Chapter 17
Roishin
V ow or promise, we were finally alone. The raw desire to touch my skin against his skin burned brighter now that we didn’t have an audience.
We left my coat, boots, and both of our shirts just inside the door.
The jeans I’d been in for almost two days stayed on as I sashayed up the stairs with the hastily-wrapped bag of money in my hand.
I was tempted to break open the stacks and drop the Benjamins like bread crumbs. Instead , I laid the bag on Bear’s dresser before tugging off the pants that clung to me like leeches.
My struggling caught his attention. His low laughter was at my expense.
“ Getting rained on sucks.” It didn’t, really. I’d been almost too warm later in the day. And the leather chaps kept the wind at bay much better than my clothing ever would. But the moisture and ride made the exposed denim stick in place.
He picked me up and tossed me on the bed. “ Lift .” He pulled my leg toward him and tugged.
The material let loose, and he got one leg free. The other side released much easier, and I could finally breathe freely. I panted and let the cool air of his house dry my skin. “ I need a shower.” A hot one. And maybe a soak in the tub.
Instead of answering me, Bear tore off his pants and attacked my legs with open-mouthed kisses that began at my calves and moved rapidly to the inside of my thighs.
I tensed.
He paused, both hands curled over my thighs, fingers dangerously close to my underwear.
His weight made it impossible to move. He studied me and rested his chin on his hands. “ Scared ?”
A glitter of challenge winked in his eyes.
“ No .” That wasn’t convincing because the word wavered in the air.
His eyebrow rose. He took a quick breath, then buried his nose against my underwear and inhaled deeply, twice. His groan of pleasure rumbled against my legs.
I flushed red. No one had ever savored me with such…abandon before.
“ I need a shower.”
“ No , you don’t. Not until I’m done with you.
In the meantime, we’re just going to get dirtier .
” He worked his fingers deeper between my clamped thighs, breaking my resolve to bar his access.
Once successful, he pulled the gusset of my panties away from my skin and fingered under the edge of the elastic.
As he did, a knuckle or a fingertip brushed my clit.
It repeated, circling my entrance, and the yearning for more than just that light touch took hold of my gut.
My breath stuttered with longing. I arched to make the accidental contact hit the right spots, but he played with me instead.
The brushes were more frequent, but still not hard or deep enough to be more than a whiff of sensation before they disappeared and left me keening with desire.
I pulled up my bra to roll my exposed nipples between my fingertips. The contrast of light touches with the hard squeezes I’d practiced on myself was unbearable. I begged.
“ Bear , please.”
His rumbled chuckle wasn’t an answer.
I tried again. “ I need more.”
That got a response. He lifted his weight from my legs and pulled my panties off. Then he tugged me into sitting position and expertly unsnapped my bra. It landed on the floor somewhere over his shoulder.
Then he stopped.
Just stopped.
I covered my breasts with my hands because it was almost as if he’d never seen boobs before.
His eyes flicked to mine. A grin slid across his face and he settled onto his heels. Both hands slowly spread wide. “ I’m waiting.”
For what? “ I said I need more.”
“ Yeah . You did.” He glanced away, almost daring me to slap him for his distraction. The grin that had worked into place now quirked to one side.
He was toying with me.
I scooted forward to move closer. With one finger, I snapped the elastic band of his boxers. “ Take these off, and find a condom.”
For a moment I thought he’d disobey me. It was there, in the quick glance he gave me before standing up. He took his time, stretching tall, his lumberjack-thick form smoothing into sinewy muscles and an art-study of surfaces I desperately wanted to examine more closely.
Then his thumbs slipped under the waistband and tugged the cotton downward. It hung up on his impressive bulge for a moment. Another tug and his cock sprang loose, bounced slightly and swung free as he stepped out of one side of the boxers then the other.
Big . Maybe not gargantuan, but definitely on the “weighty” side of the well-endowed spectrum.
