Chapter 4 #2
“I can sense that.” It takes me another few seconds to decide where to start.
“All my life, I’ve been the outcast or loner.
Not anti-social, but always going against the popular grain.
My grandma always said I danced to the music in my head that no one else could hear. She supported me no matter what.”
“Is she still with us?”
“No.” I take a sip of water. “She passed a few years ago. I always said I would do something to make her proud and prove everyone else wrong.”
“But something happened that made you stop creating?”
I nod. “Yeah. That guy I told you about. He was so critical. At first, I was determined to shut him up with my art, but he was stronger than my muse. Slowly, I just shut down. All those comments and criticisms from family and well-meaning friends started to affect me. I didn’t have a steady income, nowhere permanent to settle.
Even now, I live at the hotel. I haven’t been able to decide if they’re right or if I am. ”
“What kind of art do you do?”
“Sculptures. A little painting. My stuff isn’t mainstream enough. That’s what I’ve been told.”
“When is art mainstream?”
I chuckle. “Right? Apparently, when it’s not gay.”
He cringes. “No. The art world is homophobic?”
“Not really, but how many patrons want erotic gay statutes in their home?”
“Um, gay ones? Sounds like there’s a market there to me. I would want one. Probably can’t afford it, but it wouldn’t stop me from wanting one.”
Shrugging, I take another sip of water. Talking about my art makes me emotional.
“Thanks. I guess after the breakup, I sort of shut down. I moved here to start over. I found the hotel job as a way to make some money, but I fell in love with the resort. It’s quirky and beat up, and it’s seen better days, but so many people believe in it.
Howie’s enthusiasm that it can be a hot spot again is infectious. Maybe I relate.”
Cato is watching me with a concerned face. “I get it. Really, I do. In some ways, we’re both artists, but I use words as my medium. I’ve stayed in relationships longer than I should because they provided stability. I’ve been criticized and pushed by my family for years to get a real job.”
I nod. “Yeah.”
“But I can’t. Nothing else matters to me but writing. I make enough to get by with my freelance work, but someday, I’m gonna write a novel.”
“Why someday? Why not now?”
“Can’t afford to take the time away from the jobs that make money. They don’t pay a lot, so I take on as much as I can.”
“I guess we do have things in common. The artist life is a struggle.”
“A worthy one, Tigo.”
I nod. “Yeah. I agree. I just need to figure out how to woo my muse back.”
“I hope that happens soon.”
“Me too.”
After a pleasant dinner, where we discuss much happier topics, I insist on paying the tab, and we walk outside together.
“Want to go sit on the beach?”
Cato’s face lights up. “Yes.”
There are still quite a few people out as the sun slowly sets. We find a spot near the water and sit down, taking our shoes off to feel the sand between our toes.
“This feels amazing,” Cato gushes, his smile bright and full. “Thank you for this.”
“My pleasure.”
We sit quietly for a few minutes, simply listening to the sounds of softly crashing waves in companionable silence.
“Do you surf?”
I shake my head. “I tried, but I’m pretty terrible.”
Cato laughs softly. “I bet I would be too. I have terrible balance.”
“It’s not as easy as people make it look. I enjoy looking at the ocean more than being in it. My travels always seem to bring me back to it.”
“Maybe there’s some inspiration to be found in that.”
I turn in his direction. “Maybe for you too.”
He nods, still gazing out at the water. “Maybe. I do like it here.”
“Are you stuck on living in Phoenix?”
“Not at all. I just don’t know what to do next.”
“Maybe you’ll fall in love by the end of the weekend.”
He turns sharply and looks at me with a pinched brow.
“With San Diego.”
He laughs. “Right. Yeah. Maybe.”
Smiling, I turn my gaze back to the water. Before long, I lie back in the sand, taking in the stars as they dot the night sky. It’s cooler now than it was but still pleasant.
“The sky is gorgeous tonight.”
