Chapter 25
Cameron
A strange mix of excitement and trepidation churns in my stomach as we pull away from the gate, watching Reyes’s silhouette in the rearview mirror. The stifling heat has me reaching for the air conditioning, but Ronan’s gloved hand stops me with a sharp swat.
He’s wearing his full armor for the first time since our arrival, and has me clad in a pair of leather pants along with the jacket he swiped from the base.
Protection, he says.
More like torture.
“Come on,” I whine. “It’s a hundred degrees and I’m sweating in places that ought not to be sweaty.”
“Air conditioning will hurt our gas mileage. Roll the window down.”
“Brilliant idea… let’s invite the even hotter air outside to come inside with us. That’s a fantastic plan.” Ronan’s sigh is dramatic as he reaches forward, switching on the fan, although the air conditioner remains stubbornly off .
“Sweet relief!” I cry, shoving my face into the vent as the breeze blows across my skin.
“If we have to abandon this vehicle, your box of books is the first thing we’re leaving behind.”
Damn, he knows how to hit me where it hurts.
Pretending I didn’t hear him, I sit back and nonchalantly switch the fan into the off position, sweat instantly prickling on my forehead. “What’s wrong?” he asks, glancing towards me with a smirk. “Are you not hot anymore?”
“Nope, I’m freezing. Don’t need that cold air to give me hypothermia.”
“Weren’t you just complaining that you were sweating?”
“Definitely not. In fact, I’m pretty sure it’s frozen into a thin layer of ice now. All good.” My sarcastic thumbs up makes him laugh, and he reaches for my hand, weaving our fingers together. “Were the gloves necessary? While it’s a nostalgic throwback to the beginning of our relationship, I’ve grown rather fond of touching you.”
“It’s for your protection. I’m just being cautious.”
“More like being a dictator,” I grumble, “with emphasis on the dick .” He squeezes my hand, and I sigh in defeat. We had this argument three times as we got dressed, and yet here I am—leather pants chaffing my ass as I resign myself to a day of profuse sweating for the sake of my ‘protection.’
“How long are we going to drive today?” It’s well after lunch now, the sun bright in the midday sky. Since we’ll be living off dried food for the foreseeable future, Ronan cooked one last hot meal before we left. My stomach is pleasantly full, and he made a few loaves of bread that are wrapped in towels for later.
“When it gets closer to sundown, we’ll search for somewhere to camp for the night. It’s too dangerous to be on the road after dark. We’d be spotted more easily, and it’ll be harder for me to recognize landmarks.”
“Do you think you can find this place?”
He chuckles, grinning at me with a sideways glance. “Still doubting me?”
“Always,” I answer, and I join him as he laughs, even as the spark of unease prickles under my skin.
Aside from a few deer bouncing along the tree line, the drive is quiet and uneventful. Boomerang rams her head into the window when she sees them, tail thudding in her space amongst the supplies. She doesn’t mind, sticking her face into everything as she sniffs, and I only have to fuss at her once when she’s too interested in my bread.
“Keep an eye out for a safe place to settle for the night. It’s early, but we’ll have to take what we can get,” Ronan says after a pit stop for a bathroom break. His jaw works as he eats a piece of dried meat, and I stare for an abnormally long time at the bunch of his muscles.
You know you’ve got it bad when chewing becomes sexy.
His brow arches as he tosses another side-eye my way, and I realize I’m staring. Heat rises in my cheeks as I agree to keep watch, forcing my gaze from his lickable jawline to the dusty landscape.
It’s a big ask—finding a place where we can hide the van overnight. Spoiled by the luxury of a bed and overhead fan at the rebel camp, I’ve accepted tonight’s sleep will be uncomfortable. Most likely, we’ll have to curl up inside the van or on the ground.
Funny how half a decade of sleeping outdoors was ruined by a couple of weeks in a bed.
Another hour ticks by, and Ronan’s eyes dart to the fuel meter when he thinks I’m not watching. Though he won’t admit it out loud, he’s nervous we’ll run out. Spare gas not only takes up a lot of space, but it’s risky.
