Chapter 3
chapter
three
Cruz
The only thing that ever takes my mind off of Buttercup is my conversations with Fleetwood.
Until now, dating apps haven’t really been my thing.
Sure, when I was younger, I’d use them for the rare, no-strings-attached hook-up.
Because how the hell else is a single guy in special forces who’s only state-side a couple of days at a time supposed to meet anyone?
Once I left the rangers, I tried a couple of the apps more suited to actual dating. It always felt flat. Forced.
Chatting with a stranger felt like a chore rather than something that might develop into a real relationship. Until Fleetwood. She’s easy to talk to, even if we’re not talking about anything real or meaningful. Everything with her feels effortless.
It’s still hard to imagine it turning into an honest relationship when there’s another woman taking up so much space in my mind, but I’m working on it. I like Fleetwood. It feels like the kind of friendship that could develop into something real if my fucking libido would get out of the way.
I started up the conversation because I needed someone to take my mind off Buttercup, but now, chatting with Fleetwood is the best part of my day.
FleetwdLvr05: You never said what you do for work.
Mustang_Ranger: I drive a lot.
FleetwdLvr05: Like Uber?
Mustang_Ranger: Something like that.
FleetwdLvr05: Mysterious and evasive. That’s quite the combo.
Mustang_Ranger: Maybe I’m secretly a spy.
FleetwdLvr05: You’d have to be smoother for that.
Mustang_Ranger: You wound me.
FleetwdLvr05: You’ll live, Ranger.
Mustang_Ranger: You say that like you care.
FleetwdLvr05: Maybe I do. Maybe I’m just being polite.
Mustang_Ranger: I don’t think you’re ever just polite.
FleetwdLvr05: You say that like you think you know me.
Mustang_Ranger: Nah. Just a feeling I have.
I do feel like I know her. Maybe that’s crazy.
But I’ve always been that way with people.
The first time I met the guys on my team, we were one cohesive unit.
Even being from different backgrounds, we meshed perfectly.
I was part of several other units before where none of us worked well together. Like eating a corndog on fine china.
So yeah, I feel like I know Fleetwood.
Of course I feel like I know Buttercup too, but that is irrelevant.
FleetwdLvr05: How do you take your coffee?
Mustang_Ranger: You will judge me if I answer honestly.
FleetwdLvr05: Now I’m intrigued. Can I guess?
Mustang_Ranger: Go for it.
FleetwdLvr05: I’m guessing you’re a latte kind of guy, but you’re too embarrassed to order it out.
Mustang_Ranger: Well, you’re partially correct. I am a latte guy, more flavor than coffee, but I need that caffeine.
FleetwdLvr05: So what part did I get wrong?
Mustang_Ranger: I’m man enough to order my coffee with extra whip, extra sweet, and with sprinkles on top.
FleetwdLvr05: LOL! I love that so much.
I dated a woman once who was so put off by how I drank my coffee that she ended things after our third date.
People are weird. And stupid.
But Fleetwood gets me. There’s no judgment, only amusement. She just feels authentic in a way that most people don’t even in person.
FleetwdLvr05: I just realized I’ve told you more than some people I’ve known for years.
Mustang_Ranger: That’s the beauty of a screen. No pretending.
FleetwdLvr05: Or maybe we’re both pretending really well.
Mustang_Ranger: You pretending with me?
FleetwdLvr05: Maybe a little. Maybe I like the mystery.
Mustang_Ranger: Careful. Mystery’s addictive.
FleetwdLvr05: Guess I’ve already had a taste.
Am I pretending? No, I’ve been completely honest with her. That said, I can’t help but be a little on guard. She comes across pretty damn amazing. Close to perfect. But when I’m messaging with her, my mind conjures images of Buttercup.
That’s the problem.
I started chatting with her to forget about the pretty and way too young blonde that I seem to be infatuated with. But in some ways, it feels like Fleetwood has only made me want Buttercup more.
Which feels dishonest, somehow.
FleetwdLvr05: I bet you’re the kind of guy who hates losing.
Mustang_Ranger: Depends on the game.
FleetwdLvr05: What if the prize is bragging rights?
Mustang_Ranger: I’d play hard.
FleetwdLvr05: And if the prize is a kiss?
Mustang_Ranger: Then I’d never lose.
FleetwdLvr05: That’s cocky.
Mustang_Ranger: That’s confidence. You’d like it.
FleetwdLvr05: Don’t be so sure.
Mustang_Ranger: I’m sure enough to take the bet.
She is definitely flirting with me.
We’re flirting.
And fuck me if I don’t like it. Maybe she really is the one who can get Buttercup out of my head.
Mustang_Ranger: What’s something small that always makes your day better?
FleetwdLvr05: Sunsets. Dogs. Good music.
Mustang_Ranger: Dogs, huh?
FleetwdLvr05: Yeah. I trust dogs more than people.
Mustang_Ranger: Smart girl.
FleetwdLvr05: What about you?
Mustang_Ranger: Quiet mornings. Fresh coffee. Someone who laughs easily.
FleetwdLvr05: Sounds nice.
Mustang_Ranger: It could be.
FleetwdLvr05: You saying you’d share it?
Mustang_Ranger: Depends who’s asking.
FleetwdLvr05: Just some girl with pink boots.
What is it about this woman that makes me want to open up? To let her see all the parts of me? That feels like she wouldn’t judge any of them?
FleetwdLvr05: Ever get that feeling like you know someone before you really do?
Mustang_Ranger: Yeah.
FleetwdLvr05: Like you recognize their energy or something.
Mustang_Ranger: Or maybe they just feel like home.
FleetwdLvr05: That’s… unexpectedly poetic.
Mustang_Ranger: Don’t tell anyone. It’ll ruin my reputation.
FleetwdLvr05: Of being a mysterious cowboy spy?
Mustang_Ranger: Exactly.
FleetwdLvr05: Can’t sleep. My brain won’t shut off.
Mustang_Ranger: Try counting sheep.
FleetwdLvr05: Tried. The sheep started judging me.
Mustang_Ranger: You sure you weren’t counting goats? They’re bastards.
FleetwdLvr05: You sound like you’ve got experience.
Mustang_Ranger: I’ve met a few.
FleetwdLvr05: You ever have trouble sleeping?
Mustang_Ranger: Most nights.
FleetwdLvr05: Same. I think too much.
Mustang_Ranger: Thinking’s overrated.
FleetwdLvr05: Spoken like someone who’s running from it.
Mustang_Ranger: Maybe I am.
FleetwdLvr05: Maybe I am too
Mustang_Ranger: So, what are these thoughts that keep you up
FleetwdLvr05: Mostly running through things that happened during the day. Things I should have said. Things I shouldn’t have done.
Mustang_Ranger: All regrets?
FleetwdLvr05: No. Just tired of always playing it safe.
Mustang_Ranger: Then stop doing that. Tomorrow, do one thing that scares you.
FleetwdLvr05: I will!
I hope she reports back and tells me what she did.