when I was there, my arms were safe.
Jasper had spent months trying to give me that same certainty, and I kept one of the biggest pieces of myself tucked away where he couldn’t touch it.
Not because he’d given me a reason not to trust him.
Because too many other people had.
“I have to tell him,” I said.
Nash nodded. “Yeah.”
“What if…”
“No what-ifs.” He squeezed my shoulder. “Tell him the truth. Then let him decide.”
I looked down at Charlie again.
I’d made the hardest decision of my life because I loved him enough to put what he needed ahead of what I wanted. Jasper didn’t know that. He didn’t know what came before Charlie or everything that came after.
If I wanted whatever was growing between us to become real, I couldn’t keep asking Jasper to trust a version of me with entire pages missing.
“Okay.”
The word barely made it past my throat.
Nash smiled. “You got this.”
I wasn’t convinced.
But for the first time, I knew I was going to try.