Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“Dad, have you seen my Iron Man shirt?” Eli’s voice carried down the hallway, followed by the sound of dresser drawers opening and slamming shut. “The one with the glowy thing that lights up?”
Noah paused in making Eli’s lunch, smiling despite his exhaustion. He didn’t have the heart to point out that the glow-in-the-dark didn’t matter since it was a sunny day and they’d be outside other than during lunch and snack time. “Did you check the laundry basket? Pretty sure I washed it last night when we got home.”
“Found it!” More shuffling sounds, then Eli appeared in the kitchen doorway, shirt already half-on and hair sticking up in all directions. “We’re doing superhero art projects today at camp. I have to wear it.”
“Of course you do.” Noah set aside the sandwich he was making to help straighten Eli’s shirt. “Although I’m pretty sure you could make awesome art wearing any shirt.”
His phone buzzed on the counter—Jenna’s familiar picture lighting up the screen. Noah’s stomach did a complicated flip. He hadn’t talked to her since before the lake house disaster, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for her perceptiveness right now. He’d been hiding away from the world, wallowing, any time he didn’t have to pretend like everything was okay for Eli’s sake.
It had been four days since he’d seen Luke. They exchanged text messages throughout the day, but even those were tense. Their talk hadn’t happened yet because of some setback on a project that had Luke and his crew working overtime. With every day that passed, Noah couldn’t help but wonder if this was Luke giving him a taste of what it would be like if he listened to the stupidity in his head.
Or maybe it was more of him accepting Noah’s excuses about needing to focus on Eli.
“Hey, buddy, can you grab your backpack while I talk to Mom?”
Eli nodded, already darting back toward his room. Noah took a deep breath before answering the call.
“Morning,” he managed, aiming for casual.
“You sound terrible.” Jenna’s voice carried a mix of concern and amusement. “Late night?”
Noah glanced at the couch where he’d spent most of the night, unable to sleep in a bed that still smelled like Luke. “Something like that. What’s up?”
“Well, I was calling with good news, but now I’m worried about you.” A pause, then, “I’ve got a break coming up. Thought I might come get Eli for a few days and take him to that new water park he’s been talking about. And since I miss out on so much, I was hoping you wouldn’t mind if I took him shopping for school supplies and clothes. From the pictures, it looks like he’s in desperate need of a new wardrobe with how fast he’s growing.”
“Oh.” Noah’s chest tightened at the thought of Eli being away right now. “When were you thinking?”
“End of next week? But seriously, Noah, what’s going on? You sound…off.”
“I’m fine.” The words came out sharper than intended. In the background, he could hear Eli singing to himself as he packed his bag in the other room. “Just tired.”
“Uh-huh.” Jenna’s tone suggested she wasn’t buying it. “And does this have anything to do with why Luke hasn’t posted any pictures from your vacation? Meg usually floods social media with family photos.”
Noah’s throat felt tight. “How did you?—”
“Noah.” Jenna’s voice gentled. “Talk to me. What happened?”
“Eli fell in the lake.” The words tumbled out before he could stop them. “I’d gone to get groceries with Luke. Right when we got back to the house, he fell, and I just…I froze. Drew had to jump in after him. And Luke darted down there to comfort Eli as soon as he was out. I was useless. I promised I’d take care of him while you were out of state, and I left him so I could spend time with my boyfriend.”
Silence stretched between them. Noah could practically hear Jenna processing, choosing her words carefully.
“Is he okay?”
“Yeah.” Noah ran a hand through his hair, watching Eli organize his colored pencils for art time. “Scared us all, but he’s fine. Though he thinks it’s his fault Luke isn’t around anymore.”
“What do you mean, isn’t around anymore?” Jenna’s voice sharpened. “Noah, tell me you didn’t do something stupid.”
“I have to keep my priorities straight.” Even to his own ears, the words sounded hollow. “I can’t let my personal life affect his safety. I promised you I’d always put him first.”
“And you think pushing away someone who loves both of you is putting Eli first?” Jenna’s frustration was clear. “Noah, you’re one of the best fathers I know. But sometimes, you get so caught up in trying to be perfect that you forget kids need more than just protection. They need to see us living, loving, making mistakes, and learning from them.”
