Chapter 24
Opal was already beginning to regret inviting Debbie for dinner.
There was something about bringing these versions of herself together, one which she was already starting to think of as ‘the old her’, and then whatever this ‘new her’ was, that was deeply unsettling.
Debbie, more than Gareth, and even more than Martin, represented a life that she was now trying to get away from.
She was also a woman, so she understood the cues of reinvention more than Opal’s distracted husband.
That was why she’d opted for the skirt suit, the eyeshadow and the pearls – she couldn’t bring herself quite yet to kill this other Opal, to shed that skin completely.
And she knew that when it came to bearing witness to that transformation, it would be Debbie’s perception that really mattered. There would be no going back then.
Not because Debbie would be judgemental, quite the contrary.
Because if Debbie perceived the new Opal and didn’t much care either way, it would mean that the pantomime version of herself, the one Opal had been loyally playing for the past decade, was a show that nobody had ever asked for.
And what a devastating waste of time that would make it.
Now, though, it was too late. Everyone had taken their seats and there were three courses to get through. Opal would have to contain her multitudes for one more dinner at the very least.
Johan had taken the seat next to her, unusually leaving Ruby in the lurch to squeeze in beside Deborah.
Opal wondered what was going on between them.
She wasn’t so oblivious as not to have noticed the budding sexual tension between them.
She had suspected that at least a part of Ruby’s hostility against her was somehow about impressing Johan, or challenging Opal for his affections.
Their encounter in the corridor earlier had confirmed it.
And now, as Heather sat in her seat, that left Martin to take the other head of the table. She would have rather not been facing her husband, especially as she battled with the strange heat that rose within her whenever she was close to Noah, but that’s how things had turned out.
‘What are we having then, darling, or should I ask Hetty?’ His tone betrayed an edge of resentment, perhaps for having been banished from his spot next to his wife by a younger, prettier man. Opal found herself revelling in it.
‘Hetty has put together a veritable feast: prawn cocktails to start and then some roast duck. I think it’s posset for dessert …’
Predictably, as she had at every meal, Heather interjected, ‘And for the vegetarians … or should I say vegetarian?’
‘I think there’s some sort of spinach soufflé and …’ Opal racked her brains, and was saved by Hetty coming in with another bottle of white wine.
‘It’s a ratatouille for the main course,’ Hetty reported flatly, placing the bottle into the cooler.
‘Great, another ratatouille,’ Heather muttered under her breath.
As their starters were brought out, Opal found herself wondering what on earth Martin and Ruby could possibly be talking about.
He was laughing too loudly and she was fiddling with a thick silver chain that sat atop her fine collarbones.
She was trying to concentrate on what Johan was saying.
Something about his upcoming series on young women’s relationships with their fathers.
‘I’d have them in a state of undress. Obviously the male model wouldn’t actually be their father, but it’s a pseudo-sexual dynamic that I’m fascinated by …’
Opal’s attention turned back to his piercing blue gaze. ‘That sounds kind of …’ she wasn’t sure how well he was about to take the following comment ‘… perverted, incestuous even.’
Johan threw his head back and laughed, almost as ostentatiously as Martin was.
Opal didn’t miss the dirty look that Ruby threw in her direction.
It would seem she was an unwilling participant in some kind of ménage à quatre.
How ridiculous considering the only person she had any interest in fucking at this table was engrossed in a conversation with Deborah.
And they were both just occasionally chuckling, at a normal volume.
‘That’s the point, Opal; it is supposed to disturb. Honestly if you knew the number of girls I’ve shagged who were probably fantasising about their dads the whole time, you would be disturbed.’
Johan was leaning over his plate, his elbows casually encroaching into Opal’s personal space. She felt his knee knock gently against hers under the table. She took another sip of her wine, if only to momentarily avoid the intensity of his eye contact.
‘Have you ever thought that maybe that’s more about you?
Either that you attract women who only have a troubled relationship with the most important men in their lives or that you’re projecting that fantasy onto them?
That it’s you who is deriving a perverse pleasure from the idea of them fucking their fathers?
’ Opal spoke matter-of-factly, each word flowing out of her mouth as it came to mind.
It was only once she reached the end of the sentence that she realised how cutting she sounded.
