Chapter 29
Roishin
B ear dropped me off at the hospital with hurried instructions.
“ I’ll be back by three. KC’s arraignment and release shouldn’t take that long.
Don’t leave without me. Don’t stand by the doors, find somewhere public to stay, and for fuck’s sake, don’t get yourself tangled up with any of Carl’s bullshit. ”
Obviously , his dark mood centered around me. Or at the very least, the hell I’d brought to the club. Every day it was something new. From break-ins at their businesses, to deals going wrong, Carl was doing his damnedest to make their life miserable.
Through it all, Bear siloed me from knowing why. Like I hadn’t heard the twelve phone calls in the last three days? Or noticed how members greeted him with glee, but barely acknowledged my presence?
Thank goodness Kate hadn’t snubbed me yet. In fact, she and her daughter went out of their way to include me in their little circle.
But I knew I didn’t belong.
Worse ? The clock was ticking down to the day I’d have to leave.
I knew that. Bear knew that.
Hell , all of the Destroyers knew I was gone as of November first.
But oddly, their women thought differently. Their friendship was the one bright point of this entire week. Yet , I still needed Beth . So , I begged Bear to take me to the hospital to see her.
It was bad timing for it. KC’s arraignment was today. They’d delayed it twice, keeping him locked up for no reason. The Destroyers and their legal team were livid and threatening to sue.
KC couldn’t properly mourn his friend’s loss, and was getting blamed for it.
While Bear didn’t outright say anything, I knew he stood like a wall between me and the club members blaming me for the situation. And the stress of it showed in his gruff demands.
“ I’ll be in that waiting room, or the cafeteria down the hall.”
His beard shifted with the clench of his jaw. “ You got your phone with you?”
I nodded.
But there was no one to call, save Bear . With all the problems and KC in jail, they were stretched thin. Jackson even postponed one of his trips to remain home with his family.
“ I’ll have mine off while in the courthouse, but…”
“ I’ll text you messages with updates. I’ll be fine.”
“ I don’t like this. Are you sure it can’t wait?”
That I was completely certain of. The closest donor the club found didn’t match.
And searches elsewhere were taking too long.
“ Tomorrow is Fish’s funeral and your Friday club meeting.
And her visiting hours on weekends are limited because of how vulnerable she is. And by Monday , I’ll be with Carl so?—”
“ No , you won’t.”
I didn’t want to argue with him here. “ He’s going to keep causing problems for?—”
“ You ain’t going back.”
If only that were true. “ You’re going to be late for the court appointment. Go .”
“ Rose …”
“ Bear , go. KC needs you. I’m fine here and I’m going to stay fine. Go .”
He didn’t move.
“ Bear ?”
“ Vow to me that you’ll be here when I get back.”
I blinked. “ What ?”
“ Vow . On your Goddess . You will be here when I get back. And , you’re going to come home with me today.”
He was serious. And also displaying a vulnerability I hadn’t seen before.
I moved close so our bodies touched from thigh to chest. “ I vow, on the Goddesses of nature, home, fire, and moonlight that I will be here in this hospital waiting for you. And I vow I will return to your home tonight and any night I physically can until your bargain with Carl is done.”
I touched his cheek, above his beard, and very quietly told him, “ You’re not losing me today.”
His shoulders lost some of their tension as he bent. Our noses touched and he waited there for a moment, just connecting with me.
My lips hit his skin, and I trailed kisses up his cheekbone to his forehead. I ended between his brows where his third eye rested. To that spot I sent intent and will to back up my words. “ Because I fucking said so .”
If my words were out loud or not didn’t matter. I stared him in the eye and showed him my desire to remain true to my word. “ I will be here.”
He kissed my lips and nodded.
The air was colder without his presence.
Yet the warmth crept back in because I got a whole twenty minutes with Beth .
They’d moved her to a room with a sunny southern exposure.
Hand -colored pictures of different sizes, skillsets, and types of paper clung to every vertical surface.
Even June contributed bright scribbles of pink, blue, green, and purple.
They were god-awful, but proof that her children hadn’t forgotten her.
“ Hey .” She slipped her hand into mine.
The shadows under her eyes were worse.
“ Gwen is getting pretty good at cursive.” I indicated a lovely hand-drawn card she’d made with “ Get Well Soon , Mommy ” written in carefully bold curves. It stood out against the backdrop of Harry and Arthur’s block letters and June’s shaky squiggles.
“ She is.” Beth was quiet, contemplating the wall of pictures. “ I started working through my end of life plan.”