Noah’s chest felt tight. “But what if?—”
“No.” Jenna cut him off firmly. “No what-ifs. Accidents happen, Noah. To all parents, whether they’re single or married or dating or whatever. The fact that Eli fell and you panicked doesn’t make you a bad father. It makes you human.”
“I should have been there.” Noah’s voice cracked. “Instead, I was selfish, stealing time with Luke while his family watched Eli.”
“Oh, honey.” Jenna’s tone softened. “Taking time for yourself isn’t selfish. And from everything you’ve told me, Luke adores Eli. Having more people who love him isn’t a bad thing.”
“But—”
“Dad!” Eli bounded back into the kitchen. “I’m ready! Can we go? I don’t want to be late for superhero day!”
Noah checked the time, realizing they needed to leave soon. “Hey, Jenna, I should?—”
“Go,” she said gently. “But this conversation isn’t over. And, Noah? Don’t think your way into losing something precious. Both of you deserve to be happy.”
The call ended, leaving Noah standing in his kitchen with Eli bouncing impatiently beside him. His son’s excitement about superhero day contrasted sharply with the quiet sadness that had lingered since the weekend.
“Ready, buddy?” Noah forced brightness into his voice, gathering Eli’s lunch and backpack.
“Uh-huh.” Eli hesitated by the door. “Dad? Is Uncle Luke coming over tonight?”
Noah’s heart clenched. “Not tonight, buddy. He’s got a big project he’s working on.”
“Oh.” Eli’s shoulders drooped slightly. “Maybe tomorrow?”
“We’ll see.” The words felt like ash in his mouth. Because how could he explain to his six-year-old that he’d pushed away someone they both loved? That he’d let one moment of panic override his happiness?
As they headed to the car, Noah couldn’t shake Jenna’s words. Don’t think your way into losing something precious. What if the risk of getting hurt—of Eli getting hurt—was too high?
The questions swirled in his mind as he drove Eli to camp, each one adding weight to the doubt already pressing against his chest. And underneath it all, a quiet voice that sounded suspiciously like Luke’s: Sometimes the things worth having are the ones that scare us the most.
Noah stared at the sandwich he’d made himself for lunch, his appetite nonexistent. The quiet house pressed in around him, memories of shared meals and laughter making the silence feel heavier. He’d tried working on lesson plans for the upcoming school year, but his mind kept wandering to Luke—to warm hazel eyes and gentle hands, to how he always seemed to know exactly what Noah or Eli needed.
He wrapped the sandwich and stashed it in the fridge. He needed to get out of the house before he drove himself crazy by replaying every moment from the lake house weekend.
Normally, he’d head to Sweet & Simple for lunch, but the thought of facing Megan’s knowing looks and gentle questions was too much. Instead, he found himself pulling into Brew & Barrel’s parking lot, drawn by the promise of anonymity among the summer tourist crowd.
His steps faltered when he spotted Jules behind the bar instead of the usual daytime server. They looked up as Noah entered, their characteristic eyeliner perfect despite the early hour.
“Noah, right?” Jules’s warm smile held no judgment. “Just you today, or do you have someone joining you?”
“Nope. Just me.” Noah wondered how Jules remembered his name. It wasn’t as if he was a regular in the bar or anything. But he was grateful they did. “And what about you? I thought you worked nights?”
“Covering for Katie—summer cold’s making its rounds.” They wiped down the bar in front of Noah before setting down a menu. “So, what brings you in today?”
Noah settled at the counter, oddly comforted by Jules’s casual greeting. “Needed a change of scenery.”
“I get that.” Jules slid a glass of water his way. “Coffee while you decide? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”
“Please.” Great. Even the server who’d only met him a few times recognized he looked like shit.
Jules’s movements were efficient as they prepared his coffee, adding just the right amount of cream without asking. They were definitely cut out for this job if they remembered the little details this well.
“So,” Jules said, setting down the mug, “want to talk about it?”
Noah looked up sharply. “About what?”
“I know I’m not actually a bartender, but I’d like to think I’m pretty good at reading people.” At Noah’s startled expression, Jules shrugged. “And Luke’s been living on coffee and takeout for days, which usually means he’s either stressed or avoiding something. I could be completely off base here, but I don’t think it’s a coincidence both of you are showing up here instead of the bakery.”