Fumes.
Flammability.
Even with stabilizers, there’s a chance it could be bad, and we could lose range, or worse—damage the engine.
A shadow sits in the middle of the dusty land, miles away, and I point. “There’s a cluster of trees over there. It’s a decent distance from the road and looks pretty big. The van should be able to squeeze in somewhere and stay hidden.”
Ronan narrows his eyes at the dark mass. “How did you even see that? I have superior vision and I didn’t notice it.”
“Superior vision, what an ass,” I snort, and he takes a few seconds to glare at me. “Remember, I’ve been on the road for a long time. The years of searching for a safe sleeping place outweigh your first-class monster senses.”
“Fair enough,” he mutters, and we stay on the old pavement until the ground becomes more level. A bone-jarring bump sends my hand flying to the van’s roof to catch my balance as we veer into the dirt. Ronan throws me another one of his haughty side-eyes. “You whine about my drama queen tendencies, and you’re over there acting as if we’re driving off the edge of a cliff. ”
“Listen, my experience riding in a vehicle is very limited, but it’s clear that minivan tires aren’t intended to launch us from craters. Believe it or not, the, I dunno… eight inches of clearance isn’t enough for this terrain.”
“It’s more than eight inches.”
I snort, covering my mouth with my hand. “Keep telling yourself that, buddy.”
“Are you quite done?” he snaps, glaring at me again and trying not to flinch when we hit another bump. “You’re the one that pointed out the trees!”
“And I’m also the one who would’ve been driving on the smooth dirt path instead of this nonsense, but that’s just me.”
“Dirt path? There’s no… huh.” Ronan trails off, not saying a word as he turns the wheel to the right, the bouncing vehicle settling once we hit the compact soil.
“How’s that superior vision treating you?”
He ignores me.
After ten minutes of bumping along the dirt road, we reach the outskirts of the trees, and Ronan parks before climbing out and readying his sword. “Get in the driver’s seat and stay here while I make sure it’s safe.”
“Uh, I can’t drive,” I point out, and he huffs an annoyed sigh, leaning inside the car and gesturing towards my feet.
“Right pedal says go, left one says stop, and turn the wheel to steer.”
“Wow, I’m so glad we had this lesson. I just feel so empowered now, you know? Like I could be your getaway driver. Engine roaring, tires squealing, and because of this moment, I wouldn’t even kill us in a fiery, explosive crash.” An exhausted sigh escapes his nose, the lifeless expression in his eyes telling me he’s possibly questioning his life decisions. I scoot into the driver’s seat and pop a kiss on his frowning lips. “Thanks, babe.”
“Just… be ready, okay?”
I relent with a nod and another chaste kiss. “Got it.”
His broad shoulders ripple as he walks away, forearms flexing as he squeezes the grip on his sword. “Why is that so hot?” I ask Boomerang, glancing behind me to see her tongue hanging from the side of her mouth. “I know, right? That’s my exact reaction when he does that sexy guardian stuff.”
Three minutes later, and my hands wring in my lap as I squint at the trees, searching for any sign of Ronan.
Ten minutes after that, my imagination runs wild as I picture him bursting from the woods, relying on me to drive this death trap through the wastelands. He’d be hanging from the side dramatically with his hair whipping in the wind, of course, and in all likelihood, we’d end up stuck in a ditch a hundred feet from here.
He finally emerges from the trees, and I move into the passenger seat with a relieved sigh as he climbs in and stows his sword beside him. “There’s a good place to park behind the grove that will keep us concealed overnight. As dry as the weather has been, we shouldn’t build a fire, though, so I hope you’re okay with a modest dinner.”
“Ronan, after six years of scavenging, I can manage a few nights with simple food.”
