Chapter 22
Rooster
There was a clean shirt in my saddlebag, so I changed after cleaning up. I didn’t know much, just that Sparrow and Red were ambushed after her interview. I tried to call her, but it kept going straight to voicemail.
Shadow called for help moving the two that were still alive, and I helped them clear the area. Hawk said once they talked to the two guys still kicking, they’d be headed back, but allowed me to hit the road first.
“Just don’t finish them off until I get back,” Hawk said before I left.
The ride was nearly half the trip we made regularly to Jersey, but felt twice as long. I couldn’t get back fast enough. I had to stop and get gas, so I checked my phone. Sparrow hadn’t called me back.
Red had texted me earlier they had company, some busted windows, but it was handled and they were headed back to the clubhouse.
I sent him, Sparrow, and Eagle texts, but wouldn’t be able to check the phone again for a long while.
Still, I didn’t want to wait around for replies. I needed to get back.
The text she had sent before was like a knife.
I’m so scared. I love you.
I’d been desperate to hear those words, but not with the preceding statement. She shouldn’t be scared. And she shouldn’t have had to tell me she loved me over a fucking text when she thought she was going to die.
It had to be a shoot-out since Red mentioned busted windows and she was so scared she told me that.
I’d be lying if I said that I never got scared in a shoot-out.
You can’t focus too much on the fear in the moment, or you’ll get killed for sure.
But after the fact, it all comes back to you…
that adrenaline, your heart beating so fast it feels like it’ll burst from your ribs, the way your senses heighten and you can hear things you never do, air feels different against your skin.
The fight, flight, or freeze response happens so quickly.
And those bodily reactions happen regardless of where your mind leads you.
Luckily, mine always went into fight-mode.
Whether hers was fight, flight, or freeze didn’t matter. She shouldn’t have to feel that way. I wasn’t even there when it happened, and I wasn’t there to console her.
Was this all a mistake? Was I so selfish that I ignored her well-being?
The dark cloud that followed me around for years seemed to be on my tail. Did I need to let her go? Would she be the one to push me away this time? Would I be able to do the right thing? What the fuck was the right thing?
After going back and forth with myself all day, I finally turned onto the driveway that led to the clubhouse.
Normally I’d be relieved to be back. The clubhouse meant safety, freedom from chaos, total control, and what little rest I’d been accustomed to receiving before she was back in my life.
Even when we had trash to take out, this was their last stop.
But instead of enjoying the normal comfort of home, my fight, flight, or freeze responses were kicking in. As I parked my bike near the garage, I froze.
Sitting on my bike, I killed the engine, but then didn’t move. I didn’t remove my helmet. I didn’t take my hands off the handlebars. I didn’t do anything.
My heart raced, my hands got clammy, and my jaw ticked. Blood rushed loudly in my ears, muffling the sounds of the nighttime creatures chirping and shuffling through the woods.
“Hey, fucker.”
Jerking at the sound of his voice, I looked over at Eagle. The torches around the property gave off just enough light that I could make out his features.
“You okay, brother?” he asked as he walked closer.
Nodding, I finally let go of the handlebars and took off my helmet.
“Spoke to Hawk. They’re riding back in the morning. I know you want to check on Kristie, but hustle up. We got work in the shed,” Eagle told me before he headed toward the back of the property.
After climbing off my bike, I walked a few paces. I looked over at the path that led to the back where the shed was, then back to the front door. My mind couldn’t decide which direction to take my feet when the door flew open and Shiv came out.
She threw her hands up. “Finally. I need a break.” She walked over and grabbed my arm, dragging me inside.
“Wait. Was she hurt?” I asked, stopping our forward progress.
“That’s a little subjective around here, don’t you think?” She lifted the sleeve of my shirt. “Oh, shit.” She sighed, rolling her eyes at the same time. “I need to clean and properly dress that. Who the hell did this hack job?”
“Your Old Man,” I told her.
“Oh, well yeah. He sucks. And he knows. I’m not saying anything I haven’t said to his face.”
“Is Kristie okay?”
“Oh,” she said, waving her hand through the air before tugging at my arm again. “She’s fine. Just shaken up. Once the adrenaline wore off she passed out.”