I needed my hands on it. One hand would definitely be inadequate. But he crossed to the nightstand and out of my reach.
The drawer squeaked with age. The rustle of plastic confirmed that he’d complied with the second part of my order.
“ Good man. Set that down on the bed right here.” I placed a fingertip on the fitted sheet just below the pillow closest to him.
“ Then kneel on the bed, facing me.” I moved to make room for him and patted the mattress so he’d know exactly where I wanted him. The position was eerily similar to where he’d frozen in place, realizing that he owed me “anything I wanted” rather than bossing me around like he’d been doing.
And while that was hot, it also was perilously close to one of my biggest triggers. I’d spent years overcoming fears and issues. However , some were hard lines that should never be desensitized. Like consent. We were consenting here. Or so I hoped.
I mirrored him. Kneeling in front of him, naked as he was.
Not touching, not crossing the boundary he didn’t know I’d established.
I chose my words very carefully. “ Tonight , I want to explore you. But …” I held a finger in the air, “… I do not want to break you. I want you willing and—” my voice faltered, the words log jamming on my tongue.
His head tilted to the side. “ Rose ?”
“ A moment, please?” This was important. My hand quivered. I tucked it under my knee to hide the weakness. With a swallow and bravado I didn’t feel, I plowed on. “ I want you willing and fully participating. I want you. I want real, not ordered against your will, and not fake.”
The rest of my churning thoughts fled. Cowards .
Bear leaned closer. With a careful touch, he moved one braid behind my shoulder. His fingers trailed along my arm softly. The skimming touch angled sharply inward and jumped from safe to sensual as the tips landed on my breast.
He circled my nipple twice before his hand stilled. The weight lightly bearing down as his hand flattened against my skin.
The quaking of my body turned into a quiver of anticipation.
But he hesitated, trapping my gaze in his.
In an echo of my own words, he said, “ I want you willing. I want you begging. I do want to break you, but in the most…” his inhale shook, “ delightful ways. I want you so perfectly undone that you come back reformed and stronger. Like steel. Are you with me, Rose ?”
Tingles started at my shoulders and washed down my skin as goosebumps formed on my flesh. He’d seen through me. Into me. And spoke to my soul.
I nodded.
“ Say it. Say you’re with me.”
“ I am.” Completely , utterly, unquestionably.
The sirens’ call to lean on his strength, kiss his warm skin, and soak up all the power he held trapped me in a magical state of wonder and shuddering bliss.
With a man like this at my side, behind me, leading me, no matter where he was, I felt safe.
And if I had to timidly admit, slightly frightened of the ease which he lifted me, arranged me for his needs, and how he held my fate in his hands as he let me ride him.
Undone wasn’t a light word. The precipice of that mountain of trauma I carried was tall.
Diving off it was a challenge of will and by doing so, I cracked open a door I’d kept locked for years.
My heart’s blood and hope spilled out, but in a congealed mass that clogged in place.
Not only had I cut myself off from love, but from being able to love.
Sobered by that realization, I focused outward. Bear held me on his lap. I’d exhausted myself to the point my thighs shook and my knees ached. My breath was tight when I met his eyes.
“ There you are.” He lifted me once, lowering me slowly on his impressive dick.
I settled, this time not fighting gravity. He fixed in place deep inside me. Goddess , why can’t I let go? Was I that broken that there was nothing left?
His heavy hand caressed my cheek and tangled in my hair. A ring caught, tugging one or two strands free. I slapped my hand over his. “ Careful , you’re caught.”
With gentle care, he extracted his fingers.
The twin strands that had broken free clung to the jagged edge of his ring that had snared them. He pulled them free and handed them to me.
“ Sorry about that.” With me still deeply planted on his lap, he pulled off his rings and wrapped an arm around me to lean over and place each one on the nightstand. “ Let’s do that again. This time, I’ll try not to pull your hair.”
