Chapter 2
CHAPTER 2
B rokenhearted
Dean
“You all want to kill the last ounce of kindness and sanity I have left,” I growl into the room while I sit on the floor in the middle of my office I just destroyed. “I’d be wrong if I gave you all what you’re asking for. I’d be the bad guy then, wouldn’t I?”
As I sob brokenly, Brandy sings about being brokenhearted on repeat in the background. My chest is heaving as tears spill down my cheeks. It’s just me, so I allow myself this moment.
I never get to show weakness. At least I try not to. I’m not afforded the luxury.
Although this … all of this … is a weakness I can’t afford. I wish I could say all of this is over a man.
“Un-fucking-believable,” I breathe through the tears.
I’ve come to expect things like this from the opposite sex. Been there, done that. I still bear the scars and own the T-shirt. I would have to be able to trust in order for that to be the case now.
Maybe I should apply the same rules to everyone. I’m learning men aren’t the only ones I can’t open my heart to. And there’s my problem.
I still own a part of me that wants to have a heart. I know I shouldn’t, but I’ve never been able to kill that part of myself off. I don’t know why because my feelings are never guarded or cared for.
Once again, my trust has been ripped right out from under me like a rug covering this cesspool that’s threatening to suck me in. I shouldn’t be surprised. By now, I should have seen it all coming.
I’ve lost count of how many times people have taken advantage of me. Someone is always playing the part so they can use me until they get what they want. First, they’re there, so concerned for my well-being, so helpful and invested. Then, I’m the villain when I don’t want to be used and shitted on.
“As if I’m not a fucking person,” I huff to myself.
It happens all the time. I give, and I give, and I give until that one action that causes me to take a pause and take notice that none of their actions are altruistic. It’s all covered in love bombs that I miss because my love and giving are authentic and from the heart. I never expect to be taken advantage of—because it’s not something I would do.
I’m a straight shooter. You’re with me or you’re not. If you’re not, then I’m gone. My life has no place for in-between.
Yup, I should have seen this coming. I should have, but I didn’t. Especially not Anika.
“My own sister,” I sob as I wrap my arms around my waist.
Well, she’s my half sister, but I’ve never treated her as such. I have been there whenever she’s needed me. I’ve given her whatever she’s needed. All she ever had to do was ask.
I think that’s why this hurts so much. Why steal from me when I would have given her the money? It’s funny how I can hear all her slick-ass comments so loud and clear now.
Most jokes are rooted in truths. Side comments that are meant to cut, but if you’re not in that headspace, you miss them completely. All that must be nice shit.
I didn’t hear it back then because it was coming from my baby sister. I remember being so happy when my mother brought her home. Now I want to send that bitch back.
“Bitch was smart enough to skip town. She knows I’m going to whoop that ass,” I say to myself through my sobs.
I never thought my sister would do this to me. For the last two years, she’s been working as my assistant. She’s the reason I found out my so-called friends weren’t around me because they cared, but because they benefited from my connections.
My social currency made me valuable to them. I opened doors they never would have walked through. While I thought I had people who were for me, they were obsessed with gaining clout.
I was too busy doing me to see it at the time, but my sister had my back, or so I thought. I always have so much on my plate. I don’t get time to be human, ever.
However, Anika … she is my family, my flesh and blood. I paid her well, even though my books haven’t been performing as well as they should be. Which is partly by design.
It’s better that I don’t blow up like some of my author friends. I don’t have that luxury. I need to remain under the radar.
Anika and I have the same mother. My dad and my mom broke up, not that long after I turned five. From what my mother says my father wanted different things from her.
I’ve never been able to understand that. Sure, if they wanted different things from each other, break up, fine. My problem has always been with the fact that my father abandoned me.
I went from having a loving, protective provider in my dad to nothing—he was just gone. However, my Uncle Freddie, my mother’s brother was a constant in my life. He became my father figure.
My uncle Freddie was a hustler. He embodied ambition and it rubbed off on me. If “get it out of the mud” were a person, that would be me. I’ve built something out of nothing all on my own more than once.
