24. Porter
24
porter
The house is quiet as I walk in from my day shift at the bar, which isn’t surprising. We’ve gotten into a good groove where Grace’s afternoon nap straddles the time where Quinn and I are coming and going.
On a normal day, Quinn would be in the living room, most likely reading. Maybe in the kitchen making dinner. Then again, the last few days have been anything but normal.
I took Charlie’s advice and gave her space after the incident at the diner. The problem with that, though, is that it’s now it’s been two days, and I’ve barely said two words to her. I thought I could yesterday before we traded shifts, but she nearly knocked me over as she ran out of the house.
Something’s going on with her, and I think it’s more than just Emily’s bad behavior. As much as Quinn talks, not a lot of it is about her or her feelings. Which I get. But it’s driving me crazy knowing that something is going on with her and she, like always, thinks she has to deal with it herself.
The woman is nothing but stubborn. Beautiful. But stubborn.
I quietly walk through the house and see Quinn’s bedroom door open. I peek in and gently knock, but it’s empty. That’s when I hear the faint sound of a lullaby coming from down the hall.
The door is cracked, and I push it open a little more. Quinn’s hasn’t noticed me, so I take the opportunity to just lean against the door and observe. Because how can I not, when she’s holding Grace, rocking her, and my niece is looking up to her with all the wonderment in the world?
“I mean, on one hand, I’d love to live here. I never thought I could move back, but maybe I was being stubborn? My sisters are here, and they’re just the best. Just wait until you go shopping with Stella. And, I did always miss them when I lived in Arizona.”
Grace starts baby blabbering as if she’s answering Quinn. I have to bite my fist from saying anything, because I don’t want to interrupt, but this interaction is hitting me straight in the heart.
“I know. So many things. And! You’re here, and you’re just too adorable. I’ll also be really mad if I leave and then the next day you finally take your first step. Which, by the way, my phone battery is starting to lose steam because it’s always on just in case. So if you could hurry that up, that would be great.”
Until the diner incident, I hadn’t really thought about Quinn leaving. But that was purely out of denial on my part. I mean, the odds are against Rolling Hills for multiple reasons. But, the more she talks, maybe they’re more fifty-fifty?
Grace doesn’t answer this time, instead just reaches up for Quinn’s face and smooshes it. “See. How can I move away from this? No one else would smoosh my face.”
Quinn takes Grace’s hand, gives it a kiss, before her tone turns more serious.
“And of course, there’s your Uncle Porter. You two are kind of a package deal these days. And this needs to be our little secret, but I’d miss him too. I’d miss him a whole lot.”
She’d…miss me? Did she just say that?
I know I’m now officially in eavesdropping territory, and she’ll probably deny that she said it later, but I’d do it again to know that behind the strong walls Quinn puts up, that she’s also feeling a little of what I’m feeling.
Because if she left tomorrow, I’d do a hell of a lot more than miss her.
I’d ache for her. I’d beg, borrow, and steal from the devil to have her with me. In my house. In my bed. In my life.
Because somewhere along the way, sometime between hookups and touches, kisses and glances, laughs and tears, I fell in love with Quinn Banks.
Hell, I think I’ve always been in love with her. From the time I first met her in high school, I knew she was different. That mischievous smile took my breath away. The way she handled herself against anyone was admirable. Her humor? Undeniable.
Since she’s been back in town, I’m realizing now that I’ve fallen in love with her a little more every day. Getting to see her with Grace in moments like this. Laughing and brushing shoulders when we tend bar together. Seeing her genuine smile when she interacts with her sisters or the regulars. She’s a light. A star that doesn’t know how bright she burns.
And she could be gone in an instant.
“I don’t know, Miss Ma’am. What should I do? Do I go to a new district that probably has mean moms? Or do I stay in Rolling Hills and work at the school and deal with the mean moms here? Only these meanie heads know me from when I used to start rumors about them in school. In my defense, they deserved it, but still. Big Girl Banks can’t be the middle school librarian, can she?”
