11. Dane
What choice do I have but to go along with Warren?
I literally have no other options. The farm I board Trigger at is a tiny place about twenty minutes from town. They like having a horse use the fields, and my sponsorship money supplements their income nicely. But I can’t exactly ride her there and ask for a ride back to town.
Warren’s solution is practical and the right thing.
But fuck, I don’t want to get closer or depend on him for this. The man who keeps popping up around me, the man from the casino, he did this. I know he’s responsible, and I don’t like the message.
I also don’t understand it.
I certainly don’t want the golden boy, Warren Burke, involved with my mess. I also have to think of my sister. This weekend’s money could pay for the tires, but it’s money I need for Darla, and she will always come first.
The only positive thing I can try to latch onto here is that I already know Warren’s dad likes me, and he’s a pretty cool guy.
Risking a glance at Warren while he drives, my heart sinks at the furrow of his brow.
I don’t want him to worry. I meant it when I said I didn’t want him to care about me.
Taking me into your heart and life is a burden no one needs.
Yes, he kept me up last night. No way in hell I’d admit that to him, though.
The ball of passion and devotion Warren Burke becomes after he lets himself go is an image I’ll remember forever.
He came at my touch, and when I risked a moment to revel in the closeness of another man, and his fingertips danced on my skin…
I knew then I’d want him more than I did when I first met him.
His words, though, last night cut deep.
I don’t want to want you.
Just another reminder that I don’t fit in his world, and I’ll always be looking in. It will always be me and my discount produce watching him cut into a steak.
“I’m gonna stop outside the barn and check in with my dad first. He always wants a rundown of the entire weekend.” He winces. “Also, be warned, he’s coming to our next rodeo.”
“He used to always watch you. I remember that.”
Warren puts the truck in park in front of a massive barn and turns to me. “I asked him to stop coming a few years ago. I couldn’t handle the stress. That’s why I took a year off. I wasn’t in a good mental space.” He clears his throat. “So now you know something about me. I’ll be right back.”
He exits the truck, leaving me in silence while I absorb that bit of information. I guess we both have our secrets.
After finally moving my ass and feeling sorry for myself, I open the trailer. Both horses puff and swish their tails, eager to get onto solid ground again.
“One at a time. Trigger, we’re guests here, so I’m gonna take out Petey first.”
Of course, Petey is a dream and exits without trouble, and I tie him up to the side before walking Trigger out.
Warren still hasn’t returned, so I walk over to the nearest fence and stare into the pasture and fields beyond.
It’s a gorgeous place. Almost serene, and I’m a little jealous my horse will have a nicer home than me. Probably for the rest of her life.
A high-pitched whistle of a groundhog sounds, and after a moment, I spot it on its hill a few meters away. It whistles again, and a laugh sounds behind me.
“We have had a groundhog here every year since I can remember. We always name them the same, even when it’s obvious it’s a different groundhog from last year.”
Warren stuffs his hands into his pockets as he stands next to me.
“What’s its name?”
“Lewis. My Pops feeds them all the time, and I think they just tell their friends to keep making nests here for free food.”
That’s probably the cutest thing I’ve ever heard.
“Should we get the horses settled, then?”
“Yeah, come on. Dad will be out soon. They’re just making dinner.”
I fall into step next to Warren. In silence, we get our horses, and I follow him up to the barn. He props the extra-wide door open, and Petey walks in on his own, clearly happy to be home and knowing where to go.
Warren chuckles. “He’s mostly on autopilot, and I can’t say I’m not happy about it. Sure makes life easier when he just does whatever is needed.”
Trigger moves more cautiously into the barn, and Warren walks ahead. Petey stands outside his stall and, after letting him in, he opens another stall across the aisle. “Trigger can use this one for as long as you need. I’ll grab some bedding.”
At the end of the barn aisle is an open area with stacked straw bales.
Warren effortlessly lifts one and returns with barely a sweat.
He drops it in the stall and pulls a pocketknife from his pants, slicing the twine before grabbing a pitchfork and spreading the bedding.
Once done, he nods towards the stall. “Get her settled, and I’ll show you where the water buckets are and help you grab some hay. ”
I’m still stuck on watching Warren move around so confidently here. I always thought he carried himself well in the ring, but here in the barn is different. Like he’s happy with no outside pressure, and I understand his earlier comments a little more.
He leads me to a room off the entrance where literally everything a horse would ever want or need can be found.
“We store tack in here too. You can keep yours with mine. I have lots of room.”
Along one wall, there are cubbies with names on them. Hunter, Gabe, Warren, Jesse, and Clarence. Warren’s is mostly empty since it’s all in the truck still, but he’s right. There’s room for my stuff easily since Gabe’s stall has far more saddles than anyone, and they fit just fine in his.
“Is Gabe your other dad’s name?”
Warren hands me a bucket of water. “Yep. He’s addicted to saddles. We call him Pops. If you don’t want to see two men make moon eyes at each other, don’t ask about how Pops got into horses and riding.”
Warren’s smile is so fond, it makes me wish I had his life. This family. Maybe a different outcome altogether. Although I’d never give up my sister. I just wish we had a better lot in life.
A bag of carrots sits on a shelf, and he tucks a few into his pockets before handing me another bucket of water.
He tosses a bale of hay into a wheelbarrow, and I follow him back to the stalls.
Wordlessly, I hand him a bucket, and we take care of our horses.
Trigger seems to like her new digs just fine and wastes no time launching into her food.