“I know you can,” he murmurs, concentrating as he circles the trees, “but that won’t stop me from indulging you when I’m able. ”
Charmed by his absentminded confession, I smile to myself and refrain from making fun of his lackluster driving skills. Bumps and rocks are more plentiful this close to the trees, and we chug along until he navigates the van into an opening between the trunks. The canopy blocks out much of the late evening sun as he pulls in, and he shuts off the engine when we’re several car lengths deep.
My stiff limbs pop and crack as I climb from the car, stretching my arms high above my head. Boomerang, never one to wait, leaps over the seat rather than waiting for me to open her door.
“Can I remove my jacket?” My entire body is sticky with sweat, and a whiff of my armpits makes my nose wrinkle. “You forgot to mention being your mate would involve dressing like I joined a motorcycle club.”
Ronan frowns. “What’s a motorcycle club?”
“Oh, I was reading about it the other day! Apparently, before the world went to hell, people put on leather jackets and scowled while they rode around on motorcycles.”
“Why?”
I stop and consider this for a second. “I think to get girls?”
Glorious air hits my overheated skin as he unzips my coat with a snort. “You want to snag some ladies, huh?”
“You’re the one that insisted on this ridiculous getup, so don’t be mad that you have to suffer the consequences… oh dear gods, that’s so much better.” Sweet relief blows over my bare skin as the jacket slides from my arms, and he tosses it onto the hood of the van.
Curiosity prods at my brain as I watch him. “Do you? ”
“Do I what?”
“Like girls, too?”
“Oh,” he says in surprise, then gives a slow nod. “Yes. Anatomy doesn’t matter to me as much as—”
“Someone’s ability to be around you without screaming and pulling their hair out?” I interrupt, and he chuckles.
“Yes, exactly that. How did you guess?” When he glances at me, it’s full of affection. “Ass.”
“Hey, you picked me.”
“My sanity is to be questioned, there’s no doubt,” he says, and I wiggle my eyebrows at him as he grins. “What about you? Do I need to be ready to fight off these imaginary girls when you find a motorcycle?”
“Much prefer the wiener to the bun,” I say, a grin spreading across my face as his groan sounds like a dying animal.
He changes the subject, gesturing through the trees to where the trickle of running water cascades through the dry leaves. “There’s a creek where we can wash.” His jacket and shirt join the growing pile of clothes on the hood. As he lowers his pants, my loud squeal startles a few birds into flight.
“What is it?” Ass hanging halfway out, he stands tall and positions himself to fight.
“You’re wearing them ,” I whisper in reverence, and he glances down before finding my eyes with a playful grin. He slides his pants off, standing before me wearing only the tighty-whities that cling to him like a second skin.
“Why are they so sexy on you?” He shrugs and nods towards my pants, and I strip obediently. My boxers are a size too big and hang loosely off my body, wrinkled from being shoved inside my pants all day. “I feel so inferior right now,” I whine, twisting so he can see the fabric sagging off my butt.
A low purr rumbles from his chest as he grips the elastic, exposing my bare ass before letting it snap against my skin. I yelp when his palm hits my cheek in a tap. “You could always just go without,” he teases, strutting to the van as I watch his muscles flex inside those briefs.
Fuck, that shouldn’t be so sexy.
After he grabs soap, a bowl, and a towel, he leads me to the stream that babbles through the trees. My eyes drop between his legs as he crouches, his cock making the perfect bulge against the white fabric.
Don’t get horny in the strange woods, don’t get horny in the strange woods, I chant on repeat in my mind as my dick turns rebellious and starts to harden.
Ronan stands after filling the bowl and pours it over his skin, oblivious to my fascinated staring. Water cascades down his body, a glistening sheet of liquid that diverts when it meets the definition of his muscles. Rivulets drip from his elbows as he scrubs his palms over his face, and I’m struck again by how painfully beautiful he is.
My eyes drop lower, where water catches the material of his underwear, turning nearly translucent as the dampness spreads. A second pour rushes over his head, soaking the fabric until it highlights every inch of what’s trapped behind those ridiculous briefs. “Oh, come on!” I wail, and his eyes land on mine in question before dropping to my crotch with a sly smile.