I don’t know if I accidentally said something, or if the universe just tapped Quinn on the shoulder that there’s a visitor, but at that moment, she lifts her eyes to mine. And I make sure I say everything silently that I need to.
Fuck yes you can.
Stay.
I love you.
Quinn doesn’t answer me, telepathically or otherwise, as she stands from the rocking chair and walks Grace to her crib. She places her down and flips over the speaker from the lullabies that had been playing in the background to the white noise that seems to soothe her. I quietly step out of the door, but only into the hallway. Because we need to talk.
Now.
“You know you’re a shitty eavesdropper,” Quinn says as she closes Grace’s door. “How much did you hear?”
Since I don’t know when she actually started, I can’t say everything. “Enough.”
She motions for me to follow her, and we turn into her bedroom. “So then I take it you’ve heard about the job offer?”
“Yeah,” I say as I sit next to her at the edge of the bed. “When did that happen?”
“Yesterday. After the Zoom call with my former students that had me for two seconds thinking I needed to go back to Phoenix.”
Wait, what? “A Zoom call? How much has been happening that you haven’t told me about?”
She quietly laughs. “A lot. But remember, this all happened in the matter of twenty-four hours.”
Quinn goes on to tell me about her former students, who seem to have picked up a penchant for rowdiness from their teacher, and them asking to start a book club with her. How she gladly accepted, but that interaction made her realize she needed to be back in a classroom, and she needed to figure out where.
Not going to lie, the knife hit the gut deep when she said that.
But as soon as that pain hit, a surge of hope ran through me when she told me about her conversation with Shirley. George had told me in passing that she was thinking of retiring, but I never knew that it could be this soon. Or that she wanted Quinn to take over.
“Wow,” I said, giving my head a little shake, because if I’m overwhelmed by this information, I can’t imagine what she’s feeling. “No wonder you’ve been M.I.A.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” she says. “I’m not great at decision making—which I think has been well documented in my life. I just…I needed to try and think, but every time I sit down and do, my head starts spinning. Though, this is probably what I get for never having actually thought something through before. Karma man, she really is a twat.”
I try not to laugh at Quinn’s joke, but since she is, I’ll join with her. “I think you’re being too hard on yourself.”
She shakes her head. “I’m probably not being hard enough. Because this is a major decision, and the last major decision I made was quitting my job without a second’s thought. I moved to Arizona by throwing a dart at a map. I’ve always been act first and figure it out later. But this? I know I can’t do that. There’s just…there’s too much riding on this.”
“Yeah, it is,” I say. No need to lie to her or sugarcoat her situation. But I know I can’t say anything more than that. This has to be her decision. Not her choosing to stay here because I blurt out something stupid like, “I love you.”
“When do you have to make a decision?”
“In theory, soon,” she says. “Mrs. Metcalf only has so long that she can file her retirement paperwork before the next school year begins. Or, if I go back to Arizona, I’d need to start applying for jobs. And my lease is ending soon. Or if I want to go somewhere else, I need to figure that out. I’m just overwhelmed. So I figured I’d ask Grace during our daily chat.”
“Daily chats with Grace? Did she suddenly start talking and you forget to put it on the board?”
“Unfortunately, no. Though I think she either said apple or asshole today. Not sure. But, she is a good listener. Like her uncle. Only she doesn’t talk as much, which is great for me.”
I bump her shoulder as we share a small laugh. But it soon dies out, because we know the gravity of the decisions she’s about to make.
“So what’s next?”
“That’s the problem. I don’t have a fucking clue.”
I don’t say anything. God knows I don’t have any helpful, unbiased advice to give. Because the more I sit here next to her, and the more she’s in my life, the more I realize the only reason I didn’t fall in love with this woman years ago was because she always left.
This time she stayed.
I’ve had a taste of what life with Quinn Banks could be like, and now I want more.
I want forever.
“Can I say one thing?”
She nods but doesn’t say anything else.
“I’d miss you too. More than you know.”
Her eyes snap up to mine as I stand in front of her, leaning down to kiss her forehead. I let it linger longer than I probably should have, but I don’t care. I need her to know where I stand.
And before she can say anything else, I walk out of the room.