Cato lies down next to me, humming in agreement. “I’ve never done this. Lying in the sand, counting stars. It’s nice. Relaxing.”
“I do it all the time. I used to live in the Bahamas at a clothing-optional resort. There’s nothing like being naked in the sand.”
“Seems like it might get in some places.”
I chuckle. “Oh, it does, but it’s worth it.”
“I’ve never done that either. Public nudity.”
“It’s beautiful. So freeing. It’s like forgetting about all the things that make life hard.”
“That sounds appealing. Why did you leave?”
“I always leave.”
Silence falls over us again until Cato’s arm brushes against mine. “Will you leave here?”
“I don’t know. I’m not sure what I’m looking for, but I’ll know when I find it. The hotel means a lot to me. I think it’s what’s kept me here for so long. Besides, there are nude beaches here too.”
“Yeah?”
“Yep. I go when I need to be reminded that I am more than my lack of material possessions. I am a soul with a heart.”
“That’s beautiful, Tigo.”
I roll to my side so I can see him. His eyes search mine, barely lit from the bright moon in the sky above us. “It’s rare for me to meet someone who understands what it’s like to be an artist in a capitalist society.”
“Same. I’ve tried writer groups, but that tends to come with a lot of arrogance, especially since I haven’t published anything substantial under my name.”
“What’s your dream?”
“It’ll probably sound silly to you.”
“I doubt it. I’d love to know.”
A slight smile plays on his lips. “It’s this epic fantasy that’s bounced around my brain for years. Think Indiana Jones meets The Mummy, but gay.”
I laugh softly. “Go on.”
“I grew up watching those epic movies or reading novels set in fantastical worlds but always with a straight couple as the centerpiece.”
“Right.”
“I want to write something I can see myself in. I don’t want any other gay men to have to close their eyes while reading and pretend the beautiful, seductive woman is a man.”
“I get that. I’d read the hell out of that.”
Cato chuckles, his fingers scratching through the sand. “Someday, I’ll write it. I know I will.”
“Tell me about your life in Phoenix.”
“Hmm, well, I live in a tiny apartment that still costs too much. I have a few friends, but Wes is my bestie. We’ve been friends for years, and he’s amazing. So smart and funny. He encourages me to do things outside my comfort zone, and I keep him from getting too crazy.”
“That’s a good friend. Does he know what happened with Kyle?”
“Yeah. He’s mad on my behalf. He set us up but then he didn’t like how Kyle treated me. In fact, no one in my life did. Should’ve been a warning.”
“Hindsight, as they say.”
“Right. He even said I should have a vacation fling to get over it faster.” He looks shocked as the words leave his mouth. “I mean, I’m not suggesting you and I…um…”
“It’s okay, Cato. It’s been suggested to me by my friends more than once that I should do the same. A hookup just to get back into things, I guess.”
“Yeah. I’ve never been the type.”
“Same.”
This time the silence lingering between us is charged with electricity, at least from my end. Cato doesn’t speak, but he hasn’t taken his eyes off me either. The longer we look at each other, the more his lips tempt me to taste them.
I might be about to ruin this night, but one thing I can’t bear is waking up tomorrow with regret.
I lean closer, pausing to give him time to react.
His eyes soften, and he gives me a subtle nod.
When our lips connect, a shaky sigh leaves him, but he wraps his arms around my neck and parts his lips, inviting me in.
I deepen the kiss, noting every detail about him.
How pliable he is in my arms, how soft and full his lips are, the heat of his mouth with a hint of surprising sweetness.
The subtle sexy scent of his cologne or body wash wafts around me, coaxing me to press my body into his until I can feel the hard ridge of his cock pressed against mine.
Cato moans into my mouth, slowly humping our hips together. If he doesn’t stop, I’m going to embarrass myself on this beach. His fingers tangle in my hair, twisting gently as he sucks my bottom lip. He pulls away slightly, breathing hard as he meets my gaze.
“Do you want to go back to my suite?”
“Hell yeah, I do.”