Chapter 3
Roishin
S omething fuzzy hit my face and startled me out of a sound sleep.
I pulled it away and sat up, clutching the covers and whatever it was, to my chest. I double-checked to make sure I was still wearing the ugly nightgown I’d pulled off a discount shelf at a chain store.
I was. The ruffles and purple flowers mocked me.
I’d never wear something like this if I had my way.
But it kept Carl at bay. The shapeless flannel and the crown of braids I oiled with un-fragranced castor oil were an additional layer of deterrent to any “plans” he had on my person. I wore its ugliness like armor.
“ Put that on,” Carl ordered.
I examined the garment. It was a cilice, or in simpler terms, a hair shirt. I’d never seen one in real life. “ Why ?”
“ You took the car without asking.”
Damn it. He’d figured it out. But I had no idea how. “ You gave me the keys.” Right after the mechanic upped the list of things wrong with my car. Its demise strangely coinciding with my deal with Carl .
He took a step forward and ripped the comforter away. “ Put it on, or I will put it on you.”
I scrambled to pull it over my head, then tug it over the nightgown. Technically , I’d put it on.
His eyes narrowed. “ You will wear it all day, tonight, and into tomorrow. I will tell you when to take it off. And , in case you think I didn’t notice your defiance just now? Let me be clear. It will be worn against your skin. Do not wear a bra today. Understand ?”
I nodded.
Carl didn’t smile. “ We’re visiting Beth today.”
Right . The stem cell donation and hopefully the end to this horror show.
I scrambled out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans before anything else.
Carl watched me fumble with the process of pulling my nightgown off from under the cilice.
As the fibers met my bare skin, I flinched.
There were jagged pieces woven into the wool.
Hair , or something sharper poked at my skin, causing it to twitch in irritation.
But I knew better than to scratch because, while I’d never seen one, I’d heard about their torturous results.
From the Devil himself.
Carl smiled and took a step closer. I froze.
He ran a hand down the wool, caressing it, not me. I held my breath as he swept over my breast.
His eyes locked with mine and his hand stilled…there. Slowly , his fingers curled and dug in.
I clamped my teeth shut so I wouldn’t cry out.
This wasn’t about sex. It was about control.
My tears or my pain would egg him on. I detached my body from my spirit.
I let that unnatural beast shine through my eyes.
He could never touch that. No matter how degrading he got, my will would only hate him more. Eventually , I’d kill him.
Maybe tomorrow ? It begged to be set loose.
Two months. That was the maximum span to confirm his stem cells multiplied inside Beth and formed her own healthy blood cells. I could do this.
Especially since after today, I’d be free of him. I’d promised Beth I’d leave.
I’d be her slave forever if it kept me away from Carl . I’d be anyone’s slave if they kept me out of Carl’s “tender” clutches.
He let go. “ Blue shirt. Wear the cross.”
Like hell I’d wear the jewelry. “ The clasp is broken.” I’d done that when I returned that night. He couldn’t force me to pretend piety.
He dug inside the jewelry box he’d purchased when all my blessed jewelry went missing in the move.
When he found the cross, he looked at the broken clasp and the empty slot where the pin should be. I’d lost it in the floorboards. Tragic … not .
“ You did this.”
That wasn’t a question. And moreover, the real question was, “ Do you dare to defy me?”
“ Yes .”
He wrapped it around his hand. The frail gold chain snapped as he made a fist.
I waited for him to hit me.
But he thought through what that would do. Beth would notice. Moreover , her husband, John , would. And he’d call the cops, without hesitation. I doubted Carl wanted to spend his next two months in jail.
My tormentor’s mouth curved upward. “ After .”
Whatever . I kicked the delay can down the road, hoping I could appease him enough to soften the blow.
I put on the plain, button-down, blue shirt.
It was too tight to wear without a bra. The cilice helped to smooth the front panels and hide my nipples.
But that only meant that the added pressure poked the sharper fibers into my skin with more pain.
I bore it knowing after the hospital visit, there would be worse.
His mom hugged me, then frowned. “ You’re not wearing a bra.” Her tone clearly implied I was a morally loose person for it.
“ Your son wanted it that way.”
“ Carl !” The admonition was sharp. I refrained from showing any emotion because it would be misconstrued.
