Chapter 5
CHAPTER 5
G et to Know Ya
Dean
“Danika, you do whatever you need for yourself. Don’t worry about me,” my mother says as I talk to her on the phone while I sit watching Dae-Dae play.
“Mom, are you sure you’re okay? You don’t sound so good. I’ll come back.”
“Baby, you’re always running to everyone else’s rescue. When will you put yourself first? There’s nothing you can do for me. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I want you to recharge and find some inspiration for the next masterpiece. As Dean Foxx’s biggest fan, I can wait?—”
Her words are cut off as she begins to cough. I knit my brows in concern. Maybe I can pay for a babysitter for Kaye. I’ll get her an assistant too.
“Danika Peoples, I can hear your thoughts. You bring your butt back here to the US before the year is up and I’m going to whoop your grown ass. You hear me?”
“Yes, Mom, I hear you.”
She sighs. “Good. Maybe you’ll meet a nice guy while you’re there. I’m still waiting to see you get married.”
“At thirty-one, I think you can give up on that one,” I scoff.
“I hope not. If there’s one thing I want before I’m gone it’s to see you loved and cared for. I want to look my son-in-law in the eyes and see that he’s the one for my special girl.”
I blink back tears. I might write about romance, but finding it for myself has been a challenge. I either intimidate guys, pick assholes who are faking it, or start to build a connection only to back out before they can.
It’s hard to have relationships and secrets. One always compromises the other. My secrets can’t afford to be compromised.
The few times I’ve given it my all, life snatched it all back from me. I knew love once. I thought it would be forever and then one day it was like I was five all over again.
The man I looked to for love and protection was gone and there was nothing I could do. Security and love are something I’ve learned to give myself. I haven’t counted on anyone doing it for me in a very long time.
I don’t know that I want a husband. Mom and Uncle Freddie have tried to convince me otherwise, but I know myself. I know my life.
“Mom, I have to go,” I murmur as my emotions and thoughts begin to come to the surface.
“I love you, Danny.”
“Love you too, Mom. If anything changes, let me know.”
“You enjoy yourself. Don’t worry about me.”
I end the call with my mom and focus on Dae-Dae as he rides around the open space. To be innocent and carefree like him all over again. That hasn’t been my life in so long.
My thoughts go back to Geno. He was the love of my life. We met when I was in college.
He was fine as hell. Six-three, well built and handsome as fuck. His chocolate ass belonged on the cover of a magazine. I used to love watching him lick those thick, full lips.
Geno was a brother with it all. Brains, swag, confidence, and he knew how to take care of his woman, in and out of bed. I don’t think I’ve been touched the way he touched me since.
I was devastated when I got the call from his sister that he had been killed in a car accident. We had so many hopes and dreams. So many plans.
That bitch and her friends were three times over the legal blood alcohol level. She had no remorse whatsoever. Her concern was whether or not she would still get to attend her wedding that weekend.
Fuck the fact that she stole my wedding from me. Geno was going to propose. He had the ring at his place.
His sister told me all about his plans. Losing Geno changed me; it changed my life. From that day forward, everything I wanted from life shifted.
That’s when I walked through the door of no return. I became someone else. My innocence was gone, my heart had been broken, my mind shattered.
I wipe away the tears that fall and take a deep, calming breath. Mommy doesn’t know the kind of emotions and memories her comments have stirred up. She doesn’t mean any harm.
After all, she knew nothing about Geno or who I became as a result. I thought I was so grown back then. He was gone by the time I had planned to introduce him to my family.
Suddenly, a chill runs through me. The sun that has been baking my back seems to catch some shade as if clouds have rolled in. However, from the scent that surrounds me, I know it’s not clouds that are blocking the sun.
“Has anyone ever told ya how pretty yer toes are, love?”
I close my eyes as his voice washes over me. His warm breath fans my ear and sends tingles over my skin. Ronan is the last person I want to talk to right now.
However, his voice does somehow soothe the pain I’m feeling. It’s like a warm, comforting blanket. It wraps around me and makes me feel like everything will be okay.
I frown at the feeling. No matter what, no man will ever fill that void. I can’t allow it. For so many reasons, I can’t allow it.
“Looks like I arrived right on time. I brought ya something,” he murmurs when I don’t reply.
I open my eyes and tilt my head back. I’m met with his intense blue-hazel eyes. They’re filled with concern as his gaze bounces across my face.
