Chapter Thirteen #2
A few steps in and I notice Brady standing nearby, typing on his phone.
He either doesn’t see me or doesn’t want to acknowledge me.
Either way, I don’t care. I slip past him and swipe my key card for the elevator.
The ride is fast and before I know it, I’m stepping out on the eighth floor and walking down the carpeted hallway to my room.
Once inside, I hit the head and then my bed.
I had an amazing afternoon with Finn, and I want to savor it.
I lie down and close my eyes.
I’m at the market again with Finn, but this time, we’re on a date, holding hands and sneaking kisses.
In my imagination, I can safely play out this secret fantasy. Anything is possible. Real life, however, is a totally different game.
Finn
“So, you had fun with Kirkland?”
I glance at Sorensen and nod.
“The best. The market was awesome. Lunch was amazing.”
“You had lunch too?”
Sorensen makes a humming sound. Weird, but whatever.
“He’s got no pretense,” I continue. “It’s natural between us, you know? Sel puts up with all my chatter.”
I don’t know why I feel like I need to justify spending time with Sel.
“Sounds like you’re already besties.”
Besties? I wish it was only that.
“I guess,” I reply. “Why not? Lots of players have that kind of bond.”
Okay, maybe I have hero worship. I am, after all, working with one of my hockey idols. And maybe I have a small, tiny, itty-bitty personal crush on Sel. I’ve gotten to know him, and I really like being with him.
Like?
I’m underselling it. My feelings get more intense every time we’re together, but so what? I’m not gonna say or do anything about it. I value Sel too much to fuck this up.
Sure, that’s why you told him at lunch that you were hung up on someone and nearly gave yourself away.
But Sel’s already admitted he’s interested in someone. Whoever they are, I’m already feeling strange about it, but I vow to keep my mouth shut from here on out. There’s nothing more to say…
A sudden phone chime snaps me back to reality.
“It’s my reminder alert. I’m going up for my pre-game nap,” Berg announces. “I expect you guys to do the same. Rest, no phone, no distractions. We have a game to clinch.”
“Yes, Cap,” Sorensen and Makela reply in unison.
I nod in agreement. Fun time’s over; time to get back to business. Back to work. In our case, rest is part of work, and is required if we want to play our best. Captain stalks off with a determined stride, leaving me with Sorensen and Makela.
“I need to grab snacks before I head up.”
“We’ll go with,” Makela states. “Sweet or salty?”
“Sweet,” I reply as we head toward the lounge. “Always sweet. Red licorice and Reese’s peanut butter cups are my fave.”
The three of us walk, talk, and buy an armful of snacks before grabbing the elevator. Makela and Sorensen have rooms on the sixth floor, so when we reach it, I say goodbye and ride the rest of the way up to my floor.
By the time I reach my room, I’m tempted to turn around and knock on Sel’s door, but I force that urge away. Instead, I swipe my card and no surprise, Kuznetsov’s already asleep on his bed. Or maybe he’s just resting his eyes, because I don’t hear his telltale snoring.
For once. Thank fuck.
I drop the armful of candy on one side of my bed and flop down on the other. My thoughts circle back to Sel and how I didn’t want our lunch to end. He makes me feel like I could talk for hours and he’d still be listening.
Eventually I drift off, but even then, it’s all about the crush I’m trying desperately to fight.
Two hours later, groggy from my not-quite nap, my alarm pings, and I snatch my phone and silence the notification. I blink and glance around the room; Kuznetsov’s already up and dressed.
“Hey, Finn.” Kuz nods. “I’m heading down to grab a coffee. I’ll see you on the bus.”
I nod, and glance at the time. I still have half an hour, which is more than enough time to get ready.
But there’s something I need to do first, and before I know it, I’m sitting up and calling my Sutton U bestie. I remember, too late, about the different time zones, and hope I’m not disrupting him.
“Finn,” Silas’s familiar rumble answers. “What’s up, bud?”
“I’m chilling before the game tonight. You?”
“Damien and I just finished dinner. I’m heading out in a bit to pick up Jo from his friend’s place.”
“Shit, if you’re busy, I can call you tomorrow.”
“It’s good. I have time to talk. How’s Seattle? You ready to punish their ass?”
We’re talking about hockey, but I’m picturing something else entirely.
“Finn?”
“Uh, yes, for sure. The game. I am. I mean, I’m ready. For it. Ready for the game.”
Silas chuckles softly.
“I recognize that ramble. What’s really going on, bud? Are you still nervous? Are you getting along with your teammates?”
I cough and clear my throat.
“In general, things with the Rush are great. I mean, outside of a few asshole teammates who have an issue with Sel being queer, and there’s the fact that we got annihilated by Anaheim, but other than that—”
“Damien told me about those dickheads. Ignore the homophobic fuckers.”
“We’re doing our best.”
“Anything else going on? You sound different.”
Deny it.
“I don’t know where to begin,” I blurt out. “I’m in a situation that’s totally unexpected, and I’m at a loss. I mean, I know what I should do, which is do nothing, but still—”
“Finn?”
I take a deep breath.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I’m overwhelmed because this thing is… it’s personal.”
“Okay.”
“You remember back when we became friends, when I told you I was demi?”
“Yeah, of course.”
“Well, I’ve started to develop romantic feelings for someone I’m friends with. For someone completely out of my league. And it’s not only that. This person… it’s a guy.”
The line goes quiet as my heart pounds heavily. I can’t believe I said the words out loud.
“Silas?”