Chapter 39
Ruby woke up like she was slowly drifting to the surface of the water.
She had a sense she was coming from the depths but the emergence didn’t feel forced or scary.
Her eyes flickered open, and she realised that she was not in her own bed.
For a split second she was afraid to turn and find a blonde head of hair on the pillow next to her, but on closer inspection of the room around her, she saw that it was not Johan’s.
The body beside her stirred, and she caught a flash of brilliant auburn out of the corner of her eye.
In the few minutes that it took Heather to rouse, Ruby debated whether she should try and sneak out of the room.
Her memory of the night before was both vivid and muddled, a film in vibrant technicolour that she’d watched in the wrong order.
It started with a surprisingly convivial dinner.
She could remember how hopeful she had felt as Heather took the seat next to her, after almost a week of no contact.
But then it all got fuzzier. There was a palm reading and dancing. One thing she did recall was the look of Opal’s face as she thought about her daughter, that and the slightly strange aftertaste of the champagne they’d all drunk.
In that cosy sitting room Ruby had watched Heather thaw out further at the sound of laughter.
They had held hands, and Heather had led her to her bed.
There’s no way the music could have followed them, and yet Ruby was convinced there’d been a majestic soundtrack accompanying them on forays into each other’s minds.
They’d taken off their dresses, and Heather had offered Ruby a T-shirt, turning away, as Ruby unclasped her bra. In bed they lay nose to nose, palms clasped together under their cheeks. A silent worship of each other’s candour.
Ruby had told her about Cindy, and Heather had told her it was OK, that she could be forgiven – for her feelings and what they meant, but also for Cindy’s.
Heather had shared her own coming-out story, and Ruby couldn’t help but laugh at the tale of an eight-year-old Heather announcing to her whole family she was ‘tired of being asked if she had a boyfriend at school, and that she would rather have a girlfriend anyway’.
‘They chalked it up to a rebellious phase, which of course, I’m still in,’ Heather recounted over the sound of Ruby’s giggles.
Ruby had leant in and planted a peck on each of Heather’s eyelids as they flirted with sleep.
In a slow and dozy response, Heather had pulled Ruby’s mouth down to hers.
And Ruby’s heart had done that thing again, swelling as though it might burst out of her ribcage, except instead it seemed to expand to accommodate it.
When Heather pulled away, Ruby felt serenely calm as she drifted off.
‘Morning.’ Heather’s voice was raspy, and a little tentative.
‘Morning.’ Ruby turned to her. In the morning light, her hair seemed to glow. Heather smiled, and the rest of her lit up too.
‘I’m a bit surprised you’re still here.’ Heather reached out to tuck a loose curl behind Ruby’s ear, and Ruby’s insides fizzed. ‘You were telling me last night all about your disappearing acts.’
Ruby tensed. How much of herself had she revealed? ‘Well I normally end up regretting my choices once I see them in the cold light of day.’ Her tone was defensive, though she tried to inject it with humour, and Heather rolled away. Ruby felt a flash of panic. ‘Sorry, I was … it’s a joke …’
Heather stared at the ceiling, her expression impassive. Ruby reached for her, a touch on the shoulder to plead for her return. ‘I don’t regret anything about last night, but I did want to apologise for the other day, after the party. That was shitty of me.’
‘It was.’ Heather took a moment to deliver her verdict, but when she turned back, there was a sly grin on her face.
‘And have you considered the possibility that the person lying next to you is thinking the same thing? Because I know that when I woke up I was hoping and praying that it was all a terrible dream …’
‘Oh don’t say that!’ Ruby was grinning now too. She sat up and looked down at Heather. ‘You don’t mean it!’
‘I do! Maybe I should just leave instead.’ Heather made to get out of the bed and Ruby pounced, pinning Heather’s arms either side of her head.
‘You wouldn’t dare.’ Ruby was panting from the exertion and the giddiness. The two tussled. Heather was stronger than she looked but at a certain point she stopped fighting back, and they just stared at each other, smiles wide and breathless.
They didn’t have much clothing to remove, and Ruby suddenly felt self-conscious, straddling Heather as she was in the bright daylight. She stood, crossing the room to pull the curtains that they’d left open the night before.
‘Don’t do that.’ Heather came up behind her, snaking her arms around Ruby’s waist and planting hot kisses on her neck and shoulder. ‘Why on earth wouldn’t I want to see this?’
Ruby was torn, her desire facing off her pride.
She was worried about being a bad fuck. With men, she’d had a decent amount of practice, and anyway, when in doubt a bit of performative moaning usually did the trick.
She found it astonishing how often men seemed perfectly satisfied with her simply lying there.
With Heather it couldn’t be like that; she didn’t want it to be like that.
‘I’ve never done this before,’ Ruby confessed.
Heather sank her lips into the nape of Ruby’s neck and snaked her fingers down Ruby’s belly. ‘I don’t believe it,’ Heather whispered in Ruby’s ear.
Her fingertips reached the softest part of Ruby’s thigh and Ruby couldn’t help but shudder.
‘You’re telling me that you’ve never done this.’ Heather ran her thumb softly over Ruby’s clitoris. Ruby whimpered.
‘Or this,’ Heather continued, dipping her finger inside Ruby softly and then spreading her wetness. Ruby braced herself against the bay window frame. Below them she could see a gardener with shears in hand in the distance. She worried he might look up.
‘You must have been a very very good girl if you’ve never tried doing this.
’ Heather grazed her teeth along Ruby’s shoulder blade as she sank more fingers inside her.
Ruby’s knees threatened to buckle as Heather began to slide in and out of her.
Ruby was wound tighter and tighter, until the slowness of the build became agonising.
Agonising, because Ruby wanted more. ‘Please.’ Ruby didn’t really know what she was begging for, but she wasn’t sure she could bear to climb much more. Heather pulled away and Ruby gasped at the departure. Heather spun her around.
‘What do you want?’ Heather’s voice was low and steady. ‘Do you want me to stop?’ Heather’s voice softened a touch for that question. Ruby could hardly catch her breath. She shook her head helplessly.
‘Please don’t stop.’
‘I want to watch you.’ Heather led Ruby back to the bed and laid her down on her back.
She paused for a moment, and they admired each other.
Ruby drank in the curve of Heather’s breasts, the dip at her hip bone, the dapple of freckles across her collarbones.
Heather leant down and Ruby reached up for her, impatient to taste her mouth again.
Ruby was floating down, one foot almost back down to earth, when Heather began to stroke her again, and she was lifted back up and away from the solid ground.
Ruby wasn’t sure she had ever known that she could be touched like this, that anyone could manoeuvre her body into such depths of pleasure with only an expertly well-placed flick of the wrist.
Ruby came undone more suddenly than she’d expected. A collision that seemed further away, until you realised how fast you were driving. When her eyes drifted open again, the aftershocks were still fizzing down her legs, and Heather’s head was nestled into the crook of her shoulder.
‘You can go now if you want,’ Heather murmured, with just a hint of self-satisfaction in her voice. Ruby wound her fingers into Heather’s hair.
‘Yeah, I might head off actually.’
Heather’s head shot up, her expression one of mock hurt.
Ruby laughed and pulled her into a kiss.
‘I guess I can’t very well fuck off until I’ve repaid the favour.
’ Ruby leant back to look Heather squarely in the face.
‘Although I might need a little bit of instruction …’ Ruby felt the creep of nerves, but Heather’s smile dispelled most of them.
‘That can be arranged.’