Chapter 3 August
August
“Come on, pick up, pick up,” I whispered desperately, one hand clutching the phone’s cheap plastic handset to my ear, the other wrapped protectively around my cramping belly. “Please, Mom… I need you,” I choked out, praying to whatever higher power might’ve been listening.
But instead of my mom’s voice, light and melodic like sunshine reflecting off crystal-clear water, there was only the automated voice repeating the words I’d heard every time I’d tried her number. “We’re sorry. The number you have dialed is not in service.”
A sob tried to sneak out as I replaced the handset gently, and I blew out a shuddering breath.
Well, it looked like I was doing this alone.
I’d known it would come down to this the second I snuck out that door.
And as ready as I’d told myself I was, it had all been a lie. Nobody could ever be prepared for this.
As another contraction wracked my body, just minutes after the one before, the pain was nearly enough to bring me to my knees right there in the dark hallway. I pinched my lips shut, then my eyes, and prayed for it to be over.
I wasn’t stupid, I knew there was only one way out, and that was through. So as soon as the contraction eased, I crept down the hall, looking for somewhere to have this baby.
The bathroom stalls at A New Day omega shelter were private, with doors that went all the way to the floor and locked for our safety, but I had no doubt that if the staff knew I was about to give birth in here, they would scrounge up a master key so fast. It wasn’t against their policies, exactly.
They were actually pretty amazing, offering food and shelter, a daycare, job skills classes, and eventual job placement.
I wished I could stay longer. But they would want me to go to a hospital, and that meant giving my name, being in the system, leaving a trackable path for Victor to follow.
I knew what he would do to me if he got me back, how cruel and vicious he could be when he felt betrayed, but what would he do to my sweet child?
My hands shook as I undressed, folding my clothes one article at a time and hanging them on the hook on the back of the door.
It took everything I had not to cry out.
Not to scream, swear, and curse the man who put me in this position straight to Hell.
But I’d remained quiet this long—what was one more minute, hour, day of pain?
It couldn’t be any worse than what I’d lived through already.
Or maybe it was worse, because now it wasn’t just about me. Now I had another life in my hands, one that deserved so much better…
As if to remind me of my priorities, a band of pressure clamped tight around my stomach, and my knees buckled.
I hit the tile floor hard and bit down on my lip until I tasted blood.
I braced myself with one hand on the door, the other on the wall next to the toilet, and got into a crouch, legs spread.
The urge to push was so strong. I wished I had more space to lie down in here, like they did in hospitals. I wish I had a doctor here too…
I hadn’t always been like this—weak, afraid, helpless.
Once upon a time, I’d been loud and vivacious.
I’d worn bright clothes and laughed with my head thrown back.
I’d loved to be the center of attention, danced like everyone was watching and the world was my stage.
And when I had first caught Victor’s eye, I’d basked in the way he watched me, how voracious he was for me.
It was such an addictive feeling to be his world.
But the more he wanted me, the less he liked to share.
I no longer needed to work because he wanted to take care of me, no longer saw my friends because he told me they didn’t appreciate me the way I deserved.
I told myself that it was sweet, the way he coddled me.
I was blinded by what I thought was love, blind to the darker reality I was slowly sinking into.
When I had an opinion, it was wrong. When he hurt me, it was my fault.
Until one day, a pregnancy test showed two lines. It was like waking from a dream, cold and startling, and left me wondering how I’d let everything get so bad. And thanks to the way Victor had manipulated me, I was truly alone in this world, with nowhere to turn… exactly as he’d always planned.
Another wave of pain crashed down on me, and I covered my mouth with my hand, muffling my whimper. It was well after midnight, and everyone was asleep, but it wouldn’t take much to wake someone.
I had to push. The contractions were coming almost non-stop, and I was kneeling in a mix of blood and amniotic fluid from when my water broke. I reached between my legs and felt the top of the baby’s head. “Oh gods,” I whispered, praying I could do this, that my baby would be okay.