His fingers tangled and massaged my scalp. I leaned into the pressure and tried not to remember Carl pulling my hair free and casting his spell. The strands Bear had given me felt weightless, but as monolithic as a sacred artifact.
Quickly , I twisted the strands, wrapping them around my fingers and created a loop that doubled, then doubled again. In my thoughts, I composed a blessing of protection.
Bear kissed me, sealing the spell. As he broke away, his head tipped to the side. It was an attempt to see past my walls, into the shadows, and take a peek at my blackened soul. I set a hand on his chest to make space between us. I held up the small ring of hair I’d created. “ Hold out your hand.”
He did as asked. I slipped the featherlight loop on his smallest finger.
“ A part of me, fleeting and insignificant, but freely given. May it protect you.”
His eyes widened and his throat worked to swallow. He adjusted the loop, so it sat tight against his skin. “ I have nothing for you.”
“ You’ve given me a chance to breathe again.”
And just like that, I found strength. More than that, I found joy.
Pleasure . Setting the pace and finding the right blend of arch and friction, I came.
Just flutters like butterfly wings, but it was real, not pretended, not induced through mechanical means, and certainly not torn from my flesh through pain and blood.
I shoved those thoughts away and buried my nose against his skin. That subtle scent of his made my heart swell. I was free. Or at least willingly trapped here. Bear wasn’t an ogre, and had proven himself over and over again.
“ You don’t need to buy me things.”
He grunted and arched upward, still not sated. “ Don’t tell me what to do.”
I grabbed his hair and tugged to get his attention. “ Not even to suggest you flip me around to put me on my hands and knees so you can fuck me harder?”
His eyes flashed with desire. “ Woman .”
“ Do it.”
He lifted me completely off his dick and threw me on the bed. “ Roll over. Now .”
I hurried to comply, sticking my ass in the air so he could impale me again.
His thumb ran through my slick pussy. It stopped against my anus.
I shuddered. “ No .”
His hand lifted from me and the cool air of his house was not a substitute I wanted. “ Fuck me, please?”
In response, he dragged his cock where his thumb had been, stopping short to notch at the opening to my vagina. “ Here ?”
“ Bear ,” I warned. If he didn’t start fucking me soon, I was going to rescind my invitation.
“ Bossy , ain’t ya?”
I lowered my ass and shot him a look over my shoulder.
But he had other plans.
Bear grabbed both of my ankles and tugged until I was splayed out on my stomach, my legs were forced wide by his thighs.
I quickly hooked my feet against his calves to balance in place. My sex open and ready for his cock.
This time, he thrust into me. The movement shoved me face first into the mattress as he pounded away.
Each time his cock rammed home, I gasped.
Not from pain or fear, but from the desire that sprung from a morbid hollow in my soul that reveled in dancing a knife’s edge.
I pressed my body against his, fighting for more power, more pressure, more danger.
It longed for the moment when the snapping thread of sanity broke loose and ripped me apart so it could finally run wild and free.
Did it? Maybe . But it didn’t take over. It fled to some unknown place in the spirit realm leaving me pulsing in ecstasy and drained.
Bear’s grunt of pleasure punctuated the pulsing of his dick deep inside me. My matching flutters were double-timed to the heartbeats of his orgasm.
Until everything quieted. My breaths, his thrusts, my racing heart, his mindless curses, they all faded into peace.
He pulled out, holding the condom in place. “ I didn’t hurt you, did I ?”
My groan was real. But I mourned the loss of him not the ache in my back. “ I’m good,” I slurred. I fell to my side, letting my body curl in on itself, so I could ride the wave of orgasmic bliss a bit longer.
His heavy hand stroked my ass and stopped on my thigh. “ More than good.” I soaked in the bliss of our connection as he paused in place.
Bear lifted his hand and slapped my ass. “ Fucking great.”
Dick .
He disappeared into his bathroom.
Just for that, I was going to roll to the other side and make him sleep in the wet spot. Jerk .