27. Kade
Chapter 27
Kade
“Didn’t I say I don’t camp?” Presley eyes me warily as we get closer to Devil’s Rock. I debated long and hard about bringing her to the canyon, the place of my accident and so many other good and bad memories. But after our nights together, it felt right to share this place with her.
I chuckle. “For the millionth time, we’re not camping. We’re hanging out.”
She stares at me, like the concept of hanging out is foreign to her. Maybe it is, given all that I’ve been finding out about her.
“Okay, but there are a lot of rocks here.” She looks out the windshield of the truck with a frown on her face. “And nothing for miles.” The tone in her voice would have someone believing we were on a new planet and not a couple of miles into the Montgomery property.
“Calm down, City Girl,” I tease. “I thought you weren’t afraid to get a little dirty.”
The suggestive tone of my statement makes her squirm. It’s so easy to rile her up, and I love it. I bet she’s getting wet for me already. My eyes glance to the towel I laid on the seat to cover her mess from last night. Images of her coming on my tongue while restrained fill my mind and make me half hard.
I bite the inside of my cheek and grip the steering wheel to try to chill, not wanting tonight to be about sex. I told her we would hang out, and that’s what I plan to do. Not to mention, this is the first time I’ve been back here since my accident .
I’ve managed to keep how I’m feeling hidden, not wanting Presley to worry, but my stomach has been a ball of nerves. Not because I’m afraid to bring her here or that I’m scared of Devil’s Rock, but I have no idea how I will actually feel when I’m standing in the same spot where I almost lost my life. I inhale a shallow breath and will myself to remain steady and calm.
“We’re here,” I say, stopping a short distance from where we’ll set up for the evening. Normally, I’d ride horses to the canyon, but Presley wouldn’t have been comfortable. She’s got a long way to go until she’ll ride at more than a snail’s pace, which means it would’ve taken us over an hour to get here. And riding back in the dark would’ve been even more of a challenge.
Once I throw the truck into park, I turn to her. “In all seriousness, I promise, no camping. But someday I’ll get you to camp, and I’ll even bring a bed for you to sleep on.”
That makes her laugh and smile wide. “Isn’t that against camping rules?”
I match her mood, secretly happy that she didn’t balk at me talking about future plans. I put my hand on her thigh and squeeze. “I’d go against all the rules for you, if it makes you smile like that.”
Presley glances down at my hand, turning shy. We’ll need to work on that. I always want her to be comfortable looking me in the eye, especially when I’m saying something that pertains to the good things about her.
“Come on,” I say, reaching over the back seat to grab the things I brought. “I want to catch the sunset. The canyon lights up this time of year.”
Supplies in hand, we both hop out of the truck, and I breathe a sigh of relief that she didn’t try to lock herself inside the cab instead of joining me.
Presley walks around the vehicle to stand in front of me, her hands in the pockets of her usual black jeans. It’s windy tonight and a little colder now that the heatwave has broken. Her blonde-and-purple locks whip around her face, and the oversized black-and-purple flannel ripples in the wind around the curves of her body. Against the backdrop of the canyon, she looks a little out of place. Her grunge vibes don’t quite match the vastness of south Texas, yet somehow, she fits.
Presley’s lips tip up at me as she tries to keep her hair from flying in her eyes. “If a storm comes and a tornado picks us up, you have to protect me from the Wicked Witch when we get to Oz.”
I snort. “Didn’t picture you as a Wizard of Oz girl.”
“I like musicals. And Judy Garland was a beast.”
I step up next to her, slinging the backpack I have over one arm and putting a canvas bag of food in the same hand so I can put my arm around her shoulders. “I can’t disagree with you there,” I say.
“Do you like musicals?” she asks.
“I can’t say one way or the other. I didn’t watch much TV or movies growing up. At least not the kind you want to tell your friends about.” I wink at her.
She screws up her face. “Seriously, Kade?”
I chuckle, taking my arm from her shoulders to grab her hand. “I’m just teasing.”
“Sure you are.”
