18. Peter
18
Peter
I cranked on the shower and waited for the temperature to warm up before I eased in and lowered myself onto my plastic chair. While I was able to stand long enough for a shower, it was important to accept that sitting was safer. The last thing I needed right now was to slip in the shower. What I really needed was a grab bar on the wall, but I wasn’t up for home renovations just yet. Especially since I wasn’t so sure that this house would be good for the long term anymore. It simply wasn’t large enough.
Casey loved me. And while it seemed like such a tiny thing, just three words, it had changed everything. My head, my heart, my very soul felt lighter than it had days ago. Talking with Dr. Vesper was one thing, and yes, the psychiatrist had absolutely helped to bring me as far as I’d come, but telling Casey about what happened that night was… letting go of a burden I’d forgotten I was holding on to. While I wouldn’t change saving Decker’s life, I was finally admitting that my life held value too. It felt like a huge step to tell Casey that I was ready to let go of being a field agent, to voice the words out loud. To accept that more than anything, I wanted to live.
I was ready to move on with my life. And now, I couldn’t help but begin to paint a picture of what the future might look like. A bigger house that I could fill with love and laughter, maybe a family, if it was in the cards for us? It hadn’t been something I’d thought much about before, but suddenly, there was nothing I wanted more.
Tilting my head back and letting the shower soak my hair, I sighed. Kids. With Casey. Shit, that was… wow. It was perfect. We’d had unprotected sex. Maybe he was already pregnant.
I heard the bathroom door open, and Casey’s voice called in. “Is there room for one more in there?”
“Always,” I said, even though the chair made the space a little cramped. He didn’t seem to mind.
He pulled the shower curtain back and slipped in, droplets sparkling across his chest as he tried to share the spray with me, standing awkwardly to the side. “Come here,” I said, taking his hand and guiding him to straddle my lap. “This might be easiest.”
“Easiest, sure.” His grin was sly as he lowered himself over me, but I did my best to ignore the way the weight of his body felt against me, the way my hands slid over his hips, slippery with soap, as I brought them up his stomach and chest.
He reached for the shampoo and squirted some into his palm. “Here, let me.” He reached up to lather it into my hair, and I let my eyes drift closed, reveling in the feel of his fingers massaging my scalp.
He was just rinsing the last of the shampoo from my hair, when I heard him draw a deep breath. I felt him tense a moment before he blurted, “I want you to meet my mom.”
Cracking my eyes open, I saw Casey’s cheeks were flushed, and he was gnawing on his lower lip, a deep crease between his eyebrows. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen him nervous like this before. “Really?” I asked. That felt… momentous.
He nodded. “Is that okay?”
“Yeah, of course. When?”
“Maybe… today?” He winced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to spring it on you, but she just called to invite us for dinner, and she’s really excited to meet you. I tried to tell her it was too soon, but… she gets a little overeager sometimes.” He sighed, gripping my wet hair like he was afraid I was about to bolt. “I just don’t want to scare you off. Do you think it’s too soon?” I could see a glimmer of hope in his eyes. This was important to him, which made it important to me.
I wrapped my arms around his waist and guided him closer, until our chests were slipping against each other, a delicious lack of friction. I kissed him tenderly. “It’s not too soon,” I assured him, fanning my palms over his back and down to his ass to keep him from sliding straight off my lap.
“Really?” He sagged in relief, his eyes brightening.
“Absolutely. I’m looking forward to it.”
Casey’s sly smile was back as he canted his hips, frotting our cocks between our bodies, already hardening. He grabbed the bar of soap from where I’d set it and lathered up his hands. “I think you missed a spot. Please, allow me.”
It wasn’t until we were already in the car on the way to his mom’s house that I really let myself think about what I was about to do. Meeting his family? My heart began to race.
I’d never introduced anyone to my mom before, and I likely never would, but the more I thought about it, the more nervous it made me. These were the kinds of steps I’d been looking forward to. The parts of a relationship that made it serious. We weren’t just playing around. What we were building, it was forever. But what if she didn’t like me? Was that a dealbreaker? Did the entire future I’d begun to envision hinge on this one moment?
“Stop panicking,” Casey said, reaching across the console to take my hand. “She’s going to love you.”
“How did you know what I was thinking?” I asked, chuckling tightly.
He turned to shoot me a teasing smile. “You’ve got this look in your eyes, like a baby deer about to be devoured by a wolf.” He squeezed my hand reassuringly. “I promise, she won’t bite, but she might hug you, so be prepared.”
“I can handle a hug.” I’d faced scarier things than a potential future mother-in-law, I reminded myself. I used to be a badass FBI agent, I’d faced literal killers. I could handle this—I hoped.
Casey parked the car along the curb and gave me a shaky smile. “We’re here.”
Tori Winslow lived in a cute residential neighborhood close enough to the water that I could smell salt on the air when I opened the car door. I eased out of my seat and stood on the median, immediately taking in my surroundings, a force of habit from my job.
It was… perfect. This, this was what I wanted. Sprawling bungalows sat below tall leafy trees. It was clean and safe, quiet. The perfect place to raise a family. There were a few teens down the street kicking a soccer ball around, and when I headed for the sidewalk, I paused as a man jogged past with his dog. “Evening,” he said with a nod on the way by.
I stared longingly after him, a pang of yearning making my chest tight. Casey came around the car to stand beside me, and he followed my gaze. “What’s up? Did you know him?”
“No. He’s just…” I sighed. “I miss it, jogging. And I know it sounds stupid, but I’m kind of jealous about the dog. I always just ran by myself, but it would’ve been nice to do it with a dog. I was just never in the same place long enough to bother. And now it’s too late.”
Casey propped his chin on my shoulder. “It’s not too late to get a dog, you know. Especially if you’re not going to be in the field anymore.”
“Yeah, I know.” I nodded like I agreed, but it didn’t seem fair to the dog. It wasn’t like I could take them for a run. Hell, I could barely take them for a walk . “Come on, I don’t want to keep your mom waiting.”
I leaned on my cane as we walked up the wheelchair ramp, and at the top, the front door was already open, Tori waiting for us with a giant grin. She had Casey’s golden hair and blue eyes, a ray of sunshine just like her son.
“You must be Peter,” she gushed, reaching for me.
I let go of Casey’s hand to take hers. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Tori.”
“Oh, psh. You’re family now, Peter. You can call me Mom.” There was no hesitation from her as she gently pulled me down for a hug, mindful of my balance. I felt Casey’s hand at my back just in case.
He’d warned me that she’d hug me, but it still took me off guard. It was warm and welcoming, and all the worry I’d had about her liking me was blown away. She was suddenly the mother I wished I’d had, and I had to blink quickly to dispel the burn of tears.
“I hope you like meatloaf,” she said, rolling her wheelchair back from the door and leading us inside.
“I love meatloaf.” Almost as much as I loved her son, but I had a feeling she knew that already. Casey had clearly told her a lot about me.
As we walked inside, about to have dinner as a family, I was struck by a certainty I couldn’t shake. This was what forever felt like.