“Then why do you need a break?”
“Because I’m fucking tired and you people always need a doctor for something.”
We made it to the door and she turned. “Plus, I was keeping watch on her. She had a rough day. Go see her, but hurry up and we’ll go fix that arm. I need sleep before work tomorrow.”
“Where is she?” I asked as we stepped inside.
“Your room, of course. Seriously, it’s late. Go poke your head in on her, then come back down so I can get to bed.”
She walked away toward the bar, so I headed upstairs. Knocking on the door, I opened it.
Sparrow was curled up in a ball on the bed under the covers. When she looked up and saw me, her face broke and tears flooded her eyes. “Rooster,” she said with a cracked voice as she sat up.
Rushing to the bed, I sat and pulled her close. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”
Her body shook as I rocked her, petting her hair. She whimpered into my chest.
“I’m so sorry, Kristie.”
“Don’t-call-me-by-my-government-name,” she said between sobs.
“Sparrow, I’m sorry.”
She hiccuped a few times, then sniffled before pulling back to wipe her cheeks. She blew out a heavy breath, then said, “I’m okay. It was just scary. But you’re here now.”
“This never should have happened,” I told her, wiping a tear from her cheek.
“Well, thanks to Red I’m okay, and they have the guy that broke into my apartment.”
“It should’ve been me.” Shaking my head, I said, “None of this should have happened at all.”
“Hey, you would’ve been here if you could. But Hawk said you had to go.”
Standing, I wiped my hand down my face. “Exactly. This life is–”
“Oh, no.” She stood up, her face still red and eyes puffy. “Hell no. Stop. You aren’t doing this. Look at me,” she said as she grabbed my shoulders to turn me.
Wincing, I turned.
She looked at me with her brows drawn together, so I lifted my sleeve.
“Shit. I’m– actually, no.” She smirked. “I’m not sorry. You deserved that for trying to take a stroll down pity-party lane and attempt to ditch me, again.”
“I’m not ditching you–”
“Oh, I know you aren’t. Because I’m not leaving,” she said, waving her arms. “You aren’t pushing me away again. You don’t get to be the martyr, Rick. You told me you loved me, fucking act like it!” she yelled.
Stepping forward until I forced her against the wall, I gripped her face. Her hazel irises practically glowed from the redness surrounding them. “I do love you, Sparrow. I just want what’s best for you.”
“You’re not my father. Stop treating me like a child. If I was going to leave, I would’ve been gone before you got here. I just need you to hold me.”
“I don’t want anything bad to happen to you, Sparrow.”
“You do realize the world sucks, right? Those guys were at the bar that night. It doesn’t matter if you were. They were there anyway. Maybe you showing up is the reason Bit and I didn’t get killed or sold off that night. Did you ever think about that?”
“Sparrow, I–”
“And we said a clean slate, right? A fresh start. So why do you keep trying to repeat the past? You trying to push me away scares me more than some assholes shooting at me, Rick.”
Leaning my forehead to hers, I sighed. “I won’t let you go, Sparrow. I just don’t know how to navigate this. If something happens to you…” I couldn’t even continue. I’d burn the world down, with everyone and everything in it. Then I’d be left with nothing.
Her hands wrapped around my wrists. “You need to learn to communicate better with me. You can’t allude to leaving, or making me leave every time things get hard. Because this will be hard. But I think it’s worth it.”
“I promise to learn, Sparrow.” My jaw ticked as I threaded my fingers through her hair. “I wasn’t trying to push you away. I can’t let you go. Not again. I just got…”
“Scared,” she whispered. “It’s okay to be scared.”
“I didn’t feel anything for a long time. Not really. No fear, no sadness, no happiness, no nothing.” Brushing my lips over hers, I said, “Now I feel everything, all at once.”
“That just means you care, Rooster. And there’s nothing wrong with that.” Her hands pushed over my chest before snaking around my neck, pulling me closer. “And I want to feel you, right now. I love you, Rick.”
Emotion swirled inside of me while my cock hardened. Hearing those words from her lips sent me into a frenzy and I forgot everything else.