He’s squatting behind me, but he’s still so imposing compared to my stature. I’m five-eight. Ronan has to be about six-five and around two hundred and sixty pounds, give or take.
A big boy. Just like I like them. I write AA romance, but this man makes me want to join Kaye in writing IR.
I’ve never dated a white guy. Puerto Rican, Asian, African, but never a European guy, although I have thought about this man in the most inappropriate ways every time I’ve seen him.
I blame it on the lack of sex. It’s been more than a while. Almost four years, to be exact.
I can’t help eating him up with my eyes. I love the blue dress shirt he has on. The top three buttons are sitting open.
This man looks like he’s comfortable in his skin. I love that about him. Confidence in a man is it for me. Ronan has it in spades.
He holds up a gift bag in front of me and gives me a smile. I wrap my hand around the handle, but he doesn’t release the bag. My heart begins to race.
I’ve been trying to keep my distance from this man since that woman in the bar. He’s not mine, but I didn’t like how she flirted with him after interrupting our moment. Yeah, she did me a favor, but I still wasn’t cool with it.
Ronan is a huge flirt. That chick ate it up and had no problem rubbing it in my face. I left not long after and vowed this man isn’t for me. She could have him.
However, I did notice his absence over the last two weeks. I’ve been trying so hard not to ask after him. I have enough going on, not to mention he’s not for me.
“Thank you,” I say as he finally releases the bag.
“Thank me after ya see what’s inside.” He winks at me, then stands and moves to take a seat next to me on my blanket.
A quick glance tells me Dae-Dae is still riding his bike and entertaining himself. The kid is cute, but we bump heads. He’s too smart for his own good.
“What do we have here?” I ask as I pull the tissue paper from the bag.
“I got ya a wee gift to bring a smile to your face.”
I look into the bag and gasp. It’s a bottle of my favorite wine and salted caramel chocolates. Both from two of my favorite places in Brooklyn. I had mentioned both at the bar that night when I was talking to his brothers.
“You got me a bottle of red and chocolate truffles. How the heck did you get these?”
“I had to make a quick trip to New York for business. On my way back home, I thought of ya. I stopped in Brooklyn to get ya the gift.”
I bite my lip. Fucking this man will be messy. He’s one of my best friend’s boyfriend’s uncles and I’m not looking for anything serious.
“What exactly are you looking for in return?”
“Ach, ya wound me. It’s a gift. No strings attached.”
I side glance him. “That’s a bit hard to believe. Everyone wants something.”
“I like yer company. If ya feel ya need to give me something in return, come to dinner with me. Ya can tell me what that look is about.”
“What look?”
“It’s not the same sad look from when ya arrived. Something else is going on. I’ll be all ears, I will.”
Ugh. I don’t want to talk. I want to listen to him. The musical way his words come out is so enchanting. I could listen to him for hours.
But you’re not supposed to want anything to do with him, Dean. He is not for you. Period.
“There isn’t enough time in the world for me to unburden my life on you.”
“Try me, love. I have time.”
“Time you shouldn’t waste on me. It’s not going to happen, Ronan. You’re a nice guy, but I have too much going on to get involved.”
He reaches for my chin and turns my face toward him. Once again, he’s looking me deep in the eyes. After a few beats, he nods to himself.
“Aye, ya need a friend. Ya came to the right place. I’ll be a shoulder for ya to lean on. We’re going to dinner.
“Two friends shooting the shit. After, we can open that bottle and polish off those chocolates. You’ll be here in my home for the next year.
“Why not become friends? We can pass the time together whenever I’m here,” he breathes.
His minty breath brushes my lips. I want nothing more than to lean in and kiss him. However, the situations that chased me here flash in my head and I think better of fucking up my new safe space.
“Two weeks haven’t been enough,” I murmur to myself.
“What’s that, love?”
“Nothing, thinking out loud.”
“Come on, Dean. You know you want to.”
I tilt my head to the side. “What happened to your accent?”
“I want to make sure you understand every word I have to say to you.”
“Um. Okay, Ronan. You might be right. I do need a friend. Kaye is busy taking care of business. Maybe you can be the shoulder I lean on.”
“Grand. For now, I can be that friend. Give it some time and you’ll want more,” he says and winks.
“Can I give you some advice?”
“I’m all ears.”
“You don’t want me. I come with a whole lot of crazy.”
“Sometimes I like crazy. If you can match mine, then I know we belong together.”