“It’s complicated.” Noah wrapped his hands around the warm mug, anchoring himself.
“Isn’t it always?” Jules’s voice held no judgment, just quiet understanding. “You know, when I first started here, I was terrified of letting anyone see the real me. Figured it was safer to keep people at arm’s length than risk their rejection.”
Noah studied them over his coffee cup. “What changed?”
“Jamie—my boss. He caught me crying in the storage room one day after some asshole customer made comments about my appearance.” Jules’s smile turned soft. “Instead of firing me or telling me to toughen up, he sat with me. Told me his brother was trans, and that he’d kick out anyone who gave me shit.”
“That must have meant a lot.”
“Changed my life.” Jules began wiping down the counter, their movements precise. “Made me realize that sometimes the family we choose is just as important as the one we’re born into. That letting people in, really letting them see us, is scary but worth it.”
Noah’s throat felt tight. “Even if it means risking getting hurt?”
“Especially then.” Jules paused, their expression thoughtful. “Look, I don’t know exactly what’s happening with you and Luke. But the couple of times you’ve come in for dinner, it was easy to see you’re both crazy about one another. That’s not something you walk away from without a fight.”
Before Noah could respond, his phone buzzed with a text. His heart jumped seeing Luke’s name, then sank as he read the message.
Structural issue at the site. Engineer coming this afternoon. Might have to work late again.
He wasn’t surprised, but he’d hoped tonight Luke would finally be caught up enough to meet. Jenna would probably say he’d manifested today’s work issues when he told Eli that Luke wouldn’t be over after work.
“Bad news?” Jules asked softly.
“Something like that.” Noah set his phone face-down, trying to ignore the ache in his chest. He couldn’t really be upset with Luke for having to work extra hours, but it was starting to feel personal. “Luke’s dealing with some emergency at a job site.”
Another text from Luke came in.
Miss you. Both of you.
Three simple words that made his chest ache with everything he was trying to protect himself from. Everything he was failing to protect Eli from by pulling away.
“When we were at the lake house,” Noah found himself saying, “my son fell in the water. It’s not easy finding time for just us, so when Luke’s mom offered to keep an eye on him, I took her up on it. It wasn’t even for that long, but he fell in the water right as we got back. Everyone else knew exactly what to do, but I just…froze. I should have been there watching him, but I wanted some time with my boyfriend…”
“And now you’re punishing yourself? And Luke?” Jules’s voice held no judgment, just quiet understanding. “Sounds lonely.”
“It is.” The admission slipped out before Noah could stop it. “But isn’t it better to be lonely than to risk?—”
“What? Being happy?” Jules straightened as the door chimed, signaling new customers. “Look, I’ve got to get back to work. But, Noah? Speaking from experience? The walls we build to protect ourselves usually end up being our own prison.”
Noah sat with that thought as Jules moved away to greet the newcomers. His coffee had gone cold, but he barely noticed, too caught up in the weight of their conversation.
His phone buzzed one final time.
Engineering report not good. Definitely another late night. Rain check on talking?
Noah’s fingers hovered over the keys, wanting to say more than just okay . Wanting to bridge the growing distance between them. But what could he say that wouldn’t sound hollow after pushing Luke away?
In the end, he simply replied.
Stay safe.
He left enough cash on the counter to cover his barely-touched coffee and a generous tip, Jules’s words echoing in his mind. The walls we build to protect ourselves usually end up being our own prison.
The question was: how did he start tearing those walls down without everything crumbling around him?
The day camp parking lot buzzed with activity as parents picked up their excited children. Noah spotted Eli immediately, his bright-red Iron Man shirt like a beacon among the crowd. But instead of his usual bouncy enthusiasm, Eli walked slowly toward the car, his art project clutched carefully to his chest.
“Hey, buddy.” Noah opened the back door, helping Eli with his backpack. “How was superhero day?”
“Good.” Eli’s response lacked his usual enthusiasm. He climbed into his booster seat, still holding his artwork close. “Ms. Alyse says I did a really good job on my drawing.”
“Yeah? Can I see it?”
