33. Numb
Chapter 33
Numb
Esme
T he plane ride from Oklahoma went by so quickly, yet so slowly. I couldn’t process the time truly. I zone out time and time again, staring out the window wishing I was anywhere but where I am. I can’t stop thinking about Asher.
Before I know it, I’m landing in LA. I shuffle off the plane and proceed to the luggage pick-up area. I sit there and wait for the bags to file out, watching the conveyor belt go round and round. I think about all the times he picked me up and swung me in a circle, and my throat burns. I snap out of it to realize everyone around me is gone, and my bag is the last on the carousel. I huff as I lug it off. The bag is oddly heavy. The air is oddly heavy. Everything is just too much right now.
I pull out my phone and order a rideshare. They’re only a couple minutes out, so I sit on the nearby bench and wait. I scroll through my photos, and I’m immediately filled with regret. I didn’t take many pictures while I was there. I love the fact that I was able to distance myself from the technology I had become addicted to, but in the same breath, I wish I was able to look back at the memories we made. Fuck.
The car pulls up, so I jump in and head back to my house. This will be my first time seeing it since I saw Daddy covered in blood on the floor. The detectives collected all of the evidence possible, and there were professionals hired to come in and clean the blood that was spilled. They also picked up anything broken or affected by the incident, so I’m not sure what I am coming home to.
“We’re here,” the driver snaps at me.
I shake my head to clear the thoughts from my head and look up. Sure as fuck, here we sit.
“Oh-oh. Thank you,” I say as I crawl out of the car. I get my luggage from the trunk, and as soon as I close it, the car speeds off. I take a deep breath and close my eyes. It takes me a moment to do anything more, purely because I’m fucking scared. I’m scared of what I’m going to see. I’m scared because I’m alone, and sure I have money, but I don’t have him. Tears well in my eyes again, and I look up at the sky in an attempt to will them back.
“Not right now,” I say to myself. Another deep breath leaves my lips as I open my eyes and push forward. I make it to the front door and fish the keys out of my backpack. My hand shakes as I turn to the right key and put it in the lock. The lock clicks open, and I turn the handle and shove the door open. I needed to open it fast, just like ripping off a Band-Aid. I’m not sure I would have gone through with it if it wasn’t quick.
I feel like my heart drops as I inhale quickly. It looks so normal. Tears start to pull, and I can’t hold them back any longer. I bite my bottom lip as I walk through the entryway, looking around at what my life was. It’s so quiet here. It’s so dead here. There are no veggies growing in the backyard and no horses whinnying in the field. The dog isn’t scratching himself in the corner, making the tag on the collar jingle. And I’m by myself. Once again, I find myself missing Asher.
I don’t want to keep staring at the living room, so I drag my bag inside and kick the front door closed. I make sure I lock it before looking up the stairs. Fuck, this is really going to fucking suck.
I turn my back to the stairs and grab the handle of the suitcase with both hands. I overpacked it, so it was overweight. This shit is heavy.
I heave it up one step and already feel the backache forming. One after the other, I rip at the bag to get it up one more step before I walk backward up the next step. I finally reach the top, and I bend over, resting my hands on my knees. I’m sweating and out of breath. Holy shit, this was way harder than it looks.
I pop the handle back out so I can roll it down the hallway into my room. I open my door and give it a small smile. Everything is the exact same. The pictures of Daddy and I still sit on the nightstand next to the bed, my stuff is still thrown about.
I walk in and close my eyes, letting the feelings take over.
All of a sudden, I feel a breeze, and before I can process what is going on, a hand wraps around my mouth. I go to scream but a prick in my neck has my eyes falling heavy quickly.
“I told you not to tell,” the man says in my ear. That’s the last thing I hear before it all goes black.
* * *
Fuck, my head is pounding. It feels like there’s sandpaper behind my eyelids. I squint to open them, and the light is blinding. I shrink away from it, but realize I can’t move more than just my head. There’s something preventing me from moving. Despite the pain, I open my eyes and look at my surroundings. I don’t know where I am. There are cinder block walls surrounding me, like I’m in some basement. There’s the one light above me, and I’m sitting on a wooden chair with rope tied around me. I feel my heart rate start to skyrocket, and I wiggle to try to loosen my restraints. Tears wet my face as I try to scream.
“Screaming won’t help you,” I hear from behind me.
I pause all my movement, listening to what happens next.
“Your daddy had to pay for fucking me over. He lost me so much money, and then you just couldn’t fucking listen. I gave you a chance to live, but here you are.” He clicks his tongue at me and walks around to face me. The man is older, but a gut that sticks out over his pants. He’s all sweaty like it was a struggle to get me to where I am.
“You’re gonna play nice, so I can have fun before I kill you.”
“Please, no.” I try to mumble around the gag in my mouth.
“Shhh,” the man says as he strokes my cheek. I try to turn my face away, but he just laughs.
“No one is coming. Might as well get over yourself now.”