11. Candice
11
CANDICE
Nathan is a phenomenal rider, and he and Ballantine are perfectly in sync with one another.
I came into the ring to grab the bottle of water I left in here earlier, and I planned to sneak back out unseen. But I’ve been in here for at least five minutes now and I can’t look away. They’re practicing sliding stops at the moment. Nathan urges Ballantine into a gallop and then brings him to a sudden halt. Ballantine’s hooves dig into the soft dirt of the ring and it flies upwards, like something out of an old western. And Bally does all this with just the slightest movements from Nathan.
Nathan doesn’t pull on the reins, or contort Ballantine’s head and neck into unnatural, harmful positions the way that some riders do. The reins look like they’re floating in his hands, just there for show—like he must be using telepathy or magic to communicate with Ballantine instead.
I’m a good trainer and I have an innate sense for what a horse needs after spending my whole life around them. But I can’t ride the way Nathan can—not even close.
“I told you he was good,” a voice from beside me says.
I turn and find my brother watching me watch Nathan, a quizzical look on his face.
“I should have believed you,” I admit. “I knew he was good but I didn’t know it was like this.”
“I don’t know why the hell he didn’t win the Million Mile Ride,” Beau says, shaking his head. “Him and Bally are clearly the best there is. Possibly ever.”
As Nathan and Ballantine start a spinning circle with perfect form, I can’t help but agree. Best ever seems about right—though I’m not going to tell Nathan I think that. His head is inflated enough as it is.
“I wonder what happened,” I muse. “Have you seen the rides from that night?”
“No,” Beau says. “He won’t talk to me about it, so it feels weird to watch it behind his back. I just know that he came in second after being favored to win, and that the guy he got into a fight with afterwards was Brad Thomas. The guy who won.”
“So he got pissed about losing and decided to handle it in the most mature way possible,” I say. “Sounds like the Nathan I know.”
Beau shoots me a glare and I wince. “It’s more than that, Candice. Something happened that night, I’m sure of it. Nate might party a lot but he’s not a fighter. You don’t get along with him so you don’t see it, but the man is beloved by everyone who meets him.”
“Because he’s charming and handsome, Beau. It’s easy for people to like him.”
I swallow down the hurt that surges when I say this—the hurt that’s there because Nathan has something I’ve never been able to attain. He carries himself with confidence and ease, and everyone he talks to, even just for a minute or two, feels like they’re the center of his universe. By contrast, my world is so small these days that when I talk to anyone outside of the barn I feel like I’m speaking a different language. It’s why his words from the other night carved straight through me. I am lonely.
I can’t say that to my brother, though. I don’t want to make him feel like he’s not enough family for me, especially after he worked so hard to always be there for me after Mom and Dad died. Beau felt their loss a lot more intensely than I did, because he was older. I was only five so I don’t have many memories of them. Our grandparents became my parents, and so did Beau, too, in a way. He certainly helped raise me.
“Nathan hasn’t always had it easy,” Beau says, giving me a knowing look that makes me think my brother understands everything going on in my head without me saying it. “He’s just naturally kindhearted and he likes to please others.”
“I can tell,” I say sarcastically.
In the ring, Nathan and Ballantine are done with the reining pattern, and are cooling down. He walks Ballantine over to where we are, and then dismounts.
He bows at the waist in front of me and then says, “What? No applause?”
“I was getting my water bottle,” I say, picking it up off the ground by my feet.
“Sure took you a long time to get it,” he says, winking at me.
I will not be charmed by Nathan Booth, I tell myself.
“I also wanted to see how good you were. I need to know if you’re going to wreck any of the horses I let you train and ride,” I say, raising my defenses.
“That’s not the deal we had, Viper. You let me train, I help with social media, simple as that.” He takes his hat off, and shakes out his mane of thick chestnut hair, and then pushes it away from his face. Oh how I wish he had a receding hairline and grey hairs.
“What deal?” Beau asks.
Nathan looks sheepish and I realize that we had the same idea: don’t tell perfect, honorable Beau about our deal because he’ll disapprove.
“We’re just helping each other out,” I say to Beau sweetly. “It’s fine, I swear.”
“Well, I’m glad you two have decided to be friends,” Beau says.
“That’s not what I?—”
“It means a lot to me that you two are getting along,” Beau continues. “So let’s celebrate by going out tonight.”
“But,” I start to say.
“But what? It’s Saturday, the Neon Horseshoe has dancing, and Jenny’s parents are watching Lila. It’s perfect.”
I can’t bring myself to dash Beau’s hopes. Especially not if Jenny can come out tonight. I think my brother has had a crush on Jenny since she arrived two years ago, and he’s just too upstanding to make a move unless he knows that she’s definitely interested. I glance at Nathan, and see that he’s smiling at my brother, unable to disappoint him either.
“Sure, Beau. Going out sounds great,” I say, pasting a smile onto my face.
I try not to think about going out to the Neon Horseshoe for the rest of the day. I work with Nico and snap a few photos of him for the barn’s social media. I finish up the ordering for the next month, meticulously counting out everything we’ll need. I do throw in some extra bags of treats, though, because the boarding fees Nathan pays have given me some cash to play around with for once.