Eli hesitated, then carefully turned the paper around. Noah’s breath caught at the crayon illustration—a group of figures clearly meant to be their family at the lake house. Luke stood next to Noah, their stick-figure hands joined, while Eli played in the water between them. Drew was there too, positioned near the water as if ready to help.
“It’s great, buddy.” Noah’s throat felt tight. “Why don’t we hang it on the fridge when we get home?”
“Can we send a picture to Uncle Luke first?” Eli’s voice was small, uncertain. “I drew him extra tall so everyone knows it’s him.”
Noah’s heart clenched. “Of course we can.”
The drive home was quiet, broken only by Eli’s occasional sighs as he studied his drawing. Noah caught glimpses of his son’s expression in the rearview mirror, seeing the weight of unspoken questions in his eyes.
“Dad?” Eli finally asked as they pulled into their driveway. “Why doesn’t Uncle Luke come over anymore? Is he mad about me falling in the water and you two fighting after?”
“What? No, buddy.” Noah parked quickly, turning to face his son. “Why would you think that?”
“Because…” Eli’s lower lip trembled. “Because I fell in the lake when I wasn’t supposed to be so close. Drew told us to stay back from the edge. And then you got really quiet, and now Uncle Luke is never around, and?—”
“Oh, Eli.” Noah was out of his seat and opening Eli’s door before he could finish. He gathered his son into his arms, drawing him close. “Nothing that happened at the lake was your fault. He’s been super busy with work, that’s all.”
“But I miss him.” Eli’s voice cracked. “And you’re grumpy now.”
Noah’s chest tightened at his son’s perceptiveness. He’d thought he was hiding his struggles better than that. “I miss him too, buddy.”
“Then why can’t he come over?” Eli pulled back, his expression serious. “Mason says his dad doesn’t let his mom’s new boyfriend come over because they fight all the time when Mason’s there. But you and Uncle Luke don’t fight. You love each other.”
The simple certainty in Eli’s voice hit Noah like a physical blow. Because, of course, his son saw what Noah had been trying so hard to protect them from—the love that had grown between them all, the family they’d become.
“Tomorrow’s Friday. Can he come over then?” Hope crept into Eli’s voice. “He promised we’d start working on the treehouse, remember?”
“We’ll see.” Noah pulled Eli close again, pressing a kiss to his hair. “Right now, let’s get inside and take a picture of your amazing artwork to send him, okay?”
Later, after Eli was finally asleep, Noah sat on the couch—in Luke’s usual spot—clutching his phone. He’d sent the picture of Eli’s drawing hours ago, but Luke hadn’t responded. Probably still dealing with whatever structural crisis had come up at the site.
Something soft brushed against his hand as he shifted. One of Luke’s work shirts draped over the back of the couch. Noah brought it to his face, inhaling the familiar scent of sweat and that stupidly expensive cologne Luke wore when they went out.
Luke texted just as Noah had given up hope of hearing back from him.
Sorry, just saw Eli’s picture. Tell him it’s perfect. Engineering meeting ran late—more issues than we thought. Need to be back on site early tomorrow.
Noah’s fingers moved before he could second-guess himself.
I’m sorry. For everything.
The typing bubbles appeared and disappeared several times before Luke’s response came through.
Me too. We’ll talk soon. I promise.
Noah’s throat felt tight.
When things settle down at the site?
As soon as I’m not practically living out here. Give Eli a hug for me?
The walls we build to protect ourselves usually end up being our own prison.
Jules’s words came back to him again as he stared at his phone, wanting to say more but knowing this wasn’t a conversation for text messages. He needed to see Luke, to look into those warm hazel eyes and find the courage to tear down the walls he’d built.
But for now, all he could do was reply.
He misses you. We both do.
Luke’s response was immediate.
Miss you too. Both of you. More than you know.
Noah curled deeper into the couch, Luke’s shirt still clutched in his hands. He’d made such a mess of everything, letting his fears override the happiness they’d found together. Now he just had to figure out how to fix it—how to show Luke he was worth the risk, that they were stronger together than apart.
As he drifted off to sleep on the couch, surrounded by reminders of the life they’d begun building together, Noah promised himself that whatever it took, he would find a way to bring Luke home.