31. Let You Love Me
Chapter 31
Let You Love Me
Esme
W e took a quick snooze after last night before we loaded up and headed back to the trailer. We spent the night engaging in cuddles and deep kisses and even had sex again. I’m sore but in the best ways.
We’re on the way back to the house. It’s early in the morning, but there are chores to do. I can’t help but admire his features as the sun breaks. He’s beautiful. I wish I could just stay. It’d be so easy. I know that he would take care of me. I know that we could be together, but I just can’t put him through what’s coming. He’s at enough risk. I have to go.
Our hands are entwined on the center console. His thumb is tracing small circles on the back of my hand, and it all feels so right.
* * *
We get home and immediately unpack the horses before continuing with chores. There are still things to do, even if last night was a ton of fun. I collect eggs before heading inside to drop them off while Asher checks cattle. Phillis is working in the kitchen, probably canning another batch of something homemade.
“Hey, Grandma,” I say as I make my way into the room.
“Hey, sugar.” She turns with a shocked expression, before clearing it and smiling at me. I guess that name kind of just slipped out. “I was thinking of red pepper pasta tonight. What do you think?”
I smile. I haven’t been here that long, but it feels like a lot has happened since I first stepped foot in the house. The one thing that hasn’t wavered is my grandma’s kindness.
“It sounds great. Thank you.”
“What time is your flight?”
Fuck. My flight. I knew it was coming but really didn’t see it sneaking up on me. I can feel my face fall, and I feel stupid emotional about it. It’s not fucking fair.
“You okay?”
I look up, and Phillis is still looking at me with her head tilted to the side. I quickly fix my face, plastering a fake smile on my face and hiding what I’m truly feeling.
“Yeah,” I cough out. “I just am gonna miss this place. It really has grown on me. It, uh, leaves at three tomorrow morning. Bright and early. Do you mind driving me?”
“Of course. You don’t want Ash to?”
“No, it’ll be easier this way. Thank you.”
I give her a half-smile before I walk back outside. I look around to see Asher coming in on Dom. He looks so content and in his element. I smile to myself and feel tears forming. My throat burns as I try to hold them back, but the dams break, and the tears start falling down my cheek.
I sniffle and wipe at the tears as my face screws up. I run to the garden before Asher can see and busy myself with the tomato and pepper plants. I’ll have to talk to him later. I can work on collecting veggies right now, and that’s what I’m going to do.
* * *
After a long day of keeping myself busy to distract myself from the inevitable, I make my way to the house to only be greeted by my favorite dinner. I’m so fucking excited. We all serve ourselves and sit around the table like one big happy family. We don’t get this often since my grandparents are gone so often now, and we’re typically on our own for dinner anyway.
“What’s the occasion?” Asher speaks up.
I cough on the bite I was taking, look up at my grandparents, and widen my eyes. I give a small headshake to tell them to not say a fucking word without so many words.
“Oh uh—” Phillis says, getting the memo. “We just haven’t been home all that much so I figured I’d cook something we all enjoy.”
I slump against the chair. I really need to talk to Asher. Fuck.
I take another bite of my pasta, letting the cheesy bite linger in my mouth for just a moment before chewing and swallowing. I moan at just how delicious it is, and Asher gives me a little side-eye action before continuing eating. I hope my grandparents aren’t paying too much attention because now I know my face must be as red as the sauce I’m eating.
Once we all finish, Asher and I take care of the dishes, and then I head up to my room to pack. I throw everything into a suitcase, I don’t care to really go through it or neatly pack it. I’m not the same person I was when I showed up, so half this shit doesn’t matter anymore anyway.
Once I’m done, I head to Asher’s trailer. I knock on the door and wait, and it doesn’t take long for him to open the door for me. I’m pulled inside, and he’s all over me. His lips are on mine, and he grabs the back of my head to pull me closer. I put my hands on his chest to push away, but as soon as I do, he just comes back in. I get so wrapped up in him I can’t really say I mind.
“Ash,” I say. “We have to talk.”
“No, fucking kiss me.”
“Ash—”
He pulls away for just long enough to look at me.
“No, Es. We can talk later. I need you, I need your touch, I need to not think about the fucking clock. Talk later.” He leans in and kisses me. “Be here with me now.”
I’m the one who leans back in and kisses him. It’s slow and deep, and we walk backward until we get to the bed. We fall together onto the soft surface and just kiss. His hands roam everywhere. They are behind my head and on my shoulder then on my arm and grabbing my ass. It’s like he can’t decide where he wants to touch me. We kiss until we’re both panting, wanting to go all the way again, but also savoring the moment. I collapse into the crook of his shoulder and look up at him. We kiss again, this time slower and full of unspoken emotions. We kiss until it gets dark, and he falls asleep. I lay in the same spot, listening to his breathing for the last time. I stare at the ceiling while the tears slowly roll down my cheek.
Once I’m sure he’s asleep, I slowly crawl out of bed. I give Bruno a last pat on the head, and he wags his tail at me.
“You be a good boy,” I whisper.
Before I can overthink it anymore, I leave the trailer, grab my bag, and get ready to head to the airport.