Chapter 13 #2
He finishes off the cookie and leans forward, elbows resting on the table as he circles the rim of his glass with a finger.
“At one point, I could see myself taking over when they retire, yeah.” His serious focus on the wine in his glass flashes to me, and my pulse skips.
“But things have changed a lot since you’ve been gone, Mel. ”
I can’t argue with that, and Ronin doesn’t owe me any explanations into his life anymore. I lost that privilege years ago.
I pick up my glass and sit back, surveying the diner. There are a few stragglers hanging around besides the two of us and William is behind the bar chatting up Sal, the lone figure seated there.
“So I’ve been wondering all night, who actually decorated this place?” I sip my drink, looking back at Ronin.
“I did.”
His answer surprises me, and I swallow down the wine a bit too fast. “You did?” I ask through a small cough.
“Yes, I did.” He laughs. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
“I didn’t know you had such a flair for snowflakes and confetti, Ronin Kane. You’re just full of surprises these days.” I laugh into my wine as I take another sip. “In all seriousness though, this place looked amazing tonight. One of the best cookie parties I can remember.”
Ronin smiles before saying softly, “Thanks, Mel.”
We sit in companionable silence for a few minutes, each of us sipping our wine.
My mind wanders, picturing myself working at The Reading Nook, maybe having time to write for myself, finding a cute apartment or a house downtown.
More nights like this, reforging relationships that I thought had long gone cold.
At one point, I fought so hard against making Blue Fields my home, but for once, the idea of returning doesn’t fill me with apprehension or fear. It fills me with hope.
Ironic, isn’t it?
Ronin must see something in my expression, because he sets down his drink and crosses his arms.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, Mel?” He tilts his head curiously. “I can practically hear your mind spinning right now.”
I laugh quietly. Nothing gets past this man.
“I’m just thinking about the reality of moving back. How I used to feel like I was too big for this place, but now…” My words trail off.
“Now?” Ronin prompts, his voice patient.
“Now, the idea of coming home is kind of exciting. Things have changed so much since I left. Not just for me, but with everyone here. Evan has a serious girlfriend—who I adore, by the way. You’re practically running Double Shot.
Bree is settling down.” A quiet pause. “It’s like…
I blinked and all of a sudden, everyone grew up. ”
My throat is suddenly feeling tight. Please Lord, do not let me start crying again.
“The worst part is that I’ve missed so much,” I continue despite myself. “I don’t want to blink again and have another four years pass me by, and miss all the important bits with the ones I care about.”
Ronin’s gaze falls to the table, his hands clasped together.
My voice quiets. “I’ve wasted years of my life working toward something that few people actually achieve when they move to a place like LA, and for what? You all have great things going for you now, and I…I just feel like I’ve been stuck in place, not moving forward.”
I pick up my drink, feeling vulnerable. Ronin’s eyes are full of an emotion I can’t quite name when he looks back at me.
“Why did you leave the way you did, Mel?”
I shake my head. “Not right now, Ronin.”
“Why not? When is the timing going to be right for this conversation?” He gestures to the rest of the diner. “Everyone’s gone. It’s just us.”
My eyes dart around, realizing Ronin is right. We’re alone. Even William has ducked away into his office.
“I—” I don’t have a good answer for why we shouldn’t talk about this right now. “Okay then. Let’s talk.” I place my wine on the table, sitting up straight in my chair. “What do you want to know, Ronin?”
The pain and betrayal in his stare is finally shining through for me to see. “How could you leave without saying goodbye?” I hear the real question in his voice. How could you leave me?
I close my eyes, gathering my thoughts and my courage.
“That night, when you said those things to me, about marrying me, being soulmates…I could see right then how much you felt for me, and it killed me, Ronin. I knew I couldn’t stay here in your life, day after day, hurting you every time you looked at me and saw the woman who refused you.”
“That’s not what I asked.” For the first time since I’ve been back, impatience colors his tone.
“I know why you left, or why you think you did. But you did it without even telling me. I thought—” His voice cracks.
“I thought I meant more than that to you. Just gone without a second thought. No goodbye, no explanation.”
“And what about all the times I reached out?” My own frustration flares. “I called you, I texted you, and you shut me out. I thought you hated me, Ronin.”
