Chapter 28 Ash
Ash
The arena smells like dust, leather, and animal heat, the kind of smell that hits your chest before it reaches your brain.
I've been to events like this exactly twice in my life, both times with Marcus, both times standing alone near the concession stand while he worked the crowd and pretended I wasn't there.
I'd watch the riders from a distance, the dust clouds, the controlled violence of men and animals negotiating who was in charge, and feel like I was pressed against the other side of glass that nobody else could see.
Today I am not behind glass. Today I am surrounded.
Cass walks on my left with his hand on the back of my neck, his thumb pressing into the muscle there with enough pressure to make my knees soft. Teague is on my right, his shoulder brushing mine every few steps, his fingers finding the hem of my shirt and tugging whenever I slow down.
Ledger walks behind me, close enough that I can feel his chest graze my back when the crowd thickens around the entry gates.
They're caging me in. Three walls made of men, and I'm the thing in the center being guarded, claimed by touch in front of every person at this arena.
Nobody has said a word about it. Nobody has acknowledged that three grown men are essentially escorting a fourth through a parking lot like he's made of something precious.
Something shifted after last night, the three brothers constantly touching and holding me, their focus centering around me like sharing me was the final event before it all clicked.
Boone is ahead of us, talking to a man in a dusty hat about numbers and head counts, his voice carrying that low authority that makes people lean toward him.
He glances over his shoulder once, finding me in the center of his sons.
Something crosses his face, so brief and so satisfied that I almost miss it.
He turns back to his conversation and I'm left with the afterimage burning in my chest.
We find a spot along the upper rail of the main arena.
Teague leans against the fence with his elbows back and his hat tilted.
Cass drops onto the bleacher behind me, his knees framing my hips, his hands resting on my shoulders.
Ledger stands to my left with his arms crossed, scanning the arena floor.
Teague's hand finds my thigh as he takes a seat beside his brother.
I lean into him without deciding to, my shoulder pressing against his arm.
"I want to stay," I push out before correcting my words. “I’m staying.” Somewhere in between last night and this morning while packing lunches and figuring out how to get my stuff from my apartment, I realized two things. These men have become something way more than just family and I wasn’t staying because I had nowhere else.
I was staying because I couldn’t imagine a moment where I wasn’t loved and cared for and paid attention to. I couldn’t imagine a moment going back to that apartment or even to my own place, away from the ranch, the sounds, and even waking up in Boone’s bed, surrounded by men who wanted me for me.
The words come out quiet, almost lost in the noise of the crowd, the announcer crackling through the speakers, horses in the chutes. I'm not looking at Teague when I say it. I'm watching two riders warming up in the far corner, their horses kicking dust into the morning light.
The three brothers seem to gravitate closer, Teague and Ledger each pressing a kiss to my temple as Cass presses his head into the small of my back. They hold there for a moment, enveloping me between them again, a shudder running through me at the gentleness of their touch.
“I’ve been waiting for you to say that, Sunshine,” Teague mumbles against my head before gripping my chin and twisting my face toward him. He presses his lips to mine, a sweet embrace that only lasts a few seconds. “And I can’t tell how you fucking happy it makes me that that is your choice.”
A slow grin spreads across my lips as Ledger twists me to him, giving me a kiss as well. Someone gasps nearby, my face heating up but these men don’t let me dwell on that. The moment Ledger lets me go, Cass drags me onto his lap, my knees buckling as he steals a kiss as well.
“I love you,” I mumble before freezing. I scramble to my feet and press my back against the railing before looking between the three of them.
I already said it to Cass a few nights ago but it felt right.
This feels right but I didn’t mean to just blurt it out.
I slap a hand over my mouth, tears gathering in my eyes as the silence drags on for a second.
Teague and Ledger look equal parts surprised and amused but I can’t tell if that’s a bad thing, if that was too soon, if I just ruined everything we’ve built.
Cass breaks the silence, jamming his foot into Teague’s knee. “You all are bastards. Ash just told you he fucking loved you and you freeze?”
Teague glares at his brother. “I thought you’d be more out of sorts.”