“Where’s your mind at, Cam?” Heat burns in my core as he fills the bowl again, prowling closer before pouring the chilly water over me. It cools my skin, wrenching a groan from my throat and washing away the stickiness from sitting in that sweltering vehicle for so many hours. My damp boxers hang low on my hips with the added weight, and suds cover his hands as he stares at the tent underneath.
A pathetic whine escapes me as I wait, but he doesn’t touch me.
He gives me a show.
His soapy palms run over his arms and chest, and I don’t miss the way his cock flexes when he brushes over his nipples. Lower, he scrubs over his abs, then, with his eyes never leaving mine, his hand disappears into his underwear. The fabric moves as he strokes himself beneath it, gliding along his length under the cover of the white material.
It’s fucking obscene.
Somehow, having it hidden from view only makes it that much hotter. The muscles in his abs strain as he flexes forward, thrusting into his fist, and I’m half feral as I watch. Pulses of need thrum through my body, and my cock leaks inside my boxers, fixated on the display.
When he finally rinses himself off, his erection is barely contained, pinned against his hip with his knot swollen. Soap swishes between his palms again as he steps into my space, a predatorial gleam in his eyes.
“What’s got you wound so tight?” he asks, leaning forward and dragging his lips along my jawline as he moves his hands down the front of my body. “What could you possibly be thinking about right now?”
I can only whimper as he tugs the waist of my boxers away from my hips. “That pretty little cock is so hard, Cam. Do you need me to do something about that?”
“Please?” I whisper, and his eyes snap back to mine .
“If you’re begging, you must really need it, don’t you?”
“Yeah…” My hips give a stuttered jerk forward. “Ro, it hurts.”
“Shh, I’ll take care of you,” he soothes, and I watch, transfixed, as he reaches into his underwear and strokes himself, lubing his hand until it shines. “I bet you taste like a dream.” His slicked hand leaves a wet trail on my skin as it moves down the back of my boxers. Fingers sliding between my cheeks, he presses a fingertip against my hole until it slides inside me. My body clenches, instinct pushing him out as I whine, but he only thrusts deeper, stretching a second in almost immediately.
“When we’re somewhere I can properly worship you, I’m going to go down on you for hours. Finger you until you’re nice and loose for me, then lick you until you’re soaked and begging to come. You’ll ride my face and love it, won’t you?”
“Yes…” I whine a protest when he pulls his fingers out, but he quickly pushes them back in.
“This will have to be quick.”
“Oh, fuck,” I moan as he sinks deeper, making me see stars with every thrust. “Pretty sure I can handle that.”
His chuckle is dark, a low, amused sound as he watches my body roll with a mind of its own. “Do you like that?” His hand snakes lower and grips my cock, and my head tosses back in a loud wail as he strokes me with that enormous fist.
“Look at us, Cameron. Look at what I’m doing to you.” Half-delirious, I glance down with fluttering eyes. One hand moves inside my boxers while the other is wrapped around his exposed cock, stroking .
“Wha—” I stutter, twisting my head to peek behind me. One of his tails winds up my leg, thrusting into my hole and rubbing against my prostate. Every muscle in my body wrings tight as I gasp out a curse, my hips jerking as I explode. “Fuck… oh, fuck ,” I whine, cum shooting into his hand and my ass clenching around his tail.
A helpless sound leaves his throat as he shoves my boxers down and thrusts forward. Streams of his cum shoot over my groin, striping my skin and coating my cock in his release. Rough fingers land on my chin and tilt me to face him as he claims my lips in an aggressive kiss, still stroking me as my body pulses in aftershocks.
Knees wobbly, I’m barely able to stand as I pant, using him for support. His fingers drag through the cum on my skin before he lifts his hand, separating our mouths long enough to slip a finger between my lips.
Salty, masculine warmth hits my tongue as he swirls that finger against it, then he pulls back and licks up his palm. “We taste good,” he murmurs, showing me the white puddle on his tongue before he kisses me again.
It’s heady and intoxicating. Him and me together.
Us.