I bump my hip against hers as we walk through the rugged terrain, a change from the mesquite-dotted plains surrounding our immediate property. I enjoy the way things have become easy between us. I wouldn’t have guessed this happening the first time I met her, but now I find she’s the easiest person in my life to be around. That’s another reason I decided to bring her here.
After we walk for five minutes, we climb up a rocky incline then come to a stop at the top of the granite rock formation. Both of us are breathing a little harder from the effort.
I drop my items on the ground and tip my head back, inhaling the fall air. It smells like Texas sage and dirt, a smell that’s familiar to me after so many years of coming here. That smell triggers a lot of memories, some good and some bad, though I find the scent calms my nerves instead of aggravating them. I take that as a good sign.
Presley looks around, tucking more of her hair behind her ears. “What is this place?”
I put a hand on my hip, pressing my ball cap down on my head with the other so it doesn’t fly away. The wind isn’t as bad now that we’re protected by the small canyons and scattered red- and rust-colored rock formations of varying sizes, but since we’re still in the midst of the plains, it’s got some power to it.
This”—I point to one of the formations that resembles a horned figure—“is Devil’s Rock.” I try to keep any emotion or lingering nerves out of my voice. As far as I’m concerned, she knows nothing about my accident. Even if she did, she wouldn’t know where it took place. But I woke up this morning wanting to bring her here, to show her the place that, until not too long ago, was a place of solace for me. It was always a place to sit with nature and clear my thoughts, to shoot the shit with Dad and Gavin and talk to each other, work through our differences.
Not only that, but after hearing Presley play her violin, the desire to share such an integral part of my upbringing, of my home—of my soul —felt right. Needed, even. Because after witnessing the way she played with every part of her being, I think a part of me that was left in this canyon that night began to heal. The part of me that died here.
I swallow the emotion fighting to come out of me, and I wish I had already told her about what happened here. Then I wouldn’t feel the need to hide what I’m feeling now. I wouldn’t want to grab her and hold her against me, thanking her for something she’s not even aware she’s done. But I’m hoping to change that tonight, because she deserves to know more about me. She deserves to have a piece of me like I now have a piece of her.
“Is the rock supposed to look like devil horns?” Presley’s velvety voice breaks me from my thoughts .
I clear my throat and look at her profile. She squints her eyes and cocks her head all cute, hand planted on her hip. It makes a smile return to my lips. “Yep, that’s how it got its name.”
She stares at it skeptically then shrugs her shoulders. “I’m not so sure I see it, but whatever floats your boat.” I bark a laugh, and she turns to grin at me. “It’s beautiful, though. I can see why you like it.”
I grab her hand and kiss the back of it. “I brought some food. I know it’s a little windy, so if you want to leave, we can.”
She shakes her head. “I’m fine.” She looks to the western sky at the setting sun. “I want to see that sunset you promised.”
I nod, glad she wants to stay, then I jump into action. Much like our first night in the loft together, she helps me spread out the blanket I brought, then we weigh the edges of it down by placing some rocks on the four corners. Once that’s done, I hand her a camping pillow to sit on before laying out the food. It’s just a couple of sandwiches and random sides I got at the general store right before they closed.
I had called Jake in a panic, asking him what to bring on a picnic, and he’d laughed at me. But if we’re getting real here, I’ve never taken a woman I like out for a picnic. I’ve never even packed a picnic, and it’s not like I was going to ask Gran or Momma for help. I ignore the sting in my chest I feel thinking of them and sit down beside Presley before passing her a can of soda.
She stares at it then at me. I know what she’s thinking, and I can’t blame her for that. “Sorry.” I rub the back of my neck. “I left my flask back in my room. I thought we’d stay sober tonight, if that’s alright.”
Her face softens as she tucks her hair behind her ears again, but it just flies in front of her face. “It’s perfectly alright.” She takes the can and sets it next to her. When her hair blows in front of her eyes yet again, blocking her view, she lets out a huff of frustration.
“Sorry, Lemon. We can go eat in the truck. ”
She stops me with her hand on my arm. “Not a chance. I’ll be fine.”
A light-bulb moment strikes me, and my eyes light up. “I have an idea!”
Presley watches me with curiosity as I take my pocketknife out of the back of my jeans.
“Um, Kade? Cutting my hair is not the answer.”
