Chapter Six
Jillian
Making out with a hot cowboy in the dark is the best.
Lying against Jacob’s hard body, his big, rough hands everywhere at once, I am delirious with pleasure. I shake with it. I rub against him as if I am a cat in heat. Hell, maybe I am. I have been on the prowl since I first laid eyes on the big, beautiful cowboy.
“Hmm, I love your mouth,” he hums against my lips. “It’s so sweet.”
Shivers course through me as his hands slip beneath my tank top, pulling it up beneath my breasts. His hands are magic on my skin. He touched me on our horse ride earlier and it was magical. I’ve never come so fast, so hard, so good, in my entire life. He claims it was the first time he touched a woman and if it was, I wonder how good he will get with practice.
“Kissing you is pretty sweet, cowboy,” I murmur back before I lick my tongue into his mouth, pulling at his dark hair.
We lie in the grass on a thick woolen blanket he spread out. Our hats are gone, our boots off, and I’ve been working on his belt. I came here to have a good time, to feel something again, and I was right to choose him as my cowboy. Because I have felt something big building inside me since he tumbled into me today.
It might just be an awful attempt to get over my loneliness. Get over a lifetime lost after the divorce. It could be more. Could be nothing at all. All I know for certain is, the moment he put his hands on me, I was all in. We joked about him being sold off to me earlier. It might be why this is coming at us so fast: we do not have to make up promises or lies. I am here for one night and whatever happens between us...happens between us.
Sitting up, I slide my knee between his, giggling at his groan. His zipper cannot hide how turned on he is. Not that he has tried to hide it. Jacob has been very vocal about wanting to touch me, to taste me, to please me. It is the first time in so long that I have felt wanted. I am admittedly a bit addicted.
“Sit up, honey,” I urge on a whisper. “Take this off. I want to see you,” I command, knowing he will obey me.
With a filthy smirk, he bends his arm behind him, yanking his shirt up and off. Oh my. He is...yes, he is a piece of perfection. Kneeling, I reach out, sliding my hands over his golden skin. Mountains and valleys of muscle, tight and coiled. My fingertips trace the sharp V at his hips and his breath catches. When they move to his zipper, his breath punches out.
Watching him, I unsnap the button, my nails scraping over his abdomen. He hisses a curse and his hands come to grab my hips, tugging me closer. I laugh and pull the zipper down, falling against his chest. It feels good to have a laugh, to feel this joy bubbling up inside of me, to let myself forget all I have been through lately. I just want to enjoy this, enjoy him, and let loose.
“Jilly Bean,” he rasps, his throat working as I push him back on the blanket. Holy buckets, that cute name, the way he says it just...it just sets my heart on fire. It feels as if it is burning inside my chest. I am burning. “I said I want to make you feel good again. Whatever it means for you. I will do it.”
Nodding, I shrug at my flannel before his hands are there, pushing it off. I make a little sound and he pulls at my tank top next. In the darkness, I have no doubts. I don’t know what this means or where it will lead. It might not lead anywhere or mean a thing to either of us after tonight. For now, it is everything I want, and I don’t want to stop.
It doesn’t matter that we just met this morning. Doesn’t matter if we know nothing about one another. I am in need, and he wants to cater to that need. I came here to feel good, and he wants me to feel good with him. I can’t imagine having this with anyone else but Jacob.
“You do, Jacob. Can I tell you a secret,” I whisper as I slip my hand inside his jeans, both of us making sounds as I close my fingers around him. He is thick and so hard, pulsing in my hand as I squeeze him.
“Yes. Tell me any secrets you want to,” he groans as I slowly work my hand up his length, fingertips brushing over his sac.
“Before I made my bid, I touched myself because of you,” I press the words against his ear as I slide over his big body, skin to skin against his heated flesh. “Couldn’t help myself. I was so alone, Jacob. Broken by the divorce. I saw your smile, your beautiful face and I stopped feeling alone. Started feeling alive again. I made myself come and I called your name.”
“Oh, hell,” he growls, pulling me to straddle him, breasts crushing to his hard chest, the rub of my nipples on his light dusting of hair so erotic I move to do it again. “Make yourself come for me again, Jilly Bean. I want to see it. Got feel it earlier. Now I”m obsessed. Show me how pretty it is.”
Sitting up on his lap, I aim his thickness between my thighs. We moan in unison as I press it between my soaked folds, my arousal dripping down his velvety shaft. He sits up a little, hands cupping my ass as I start to move. I do not take him inside me yet. I want to. I want to be filled with him.