“ She has a rash, mother. I was looking out for her comfort, that’s all.”
It was amazing how easily he lied.
“ That’s my son. The Lord says, ‘ Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself.’ Ephesians .”
Carl rattled off the chapter and verse before his father could. “ I remember.”
“ But as the representative of his household, she should learn better decorum, and deal with the discomfort. And let me remind you, she’s not his wife, yet.
” His mother was obviously not convinced of my value.
Her tone implied that it would be a cold day in Hell before Carl and I were married.
And that was a topic I wholeheartedly agreed with her on.
John , Beth’s husband, interrupted their “discussion.” “ Beth’s checked in. They’re allowing only three visitors; did you want to see her?”
Carl’s mother lifted her chin and looked to her husband for direction.
“ We don’t want to tire her out too much. I’ll come in after to pray with her.”
“ May I visit with her?” I asked Carl , not John or his parents.
John would say yes, enthusiastically. His parents?
Hell no. They were still piqued at me for living with Carl for the last few weeks.
But I knew that this entire farce would wear thin if I stayed in this room too long.
It must have shown on my face, because Carl nodded.
“ Shame ,” Carl’s mother muttered.
I didn’t bother to listen to the rest. John had to rush to keep up with me.
“ Walk any faster, and they’ll know you hate their guts.”
I stopped. “ They’ve known that since I was twelve. I’ve made no secret of it.”
He laughed quietly. While Beth and John had been together for almost as long as humanly possible, it wasn’t nearly as long as the history between Beth , Carl , and me.
Despite that, John knew all the gossip, and anything I’d ever confided to Beth .
“ How long are you going to keep play-acting with Carl this time?”
“ I’m leaving tonight.”
“ Will you need a ride?”
I might, but if I told him that, he’d show up. And then Carl would have one of his drug buddies shoot him. A tragedy, it would be called. A father of four, husband to a terminally ill woman, dead at age thirty. “ No .”
John shook his head. “ Call .”
“ As soon as I can. Don’t wait up.”
“ You know it will be a long night with kids. They’re upset she won’t be home, so…”
He’d be up. And he’d need help taking care of the kids tomorrow so he could get some much-needed rest. “ I saved a little cash for a cab just in case.”
“ Make sure Carl doesn’t find it,” he whispered.
“ Don’t worry about that. I have it covered.” I had it in a Ziploc bag I taped under the cilice. The irritation from the tape was almost more comfortable than the bits of hair and metal woven into the fabric.
I scrubbed my exposed skin, donned the protective gear, and masked up before entering Beth’s room.
She was pale and had lost more weight. “ Hey .” I tried to put as much positive energy into my smile so it showed in my eyes and transferred to her.
“ You made it.” Her voice was barely a whisper.
“ Wouldn’t miss it. This is going to do the trick. I just know it.” The cancer had come back despite being in remission for years. I knew the odds were grim, but not impossible. And that little sliver of hope I shoved to the front of my thoughts, willing it to be real.
Her smile faltered. “ Is Carl behaving?”
I nodded. The very last thing I wanted was for her to worry about me.
“ I’ve been watching him like a hawk. You’ve got nothing to worry about.
He’s probably going to live to a hundred with me cooking for him and keeping his house clean.
” But after today, all bets were off. I’d lace his food with arsenic or hemlock as soon as Beth was better. I kept that sentiment inside.
While John suspected the deal with Carl was all an act, Beth knew it was.
She’d been there when I listed all the reasons I’d never marry such an awful human.
So , when Carl announced our engagement in front of the whole family and all of Beth’s doctors in attendance, I had to think fast for an excuse to placate her.
I’d come up with the rationalization that I was living with Carl so he couldn’t do a damn thing to jeopardize his sister’s treatment—not wouldn’t, because we both knew he would if he could .
So , it was partly true.
She smiled weakly. “ John’s parents are going to help with the children. But I told them not to mention it in front of any of my family. You’re covered just in case you need a little more time to get away safely.”
“ I don’t need it. So , I guess I can focus on spoiling the kids rotten, then.” I winked.
“ Like my parents aren’t trying to do the same thing,” John muttered. He picked up Beth’s hand and their fingers intertwined like they had been doing that for years.