I shake my head. “I’m not going to cut your hair.” I pull out a piece of twine that was used to secure one of the cheeses I bought and cut off a small piece. “Scoot up a bit so I can sit behind you,” I say.
Presley looks at me funny but does what I ask anyway, and my heart palpitates from the display of continual trust she’s shown me. I place my own camping pillow behind her then get into position so she’s sitting between my legs.
“Hold this for me,” I say, giving her the twine. Once my hands are free, I bring them up to her scalp and drag my fingers through her wind-blown locks, gently working through the tangles. A small sigh leaves her lips, and then she stiffens.
“What are you doing?”
I continue to work my fingers through her hair. “I’m braiding your hair for you.”
I imagine if I could see her face right now, it would be confused, but I continue with my task.
“You’re braiding my hair?” she asks. Yep, she’s confused. I guess I would be, too. I’m sure that asshole ex of hers wouldn’t know how to braid hair. Even if he did, his fragile masculinity would be reason enough for him to never admit it.
“That I am.” I start to work the sections down her head, gathering more in each one to create a French braid. It won’t be the best in the world, but it will keep her hair out of her face while we’re here. She sighs as my nails drag across the sensitive skin of her scalp then again when I tug the pieces tight.
“How did you learn to braid hair?” she asks after a moment, her body relaxing against mine as the breeze blows around us .
“I braided my horse’s hair for rodeos when I was younger. Then I started to braid my own rope as a hobby when I would get bored.”
“I see.” I can hear the smile in her voice as she says it. “What did you do at the rodeo?”
I lean close so my lips are against her ear. I enjoy the way she shivers when she feels my breath there. “Roping,” I say, letting my lips kiss her now exposed neck. “But mostly reining.” I ask her for the twine and make sure my fingers drag over her hand as I take it in mine. Satisfied with the way the braid looks, I tie the end then give it a little tug. “All done.”
To my surprise, Presley doesn’t move. Instead, she leans back into me. I stroke my palms from her shoulders and down her arms, stacking mine on top of hers so that our fingers entwine. She turns her head and tilts her chin up so she’s looking at me then removes her hands and directs mine so that they’re sliding over her stomach.
Even though her body tenses, she holds eye contact with me as she does it. My heart swells with pride, and a tingling warmth spreads throughout every crack and crevice in my body. Not only did she share her violin playing with me earlier, but now she’s conquering one of her biggest vulnerabilities.
This is a big moment for her. For us. Bigger than anything we’ve done so far.
With a smile tugging at her lips, she places her arms over mine and entwines our hands once more over the middle of her stomach. I lean down and hover my lips over hers, the breeze gently blowing between us. As I’m about to close the distance, she does it for me, pressing her lips to mine.
The kiss is short and chaste and the most intimate I’ve ever had. When Presley pulls away, she sighs happily and leans back into my chest. Our eyes turn toward the sunset, but I’m not paying close attention to the burning orange and yellow colors in the sky. I’m much too focused on the woman in my arms—how her weight feels against me, the way the berry scent of her hair tickles my nose, and that every minute we spend together, I feel as though something foundational in me shifts like a tectonic plate.
“It’s beautiful here,” she says. “Do you come here a lot?”
I start to play with her fingers before I press my cheek to the side of her head. It’s my way of seeking comfort, even if I don’t want to admit I need it. Especially since she’s asking questions that will get me closer to revealing why I wanted to bring her here.
“I haven’t been here in almost four months. But I would come quite often before that—though not as much as before my dad died. He used to bring Gavin and I out here quite a bit, especially if there was something we had to work through or something he wanted to talk to us about. Then there were times Dad and I would come out here together as well.”
Presley lets me trace the lifelines on one of her palms as she says, “Tell me about him.”
“My dad?”
She nods. “You told me about why you and Gavin have been having issues, that he lied about the situation you were in a few months back and that your dad left him the land. But I don’t know much about you, Kade. I feel like you know too much about me at this point.”
I shake my head. “I want to know everything about you.”
She rolls her eyes. “You can be really cheesy sometimes.”
