Chapter 44
Chapter Forty-Four
RONIN
“Isee you’ve restocked my favorites. Thank you, dear.
” Grandma reaches into the tote bag in the back of my truck and pulls out a box of her favorite candy, tearing the top open.
She settles into the blankets and pillows I’ve propped against the cab, the window open to allow the sound of our movie to spill out into the crisp evening air.
Taking one or both of my grandparents to the drive-in over the last few years has become a tradition anytime I feel the need for a heart to heart, and today’s movie date with my grandmother is no exception.
The constant ache in my chest, the emptiness that Mellie left behind, has been overwhelmingly loud these last few days.
I’m struggling a whole lot more than I had anticipated with how to balance my own feelings while keeping Mel’s dreams and ambitions at the forefront.
“So, are we here to talk about Mellie today?” Grandma asks, aiming straight for the heart of the issue, as always. She has an uncanny ability to see right through me at all times.
I chuckle. “You know me too well, Grams.” Staring off into the distance, my mind isn’t really retaining what’s playing out across the oversized movie screen. Not when my thoughts are this distracted. This chaotic, swirling mess of emotion. “I really, really miss her.”
“Nobody said long distance was going to be easy, Ronin.”
“Believe me, I know. It’s just…harder than I thought it would be.
We only had a few months together, and it feels like she’s a million miles away now.
” I pick at the edge of a pillow, tugging on a loose strand.
“She’s so busy, all the time, which is so great for her!
” I turn to my grandmother, her gentle gaze already settled on me.
“But it makes having a relationship even harder when we don’t get to talk or video call often.
Some nights she’s too exhausted to even shoot me a goodnight text. ”
My eyes roll up to the night sky. “I sound so needy, don’t I? I feel like I’m being selfish by wanting her attention. She should be focusing on her job. It’s the whole reason she’s out there and not here.”
“True, it’s the reason Mellie is there. But that will never discount the way you are feeling, too, Ronin.
All of these emotions inside of you—they are valid, just as Mellie’s leaving was valid.
” Her knowing stare seems to see right through me, deep into the root of my pain.
“You are allowed to miss her, and to want her attention. You are allowed to feel these things.” She reaches out a hand, her palm like paper against my cheek.
“That will never make you a selfish man.”
Swallowing hard against the lump forming in my throat, all I can do is nod.
Her hand leaves my face as she refocuses her attention back to the movie screen. “So, I guess one question remains. What are you going to do about it?”
My heart misses a beat, it’s thumping picking up pace as I let my grandma’s question sink in.
What am I going to do about it?
Moping around the diner or my house day after day isn’t helping anyone.
The loneliness I feel at Mel’s absence has consumed my every waking thought, and I’m barely scratching by.
Dealing with the legal aspects of taking over the diner has been a decent distraction, but that’s all it is.
A distraction. All of the ambitions I once held to own Double Shot feel like a washed out version of themselves now.
Everything without Mellie here is like looking through a frosted pane of glass, blurry and hard to focus on. Lonely.
Maybe what I need is a change of scenery.
“I…don’t know yet, Grandma.” My thoughts race as an idea begins to form. “But you might be on to something.”
Grandma turns to me, her gray eyes bright. “We’ll miss you, son. You better make sure to visit. That’s all I have to say about that.”
A laugh escapes me. Once again, it’s like my grandmother knows my own mind before I do. My hand runs through my hair, tousling it into an unruly mess.
When Mel went to LA years ago, there was no reason for me to try and follow her, not at first. She had made it clear she didn’t want the things I wanted, and it was crystal fucking clear she wanted space.
It was only after time had passed, and the guilt at ignoring her had gnawed me to the bone that I had even attempted contacting her, not that she knew that.
But now?
Who’s stopping me from chasing after my girl? Nobody but me. And I’m running out of reasons why I shouldn’t hop on a plane tonight and turn everything that’s been upside down for months back to its rightful place.
And mine has always been wherever Mellie is.