“I already told him I loved him days ago because I got my head out of my ass. We all wanted him years ago but he was dating Marcus and we couldn’t do shit. So now? You fucking freeze?”
I blink several times, confused at how Cass is the voice of reason in this moment. Teague twists back to me, Ledger’s brows furrowing and unfurrowing.
“Trouble—Ash, you really… that’s…”
Teague drags me into his chest. “I didn’t think it was possible to fall so hard and so fast but it wasn’t that fast was it?
Shit, we’re doing this here?” He pulls back, cupping my face in his hands.
“Sunshine, I’ve been in love with you for approximately nineteen months and 13 days.
” I just stare at him as he barks out a laugh.
“You were helping muck out one of the stalls for the first time and you looked like a pig in shit. So fucking happy and like you belonged here with us.”
I remember that day. Marcus and I had fought all the way up to the ranch. I was raw and worn out and I remember asking Teague for something to do. I was terrible at everything but I loved the peace that came with it and the stupid jokes Teague kept telling that helped ease my panic.
Then he kisses me. There’s no reservation or sweetness this time as his tongue pushes into my mouth, one of his hands moving down to grab my ass. I moan into the kiss, Teague only pulling back when Ledger drags me back against his chest.
“As much as I’d love to watch you fall apart with my brother,” Ledger starts. “But not here.”
I twist just a little to look up at Ledger, his knuckles grazing the edge of my jaw.
“I’m not sure when I fell, Ash. It was gradual, one moment you were just Marcus’ boyfriend and part of the family.
The next, I realized the ranch was missing a presence.
These past several days, it’s become painfully clear what that was.
” His kiss is placed on my cheek. “And I’m so glad that we won’t be missing it any longer. ”
I sag with relief against him, glad my confession didn’t ruin everything.
I still want to tell them individually and then again and again and again until they get tired of it.
The need to tell Boone overrides anything else, my gaze darting around the arena, finding several eyes focused on us, some with disapproval, others with awe or curiosity.
Teague chuckles. “Dad’s down by the rails where we walked in, Sunshine.”
“I didn’t…”
“You’re vibrating. In the last few days, you almost vibrate when you have something to say and don’t know how to get it out. Go on. You look like you’ll die if you don’t confess.”
Ledger releases me, swatting my ass as I take off down the aisle, finding Boone at the far end of the bleachers, leaning against a support post with a beer, watching the arena floor where the first event is being set up.
He sees me coming and something shifts in his face, the businessman falling away, replaced by the man who puts his hand on the back of my neck in dark hallways.
"Hey, Dove."
"Hey." I lean against the post beside him, our shoulders almost touching. It’s not close enough, not after his sons just all but gave me a man sandwich. One look at Boone and he just seems to know as he opens his arm and I step up against him. “I love you.” He stiffens a little before looking down at me. “I should have said it before but I thought it was too soon and you’re Marcus’ dad.
So, how could I? But you’ve taken so much care of me and I… I…”
Boone chuckles as he dips his head to kiss me, the taste of stout and something uniquely Boone meeting my lips. “Dove, I love you too.” He presses another kiss to my lips. “And thank you. For giving me and my boys your trust, your body, and every part of you that you’ve been willing to give.”
I melt against him, still trying to find more words to explain everything but I can’t. I just know that I want this, for as long as they’ll let me. My gaze travels out to the dirt, riders practicing with their horses. "Can I ask you something?" I ask, breaking the silence.
"Always."
"Is this how it would be?" I keep my eyes on the arena because looking at him while asking this would cost more courage than I currently possess. "With all of you. All the time. If I stayed."
Boone takes a pull of his beer, unhurried.
"Reality does have to happen, Ash. Jobs, feed orders, fences that need mending, days where everyone's too tired to do anything but eat dinner and fall asleep.
We wouldn't be taking you apart every night the way we have been.
" His voice drops lower, meant just for me.
"But yes. We would always be there. Every morning, every evening, every night you wanted company.
The touching doesn't stop because the work starts. "
My fingers grip the railing. The answer is everything I wanted to hear, which opens a door to the question I've been carrying for days, the kind that hurts coming out.
"Have you done this before? With someone else?"