When I earned my first million, Uncle Freddie encouraged me to invest it, so I did. That first million turned into tens of millions and then it grew to hundreds.
By the time I turned twenty-six, I was able to invest in one of his ventures. A private airline fleet. It was in a bit of trouble before Uncle Freddie died unexpectedly.
I was devastated to lose my uncle. He made me who I am. He shaped the way I think and how I live.
I took his loss really hard, but I kept the venture going and turned it into a multimillion-dollar business only three years after my initial investment. That’s where the majority of my wealth comes from. My uncle was gone, but his best friends looked after and still look after what’s mine. I don’t need to write; I just love to.
I do it for myself. I do it for my sanity. I have never wanted for anything and earned everything I have. Now, as I think about it, I think Anika has always resented that.
“No wonder Mommy keeps her distance from your trifling ass,” I growl into the room. “Be careful of the beasts you awake, bitch.”
No matter how much I would do for Anika, it was never enough—almost like she felt I owed her something. I was made to feel guilty because I have a talent for making my own way. Anika always complained she didn’t get the same opportunities.
I was given nothing and had the same opportunities she had. Uncle Freddie had tried with her, but after one summer, when Anika was like eight, he stopped bringing her along for our time together. I never figured out why he didn’t want her around.
“He must have seen you as the snake you are,” I snort.
However, I used to allow myself to think I had an advantage because Uncle Freddie and I were so close, because he did teach me things she didn’t know about. My sister played on that guilt and used it repeatedly. That girl played me like a fiddle.
She stole half a million dollars right from under my nose. However, I don’t know if I’m more hurt by her or Lauren. The last straw today that has me on this floor in the middle of this mess, feeling crazy.
I look at my smashed laptop and can’t find it in me to panic about the books I have on there. I don’t know if I ever want to write another word again. I’m hurt by my sister and can’t believe what she’s done, but it’s just money. I can make it again.
My writing is different. Those words were mine. They came from my heart. They were my creations. I put my heart and soul into my books.
I should have known better. Life … no, not just life. The publishing industry taught me better. Lauren did what they always do.
Just when I didn’t think this day could get any worse, it keeps shitting on me. This hurts so much, I can’t breathe. Anika was one thing … but Lauren. Nah, I should have caught that one.
“Fucking bitch,” I snarl.
The publishing business has put me through some shit, but this … this is the foulest shit that has ever happened to me. I don’t know if I’ll ever write another book or sign another contract.
This is some devious shit. I cover my face and sob into my hands. I’m getting too old for this.
I’m not this person. Maybe that’s the real problem. I’ve been trying so hard to fit into a world I don’t belong in.
This isn’t who I was meant to be. You can’t have it all, Baby Girl.
My phone rings somewhere around me. I think to ignore it. I can’t take any more bad news today and I don’t have it in me to step up if I’m needed. It’s already pouring down on my head.
There is a hole in my heart and the ragged edges feel like they’re blowing in the wind, exposing the gaping hole to all sorts of shit. I run my arm under my nose and reach for my phone as my eyes land on it.
Seeing it’s Lakia, I decide to answer. She and Kaye have become friends, like two little sisters. So far, they have proven to be real. Friends like them are hard to come by in this industry.
Um, fuck that. In this life period.
I would know, I’ve been through some of it all. I try not to project my jaded feelings on the two of them. Kaye is doing big things and I’m so proud of her.
Taking a deep breath, I pick up the call. “Hello.”
“Hey, Dean, what’s up? Are you okay?”
“No.”
“What’s the matter?”
“I need to get out of here before I kill someone.”
“O … kay.”
I think about what I want to share. I’ve never told Kaye or Lakia that I don’t need to write; I just love to. I stopped telling people about my wealth and true identity a long time ago.
Smiling faces and kind words don’t always mean people are in your corner. In fact, it be your own people who turn your shit upside down. With a smile on their face while they’re at it.
If everyone knew who the fuck I am, none of this would be happening , I think to myself. But Anika does know, that’s why I am having a hard time believing she would do this to me.
