25. Candice
25
CANDICE
Nathan’s bed is extremely comfortable. It’s like sleeping on a supportive cloud, and it molds perfectly to my body. He must really hate sleeping on the shitty beds in the bunkhouse if this is what he’s used to. I feel a twinge of guilt. Tomás complained enough that I bought him a new mattress and bed last year, but Nathan hasn’t said one word about the accommodation in the bunkhouse since our initial discussion. I expected him to bitch and moan about it, to make it clear that our worn-down barn wasn’t good enough for him.
My expectations of Nathan rarely match up with reality, though. I expected him to be the type of rider who cares more about winning than he does about his horses, but that is clearly not true. I expected him to give up on working with Brown Sugar after seeing how difficult it can be, but he’s stuck with it and has actually gotten somewhere with her. I expected him to tell me no and brush me off when I asked him to help me with, uh, practicing, but he took me seriously.
He always takes me seriously. Even when we’re butting heads, he respects me. He listens, even if he ends up poking fun at me. And I admit, sometimes I like when he makes fun of me. I’m still mulling over what all of this means when Nathan comes into the room a few minutes later.
“I see you’ve made yourself at home,” he says, surveying the cocoon of blankets and pillows I’ve made for myself on the bed.
“It’s a very comfortable bed. It’s making me feel slightly guilty for making you sleep in the bunkhouse,” I say, grinning.
“Oh yeah?” He prowls over to the bed, eyes gleaming, looking not unlike a lion stalking its prey. “Are you saying you want to invite me to stay with you and Beau in the main house?” He’s so close to me now that I can smell his comforting scent of leather and vanilla. He leans over me, bracing his hands on the mattress on either side of my body.
“No,” I say, tipping my head back to look him dead in the eye. “Beau can’t know about us.”
His gaze shutters, like the reminder of the reality of our situation has put out the fire that was kindled inside of him. But that makes no sense. Nathan has more to lose than I do from Beau finding out. My brother won’t be able to stay mad at me, but he could remain angry with Nathan for lying. For agreeing to this silly deal in the first place.
“Nathan,” I ask softly. “What is it? What’s wrong?”
He leans in and trails his mouth along the skin of my neck. And as much as it feels good, I don’t want to hook up with him when he’s upset about something.
I place my hand against his chest and gently push him away.
“Please tell me,” I say.
“It’s nothing. I promise it’s nothing.”
I don’t want to push—I’m learning that behind Nathan’s cheerful, charismatic exterior, is a man who is deeply private about some things. I still don’t know what happened to his dad, other than that he left.
Nathan comes around to the other side of the bed and lays down, stretching his long body out and sighing deeply.
“Why don’t you tell me about what you think happened between us the first time we met?” he asks. “I told you I’d ask you in the car. I don’t know if you remember but?—”
“I remember,” I say, my heart sinking, because this is the worst possible moment to tell him. “But I don’t want to tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want to make you more upset.”
“I’m not upset.”
“God, could you admit you’re in a bad mood for like one second?” I ask, shaking my head. “I know it doesn’t fit in with your usual easy-going personality, but it’s okay. It’s just me. The Viper, remember? I won’t care if you’re upset. I can handle it.”
Nathan crosses his arms and glares at me, which makes me laugh. He looks like a petulant little kid.
“Fine,” he says. “My brothers and I were drinking and we got to talking about our feelings, which is never a good combination. I’m not in the best mood.”
“There,” I say. “That wasn’t so hard.”
“Whatever,” he says. “But now you have to tell me.”
“Are you sure you want to know?”
“Yes.”
“Fine. But you asked for it.” I take a deep breath, and then begin. “I know the way you remember it, I ignored you all night. But I was actually really excited to meet you. Back then, before my grandparents died, I wanted to start working with Western riders and cowboys. I loved working with rescue horses, but I wanted to try something different, and I thought you could help me get my start.”
Nathan’s gaze looks pensive, like he’s not sure how to react. I plunge ahead, knowing I just need to rip the Band-Aid off.
“I tried to talk to you about training Ballantine and you brushed me off. You looked at me like I didn’t interest you at all. I spent the night alone at the bar because I was too upset to try talking to you again.”
“And I spent the night drinking and flirting with women,” he finishes.
I nod. “And then, when you came over to try and talk to me again as we were leaving, you said something about how I didn’t have to hide out alone at the bar. Maybe you were just trying to get me to come out of my shell, but I felt like you were highlighting how pathetic I was. That’s why I lashed out at you and called you an idiotic playboy.”
Nathan winces. “I was an idiot back then. I should have spent the time actually trying to get to know you, but I was only interested in drinking, sex, and talking about myself. I felt like you were being rude, sitting by yourself and refusing to party with us. But you were actually just disappointed by the person I turned out to be.”
“You’re not really like that though, are you?” I ask. “You’ve been in Star Mountain for a good few weeks and you haven’t gone out much or um, flirted a lot.”
“I flirt with you,” Nathan says, his charming smile slipping over his face.
“Don’t deflect,” I murmur. “I was being serious. You seem different from the man I met all those years ago. What changed?”
Nathan goes quiet, and won’t look directly at me.
“I grew up,” he says finally. “And I decided I couldn’t just be a player and a partier forever.”
“Okay,” I say, though I have a hunch there’s more to the story.
“I’m sorry,” he says. “For making you feel so small back then. I would have hated me, too.”
“I don’t think I hate you anymore,” I say, giving him a small smile. “And for what it’s worth, I’m not disappointed by you. You’re not an idiotic playboy with sawdust for brains.”
Nathan rewards me with a matching smile of his own. “I don’t hate you either, Viper.”