“I was so hurt, Mellie.” Ronin’s hand combs through his perfectly styled hair, the motion leaving it slightly mussed.
“Imagine if it had been the other way around, and I’d moved a thousand miles away and didn’t even fucking tell you.
” He shakes his head. “I was so pissed at you. But I could never hate you. You know I could never stay mad at you.”
His words fill the space between us. They settle over me, filling me with the shame that I’ve pushed down for years.
“I’m so sorry, Ronin,” I reply, my throat thick with emotion. “I know I messed up. I thought a clean break would be the best for both of us.” I let out a bitter laugh. “I thought I was protecting your feelings. I was so afraid of losing you that I pushed you away, and I lost you anyway.”
Ronin’s throat works as he swallows hard.
“You know I never liked it here in Blue Fields,” I continue.
“In fact, I hated this town when we first moved. It wasn’t this place, or the stupid blue flowers that everyone loved that made this my home.
It was you. You were my tether to everything.
I loved you, Ronin, and after what happened—when we slept together—I wasn’t willing to take that risk again.
I couldn’t.” The unshed tears I know are coming burn my eyes, and a lump begins to form in my throat.
“Because you were my whole world. You were my best friend, and that mistake—that stupid fucking mistake we made when we were so young and naive—it almost ruined us for good. And I couldn’t lose you.
Not again.” My voice breaks as the tears finally spill over.
Taking a deep breath, I look down at my hands. “I’m so sorry, Ronin, for leaving you like that. It’s not what you deserved, and I wish I could do it over. I told myself I was protecting you, but I was just being selfish.”
I finally lift my head and find Ronin’s devastated face. My heart feels like it’s breaking in half as a single tear falls down his cheek.
Shit, I knew this was a bad idea.
I stand up, abruptly pushing my chair back, a loud, grating sound ringing out as it scuffs the flooring. “I should go. This was a mistake, doing this right now. Tonight. We’ve had too much wine. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you—”
Ronin stands up and grabs my hands, cutting off my ranting.
“Mel, no. It’s okay.” His thumbs run circles across the backs of my hands as he holds them in between us and my body shudders.
“I asked you to tell me. I can handle it.” He lets go with one hand and reaches up to wipe a tear from my cheek.
“Maybe this wasn’t the time or place, I don’t know.
Fuck. All I know is that right now, I’m just glad that you’re here. ”
Our watery eyes meet. “Really?” I whisper.
“Really,” he whispers back. His hand is still stroking my cheek. “I just want my best friend back. I miss her.”
I laugh, and another tear escapes. “I miss my best friend, too.”
Ronin pulls me toward him, wrapping his arms around my body and enveloping me in a hug. I was just thinking about his hugs days ago, missing the feeling of his strong arms wrapped around me, holding me close. I squeeze tighter, pressing my body into his.
Resting my head on his chest, I close my eyes. “I missed you so much.”
“I missed you too, Mel.”
I don’t know how long we stand there, but eventually I step away, brushing tears from my face, embarrassed at all of the emotional outbursts I’ve had over the last two days.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for my part in all of this,” Ronin says, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“I never meant to push you into something you didn’t want, or wasn’t ready for.
I acted like an immature prick ignoring you, and I’m sorry for that.
” He lets out a breath, blowing hair out of his face.
“I never should have cut you out of my life. I was just so upset that you’d left without telling me, but that doesn’t excuse my behavior.
You deserved better than that. Maybe we both did.
” He smiles. “And, I don’t think what we did back then was a mistake, either.
I wouldn’t take any of it back, Mel. I’d do the same thing over and over, because that night was perfect.
I told you then, the best day of my goddamn life, didn’t I? ”
“It was pretty perfect, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah, it was,” Ronin’s smile spears through my heart. “Why don’t I walk you home?” He holds out his hand.
I nod, clasping it with my own. As we walk through the front door, the bell chimes and I look up out of habit. I laugh quietly at the small piece of mistletoe affixed to the bell.
“What is it?” Ronin cocks a brow as we stand in the threshold, his free hand holding the door open.
I point up to the bell. “Mistletoe? Really?”
His eyes follow my finger. “I didn’t put that there,” he says, confusion written across his features.
“Well, when in Rome…” I stand up on my toes and kiss Ronin gently on the cheek.