CHAPTER 11
KIRBY
I’m relieved to be ensconced behind the walls of Club Sin, even though I can’t shake the annoyance that has been hanging over me for the last few days. I’m not even sure where to start unpacking my emotions. The only thing I do know is I’m glad the anxiety I’ve been carrying around with me all day as I moved through Seattle and ran errands has melted away.
It’s not easy for me to be here, but it’s not as bad as I expected it to be. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m stronger than I would normally give myself credit for or if it’s because of the distraction that my men have provided me. It could be because I know one of them has been watching me over the last few days.
I could feel their eyes on me.
How do I know it was my men and not something more sinister? It’s simple—I wasn’t on edge.
I had a feeling of safety and caring instead of feeling like my skin was crawling and I needed to always look over my shoulder. Call it a gut instinct if you want, but it is what it is.
Still, even though I know at least one of my men, if not more, has kept an eye on me, I haven’t seen them.
And that is the start of my annoyance.
While they spent so many nights in Club Sin watching me and preventing me from doing my job, for the last few nights, and days, they’ve left me alone. I know they haven’t ghosted me considering the texts that I’ve gotten every morning.
If they’re giving me space because they thought I was going to freak out after the night I spent with them…well, I can’t say that’s not what would have happened if they hadn’t backed off. I did need some time to process everything.
Now that I’ve had it, I’m a little pissed to be left to my own devices still.
It makes me feel like I’m in limbo and that shit just does not work for me.
I stride into the main lounge and right up to the bar. I’m not much of a drinker because I don’t like to be impaired in any way, but one glass of wine is calling to me. When it’s delivered to me and I take a sip, I force myself to relax even though it’s not an easy task.
The last few days at Club Sin have been awkward and I’ve felt out of place. I know why, even though I haven’t been willing to give voice to what has me confused and feeling like I’m doing something wrong, even though nothing sexual has happened with Charlie.
Yes, he’s still my sub because it felt wrong to enter into a contract with him and then pull out without warning. Nothing sexual was ever promised between us. It’s not like he would push me for more considering his willingness to please me, no matter what that looks like.
“Mistress,” Charlie’s voice is soft. It pulls my attention away from where I’ve been staring at the glass of wine on the bar in front of me, for who the fuck knows how long.
Anger that is completely irrational hits me out of nowhere as I spin around to look at Charlie. His eyes are soft and filled with understanding, even though it’s the last thing he should be giving me. I have zero doubt that my annoyance and frustration over the last few days have gone unnoticed by him.
I shouldn’t be here.
The truth of that thought slams into me.
I’m not even sure why it feels so wrong to be here. It’s not like I’ve had some sort of commitment conversation with the guys. I don’t owe them anything. Still, the innocent interactions I’ve had with Charlie through the last few days feel wrong.
They shouldn’t. I entered into this contact with Charlie first.
Fuck.
I hate this shit.
Then there’s how I feel like a fraud now. I gave myself over to my three men. I gave them my trust and my body. After spending years holding all the control, I don’t know how to reconcile the night I spent with Hendrix, Dominic, and Wolfe.
“Don’t,” I snap at Charlie.
He rears back from me like I’ve slapped him, and regret sits heavy in the center of my chest. I shake my head as emotion threatens to overwhelm me.
I shouldn’t be here.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, the words hard to form and force past my lips. “It’s not you, Charlie. I,” I stand up quickly, knowing exactly where I need to go, “can’t be here right now.”
His eyes soften in a way that makes me want to snap at him again. Like he knows something I don’t know, or, at least, something I’m not willing to admit.
He probably does.
The last thing I’m ready to admit is how deeply Wolfe, Dominic, and Hendrix have wormed their way under my skin and into my life. Everything feels off when I’m not around them. When the fuck did this happen? Will anything go back to normal?
Do I even want it to?
“Of course, Mistress,” he murmurs and steps back, giving me more room and making it clear that he’s not going to stand in my way.
Even though I’m annoyed, his small action has warmth blooming in my chest. I give him a nod of acknowledgement, my throat constricting and making me unable to say anything else. I’ve never felt like a relationship with one of my subs has been wrong. Not until now.
The moment I’m standing on the sidewalk in front of The Centennial building, it feels like I can breathe easier. I storm toward my rental car, getting angrier with every step. How fucking dare they breeze into my life and change everything. Who the hell do they think they are? And then they just disappear while still watching over me like some benevolent god?
I just don’t think so.
I’m fuming the entire drive over to their townhouse. I don’t even know if they’ll be there. Not that it matters. They’ll show up eventually. And then I’ll give them a piece of my mind.
Every step sounds like a clap of thunder after I slam my car door and head straight for the front door of their townhouse. I knock as loudly as I can, my anger fueling me.