Nathan kisses me softly on the cheek, and then gets up and starts getting ready for bed. He tugs off his shirt and jeans, and for a brief moment I get to stare at him in just his boxer shorts. He’s seen me naked, but I’ve never seen him this exposed, and I drink in the long contours of his tan, muscular back, and admire the curve of his ass.
“Stop ogling, Viper,” he says, without turning to look at me.
“How did you know?” I ask, not bothering to lie and say I wasn’t starting. We’re both too deep into this now for lies—Nathan knows I want him, and I know he wants me back. This thing between us might just be for practice, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t real.
“I can feel you staring,” he says, turning around as he pulls on a pair of sweatpants.
“Guilty as charged,” I say softly.
Nathan slides into bed beside me and then turns off the lamp.
“Is it alright if we don’t do anything tonight?” he asks.
“Of course,” I say. “I’m still pretty tired from earlier despite my nap, and we both need our sleep.”
“Good night, Viper,” he says from his side of the bed.
“Night, Nathan.”
While Nathan and I started the night on opposite sides of the bed, we wake up the next morning in a tangled mess of limbs. He’s draped around me, and has pulled me against his chest, his hips pressing against my ass.
“Morning Candice,” he says in a sleepy voice.
“Morning,” I say around a yawn. I don’t move away from him, and rather settle back into his warmth. It feels nice to be held like this.
Nathan pulls me closer, and I feel the hard length of him pressed against me. My cheeks flame, and I think about the fact that I’ve never actually seen his cock.
“Nathan,” I say. “Can you, um…” I try to find the right words. “I want to touch you.” There. Simple, straightforward.
Nathan groans into my hair and jerks his hips, grinding against my ass even more.
“Fuck, Candice. I’m sorry for being hard, I can’t help it. You don’t need to touch me.”
“I want to, though.” I can feel my face heating even more.
“I’m supposed to be teaching you about pleasure, not the other way around.”
“Well, I need you to teach me everything, I think,” I say. “I’ve never, um…I’ve never given a blow job before but I want to try.”
“On me?” Nathan asks, his voice catching a bit.
“Yes, on you. Who else?” I say, rolling over to face him. “We don’t have to though, obviously.”
“No! I mean, yes! Please give me a blow job, Candice.” He closes his eyes and winces, like he can’t believe he just said please. “God, with you I’m a far cry from the smooth player I used to be,” he says.
“Do I make you nervous?” I tease.
“I’m never nervous.”
“Sure you’re not. But don’t worry, I’ll go easy on you.”
“Easy is not in your vocabulary Candice Wilson.”
Then, a knock sounds at the door and his mom’s voice calls out, “Breakfast in five minutes you two! I made pancakes.”
“Be there in a moment,” Nathan says. “Just getting dressed.”
“Stop cock blocking Nate, Ma,” one of his brothers yells from another room.
“Oh my God,” I whisper. “How have they already figured it out?”
“Don’t worry,” Nathan says, a note of something like sadness in his voice. “I didn’t say anything. We’re safe. They just think I have a thing for you is all.”
“It’s not that I’m ashamed of you or anything,” I say after a moment, realizing that might be why he sounds upset. “It’s just Beau. And your brothers know him pretty well since he used to work summers here at the ranch so…I just don’t want him to find out about us. At least not from someone other than me, and not about our lessons either.”
Nathan nods, just once, but his face looks tense. I feel like I’m making a mess of whatever is between us—like things are rapidly spinning out of my control. This was supposed to be simple and easy—fun—but when he gets that look in his eyes, I’m not sure what to make of it.
We get out of bed, and as soon as we’re dressed in the same clothes we wore yesterday, we make our way to the kitchen. We’re greeted by the smell of pancakes and syrup, and coffee. The coffee in particular smells divine, and I make a beeline for the carafe.
Cassandra is making herself a cup too and she wordlessly hands me a glass bottle of whole milk. I can tell from her demeanor that she’s not a person of many words in the morning, so I take it and smile rather than trying to engage her in conversation. I dump some sugar and milk into my coffee, and after the first few sips, I start to feel settled.
Things with Nathan and I are fine, and are going to stay that way. He’s probably just feeling bad about lying by omission to his best friend. I decide that when we get back to Star Mountain, I’ll work on figuring out how to tell Beau that Nathan and I are involved casually. I don’t want to ruin their friendship.
I take a seat at the kitchen table, and a heaping pile of pancakes appears in front of me immediately, as if by magic. They’re blueberry, and dotted with butter and syrup.
“Are you two going to head back to Star Mountain today?” Susan asks from the other end of the table.
“Depends on the roads,” Nathan says, catching my eyes.
“The roads will be fine given that the snow has stopped,” Cameron says, around a mouthful of pancake.
“We’ll give it another couple of hours just to be safe,” Nathan says.
I mouth “Thank you” at him and don’t even care if anyone sees. He’s looking out for me—prioritizing my needs and making sure we won’t start driving until it’s absolutely safe.
“You should go for a ride,” Cassandra says, speaking her first words all breakfast. “It’s cold out but it might be nice to show Candice some of the ranch.”
“I’d love that,” I say immediately. I might not like driving in the snow, but I absolutely love riding in the snow. And I’d love to see some of the cutting horses they have in the stables again. Horses who have the innate cow sense needed to make good cutters fascinate me, and I’ve always wanted to work with them.
“Nathan?” I prompt, as he’s still silently chewing his pancakes and hasn’t responded to Cassandra’s suggestion.
“Oh, yeah, of course I’ll take you. We can go for a long ride and then check the road conditions when we get back.”
“Great,” I say, smiling over my coffee mug.
Nathan smiles back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.