Johan seemed a little stunned, his elbows and knees retreating as Hetty came out to clear the plates and serve the main course.
He remained at a distance for the rest of the meal, although they were still chatting pleasantly enough.
At a certain point, she found herself once more slightly angled towards Noah, trying to insert herself into his conversation with Debbie.
At the other end of the table, Ruby seemed to have lost interest in Martin and he was very unsuccessfully attempting to engage with Heather.
Adam, as usual, mostly sat back and surveyed the room, a serene smile on his face.
He was a man who was completely comfortable in his own skin, and at ease with his own contemplation.
He was so much like Joshua that it sometimes made Opal’s heart ache.
She could only imagine what mixed feelings this nephew cum doppelganger must ignite in Gareth.
Martin abandoned his conversational struggle with Heather and turned to Debbie. ‘And how have you been, Deborah? I haven’t seen you in quite a while,’ he called across the table.
Debbie glanced, slightly frantically, at Opal, who responded with an almost imperceptible nod of the head before reaching for her glass. Her friend’s loyalty was touching.
‘I’m well thank you, Martin. And you? How is business?’ Debbie’s cheery tone was a little strained.
‘Business is good. We’ve got a big meeting coming up with a firm in Hong Kong, so I’ve been up late at the office for the past couple of weeks, dotting the i’s et cetera.’
‘Hong Kong! How exotic! Will you have the chance to fly out to visit?’
‘Hopefully, maybe after the summer party. I might have to go out for a week or so to close the deal.’ Martin always looked so smug whenever he discussed his work. Opal used to feel a pang of pride in her husband’s achievements, albeit she was never sure of any of the details.
Now she felt disdain, and she couldn’t shake the sense that he was lying, or at least exaggerating.
‘You must surely miss home when you’re away working all those ungodly hours?’ Debbie’s question was an innocent one, but Opal could have sworn she saw Martin tense up, just a fraction.
‘Although you do find the time to come back, don’t you, Martin? For a stroll in the woods.’ Everyone looked at Ruby as she spoke, but Ruby was looking straight back at Opal.
Martin squirmed in his seat. ‘Well, I …’ He laughed nervously. ‘I love to be in the country.’
Ruby’s eyes were locked on Opal. ‘I saw Martin this very morning down by the stream. He seemed to be heading over to um …’ Ruby turned now to Deborah. ‘Sorry, I’ve forgotten your name. I’m terrible with stuff like that.’
Debbie was flustered now too, and Opal suddenly felt the heat from her wine-filled stomach was rising into her ears.
‘It’s Deborah … Um Debbie.’
‘Right, Debbie, yes I saw Martin on his way to the gate at the bottom of your garden, so maybe he was coming to … visit you?’ Ruby seemed completely unperturbed to the waves of tension she had brought crashing over the dinner table.
‘Not me!’ Deborah looked over to Opal again, a deer in the headlights, and a totally innocent one at that. Opal managed a small smile she hoped was reassuring, but her stomach had dropped.
It was like watching as a waiter tripped with a full tray. The sound of smashing crystal was already ringing in her ears, before the glass had even hit the floor.
‘I wasn’t – maybe you mistook me for someone else.’ Martin looked angry now, and Opal almost felt sorry for him. There was something piteous about the fact that he was too stupid to realise what a sloppy job he was doing of covering up his affair.
Ruby looked indignant, her eyebrows almost reaching her hairline.
‘You’re a fucking liar,’ she said. Her voice was surprisingly cool.
She was calm and seemed totally sure of herself.
Opal envied her in that moment. This was how Opal should have reacted.
And yet even in this moment, she could not find that courage.
‘I think maybe we’ve all had a little bit too much to drink. Let’s retire for now and we could always come back for dessert later. It’ll keep in the fridge,’ Opal said quietly.
There was a moment of silence, and then Martin threw down his napkin. The scrape of his chair against the hardwood floor rang out as he stormed out the room. Opal smiled at her guests placidly. All looked back at her with a mixture of disbelief, bemusement and shock on their faces.
‘Debbie, would you like me to call you a cab?’
Deborah shook her head slowly, her gaze vacant, seemingly still processing. ‘Don’t trouble yourself, Pol. I can walk.’