To avoid that awkward conversation, I decide not to tell her about Anika’s trifling ass. I go with explaining the Lauren situation instead.
“You remember my editor wanted me to work with that other author, Lauren?”
“Yeah, the white girl. They wanted you two to write something together that would reach a diverse audience or something like that, right?”
“That was what Gabby said in the beginning. Then, they wanted me to help Lauren with her ethnic characters. Gabby has been my head editor for years.
“When I got my rights back for my first two series, she was in my corner. She still gave me a contract for another three books after. I had no reason to think twice about that shit.
“I thought … I thought … I was so stupid. Lauren sold the publisher my story. If not for Kendra, Gabby’s assistant, I wouldn’t have known a damn thing.
“She read both manuscripts. She quit this morning and let me know on her way out the door that Lauren changed all the characters to white people but took everything else from my book pretty much word for word.”
“Oh my God. Does Gabby know?”
“Who’s fucking idea do you think it was in the first place to steal my shit and whitewash it?”
“Girl, you have to be kidding me. I’m so sorry this is happening. I hope their books catch on fire and the whole place burns down.”
“I want to be the one who lights the match. I’m having all types of thoughts about busting that bitch’s kneecaps and slashing her fucking tires. I need to put distance between me and the two of them before I act on these feelings,” I growl.
I don’t tell Kia that’s the real reason my office looks like this. It was the desk or Lauren and Gabby. I’m trying not to choose violence in this situation.
“I think I might have an idea.”
“Shoot. It can’t be worse than the things I’m thinking right now.”
“I just got off the phone with Kaye. They need her in Ireland ASAP for the movie. She’s taking Dae-Dae and could use some help while she’s working. She mentioned maybe asking you. I’m just saying …”
I look at my ruined laptop. It’s not like I have deadlines I care about. I’ll be coming out of my contract with Gabby and those thieving bastards before I sue their asses.
It might also be a good idea to get away from my real life before I start doing shit I shouldn’t. Leaving my world behind does have a nice ring to it. The wheels begin to spin as Kia’s words sink in.
“Ireland? That sounds like what I need. Seriously. I’m so mad at myself. I should have seen this shit coming from a mile away.”
“If I didn’t have Isaac, I would go to watch her back. Everything has been moving so fast. You know you can’t trust these people.”
“Preach. I’m so done with people. I’m not letting anyone else in. I’m tired. You and Kaye have been the only real ones in my life for years.”
“You know we love you. Besides, I have enough going on in my life. I don’t have time to be grimy.”
I wipe at my tears. She has no idea how grimy the folks around me have been. People have taken advantage at every turn.
I always have to keep my head on a swivel. The older I get, the less I get to be soft. My days of peace have come to be few and far between. It might be nice to take a break.
“I’m going to call Kaye and see if she wants my help. I need to get out of here before I hurt someone. Ireland is more than far enough away.
“When I get back, I’m going to make a lot of changes. It’s time to move from PA. I need a fresh start.”
I don’t tell her that I need to move because if I see Anika I’m going to run her ass over or something. Yup, I’m out of here. This has been an eye-opening day.
“What a fucking day,” I huff into the phone.
“Well, don’t let me hold you. I was just checking in. I love you, girl.”
“Love you too, sis. I’ll call you later and let you know how my talk with Kaye goes.”
“Talk to you later.”
I hang up the phone and take a deep, much-needed breath. Before I can calm my nerves and make the call to Kaye, my phone rings and her name appears on my screen. I smile and pick up.
“Hey, I was just about to give you a call,” I say into the phone.
“Are you sitting down? I have such a big favor to ask,” Kaye replies.
“I’m sitting and the answer is yes, anything for you.”
* * *
Ronan
I enter my da’s office and can’t help feeling like something is about to change my life. I look to Jonah as he stands beside Da. He has a stern look on his face, not giving anything away.
My first thought goes to the oul man’s health. Cianán McGowan still looks fit as an ox. I wouldn’t volunteer to go ten rounds with him on a bad day. My da has knocked the piss out of me on more than one occasion in the ring.