“You haven’t seen anything yet, Lemon darlin’. Stick around long enough, and there’ll be so much cheese, you can make nachos.”
“Okay, now you’re just being weird.”
I squeeze her again then pull away so I can sit next to her instead. She looks at me funny, but I gesture to the food. “Let’s eat before we lose light.”
She crosses her legs and looks at the food then at me. “Are you trying to avoid my request? ”
“Maybe.” I chuckle. While I do want to tell her about my dad, the words feel like peanut butter on the roof of my mouth.
Presley knocks my shoulder with hers. “You don’t have to tell me anything, Kade. But I’m here to listen.”
I expel a small breath then hand her a sandwich wrapped in tinfoil. It’s not the most romantic, but I tried. She takes it from me, opening it slowly while I do the same with mine.
“My dad was complicated,” I say eventually, after I swallow a bite of ham and cheese. “He was a good man, but he had some issues. He drank too much and probably acted more like a friend than a father most of the time, but I loved him, and he loved me. He loved our family. The old man always made sure we knew that, even if he didn’t outwardly show it with hugs or words. He liked working the land, and he loved Randall. He never left Texas—not once. And he hardly ever left Randall unless he had to.”
Presley’s eyes bug out of her head. “Seriously?”
“It’s not uncommon for people from a town as small as this to never leave. Sometimes it’s for financial reasons, and other times, they just don’t want to. The latter was the case with my dad. Like I said, he loved this place, this land, and Texas. He passed that love down to me.”
“Are you saying you’ve never left Randall?”
I take a sip of soda and shake my head. “I did a few youth rodeos a couple of hours north of here that Momma or Gran would take me to, and of course, I’ve been to the city. But I’ve never left the state of Texas, if that’s what you mean.”
“Never?!”
I laugh. “Pick your mouth up off the floor, darlin’. Like I said, it’s not uncommon around here. I almost left once for a reining competition in Arizona, but it didn’t work out. After that, I’ve just never had a reason to.” I can’t help the wave of sadness that crashes in my chest when I think about my answer. It’s just another reminder of the dreams I once had that were crushed .
Presley cocks her head. “If you had a reason to leave now, would you?”
I puff out a breath. “If you would’ve asked me that question three months ago, I would’ve said no. But now, I’m not so sure.” I brush the crumbs off my lap and stare into her questioning sapphire eyes.
Presley puts down her sandwich, mirroring me. “What happened three months ago?”
My gaze lowers to my lap before I look out at the sky. I brought her here to not only share Devil’s Rock but also to tell her about my accident. I wanted this moment to happen. She deserves to know about it, especially if this goes further between us—whatever “this” is—and I hope it does. It’s another surprising thought I never would’ve had before, but I’m not mad about it because it excites me more than anything ever has.
“Have you heard anything about me?” I ask before I blab something she may already know. “The gossip is strong here, if you haven’t noticed.”
She huffs a laugh. “I’ve noticed. But I haven’t heard much, just people talking about an accident. And there was that night with that woman, the one named after a bug.”
“Cricket.” I smirk.
“Yes, her.” Presley scrunches up her face. “She said something to the effect that you weren’t the same since the anniversary of your dad’s death and the accident.”
“I was never with Cricket, by the way. She cheated on Gavin before he met Blake.”
She waves her hand like it’s nothing, but I grab it in midair and squeeze. “She likes to come into Night Hawk when he’s not there and flirt with me. She thinks I’ll sleep with her to hurt him, but I won’t. I’ll admit, I’ve led her on a bit to piss off Gavin, which isn’t right, either, but I have never and will never do anything with Cricket. ”
She squeezes my hand back. “You didn’t have to tell me, but thank you. I’m glad you didn’t have sex with a woman named after a bug.”
I laugh with my whole chest. “I’m glad, too. My brother was not so lucky.”
This time, she laughs as I let go of her hand, taking another sip of my drink.
“So you got in an accident?” she asks once we’ve settled again, our food now forgotten at our sides.
I look around the canyon. I was right that the sunset would be beautiful. The rocks seem to glow in the warm light, but that warmth does nothing to quell the anxious energy curling inside me as the memories of that night start to flood back.