I pull away and suck two of his fingers into my mouth before kissing him once more, and he groans against my lips. “Can one become addicted to this?” He separates us one final time, licking the last of the cum from his hand before sharing it with me. “Because I am, Cam... I’m completely and utterly addicted to you. This need for you is more powerful than anything I’ve ever experienced. It consumes me. I want you by my side, under my fucking skin… always. ”
“I’m nothing special,” I mumble, a blush creeping up my neck as I stare into his deep brown eyes, so open and honest. “Not next to you.”
“Stop talking about my favorite person that way.” He kisses me again, tongue gliding against mine as he moans softly into my mouth. Steady hands guide me where he wants me, our bodies touching everywhere., and it feels like he’s ripping away one of my limbs as he separates us. “You are… do you know that? My favorite person.”
A smile crosses his lips, one I never knew a monster was capable of forming. It’s pure and genuine, open and honest and breathtaking. He chuckles, a serene sound that vibrates against my forehead as he rests his head there, dark eyes intense and unwavering.
In that moment, it feels like more.
“I love you,” he murmurs, and my chest constricts with the most beautiful anguish at the words. “People talk about love like it’s this lightness—something that sweeps them off the earth and into the clouds. But that’s not us, is it? My love for you isn’t some light, fluttering thing, Cameron. It’s heavy… raw and real, and it weighs me down until there are times I feel like my feet can barely lift off the ground.”
“My love for you is angry, because it mourns a fucking lifetime spent not understanding what love could be. It is furious, Cam, begging me to find a way to go back and find you sooner—to erase some of those wasted years and get a little more time with you.” He nudges my nose with his, kissing me tenderly on the lips even as mine tremble, silent tears tracking my cheeks. “It wants to burn the world to ashes in its fury, until there’s nothing left that could ever hurt you. ”
A near-silent, broken sob shatters in my throat as his eyes search mine, finding all those shadowy, hidden corners where my darkness lies. “You don’t have to say it back… you don’t even have to acknowledge it. I just need you to know. My soul screams for you to understand that you are the most vital piece of my existence. The best part of my life. You are mine, and I am yours, and I will love you until my last breath.”
My heart slams against my ribs as though it might implode with everything I’m feeling, tears like dewdrops in my lashes and painting my skin in salty rivers as I stare at him. A pained expression twists my face, the ache almost unbearable, but I can’t bring myself to speak.
The words are right there, cutting my tongue as I hold them inside.
But I just… can’t.
“It’s okay.” Heartbreakingly gentle, he cups the back of my head and tucks me against him—against the steady pound of his heart under his ribs. “I know it gets cloudy inside that mind of yours sometimes,” he whispers, and another quiet sob slips loose, drowning itself in his chest as I cling to him. “You might think you hide it from the world behind that snark and attitude, but I see you. When you get lost in that fog, remember that I’ll be here to guide you. When you struggle to see all the good in yourself, I’ll love you enough for both of us until you find it again.”
“Ronan,” I sob, and he hugs me tighter. “I don’t know how to do this.”
“I don’t either, mo’sziv, but we’ll figure it out together. You are my heart. You have given me back the life I thought I’d lost. ”
We’re silent as the sky darkens to a deeper blue, the sunset approaching as I collect myself. Quiet sobs shake my frame until I’m composed enough to speak. “What about the times I say all those ugly things I don’t mean? When the glue holding me together fails, and these broken pieces fall apart all over again? It feels like I’m always hurting you, Ro… what happens when I do it again? When I push you away?”
“Then I’ll just have to hold on a little tighter those days.” My eyes close as another heavy inhale fills my lungs, breathing in this moment. Memorizing it, down to the chirp of the cicadas emerging as night begins to set and the babble of the water as it trickles along in its lazy path. “If I can’t love you enough to pull you out of it, then we’ll fight until you get over yourself or we’ll fuck until we forget why we were mad.” I choke on a wet laugh as his cheeks lift in a grin. “Either way, sounds like a perfect day to me.”