Chapter 14
CHAPTER 14
C onfused
Ronan
I wake and have to look around to remember where I am. I’m naked and my head is pounding. I’m getting too old for this shit. I’m not the drinker I used to be.
I groan and rub the sleep from my eyes with the heels of my palms. Suddenly, that kiss from last night slams into my mind. My cock tents the sheet as I think of the feel of my woman in my hands.
A smile comes to my lips. I plan to spend the day teasing and tasting those lips. I want to drink from her mouth until I’m drunk all over again.
“Fuck, I want ya,” I murmur to myself.
I shake my head and climb out of bed to head for the shower. I should have some things here that I can change into. After breakfast, I’ll take my girl back to my place and we won’t need any clothes for the rest of the day.
I make quick work of getting cleaned up and dressed. I’m in a pair of slacks, a dress shirt and loafers as I jog downstairs whistling. My headache is already forgotten after the hot shower.
“What the fuck did ya do, ya big oul overgrown brat?” Ma hisses the moment I enter the kitchen as she shakes a spatula at me.
I look back at her in confusion. Cass and Joe are sitting at the nook, trying to hide their laughter. Da walks in and places a hand on my shoulder.
“Run, lad. She’s been on a warpath since your bird and her friend took off. None of us will have any peace.”
“Wait, Dean left?”
“Ya would know that if ya gave her a good shagging like I set ya up for. I gave her the room right next to ya. Why didn’t the two of ya wake up in the same bed?
“How did ya muck this one up? I like the lass. She has a good head on her shoulders and she’s funny.
“Ya did this to spite me, ya did. I don’t know what I did to ya. All I want is to see ya happy. Jonah and your brothers said ya liked this one, ya’ve been courting this one, she’s pretty in the face and has meat on her bones, all the things ya said ya wanted.
“Ach, me chest hurts. What did I do wrong to him? Why does he wish to put me in the ground, heartbroken?” Ma cries out dramatically.
“Ma, please. Cut the cameras off and put away ya customs. Yer doing my head in and I still don’t know what’s going on. Cut the dramatics.”
“Little brother, it seems Ma wanted ye and Dean to hit it off, but she and Kaye left first thing this morning. Felix took them back to the cabin and then gave Dean a ride to the airport once she packed her things,” Cass informs as she studies me.
I purse my lips and run a hand through my hair. I shouldn’t have told her I knew her name last night. I should have waited until I was sober.
“I liked her too, but I think it’s for the best. Ronan needs his focus. He should be with ye all when ye go to make this visit with Toby.
“I want to make sure the lad doesn’t have any trouble. It’s nice to have friends, but I trust family,” Da says, breaking into my spiraling thoughts.
“Fuck,” I snarl and turn to storm out.
“Ha, he does fancy this one. Maybe it’s time I go to the States to help him fix his mess, so it is,” Ma says as I walk away.
“Ya will do no such thing. He’s a grown man. Let him figure his own life out.”
“He’s a grown tool, a moppet he is. Going on forty-five and still hasn’t a rasher how to get and keep a woman.”
“Laoise, have ya ever thought that he has and something went wrong? He’s right, love. Give it a rest,” Da replies.
I don’t hear her reply as I make my way out of the house to catch my breath. She’s gone. Did she ever intend to make good on our deal?
* * *
Dean
I down another glass of red as I pull slipcovers off the furniture in my uncle’s old brownstone. I knew it would be painful to come here, but it was my only option for now. A hotel wouldn’t be secure or private enough.
I refuse to go back to PA. My uncle once told me once you start killing family, something is wrong. Either they got beside themselves and committed the ultimate disrespect, or you have lost yourself and your humanity.
“Have I lost myself?” I say into my empty glass as I shrug and go to pour another.
Anika isn’t safe around me yet. The problem is, I don’t know what this says about me. My thoughts go to Ronan and how much I see he cares about his family.
I was never afforded the opportunity to have that. From the time I was five, I’ve had to question people around me. I lead with gifts and love because I thought that would make them stay.
It never works, but I still try. All I ever get in return is hurt. The ruthless part of me tells me not to care; I don’t need them.
“This shit is getting so lonely. I might just be losing myself.”
It’s not lost on me that while I have somewhere to stay, I don’t have anyone here with me. My guys don’t count. They are here to watch my back, not break bread with me and give me human interaction.
I actually miss Dae-Dae with his little face and all his questions. I’d take his little grown ass over this silence. I cover my stomach with my hand and think of the fact that I will never have a little one of my own.
This life isn’t built for that. I guess that’s why Uncle Freddie never had kids of his own. I brush the thought off. I don’t think I like kids enough to have my own.
“Maybe I should let this all go. Start fresh, become someone new. I’ll freeze my eggs or something and travel across the country,” I snicker drunkenly to the empty room.
I sigh at my thoughts. These last six months have gone a long way in healing my heart. Felix’s family showed me what seemed like genuine love.
