Chapter 17 Jeremiah
Jeremiah
Pale morning sunlight always seemed to find a way through the crack between the blackout curtains, painting a stripe across my eyes. That wasn’t what woke me up, though. And it wasn’t the mouthwatering aroma of pancakes or the scrape of forks on plates either.
It was the cold sheets of an empty bed.
Over the past couple months, I’d grown quite comfortable with having two men in my bed.
I could barely remember what it felt like to sleep without a warm body at my side.
I didn’t even mind August’s bony elbows or Lazlo’s adorable snoring.
The only part that I was starting to get a little frustrated with was the underwear.
Mia was in her own room now, mostly sleeping through the night, but we were still stuck in limbo.
We’d been taking things slowly, nothing past second base, but all that meant for us were three cases of blue balls.
I was more patient than most red-blooded alphas, but in this case, it was Lazlo who seemed reluctant to push for more.
I thought it was the doctor in him, worried about hurting August after the birth.
I’d tried explaining that there were plenty of other things we could be doing that didn’t involve penetration, but he’d dug his heels in, and there was nothing I could say to change his mind.
Groaning, I palmed my morning wood. I could easily take care of this myself, but it seemed unfair, knowing that my would-be lovers were currently downstairs, just as unsatisfied as I was. “Dammit,” I cursed, throwing the blanket back. I dragged on my pajama pants, ready to start my day.
Because there were three of us now, there’d been no reason I couldn’t go back to work.
I wasn’t juggling everything myself anymore, and I was actually a bit surprised by how much easier it was.
There was no need for babysitters in the evening anymore, and Sammy didn’t even wake up when I got home late because he knew Lazlo and August were here.
They handled breakfast so I could sleep in after working late, no more afternoon naps required, but I still found myself waking up earlier than I needed to, simply because I missed them all and wanted to spend more time with them.
I found Lazlo in the front hall, packing his bag for work.
He hadn’t officially moved in yet or anything, but most of his wardrobe had slowly made its way over here, and this morning he was dressed in a blue button-up and navy tie, looking particularly tasty.
“Hey, what are you doing up?” he asked as I reached the main floor, giving me a quick peck on the lips.
“You didn’t get home from work until almost 3am. You know we can handle breakfast.”
“I got cold,” I growled, snagging him around the waist before he could escape and dragging him back for a deeper kiss.
He allowed himself to melt into me briefly before he pushed off my chest roughly, groaning under his breath as heat mirroring my own blew his pupils wide. “I’m going to be late for work if I don’t get moving. Why don’t you grab yourself some pancakes?”
“That’s not what I’m hungry for,” I sassed under my breath, but I headed into the kitchen where I found the rest of the family.
“Morning,” Sam mumbled around a mouthful of what looked like an entire pancake.
A glance at the clock told me he was running late.
And he knew it too. He shoved back from the table, still chewing, and dumped his dishes in the sink.
“Bye, Auggie,” he said, giving August a quick hug, before he stopped to give Mia some loud kisses on her cheek where she was sitting in her swing.
She couldn’t sit up on her own yet, but she was a lot more stable than she used to be, and she certainly loved her big brother. “Bye, ladybug,” he said.
She rewarded him with some gurgly squeals I swore were giggles. Ugh, my heart. Those two were just the cutest together.
Sam tried to slip past me, just as the bus gave a honk at the end of the driveway. “Bye, Jer.” I managed to snag a quick hug, and then he was gone, jumping into his boots and winter coat, out the door in a flash.
“Lunch kit!” I yelled for the hundredth time this year, running after him across the slushy layer of early snow with his lunch in hand, chilling my bare feet through.
When I came back in, Lazlo was just on his way out.
“Sorry to eat and run, but…” He stopped beside the table and dropped a kiss on the top of August’s head, but the way Auggie tilted his head up, it was clear he’d been hoping for more.
Me too, Auggie. Me too. He smiled tightly through his disappointment.
Lazlo stopped to give me a fast kiss too, before he was throwing on his coat.
“I will be home for dinner, but text me later and let me know how your day is going. Okay?” It was in this brief moment, this pause before he left for the day, that I saw a glimmer of the longing he felt.
There was no denying that he cared for us and what we were building here.
He called this his home, and I knew he meant it, but there was still something standing in his way, keeping him from wholly committing.