As if she can sense I need her closer, Presley scoots over until our thighs are touching and she can rest her head on my shoulder. The gesture is grounding and gives me what I need to continue.
“The night of my accident, I came here after I’d fought with my family. I was angry and drunk. It was stupid of me, but I—” I swallow. “I was blinded by my anger—anger at my brother for his lies, anger at my dad for his lies, anger at my family for their judgment of me and for always siding with Gavin or ignoring me altogether. I realized that they never took me seriously, even if they pretended to.”
Presley holds my hand, her thumb gently brushing over my still bruised knuckles.
“What made that day worse was it was the anniversary of Blake’s brother’s death, who died in a horseback-riding accident years ago. They hold a remembrance at the cemetery each year, and after I found the business plan that Blake made for the dude ranch, I flipped, thinking she was trying to buy the ranch out from under us to help expand her family’s business. I went to the cemetery, confronted Gavin, sucker punched him, then drove to a bar and got into a physical altercation over a woman I was seeing at the time. ”
I dare a glance at Presley, hoping I haven’t shared too much information. Given how our relationship started and what she’s heard about me through gossip, I know it’s not a surprise for her to hear that I was with another woman.
Presley’s eyes are nothing but soft and understanding. She squeezes my hand. “I’m listening.”
Those two words sink into me, words I’ve wanted to hear my family say for a very long time now. I blink back the sting in my eyes and exhale. “I went back to the house, and my family was there with Blake, smiling and laughing and eating fucking barbecue, and I—all I saw was red. I took a bottle of whiskey to the barn loft and drank until I couldn’t see straight. Next thing I knew, I was getting on an ATV with plans to come here. Blake tried to stop me, but I told her off. I don’t even know how I made it here without crashing.”
Presley strokes her thumb over the top of my hand, but she stays quiet.
“I walked up to this spot.” My eyes stay trained on the sunset, but my body feels as if I’m in that moment again. “I went to the ledge and stood there for a while. Then the rain started coming down, and it got slippery, like standing on an oil spot. I started screaming at the top of my lungs, pretending my dad could hear me. I wanted him to know how much pain I was in, how much shit he was putting us all through by not telling us the truth. I—” My voice breaks.
“Kade,” Presley soothes. “You don’t have to tell me this if you don’t want to.”
I shake my head. “No, I need to tell someone. I never—Presley.” Her name spills from me like a frantic call for aid. She clasps my hand harder at the sound of it. “I don’t think I stepped off the edge. The doctor told me I had an adrenaline-induced heart attack, and that’s probably how I fell. But…” I exhale. “I don’t know. I might have stepped off before then, or I slipped. I can’t remember. I was so angry, and I felt like my heart was going to explode in my chest from the weight of it all.”
I sighed. “I woke up on the ledge below this one with Blake crying over me and pain riddling my body. We were both taken to the hospital, and after I underwent surgery on my arm, they checked my heart to make sure I didn’t have any blocks. That was a blur, too. I mostly just remember waking up in my hospital room and telling Gavin the whole thing was an accident. But, Presley—” My voice breaks again, chest tightening and that pain flaring in my sternum. “Presley, I don’t know, I don’t remember, I might’ve—” I lose my words, my lungs stinging as if the air I’m breathing has turned toxic.
Presley shifts so she can face me, her hand gripping my face that’s wet with tears for the second time today. “Kade, you need to take a breath for me, okay?” she asks. “You’re panicking.”
I jerk my head in a nod, attempting to focus on her calm features. She inhales, and I follow her, sucking in a breath. My lungs take in the air, but all I feel is pain. Pain in my lungs, pain in my chest, pain in my heart and soul. Pain I’ve tried to numb and keep from spilling to the surface. A lot of good that did me, because now it feels as if I can’t stop it.
“Remember how you helped me last night?” she asks, still no judgment in her tone. I find myself nodding as I suck in another sharp breath. “List off random things. Like penguins, cowboy boots, roses.”
I do as she says, trying to think of random words. “Laundry, football, raccoons, reins, peanuts,” I say, breathing between words. I don’t know how it works, but the pressure in my chest starts to lessen.
“That’s it.” She smiles. “Again.”