When the door swings open, Dominic is there with a scowl on his face. The moment his eyes lock with mine, his face relaxes, and a small smile plays at the corner of his lips. It’s enough to send me over the edge as I jump into an abyss of anger.
My finger hits his chest, and I take a menacing step forward. “How fucking dare you,” I seethe.
Dominic’s eyes widen as he steps back. He’s big enough that if he didn’t want to move, with or without my finger jabbing his chest, he wouldn’t.
His voice is gentle and soft, like he’s talking to a feral animal which isn’t too far off with how I’m feeling, “What’s wrong, little Phoenix?”
“Don’t Phoenix,” my tone is mocking when I repeat their nickname for me, “me.”
Before I can say anything else, I hear Hendrix call out, “Who was at the door?”
When he comes into the entry area and sees me, in all my furious glory, he freezes in place. “You,” I growl before sneering in Dominic’s direction. I step around the golden skinned god who still looks stunned by my anger and step right up to Hendrix. I’m close enough for our toes to touch. “You need to stop following me around and stop fucking with my head.”
The smile Hendrix flashes me is indulgent as fuck. I hate it and I’m tempted to slap it right off his face, his chiseled and handsome face. I’m just not sure if he would enjoy that shit. He did crawl to me after all.
“Don’t smile at me,” I demand, my voice taking on that quality it does when I’m working.
“That voice won’t work on me,” there’s a taunt in his tone, “not now after you’ve given yourself over to me.”
“To us,” Dominic grunts from behind me and I throw a glare at him from over my shoulder.
I whip back to shoot Hendrix with the imaginary lasers coming from my eyes. “You’ve fucking ruined me. I can’t do my damn job anymore. It feels,” I stop abruptly and slash a hand through the air, “no, I’m not even going to finish that sentence. It doesn’t matter how it feels. What matters is that you’ve fucked me up.”
“Oh, little Phoenix,” Wolfe drawls from behind Hendrix, “we didn’t ruin you. We set you free.”
I make a sound of pure fucking outrage that comes from my chest, frustration threatening to bubble over into something ugly, something I’ve never felt before. I want to give into it, to float within that sensation, and wrap it around me. Why shouldn’t I?
Hendrix wraps his arm around my waist and hauls me against his chest. “He’s right,” his voice is deep, like he’s trying to soothe me.
I even feel myself relax slightly, but I straighten my spine and fight against the sensation. I won’t be giving in to them this time. I can’t.
It makes me feel out of control. It makes me feel like I don’t know who I am.
After the last ten years of working for every bit of who I’ve become, giving it all up makes panic well up from the place where I lock of my trauma. Who am I once you strip away my job? My armor?
“No,” I snap, “he’s not. It’s my job and now I can’t do it.”
“We haven’t prevented you from doing your job,” Wolfe’s voice is far too reasonable for me right now. “We’ve given you the space you’ve needed.”
“I had to talk them into it,” Hendrix admits. “But I knew you needed a little time and space to process what happened the other night.”
He’s not wrong, but the fact that he puts it so rationally pisses me off even more. While wanting to rage at him, deflection wins. I can’t stop myself from scoffing, “Like I believe that.
His hand grips my hip, reminding me of just how close we are. “We weren’t walking away from you.”
“Never,” Wolfe grunts and Dominic makes a sound of disapproval from behind me.
“This is a problem,” I try to sound resolute, but it’s weak even to my ears.
“Or it’s an opportunity,” Dominic murmurs softly as he presses his front to my back.
Wolfe slips up to my side, his eyes are intent and focused on me. I have to hold myself stiff to prevent the shiver that wants to work its way up my spine. There’s no way I can give them the satisfaction.
“We know what you need,” Hendrix coos. When he leans forward and nips at my neck, it feels like time slows as my anger and frustration starts to ebb. It’s the oddest thing. Comfort and safety replace those feelings and my shoulders droop. “That’s right,” he whispers against my neck, “let us show you.”
I gasp, “Show me what?”
When Hendrix pulls back, he studies my face. I’m not sure what he’s looking for or what he finds, but being the focus of a man like Hendrix is heady.
“We’re going to take you somewhere,” he starts. My mouth falls open and panic threatens to take over, the edges of my vision dimming slightly. “You will be safe the entire time,” he tells me firmly.
I don’t know what it is, but the certainty in his voice pushes the fear away. He shouldn’t be able to do that for me, but he can. I don’t understand it, but I can’t deny that it’s true.
“It’s time to show you our darkest desire,” Dominic’s voice has goosebumps covering my skin.
I shouldn’t. I have no idea what they want to show me or why we have to go anywhere for it. Standing between them as they watch me and wait with so much patience, I feel like they’re prey.
Before I can really think about all the reasons why I should push them away and leave, I find myself nodding slowly. I hope I can handle whatever they have in mind.
“Good girl,” Hendrix growls and my pussy clenches around nothing and my panties are flooded with my arousal.
Well, fuck.