“Do you give her treats?” Warren passes me a carrot. “I spoil Petey. He eats more carrots than my rabbits, I think.”
I glance around the barn. “Do you keep them out here?”
“Oh, ah, they’re pets. I keep them in the house.”
The thing about life is you never know what it will throw at you and when.
You try to stay focused and upright and take things on the chin instead of being knocked on your ass.
Even keeping my chin up, nothing could have prepared me for Warren keeping pet rabbits in the house and the almost shy way he admits it.
Jesus Christ, how do I keep the man at arm’s length now when all I can visualize is him snuggling fucking bunnies in his pajamas? I’m gonna die.
“Of course you do.”
For a moment we stare at each other, and I know I’m not imagining this pull to him. I’m about to cave and tell him I’m sorry for being an ass and every single thing I’ve done to irritate him when his dad bursts into the barn, saving me from a confession I probably shouldn’t make.
“Hey, son! Dane. You got your horse a spot, I see. Did Warren tell you that you can board here for the season? I figure if you’re representing the school, the least I can do is make it easier on you with your horse.
You still have that feed sponsor, right?
” His dad just keeps going, and I’m not sure what to say.
He’s like those swirls of wind that kick up dust in the parking lot.
You can’t avoid them, and they’re kind of cool to watch.
“I do. They keep my boarding costs covered.”
He slaps a hand on my shoulder. “Consider it a job perk then. Keep your horse here and pocket that money. When I was your age and touring the circuit, money was tight. Sponsors would also change their minds daily, it seemed. I know how expensive things can be. Just show up and muck stalls when you can.”
“Uh, I can’t—”
Hunter Burke levels a gaze on me that makes me snap my mouth shut.
“Spare me the obligatory speech about how you can’t and shouldn’t and whatever bullshit you have lined up on your tongue.
You’re a lot like me when I was your age, so don’t be a hero and take the breaks when they’re handed to you.
” He clears his throat and smiles. “Now… tell me how the rodeo went.”
Warren starts and relays the day’s events with far more detail than I remember. He even talks about riders by name, and I’m sort of impressed with how many people he actually knows.
A beep sounds from Hunter’s pocket, and he removes his phone.
“You’ll join us for dinner, Dane?”
“Oh…I, uh…”
Warren watches me closely, but I can’t figure out if he wants me to stay or decline. He has to drive me back to town, but I’d feel too guilty if he missed dinner with his family because of me.
“Whatever is easier for Warren. He has to drive me back.”
Warren doesn’t even hesitate.
“Pops will love an extra person. His Yorkshire pudding is amazing.”
Okay. I guess that’s settled.
Family dinner with the Burke family, it is. I just hope I can survive.
Sitting in the passenger seat next to Warren with a container of roast beef, mashed potatoes, and Gabe Burke’s amazing Yorkshire pudding on my lap is weird. Beyond weird if there’s such a feeling.
Even Warren seems more awkward than usual. Dinner with his dads felt like an out-of-body experience. They asked questions, and I answered politely, but I never offered more than the minimum. Warren had table manners out of the 1950s, and it was almost too much to take in.
Although I sort of wished I could see his rabbits.
“I’m sorry about the leftovers thing. Pops is always feeding people, so please don’t be offended he sent you home with so much.”
“I’m not.” I’m actually fucking thrilled I have at least two free home-cooked dinners to save money. He could’ve packed me an entire grocery bag of leftovers, and I’d have left the house walking on air.
“So…” Warren clears his throat and throws a quick glance my way. “What do you want to do about your trailer? I assume you only have one spare tire, right?”
“Right. I don’t know. Is it okay to leave it in the back like that for a bit until I figure it out?”
“Yeah. I’ll check with Jesse, but I don’t see why not.”
I don’t like people doing things like this, and I hate asking for it more. But what choice do I have right now?
Warren pulls into the yard, and thankfully, everything is just as we left it.
“Thanks for dinner and…everything,” I say as I open the door to get the hell away from Warren.
“Dane, wait.”
Twisting, I look over my shoulder to find Warren biting his lip. “Can you…would you…” He exhales slowly. “Can you text me when you get home?” When I don’t reply immediately, he adds, “Please.”
“Sure.” I finish sliding out of his passenger seat. “Good night, Warren.” I close the door and head to my truck, acutely aware that Warren hasn’t left because his headlights still shine on my truck, lighting my path.
I won’t imagine that means anything more than him being polite and he only pulls away once I give him a wave that all is well.
His taillights are finally in my rear-view mirror and my body sags.
After holding it together in front of Warren and his family for so long, finally being alone is both calming and unnerving.
Thankfully, my truck still works, and I head back to my room at the boarding house. The only thing that went as planned this weekend was winning our first team roping competition.
After that…well, a lot of unplanned stuff happened, and it’s not all good. Hell, most of it is fucking terrible.
I can’t even say finding my tires slashed was the worst thing to happen.
After parking in my spot at the boarding house, I throw my duffel bag over my shoulder and clutch my leftovers to my chest before taking the flight of stairs to my room.
Only once I’m safely behind the door do I finally let the tears of frustration fall.
Fuck you, Warren Burke, for making me want something I’ll never have.
Placing my leftovers in my mini fridge, I drop my pants and crawl under the covers. The exhaustion is pressing down, and I only want to sleep for a week, but I reach for my pants and pull out my phone.
After sending the text, I power off the phone and hope I sleep past sunrise.