Teeth clenched, I bore down hard, embracing the fire that licked at my insides, telling myself it meant I was still alive.
I swore I left my body, floating somewhere above the pain.
First, the head was out, and I let myself breathe for just a second, panting, but it wasn’t the time for relief.
It wasn’t over yet. I pushed one last time, catching the baby as they slipped out in a rush.
Holy shit, I did it! A manic giggle came out as I gazed down at the tiny baby in my hands, covered in a waxy coating. A girl! I had a daughter!
“Oh, honey,” I cooed softly, cleaning her off with the towel I’d brought from the dorm.
“I’ll call you Mia, after your grandma.” I didn’t know how to do the rest, but I’d brought scissors to cut the umbilical cord, and I tied the end in a knot.
I managed to push out the rest of the afterbirth.
By now, the tiny bathroom stall looked like the scene of a crime.
Mia let out a mewling cry, and panic flared in my chest, bright and hot.
Someone would hear! “Shh, shh, I’ve got you.
” I brought her to my chest to feed her and keep her quiet, and her little mouth opened on instinct, searching for her first meal, but when she tried to latch on, she seemed to struggle.
The seal around her lips kept breaking with a clicking sound.
“What’s wrong, Mia? Why won’t you drink?
” Was I doing something wrong? I tried switching her to the other side, but still, it didn’t work.
A voice called through the door. “Hello? Are you okay in there?”
I froze. “I’m fine,” I called back, my entire body on alert.
“I’ll, uh… be out in a minute.” I looked around the stall, at the mess I’d made on the white tile.
There was no disguising what happened. Wincing against the pain, I got dressed and shoved one of the diapers I’d stolen from their supplies inside my underwear to soak up the blood.
Everything hurt, but I knew I couldn’t stay.
Mia was depending on me to keep her safe.
My life didn’t matter anymore; the only thing that did was taking her somewhere her alpha father would never find her.
With my bag of stolen provisions hooked over my shoulder, my baby cradled close to my chest, I pushed the door open and barreled straight past the man who’d been waiting outside.
I recognized him as Reese, the man who’d given me the tour of the shelter two days ago.
It took him a minute to register what was going on, and his shock and slow reaction time were my saving grace.
His eyes widened, and I heard him gasp. “Hey! Wait, where are you going? You need help!”
“I’m sorry,” I called over my shoulder as I pushed my body to its limits.
I was running on the last dregs of adrenaline, and I was fading fast. I booked it straight out the door and into the night, welcoming the cool, damp air on my sweat-slicked skin.
I heard footsteps coming after me, but what was he going to do, tackle me?
Reese called once more, begging me to come back, promising that he could help. But he didn’t know the full story. My safety wasn’t his to give.
Stumbling down the sidewalk, clinging my baby to my chest to keep her warm, I found myself instinctively heading toward a large neon sign, though in my current state, I could barely focus on the letters.
Most businesses were closed for the night, and we just needed somewhere warm, somewhere safe and anonymous where I could try to feed Mia again.
A coffee shop maybe, or a gas station bathroom.
Somewhere nobody would feel obligated to step in and help.
When I rounded the corner, I could see the neon sign said Mickey’s.
I paused in the shadow of a building, leaning against the brick wall to rest for a moment and to assess.
The parking lot was nearly empty, and as I watched, a woman who’d clearly had far too much to drink staggered out the business’s door.
A bar, then, I guessed. As I watched, she teetered dangerously, and a large alpha caught her before she could go down.
“Whoa there,” I heard him say. “Come on, let’s get you home safe.
” He waved at a cab that was parked down the curb, and when it pulled forward, he guided the woman into the backseat with the utmost care.
Watching the interaction between these strangers filled me with a strange sense of longing. He didn’t even know her, and he still treated her with more respect than I’d ever had from the one person who claimed to love me most.