Chapter 33 Now
Now
I swallowed. His words, I want you back, seemed to linger in the air.
Neither of us had taken any steps to close the seven between us.
The wall behind me felt like it was holding me up at this point.
I wondered if he felt the same about the counter behind him.
We obviously still didn’t trust the other person.
“Don’t say that,” I said. Especially when I wasn’t quite sure what he meant by it.
Did he want me back as a friend? Did he want something more?
I wasn’t sure how we could put all the broken pieces back together and make either of those things possible, no matter how much I wanted it.
“What do I have to do,” he asked, “to make us okay again?”
I blinked several times, emotion making my eyes sting. “I don’t know.”
“The fortune teller said we would be fine”—he nodded toward the cootie catcher on the ground—“if I really wanted it. I really want it.”
I let out an ironic chuckle. “You’re not supposed to tell me your question.”
“Did you ask it that question too?”
I nodded. “It told me no.”
“Good thing I’m always right.”
For some reason that statement—after us just talking about him turning me in, my whole life crumbling—was not helpful.
“I’m not,” he spit out, as if he realized this too. “It was a bad joke. I’m not always right. I wasn’t right about this. About you. About your dad.”
That last admission stopped me cold. “Why didn’t you come to me after you found out?
” I asked. “When my dad’s stuff was all over the news?
I mean, I know I’d been terrible to you.
To everyone, but…” I didn’t know how to finish that.
But didn’t you understand why after that?
But didn’t that give you a good excuse to talk to me? But didn’t you care at all?
He shook his head. “Because…my mom…”
“Your mom wouldn’t let you see me?”
“Yes. She didn’t want people to see us together. And I was angry and an idiot. The news story just made me think I’d made the right decision.”
“That I was like my dad or something?”
“No,” he answered too quickly. “I mean…no.”
“You mean yes.”
He didn’t respond, but that said everything.
My eyes were burning now. I was going to cry. I didn’t want to cry in the light of day, when he could see just how hurt I was. But it was going to happen. I had no control over it. I pushed off the wall, then shut and locked myself into the back stall, stifling a sob.
“Indy, I was wrong. That’s my point. I was so wrong.” He’d followed me to the stall door. I could see him pressed up against the crack, one of his blue eyes framed in the wide gap along with the corner of his mouth. The toes of his striped socks poked beneath the stall.
“Maybe I’m exactly like my dad.”
“I hope you are,” he said. “Your dad is great.”
Big, warm tears rolled down my cheeks.
His fingers appeared at the top of the door, looping over it, hanging on. “Remember that time he took us to that huge bookfair? He must’ve been researching ‘things book lovers would like,’ because it was over two hours away.”
I leaned my head against the stall wall closest to the crack, my bare toes nearly touching his socked ones.
“And what about that time he took us to three different ice cream places because they didn’t have the flavor you wanted.”
“I don’t know why every place doesn’t carry Birthday Cake.”
“Valid,” he said.
How had I not thought of these memories over the past several weeks to include in the letter? I’d been frozen in judgment. I wiped at my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I’m scared,” I admitted. “That he’s going to be charged.”
“I know. I’d be scared too.”
“Remember that time he took all four of us roller-skating and none of us could stay upright and we all kept dragging him down, but he just laughed and kept getting right back up?”
“That was a good day,” Beau said. “He taught me to skate.”
“Me too.” I sniffled and inched my toes forward until they touched his. “Your mom hates me now?”
“You know my mom,” he said. “Must stay away from even the appearance of evil.”
“I am pretty evil now,” I said.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I know.” But it was what his mom meant, and I couldn’t remember a time Beau had stood up to his mom.
Didn’t do exactly what she expected of him.
Maybe never. Here in this bathroom, it was easy to pretend like the world outside didn’t exist, but I knew how many obstacles were still out there.
We may have had a strong enough relationship at one point to face them, but we definitely didn’t now.
“It’s normal to be scared. I would be too,” he said.
“And I’m all alone,” I said.
“I didn’t know.” His voice was quiet.
I wiped at my eyes again. They wouldn’t stop leaking.
“I didn’t know it was only six questions,” he said. “I didn’t know they would make you take all the tests again.”
“I know,” I said, because I did know that. I’d seen the surprise on his face that day when I told him.
“And I didn’t tell the principal that was you in the video. He showed it to me, but I told him I didn’t know who it was.”
“You didn’t tell him?”
“Indy, I—” He stopped short and turned. It took me a moment to realize he was reacting to a sound. It took me another moment to realize that sound was the bathroom door handle jiggling. Then there was a loud creak as it opened. He rushed away from the crack.
“Hold the door!” he called.
I wiped my eyes and twisted the lock, then stepped out of the stall in time to see him grabbing hold of the door as Ava came in.
“You’re here!” she said, throwing her arms around Beau. “I saw your location on Snapchat last night and it hasn’t moved since.”
Caroline followed her inside, joining Ava in the hug. They smelled like campfire and roses. The first obviously from the bonfire last night; the second, Ava’s perfume.
Beau laughed a little, still gripping the door handle firmly, despite their tight hugs. “What time is it?” he asked as they released him.
“Noon,” Caroline said.
Noon? That was way later than I’d thought. How could it already be noon?
I gathered my things, throwing my sweatshirt, shoes, and binder into my backpack and collecting the locked phone bag off the counter.
My movement must’ve drawn their attention because they turned my way.
Caroline’s eyes widened; Ava’s narrowed.
I lowered mine. I couldn’t see more hatred directed at me.
I seemed to have spent all my defenses in the past twenty-four hours, leaving myself without protection.
I made it to the door, my escape, when Beau said, “Indy, please.”
“I can’t,” I said, and kept walking.
“Let her go,” Ava said, her voice expressing the pain and anger that Beau’s had at the beginning of our bathroom stay.
I walked to the drawers in the teacher’s lounge, freed a pair of scissors, and cut my phone out of the bag. It was a struggle, but eventually it was free.
Caroline mumbled something about how I’d get detention for that.
I threw the destroyed bag on the counter, grabbed a wrapped muffin off the tray on the table, and left. I powered my phone on to see that it was full of messages from my mom. I was screwed.