Chapter Forty #2
She’s right. When I moved to Manhattan, there was a learning curve while I figured out how to be a New Yorker.
For most of us, living here is only half the journey.
It’s big and crowded. The subway system is like a giant obstacle course with unplanned detours, local trains running on express tracks, and impossible-to-decipher announcements.
The pace is lightning fast and either you move with the crowd or it buries you like an avalanche.
The locals have a certain swagger. If you know, you know.
Then one day, if you’re lucky, it just clicks…
like it did for me. Adam might have been an awkward teenager but after our first walk to the Strand, when he was wide-eyed and in awe, he caught on to the fast pace and heightened energy of the city like a boss.
Still, Marcia’s words come as a surprise since I thought she was on board with him moving back to Philadelphia.
“What about his new job? It’s a floating position so he can see what he likes best. That’s perfect for him, right?
” If I’m being honest, I’m playing devil’s advocate and hoping Marcia comes back with something to prove me wrong.
“I’ll give credit where it’s due. My son’s heart was in the right place this time, and it was an impressive attempt to think outside of the box.
But I don’t think Adam will be happy there in the long run.
Unlike Jeffrey, I don’t see any rush for him to settle into a permanent career as long as he’s doing something . ”
Since she brought him up, I open my mouth to ask whether she’s spoken to Jeffrey when her next words stop me in my tracks.
“I can’t think of anyone I’d rather see Adam settle down with than you.”
Say what? All thoughts of Jeffrey fly south as Marcia’s left field comment pierces my brain like a lightning bolt. She didn’t just say what I think she said.
“You heard me right.” She leans forward. “If you get married, I’ll be your real grandma.”
I stop breathing. “M-married? W-what do you mean?”
Marcia smirks. “I have eyes and ears, dear. I saw the way you looked at each other… pining like Elizabeth and Darcy. And then suddenly you were more like Maddie and Addison.”
“Who?” I have no idea who these people are.
Her eyes widen. “From Moonlighting !”
I shrug. It’s like Patti Smith all over again.
She sighs. “It was a TV show in the eighties. David and Maddie fought all the time but also wanted to tear off each other’s clothes. It was magic. They finally did and the show jumped the shark. Shame.” She takes a bite of shrimp.
I dip my head so my hair covers my flaming face. Marcia talking about me and her grandson in the context of tearing each other’s clothes off is… well, awkward. “The fighting was only because of the battle for the bedroom.”
She rolls her eyes. “I still can’t believe you did that.”
I pick up my fork and then drop it back on the plate. My appetite is gone. “I’m so sorry.”
Marcia frowns. “What are you sorry for?”
“For all of it. For falling for your grandson when he moved here for you. For coming up with that stupid competition. I didn’t want to lose this place… lose you. And I didn’t trust that Adam knew what he wanted.”
She pats my hand across the table. “You don’t need to apologize. I might be biased but I think Adam is worth falling for. I also agree that he doesn’t have the best track record for sticking through things. But if you’d only come to me first, I could have saved you time, energy, and a toothbrush.”
I frown. Toothbrush? Oh. “Ha.”
Her lips quirk. “Anyway, my relationship with Adam is not mutually exclusive with yours. We managed to bond quite well all while the two of you got to know each other separately.”
My stomach drops. Rehashing Adam’s and my history is ruining the vibe of what was supposed to be a girls’ night dinner. I take my dishes to the sink. “Why are we even having this conversation? He’s not here anymore.”
“I kicked him out, remember?”
Facing her again, I say, “He’s a grown man who was living on his grandma’s pull-out couch rent-free for months! It was time to get his own place. But he couldn’t get out of Manhattan fast enough.”
“His deal with his father was time sensitive, as were the job and apartment on the bargaining table.”
My eyes open wide. “You knew about that too?” I sit back down.
“I heard from Jeffrey a few days after Adam moved out. The timing was too convenient. Jeffrey told me everything but said he’d been wanting to call me anyway… that it had been too long.”
Hope fills my heart. Maybe it wasn’t all for nothing then. “And?”
She shakes her head.
I deflate. “Oh, Marcia. I’m so sorry.”
“He apologized for keeping me from Adam for so many years, which was something.” She slides a broccoli floret from one side of her plate to the other.
“For sure.” I feel a but coming on.
“But he downplayed the harm that was done, suggesting the months we spent together now make up for the ten years we were apart.”
“Every minute counts,” I whisper, thinking of Nana. We had more good years than bad, but the bad doesn’t cancel out the good and the good doesn’t cancel out the bad. All the moments have meaning.