But when I get back to the house just after 5:00 p.m., there’s no denying that it’s time to get ready. We’re eating at the bar, because on Saturdays they do a barbecue pop-up. So I need to find something to wear for dinner, and then the inevitable drinks and dancing. It’s a tall order for someone whose closet is composed of jeans, t-shirts, and cowboy boots.
Jenny is feeding Lila dinner and getting her ready to spend the night with her grandparents, so I call in the big guns: my best friend Winnie, otherwise known as Miss Alabama 2023. Winnie picks up on the first ring, her face filling my screen.
“Oh thank God,” she says. “Your call just saved me from talking to my mother about next year’s pageants.”
“I thought you wanted to quit,” I say.
“I do. But I haven’t told them that yet,” Winnie says quietly. “I’m waiting for the right moment.”
I don’t say that there will never be a right moment because her parents will never, ever react well to the idea of Winnie quitting pageants and social media. If she does, their cash cow will dry up and they’ll wish they hadn’t blown through Winnie’s grandparents’ money so fast.
“Only a few years until you can access your trust, right?” I ask.
“Exactly. And then I’ll be free as a bird,” Winnie says. “But enough on me. Why’d you call, sweet cheeks? That sexy looking cowboy giving you a hard time again?”
She snickers as she says “hard,” and I just roll my eyes. “No, not really. We’re actually working on some things together.” I explain our little deal to Winnie and she loves it, and characteristically says I should ask him for his help with a few other things as well.
“Just think what a man like that can do with his body, Candice,” she says, whistling.
“No thanks, not interested.”
“Well, I would be. Especially in a town like Star Mountain. I mean who else is there to fuck, let alone date, out there?”
“No one. Unless you think the idiots I went to high school with are worthwhile,” I say, hiding a wince. One of those idiots happens to be the only boyfriend I ever had, when I was nineteen. I’m desperately hoping he isn’t at the Neon Horseshoe tonight.
“Why not Nate, then? At least for some fun,” Winnie says.
“Even if I wanted him Win, which I don’t, he’d never go for me,” I say. “Nathan can have any girl he wants and often does, and I’m not interested in a man like that. We’re going out tonight, though. Everyone from the barn, including Nathan.”
“Ohhh, exciting. So you called for makeup and clothing advice?” On the screen, my friend’s big blue eyes have taken on a gleam and she’s clearly excited. Winnie always wants to give me clothing advice, but I hardly ever let her.
“Yes,” I admit. “Work your magic on me.”
“Alright. Well, first thing’s first, flip the camera around and let me see what’s in your closet.”
I walk Winnie through the options, which are pretty few and far between, and she settles on a pair of bell-bottom jeans that were my mom’s and an oversized white top with pearl buttons
“This thing? Really?” I ask. “I’m going to look like I work on a dude ranch.”
“Not when I’m done with you, you won’t,” Winnie says. “Are you okay wearing your mom’s jeans, though?”
“I am,” I say, fingering the soft, well-worn denim. “I like feeling connected to her like this.”
“Good, because you’re going to look hot as shit in them,” she says.
Winnie talks me through how to style the clothes, telling me how to drape, button, and tie the shirt so that it exposes my shoulders and a bit of midriff.
“Do you have any cowboy boots that aren’t covered in horse shit?” she asks.
I roll my eyes but say, “Well, I have a pair of white ones with some embroidery that I’ve always been too afraid to wear,” I say. Grammy bought them for me for my sixteenth birthday, after seeing me staring at them in a shop. They were expensive and not something we could really afford under normal circumstances, but she waited and waited until they went on sale and then scooped them up. I haven’t worn them out in years.
“Those will be perfect! Show me,” Winnie says.
I dig the boots out of the back of my closet, and choke on a bit of dust as I do. I brush them off and then show them to Winnie on the screen. They’re white and cream leather, with blue and red embroidered paisley designs up the sides.
“Oh my god,” Winnie shrieks. “Candice, those are stunning! You’ve been hiding them from me for all this time! I can’t believe you.”
The only thing Winnie loves more than clothes is singing, so her reaction makes sense. I went to visit her in Alabama one time and her closet was about the size of my bedroom.
“I’m scared to wear them. I’m always so worried about getting dirt on them,” I say.
“Leather conditioner works wonders, dear,” she says. “Now let me see the whole thing.”
I pull on the boots and then back away from the phone and do a twirl for Winnie. My friend rubs her hands together in evil delight and says, “Sexy rodeo man ain’t gonna know what hit him. Just add your belt with the silver buckle and you’ll be perfect.”
I can’t help but smile at her words because frankly, I am excited to see the look on Nathan’s face when he sees me as something, someone other than just a lonely girl in a barn. Winnie talks me through how to do my eye makeup and which lipstick color to choose and then we hang up. I grab my jean jacket, pop Gramps’s black Stetson back on my head, and head out, dressed in the pieces of my family and holding them close to my heart.