“Dancing, dogs, banjo, tractor, violin.” I exhale, my hands now steadier and my breathing more even. Her eyes soften, and she has me do another list and then another until my heart no longer beats in my ears.
“Better?” she asks .
My body is still tense, but I can’t deny that I do feel better. “That really worked.”
She manages a small smile. “Sometimes I can be helpful.”
I stroke her cheek, more grateful for her than I think she’ll ever understand. “Not just sometimes.” If it wasn’t darker now, I’m sure I’d see her blush at my words.
“Want to lie down? That helps me, too.”
I nod, and both of us start moving the food and everything else out of the way. Once we’re settled on the blanket, we stare up at the sky. I pull Presley into my chest, and she nestles her head into the crook of my neck. I inhale the scent of her and let it calm the remaining thrum of energy coursing through my body.
“You know,” Presley says after a while. The sun is completely gone from the sky. “When I was a junior in high school, I was in a bad place mentally.”
I look down at her while stroking her flannel-covered arm. “You were?”
“I’ve always struggled with being awkward and having anxiety attacks, but that year was bad for me. For backstory, my parents divorced when I was five, so I took turns at each of their houses. But my junior year, my dad completely checked out and decided to move to California. He didn’t even offer me the chance to move with him. To top it off, my mom had a new daughter with my stepdad, and their focus was all on her. I felt replaced, like I didn’t matter. And at school, I was the weird, nerdy, chubby girl who wore all black and preferred playing her violin to hanging out with people. I had a couple of friends but never super close ones.”
I mull over her words. Everything I know of Presley starts to make more sense, like the tiles of the Rubik’s cube of her have finally all aligned.
“I started to think the world would be better off without me. It wasn’t like anyone would notice. ”
I don’t miss the way her voice wavers. I squeeze her tighter to me then and play with her braid. I’ve only known her for a short time, but it’s hard to imagine a world without her in it.
“What made you better?”
She lets out a sad sigh. “I don’t know if that’s the right word, but music saved me. Music has always saved me…or I should say, my orchestra teacher did. She noticed something was off with me, and I ended up talking to the school social worker once a week. I fueled all my pain and hurt into music. She reminded me I’d be going to college soon, that my life would change. She was right—it did change. And it was better for a time, until after college.”
“What happened then?”
She plays with the fabric of my shirt. “Derek happened.”
His name from her lips makes me want to deck the guy again. “Can I ask you a question?”
She looks up at me at my words, her hand coming to rest over my heart. Her touch is tender, and I can’t stop myself from placing my hand over hers.
“You can ask me anything.”
“How long were you with him?”
“I met him not too long after I graduated from college six years ago. We broke up earlier this year, so just under that.”
I’m glad it’s dark so she can’t see the tightness in my jaw. “What made you stay with him?”
She chuckles. Her tone is both sad and angry. “That’s a good question. I’d like to say I don’t know, but he was the first man to see me. Or at least I thought he was. Turns out, he just saw my talent and wanted to use me for it. I stayed because he was the first consistent thing I had in my life besides school. For a while, it seemed like he cared, and I had never gotten that from my parents. He gave me a family with the band, too. Were they the best family in the world? No. But they were better than what I had. At least I was wanted and useful to them. ”
I stroke my palm down her arm, so many things I want to say in response running through my brain. That she deserves better than a mediocre group of people who use her for their own personal gain tops the list. But like me, I know she wants someone to listen, to be there for her without judgment.
“So why did you leave?”
Presley tenses but doesn’t make a move to get up. “We got offered a record deal. I was supposed to sign on the dotted line the day I came here. That’s why Derek was so angry. But Kade, I couldn’t.” She takes a deep inhale. “I couldn’t do that to myself. I just kept imagining the rest of my life with that band, with Derek constantly putting me down and telling me that even though I was one of the best players he’d ever heard, I was still replaceable. He knew that was my biggest fear, to be tossed aside like yesterday’s trash. That’s why he sent those pictures that night of my replacement. He was hoping it would make me come back, some fucked-up power play to get me back in the band.”