“He also assumed I was at an age where my sexuality didn’t matter anymore. I questioned whether he thought he’d still be sleeping with his wife when he was seventy, and he said he hoped so. I said, ‘Well, there you go.’”
“You tell him, Marcia!” I clink my wineglass against hers.
She smiles before taking a sip. “He asked if I was dating someone and when I said yes, he asked me his name. I answered, ‘Sharon.’ The air got so quiet, like dead-of-night quiet. He didn’t say anything negative, but the silence spoke volumes.
We ended the call with some promises to all get together soon.
I guess it’s progress, but not the outcome Adam wanted. ”
I study her heavy eyes and dropped shoulders. “Is it fair to say it’s not what you wanted either?”
She tosses her napkin over her plate. “I didn’t have my hopes up. I’m more sorry about Adam. If he’d told me this was his plan, I’d have warned him he was setting himself up for disappointment.”
“I understand why he thought he needed to go, and I can’t fault him for wanting to facilitate peace between you and Jeffrey.
” I fiddle with my napkin. “My grandmother and father were also estranged, and while I want nothing to do with him… and the feeling appears to be mutual… he’s her son and I know it killed her not to have a relationship with him.
” I give Marcia the back cover–copy version of my family’s history, including my regrets about Nana.
Her eyes are wet when I’m done. “I can’t believe I didn’t know this.”
I’d love to say I didn’t purposely keep the information from her, but it would be a lie.
“I was too ashamed to confess my crimes against my grandmother to another grandmother.” I rearrange the vegetables on my plate.
“I was also afraid you’d look at me differently.
” My throat closes up and my nose tickles.
I can’t bear the idea of Marcia hating me.
Her face falls. “Oh, honey. In the short time you’ve been in my life, you’ve added so much good.
Your heart is pure. There’s very little you could tell me to make me think otherwise.
And this isn’t it.” She goes on to assure me that Nana Lena knew I was working through my issues and would come back to her eventually.
By the time she’s rested her case, I’m so much lighter and wish I’d confided in her months earlier.
Then she stands and insists on a hug. There’s no resistance on my part.
When we’re seated again, Marcia puts her hand on mine. “Let’s get back to you and my grandson. You miss him.”
I nod, although it wasn’t a question. There’s no sense denying the undeniable. “I do. We bonded pretty quickly, but it was purely platonic. Then you had your health scare and told him to move out, which led to our battle, and now he’s gone.”
Marcia raises an eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure that’s the redacted version, but I understand.”
My cheeks burn. “Anyway… somewhere in the middle of all that, we caught feelings for each other, but it’s too late now.”
“Why is it too late?”
“Because he left!”
Marcia places her elbows on the table. “So? Philadelphia is less than two hours away.”
I push my lips out. “True. But his last long-distance relationship didn’t end well.”
“How long ago was that?”
“Right after college.”
She waves a hand. “Different time, different girl. Did you even ask him to stay in New York rather than move back to Philly?”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t my place. He’s not my boyfriend. Did you ?”
“I did. But I’m his grandma. Not a pretty girl his own age who wants to be his girlfriend.”
Another truth not worth the energy of refuting. “He had a job and an apartment waiting for him. Not to mention his deal with your son.”
“He agreed to move back to Philly in exchange for Jeffrey calling me. Both men held up their end of the bargain. No one said it had to be a permanent move.” She quirks an eyebrow.
I chew on my cuticle. “I think you’re giving me too much credit.
Your grandson likes me, but asking him to quit yet another job and move back here for me seems like a bridge too far.
” My stomach knots at the thought of being that vulnerable with Adam.
“Wouldn’t I also be enabling his quitting habit?
” Even through my protests, my mind is whirring.
What if I’d asked him to stay that night in my bedroom when he said goodbye?
I hadn’t been brave enough, but would it have made a difference?
Marcia doesn’t bat an eyelash before responding.
“There’s a difference between running away from something and running toward something…
or someone else. And he’d be moving back for both of us.
” Her expression turns serious. “If things continue to progress with Sharon, we might move in together at some point.”
My eyes widen. “Wow! I’m so happy for you guys!
” After everything I went through to secure my place here, I might have to get back on the roommate app anyway, but I can’t think of a better reason.
No matter what happens, Marcia will always be my friend and, fine , my surrogate grandma, and that’s all that really matters.
She pats my hand. “Don’t start packing your things yet. I’m not kicking you out, but perhaps keep your mind open about your next move. Three might be a crowd, but maybe it’s you and Adam who are meant to live together without me.”