I wished I knew what it was. I wanted nothing more than to give him everything he needed, but he was so guarded. “Right, well… have a good day.”
As the door closed behind him, August’s sigh was loud in the sudden silence, post morning chaos. I turned and smiled at him. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, he’ll come around.” I bent down and gave him that kiss he’d been hoping for, slow, deep, with just enough heat to get our heart rates up.
“Mm, good morning to you too,” he rasped, fanning his face. I hoped he didn’t ask me to take him to bed, just the two of us. It wouldn’t feel right without Lazlo, who clearly wasn’t ready for this next step. I just couldn’t figure out the why.
I scooped Mia up out of her swing to give her morning cuddles. “Has our ladybug eaten yet?” I asked.
“She sure has—twice—but you haven’t. Let me make you a plate.” He jumped up from his chair, eager to do something for me.
I knew he was getting antsy cooped up in the house all the time.
He’d barely gotten out over the past two months, and never alone.
He was convinced that Victor was still searching for him and that his face would get picked up by a security camera to let his ex know where to find him.
I had to admit, I wasn’t too keen on the guy still being out there either, but it wasn’t realistic for August to stay locked up here forever. That wasn’t freedom.
“So, I was wondering…” he began as he took Mia from me and nudged me toward a chair, setting a plate of fresh pancakes on the table in front of me. “Could I maybe borrow your truck this afternoon?”
I paused, fork in midair. “Sure. How come?”
August lowered back into his chair beside me, his eyes focused on Mia.
“Well, Sam’s got that birthday slumber party at his friend Carter’s tonight, so I thought it would be nice if I could make you guys dinner, but I need to pick up a few groceries.
” His voice was carefully measured, and I knew he was anxious about going out, even if it was just a quick trip to the store.
“I could go if you give me a list,” I offered, but he gave a sharp shake of his head.
“No, I want to do this. I need to.” His jaw was set stubbornly, and it made me fall even more in love with him. He was so strong, and I was incredibly proud of his resilience.
I abandoned my food for a minute and walked across the kitchen, opening the cupboard over the fridge, too high for anyone but me to reach without a chair. “I got you something,” I said, coming back with a small box.
He blushed sweetly, sitting Mia back in her swing so he could accept the box. “You did? What’s the occasion?”
“Happy Friday,” I told him, then laughed when he made a face. “Do I need a reason to spoil you? Besides, it’s not so much a gift as it is a… practicality.”
August frowned a little then opened it, and his frown deepened. “Thank you, but… what is it?”
I reached over and plucked it from the box.
“Well, it’s a keychain. I’ve already added a copy of the house and car key to it, but—” I held a hand up to forestall the bubbly gratitude that was written plain as day all over his face.
“This is the important bit,” I said, holding up the red tube, the perfect size to fit into the palm of his hand. “This is pepper spray.”
His eyes got comically wide. “Is that legal?”
“Technically?” I asked. Self-defense spray was legal, under certain guidelines, which I may or may not have followed.
“Never mind, I shouldn’t have asked,” he muttered, shaking his head at me. His gaze was trained on the canister in my hand, wary.
“If you’re going out on your own, you should keep this with you.
Just in case.” I didn’t need to specify in case of what.
It was the unspoken threat looming over us every minute of every day.
If things were different, I would pack all of them up and move far from here, where Victor had no jurisdiction, but Lazlo’s practice was here, and Sammy had school and friends.
No matter what, I knew we were stronger together, and so… pepper spray.
I held it up so he could see what I was doing.
“Our first line of defense is that he won’t find you.
Second line would be me kicking his ass.
But if you’re ever alone, I want you to be able to defend yourself.
If you ever see him, you run, but if he gets close enough that you need to use this, you point the nozzle right at his face and push the button.
This is a gel, so it won’t blow back at you. As soon as he’s hit, you run. Got it?”
He nodded, and I passed it back to him. He sighed, but then he clutched it in his hand and nodded. When he looked back up at me, there was a fierce determination shining in his eyes. “Thank you.”
“Anything for you, sweetheart.” Even if that meant teaching him how to stand on his own.
As much as I wanted to believe that I would always be able to keep him safe, I had to be realistic.
Victor had already taken so much from him—his choices, his freedom, his safety and confidence—and I refused to take anything else from him that was not freely given to me.
Instead, I was determined to give it all back, no matter what.