Now I just rock slowly, loving the breeze on my skin, the smell of the earth and hay. His mouth closes around one nipple as his hand palms the other breast roughly, pulling and twisting the nipple. I cry out, loving the pain. His teeth bite down because he knows I like it. Rocking faster, I grow wild with need, wanting to come for him, wanting him to see how he turns me on.
Jacob leans back a little, staring up at me in the darkness. There is something so intimate as we sit locked in this embrace, the soft sounds of our bodies meeting, the way he holds me closer and closer, the heat in his eyes. It is unlike anything I have ever felt before. I had no idea it could ever be this way. Rocking faster, I bend to kiss him, and he opens his mouth, saying my name as my tongue slips past his lips.
“Take it, Jilly Bean,” he moans as I bounce faster, his cock rubbing between my folds, the crown hitting my clit. “Take what you need baby.”
“Jacob!” I shout, head falling back, chest heaving as I come, my thighs trembling as he keeps moving me on his lap. I gasp when I feel him come too, hot jets of cum hitting my pussy, my thighs, my stomach.
“Ah, fuck,” he growls, turning me to pin me beneath him. I think he is going to shove inside of me, take what he wants. What I want too. Only, he doesn’t. Brow furrowed, his eyes soften as he stares down at me. “Oh, my Jilly Bean. Come here, let me hold you again.”
It is then I realize I am sobbing. Body shaking, air stealing, gut wrenching sobs. His powerful arms gather me close, and I hide against his chest. His rough hand rubs circles at my back as I fall apart in his arms. It is the hardest cry I have had in a long time. Full of relief, regret, and guilt.
Earlier I thought this was a mistake. Coming here to flirt or fool around with some stud cowboy. It was a mistake but not for the reasons I thought. I had no idea we would connect this way. That I would feel whole when I am with him. Feel safe when he takes my hand or pulls me close. Things I have not felt in so long. Things I was not sure I would ever get to feel again.
“Jacob,” I start, unsure what I want to say. How can I recover now?
“Calm down, honey. Tell me about the last time you rode a horse.”
“Uh,” I close my eyes, thinking about our ride tonight, his big hand in my panties. He does not mean that ride. “On my grandpa’s farm in Fellow Falls. I spent summers there. Riding horses, walking the trails, even fishing. Poppa would pack peanut butter and banana sandwiches for us out on his little boat. We would talk about my dad who died when I was little. Out on the boat with him it almost felt like it was the three of us. He would let me ride horses all day if I wanted to.”
“Sounds like a good man, honey.”
“He was. I loved him. Always told me he was proud of me. I always tell my little girl how proud I am of her. I never want her to think for a second, I regret being with her dad. I never could because of her. We just...it ended.”
“How’re you doing with it? You came here to feel something you said.”
“That was a lie, I think,” I admit, hidden against his chest. “I came here for you, Jacob. I was never going to bid on that auction before I saw you. I meant what I said before. About what I did, once I saw you.”
Jacob pulls back, both of us lying on our sides, our bodies tangled together. It is the truth. I was alone. I was hurting. Until I saw his face. I still have no idea what it means. Or what I am doing coming here. What is it I am searching for? What do I expect from him in just one night?”
“Glad I got a front row show of that,” he teases with a smile, his hand sliding over my hip. Grabbing a rough handful of my bare backside, he tugs me closer. “Jillian, whatever you want to do while you have me, we can do. Do not feel guilty. No regrets. Nothing is off limits with me. Not because you bid on me or because you just let me come all over you,” he smirks, slapping my ass before he sobers, touching his brow to mine.
“It doesn’t matter to you I am leaving tomorrow?”
His reaction is almost as if I had slapped him. I want to take the words back but they’re the truth. Tomorrow, I go back home to my quiet house to wait for my little girl to come home. No more steamy nights beneath the stars with a hot cowboy. No more feeling safe. Not more being whole. My chest aches at the idea of being emptied again, of being without him even.
I joked about being roped in for a kiss by him—he roped me in for a hell of a lot more.
“It does matter. It can’t matter though, can it? You have a life waiting. Your little girl. Take what you need from me while you’re here.”
Snuggling against his chest, I nod. I can do that. It is not fair of me, but I can do that. We lie together in the dark talking about horses, about life on a ranch, about the wide-open spaces of this place. His words become so passionate when he talks about working with the rescued horses, with bringing them back to life and it hits me. That is why he was the one I chose, the reason I knew he would give me what I needed.
Jacob wants to save the wounded—and I was wounded, looking to be saved.
If he saves me the way I think he can, how can I leave him?