I glance over my shoulder as Jack and Raymond step into the room, closing the door behind them. Both of my brothers have serious looks on their faces. I’m starting to become concerned.
“Oland O’Brien is dead,” Da says emotionlessly, drawing my attention back to him.
I whip my head back in his direction to see how serious he is. I’ve waited a long time for this day. I would have liked to be the one who did the deed, but I can’t say I’m sad about it at all.
“Who did it?”
“Rumors have it, it was Cole,” Jonah says with a grin.
“You mean Brooklyn? Mick and Athena’s boy. Oland’s own grand?” I say incredulously.
“Aye, one and the same,” Da says.
“I knew I loved that lad.” I grin.
“Aye, I agree,” my brothers and Da say in unison.
“LaSalle is working to get Logan out of the clinker now that we know where to find him, thanks to ya. It’s time, Ronan. I need ya to step up and get involved in the Alliance.
“Once Logan is home, this becomes real. My and Ian Black’s vision come to life. This is what Ian and the rest of us were waiting for—losing him to cancer was a hard blow, but we never gave up.
“This is what Oland feared. Ian and I worked together. It didn’t matter to us that he was a Scot, and I am an Irishman. Then we made friends with Alfanzo Locatelli and he bridged a relationship with the Kastellanos. For the lot of us, the world stopped seeming like wee islands to possess.
“Many hands lighten the load. There was one thing we all understood in order to make this happen.
“ Ní rugadh ár banna fola, tá sé brionnaithe . Our blood bond is not born, it is forged. We’re all from different places, but we have been brought together by more than our share of bloodshed.
“Our losses made us a family. We have moved all the pieces together for this very time.”
“Da, I’m almost forty-four years oul. Ya want me to go run things for this alliance now?”
“Aye, for now yer the one. I know yer getting up there in age, but ya maintain respect in New York and California. The States has a respect for the McGowan name due to ya.”
“Brooklyn has earned his own respect while Logan has been away. He’ll do just fine.”
“Not for what’s to come. The lads will need ya. I trust ya.”
I reach to rub my forehead. When I was a young lad, I would have taken care of this with no question. Now, with more of my life behind me than in front of me, this seems doolally.
I side-glance my father. He can’t be serious about this. I’m no longer in my prime.
“Da, are ya listening to yerself? I don’t think yer the full shilling.”
“I haven’t lost any part of my noddle, lad, but I’ll batter ya for saying so. Ye lads still haven’t outgrown me fists. I’ll clobber ya, I will.”
My brothers all try to cover up their laughter as my da threatens to kick my ass. I purse my lips to keep from making a smart remark that would ensure he clobbered me.
“We will be in full support of ya. It is only until we can get the lads ready to follow ya,” my brother says.
“Ya plan to send me nephews to New York? I don’t think they are ready for that,” I say to Raymond.
“Nothing has been set in stone,” Jonah grumbles as he narrows his eyes at Raymond.
“Aye, no decisions have been made, but I can tell ya they have been having a think, they have,” Jack says.
“Ach, they can think all they want, they can. Not one of them will step into things they don’t understand; they won’t,” Jonah says tightly.
I begin to think about all I have done to keep our interests in New York afloat. The O’Brien lads have gone a long way in helping me. However, the heavy shit has fallen on my shoulders.
It has always been clear that the McGowans are in control—if you’re Irish, you answer to me. My nephews might have a better temperament for our California business. They are tough, but New York will take a chunk out of the best. The young lads are my family.
I always protect my family. I have learned from my past mistakes. Bastards like Oland O’Brien made sure I got the hard lessons early on.
He made me into the hard man I am now. I’ve known loss and pain. So much so, I’ve never started a family of my own. My nephews are like my sons.
I’d do anything for any of them. Even stepping into what’s sure to be a war. Knowing what I know and understanding what this alliance means, I give my da a nod.
“Aye, I’ll handle it. Give the lads time to learn.”