Even if Ronan was trying to get in my pants the entire time, he never made me feel like he was using me. I wish I had more time to get to know what being his would be like.
I snap out of my thoughts and spin quickly as I feel the energy in the room shift. Drawing and aiming my gun, I prove to myself that six months wasn’t long enough for me to forget everything that’s been ingrained in me. I will never forget this side of who I am.
“Shit, Danny,” Byron huffs with his hands up in the air.
I place the safety back on the gun I’m aiming at him. He should know better than to sneak up on me. I’m not that in the bottle to be slipping.
“Why are you just walking up in my place?” I ask as I tuck the gun back in my holster.
Now that I’m back home, it’s business as usual. I’m about my business. I narrow my eyes at him, wondering what the hell he’s up to.
“Lyric said you were back. I thought I’d check in. Maybe we can go for a bite or order in.”
“You didn’t think to ring the bell? Who let you in?”
“I’ve been house-sitting this place, remember?”
I roll my eyes. He should have rung the bell if he knew I was here now. I finish my wine and wave him in. Moving into the kitchen, I grab him a glass.
“I was about to order something after I got all this stuff uncovered.”
“I was actually coming to do this for you. I figured you’d be passed out from jet lag. I was going to open the place up and feed you once you woke up.”
I smile as I hand him a glass of red. “How have you been, Byron?”
“I’m okay. I’ve been waiting on your next book to come out.”
My shoulders sag as I look down into my glass. Guilt consumes me as I think of the lie I told Kaye as my excuse to leave as abruptly as I did. There is no book deal or tour I needed to be back for.
I need to give Kaye and Lakia some space for a while. If Ronan could find out who I am, my enemies are sure to be able to find out about my life as Dean Foxx.
I need to find out what this Alliance wants from me and what cutting off the Albanians will come to mean for me and the business. Every time I think about walking away, I think about Uncle Freddie and how much trust he had in me to leave me everything. I never want to disappoint him.
“Where’d you go, Baby Girl?”
“Nowhere. Just a lot on my mind. Are we having Chinese or taking a walk to our favorite Caribbean spot?”
“We can get whatever you want. My treat.”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll get my shoes.”
“I’ll be right here. You can tell me all about your trip.”
I laugh. This man knows I’m not about to share anything about my life with him. He might be the closest thing I have to a friend around here, but he still gets limited access like everyone else.
***
“That was amazing, as usual. I’m stuffed,” Byron croons as he pats his stomach.
“Yeah, that hit the spot. That jet lag might be setting in soon.”
“Where were you? My dad has been tight lipped like I was going to run after you or something.”
I give him a pointed look. It’s the third time tonight he’s tried to get me to tell him where I’ve been. It’s not going to happen.
“You can see yourself out. I’ll call you tomorrow. Thanks for dinner.”
“Come on, Danny. Why do you still treat me like this? I’ve known you for how long?
“I mean, damn. I found out about your books from some chick I was fucking. You didn’t even tell me that you were doing something so incredible.
“That cut deep. I thought I was one of the few you call a friend. I get it. Uncle Freddie and Dad raised us different. You have always lived two different lives, but I’ve been here.
“I’d do anything for you. When are you going to let me in?”
“Let you in as what?” I ask.
“For now, a friend. We used to be so close before—” He cuts off and looks away from me. Before his mother and brother died. I know that’s what he’s about to say.
I remain silent and he continues. “Maybe you’ll find you want more in time.”
Don’t get me wrong, the Hughes men are some good-looking men. They get it from their daddy. Lyric is the pretty boy of the brothers, but Byron isn’t anything to sneeze at.
He gives I can fuck vibes, but as he said, I’ve known him for so long I don’t think it’s a good idea to go there. His dad is now more like my mentor since my uncle has been gone.
Mixing this business with pleasure could cost me my life. My pussy doesn’t have that type of control over me. I’m safer with men like Ronan, who know nothing about this world and life.
I’ve never asked Ronan about his business, but I doubt he does anything close to the things I do for my uncle’s legacy. If I ever date, I want someone who will only know my soft side. While I’ll tell my partner who I truly am, I don’t think I would share the extent of that.
Byron is too close to the truth. I can’t be soft with him ever . To him, I always have to be Danika Peoples.
Danika doesn’t have emotions or love to give. I could never give him my heart because Danika doesn’t have one to give. Besides, in this world, the man I let into my bed has to strike as much fear as I do.
“It’s nothing personal, Byron. I do consider you a friend.”
“Yeah, I get it. As long as you know I’m here whenever you need. I mean that. For whatever you need.”
I hear the offer in his voice and think to let him hit to erase that kiss from last night. I feel like Ronan is still all over me—his tongue in my mouth, his hands on my body. I frown and push the thought of sex with anyone other than that man out of my mind.
I’m not in the mood for that type of disappointment. My body already craves Ronan like he has imprinted himself on me.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”