The rage I felt when I punched him zings through my body, my sore knuckle throbbing from the memory of connecting with his smarmy face. This beautiful woman didn’t deserve anything that happened to her.
I kiss her forehead. “You did the right thing by leaving.”
She shifts so she can look at my face again, her gaze penetrating into mine even in the darkness. “Really?”
“You stood up for you, for your life. You’re incredibly talented, Presley. When I saw you play today…fuck, darlin’, it was beautiful. You’re beautiful. You deserve to be heard and appreciated. Not just your music, but you.”
“Kade.” She sighs, her head dropping to my shoulder at the compliment.
“Look at me, Presley.” When she eventually does, I tuck a piece of hair that’s come loose from her braid behind her ear. “You’re not replaceable. You’re remarkable.” She bites her lip at my words but continues to look at me. “Believe me when I say that. There’s a reason you stand out—and it’s not because of your hair and tattoos. It’s because you’re you. I know it may not mean a lot coming from a fuckup like me, but believe it. The people who don’t see that, they’re the replaceable ones.”
Presley sits up, and for a moment, I panic that she’s going to leave. But then she’s pulling me up and throwing her arms around my neck. I feel wetness from her eyes on my throat as she hugs me. “You’re not a fuckup, Kade. You’re human. And you’re not replaceable, either.”
I hug her tighter to me as I try to take in her words. “I think my family would disagree.”
She shakes her head before pulling back. “You fight with them because you love each other. I’ve seen the way Gavin looks at you, the way Blake did at breakfast. I can’t speak for your mom or your gran, but from what you’ve told me, I’m going to say they’re in pain, too, and don’t know how to communicate with you.”
I stare at Presley’s hands as she continues to speak. “You said something to me last night in the truck, that we can’t control the actions of someone else. That only Derek was to blame for what happened last night. Do you remember?”
“I remember.” I remember because as soon as the words were out of my mouth, I felt like a hypocrite. But I hadn’t wanted to think about it.
“I can’t speak for you, Kade, and I can’t speak to your situation, but I do know my own. If I had a family who loved me as much as yours does, I’d do everything I could to make it right with them.” She squeezes my hand. “And I’m not saying that has to be now or that they don’t need to take responsibility for their part in all this, but they couldn’t control the actions of your dad. They’re just trying to pick up the pieces, too. Like you are.”
“He left the land to the one person who didn’t want it,” I say, exasperated—not at her but at the part of me that wants to cling to my anger .
“Is that really what this is about?”
I look from our entwined hands to her eyes, the moon and the stars illuminating her features.
She brings her hand to my cheek. “You’re still young. You had to grow up fast, and I can relate to that. But when we were talking about you never leaving the state of Texas, what did that feel like?”
I swallow, saying the first word that comes to mind. “Sad.”
She runs the pad of her thumb over my lips as the wind picks up around us. “There’s a whole world outside of Texas, outside of your ranch.”
“What are you saying?”
“Do not limit yourself to what you think you need to want, what you think you need to be. It sounds like you have the opportunity now to do something else if you want.”
My thoughts from earlier this week spring to mind again, of what it would be like to leave. My muscles grow tense, and an innate part of me that was bred to live and die on this ranch screams that it’s not an option. But the rational part of me knows she’s right. My brother and Blake could handle this ranch, no problem. They don’t need me.
“You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
“This”—she looks around—“isn’t going anywhere. But you can, Kade. You can.”
I pull her back down to the ground with me, and we stare up at the smattering of stars across the cloudless sky. The wind is starting to get stronger, and I know we should head back soon, but there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to, that wants to stay out here holding Presley forever. That’s easier than facing reality.
“And what about you?” I ask after a few minutes, my hand rubbing down her back as I find the North Star by following the handle of the Big Dipper.
“What about me?” she asks .
“Are you going anywhere?” There’s a vulnerability in my tone I didn’t expect. While this thing with her is new, and I don’t know where it’s going, a nagging voice in my mind says I would be heartbroken if she left.
I feel her shift, and then she’s looking into my eyes. “Not right now.”
Her words soothe the voice temporarily, and a smile lights up my face that she matches with her own. I kiss her forehead then hug her body to mine. “Good. Because I don’t want you to.”