I can’t help but laugh because I know he’s dead-ass serious. I haven’t missed that look in his eyes, this man has secrets of his own and I don’t doubt that he’s hiding a bit of crazy too.
I think that’s what’s drawing me to him. That should tell you a lot about me. I have a thing for the crazy ones.
* * *
Ronan
“You ask a lot of questions,” Dean says with a smile on her lips.
“Isn’t that how ya get to know someone? I want to get to know ya.”
I keep lying to myself about how much I want this woman. No matter how much I tell myself this is a bad idea, one look at her and I forget all that. I feel myself breaking my rules as I think about having her.
I don’t date for long and I never commit—I might keep one or two on standby, but they know the deal. Dean has me second-guessing my rules. She’s absolutely gorgeous.
From the freckles, I get the feeling she’s a true ginger. I’m not surprised by that. I’ve come across a few Black gingers in my life—male and female.
It suits her. I don’t know why it turns me on so much. However, the red hair would explain the fire I see in her. She’s guarded, but I want to knock down those walls.
I know she can match me fire for fire. Crazy . If she thought that would turn me off, she sure is missing a few screws in her noodle.
I come with my own brand of crazy. You have to be a bit half-baked in the business I’m in. If only she knew.
“So Dean isn’t your real name?” I say with a smile.
I’ve been trying to dig for more about her all throughout dinner, but she’s been tight lipped. I haven’t gotten much about her. She has asked more about my family, but shuts down when I ask about hers.
“No, it’s not,” she replies.
I grin and fold my arms over my chest. Allowing my eyes to roam over her, I pause for her reply. I’m willing to wait her out.
“Oh, you think I’m going to tell you my name?” She laughs and reaches for her wineglass.
I watch as she takes a sip. A drop spills onto her lip, right over that one cute freckle on the right side. Slowly, she darts her tongue out to catch the drip.
My slacks tighten. I want to taste those full lips so bad it hurts. However, I believe I want to crack the mystery that’s this woman more.
I want to hear her secrets slip from those pretty lips. The one thing I admire about her is her ability to keep things to herself. That’s another reason I’ve never gotten serious with anyone.
My life isn’t one I need my woman to go around talking about. I don’t pillow talk, and I don’t need a woman who has a casual tongue. Lives depend on my secrets.
“Friends tell friends their name,” I reply.
“Not this time. Kaye doesn’t even know my real name. Sorry, buddy.
“This is one secret I have to keep to myself. I have a pen name for a reason.”
“So yer telling me that if I were ya man, ya wouldn’t tell me yer name.”
I surprise myself with the words. I haven’t called myself anyone’s man in years. Twenty-three, to be exact.
“Now that’s a very different conversation, Ronan, my friend. My man would know my name. My man would also understand my need for privacy.”
“More reason for me to make ya mine.”
“Argh. Are you ever going to give up?”
I shrug. I should. I should back off now.
Nothing can come of this other than me having her in my bed. Things could become awkward with my family if I hurt this lass. But that’s just the thing. I don’t want to hurt her. I honestly want to get to know her.
“Ach, I’ve never been a quitter.”
She sucks in a breath and pulls her lip between her teeth. I lean into the table on one arm and reach across to cover her hand with mine. She tilts her head and looks deep into my eyes.
“I’ll make a deal with you. If you can get my name out of me, I’ll let you call me yours for one night,” she purrs.
“And if I want more than one night?”
“For more than one night, you’re on your own. You have to figure out who I am for yourself.”
“Is that so? All I need to do is figure out yer identity for myself? Then ya’ll be mine?”
Her smile brightens. “Honey, if you work that hard, I’ll let you beat the brakes of this pussy. You would have earned it. My identity is kept locked down harder than Fort Knox.”
“Be careful what ya ask for, lass. I’m not some little boy for ya to play with. When I say yer mine, yer mine.”
“I’m not worried. I’m not going to tell you my name and you’re not going to find out who I am on your own.”
I sit back in my seat once again. This time I’m the one with the grin on my lips. I’ve accepted her terms.
“Love, ya should have asked about me before throwing down yer challenge. I curate information for a living. There’s nothing I can’t find out.”
I wink at her and lift my glass to finish off my drink. Dean visibly shivers and her eyes go to my lips as she licks her own. All thoughts of who she is to my nephew go out the window.
She’s going to make me shatter my rules.