Chapter 13 Now
Now
I was back on the ground, lying on my hoodie, the binder propped on my knees as I stared at the blank page in front of me. A character letter about my dad wasn’t as easy as my mom had made it seem when she asked me to write this.
“A character letter?” I’d said. “What does that even mean?”
“Just a nice letter about your dad. Something we can give his lawyer to pass on to the court. A memory or something.”
“A memory?”
“Something that makes him seem more…” She trailed off.
“Personable?” I asked.
She narrowed her eyes. “Relatable,” she said. “A father. A dad.”
Why was I having a hard time? It wasn’t that I didn’t have positive memories of him—he was a really good dad. But I couldn’t seem to conjure up the good feelings that went with them. And I knew that my feelings were supposed to play a part in this letter. Probably the most important part.
A memory.
We’d gone to the zoo a couple of times when I was a kid. He made funny voices at the monkeys. Was that relatable enough? Sometimes he’d read to me before bed. That act was sure to erase any negative opinions anyone might have about him, I thought sarcastically.
One of Beau’s AirPods was in my right ear. I hadn’t been listening to the music too carefully—I was trying to think—but something in my subconscious kicked in, because I realized this was the third song in a row from the playlist I’d made him months ago.
It was like he’d been waiting for me to notice, because the second I looked over the top of the binder at him, he met my eyes. He had the book open in his lap.
“It’s good music,” he said.
“It is.” Which reminded me. “How is Brady?”
His attention went to the open book, then back to me. “He misses you,” he finally said.
Tears stung at my eyes and I gritted my teeth to keep them at bay. I readjusted the sweatshirt under my head to distract myself. “How is he doing in math?”
“B.”
“Nice. I knew he could do it.” Without me, I almost added, but I kept that part to myself. Saying that out loud really would make me cry. I’d quit the tutoring center two months ago and I missed the kids so much.
“He was putting too much pressure on himself,” Beau said.
“Must run in the genes.”
He let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah. Probably.”
“How is your mom with his B?” I didn’t need to ask. I knew exactly how she felt about that.
“Putting on a brave face,” he said sarcastically.
“Does her brave face include those judgy eyes she’s so good at?”
“Yes.”
I held in a laugh. We fell silent and he went back to reading.
The music kept playing. Songs I loved. I could almost forget I was trapped in a bathroom with someone I was supposed to hate.
If I closed my eyes, I could be anywhere listening to music.
I felt myself drifting. I didn’t want to fall asleep in here.
I sat up and stretched, rubbing at my neck. “Are you done with the chapter yet?”
“My mind is wandering,” he said.
“Don’t care, just want the book.”
“Thanks,” he muttered.
“You’re welcome,” I said back, like he wasn’t being sarcastic.
“I’m not done,” he said.
“I know you don’t read that slowly,” I said.
“How’s Cody, anyway?” he asked.
“Seriously?” I gave him an annoyed stare. “Slow reading made you think of Cody?”
He shrugged.
I narrowed my eyes. “Don’t be rude. You’re the one who asked for a truce.”
“The truce just covers the people in this bathroom.”
“Are you sure you want to give me that opening?” I had so much to say about so many people not in this bathroom.
“I’m surprised you haven’t already taken it.”
“Yeah, well, there’s still time.”
“I’m sure I could think of a few things to say as well.”
“Then say them, Beau. Say them!”
We held a stare for a long moment. His hard expression wasn’t one I was used to, and I hated that it was directed at me. It hurt. It made me want to hurt him back.
“Cody is fine,” I said, finally answering his question.
He flinched as if I really had hurt him. Had I?
He looked down, then turned a page of the book.
I gritted my teeth, the familiar anger that had been a part of me for months burning my insides. Sometimes, like now, with anger clouding every thought, I wondered if I remembered wrong how it had all happened. Why else would everyone have taken his side?