The pain hit me like a hammer. I had to swallow at least twice to keep my tone positive. I knew this was coming. It shouldn’t be such a shock. But it was. “ How’s John taking it?”
Her lips were tight. “ He’s in denial.”
“ Not bartering?” I was well-acquainted with the seven stages of grief. Although , acceptance was my enemy. I’d never accept losing her.
“ No , you have that one covered.”
Her dart struck home. “ I intend to keep bartering until you’re better.”
Her sad eyes met mine. “ Don’t .”
I didn’t want to argue with her, either. “ I love you. And you can’t give up. I want you fighting every day for one more day.”
She’d told me the same thing once.
A sad smile hit her lips. “ We’ve been through some shit, haven’t we?”
I nodded.
Beth changed the subject. “ How’d you get here?”
“ Bear dropped me off. But I’m getting my car back soon.” One good thing about the confrontation in front of Zoe’s school was that a good ass kicking miraculously saved my car from thousands of dollars of repairs. The tow truck driver agreed to drop it off next week, no charge.
It couldn’t be this week while I was still with Bear , though. Funny how I could smell Carl’s dirty fingers all over that agreement.
She squeezed my hand. “ Take it and get far away. Find a lawyer and have him contact John or his father.”
“ I’m not leaving you.”
“ You have to.”
My head shook all on its own. “ I can’t. And I won’t. We’re in this together. No take-backsies.”
Her throat worked and triggered a coughing fit. I held her upright so she could sip some water. When she finally recovered enough to talk, she asked, “ You’re not going to listen to me, are you?”
“ Not on this.”
“ But …”
“ I’m not. You know you created a monster when you told me to get stubborn. I did. I listened then, and it saved my life. I can’t give that up, and I won’t ever. Now , I’m telling you to get stubborn.”
Her lips turned up. “ A monster. That’s funny.”
“ Damn straight it is.” The monster and the angel—that was us.
The smile didn’t leave her face like it normally did. “ That’s why you like Bear .”
She hit the truth there. It burst over me like a beam of sunlight in my soul, I brightened with joy. “ He’s the right kind of monster for me.”
“ Then grab onto him. With both hands and don’t let go.”
I wish I could. The silent thought flashed through my head before I could stop it. I smiled so it wouldn’t show on my face. In case it did, I made sure to warn Beth not to get her hopes up for me. “ He’s not the kind who would be happy in a cage.”
“ Love isn’t a cage.”
No , it was torture. Loss . Pain . Anger . All masked under a polite facade. Unless you stripped away the falsity and embraced the ugliness of it.
Maybe that was my way to reach acceptance?
I’d stripped away at myself, at the raw nature of the beast inside me, and Beth still let me sit at her side. That was love.
And it was beautiful. “ You’re going to make me cry.”
“ We can’t have that.” Her laugh was weak.
“ Nope .” I took a breath. “ When you get better this time, and the doctors release you from this place. Where are you going to go on vacation?”
This was something I’d done for her before. Plans , hopes, dreams…
“ Disney World .”
Ugh . How about nope ? “ With the kids?”
“ Of course.”
“ Woman , you need better dreams.”
“ Oh , come on, they’d love it. And you’ll come with us. They have a whole haunted mansion and the Tower of Terror and pirates… I bet Bear would fit right in.”
“ Pirates .” I smiled. “ Could you imagine a six-foot-something biker with piercings standing next to the park version of Jack Sparrow ?” I could. Bear’s beard and piercings would outstrip the fake ones any day.
“ John said your man is quite scary.”
“ Only on days that end in ‘y’.”
She laughed. “ Tell me about him.”
I did. From the latest bobbin of bone wrapped in his beard to the size of his feet.
She stuck her tongue out at that. “ We need to put his boots next to John’s .” A euphemism we’d discussed at length. Great length.
“ Bear’s bigger.”
“ You don’t know that.”
“ Naw , but I bet I can talk him into stripping naked in front of you and John to prove I’m right.”
Her shy smile meant she wasn’t convinced. Then she pulled the trump card. “ There’s a reason I have four kids.”
I held up my hands in defeat. “ You win.”
“ You’re just letting me win because I can’t kick your ass right now.”
Busted . “ Well , you just have to get better. Then we’ll see.” With that challenge in place, I felt a lot more hopeful leaving her. We both knew Carl needed a nudge to do the right thing. But maybe there was still hope in finding a different donor, if she’d just dig in and stay alive long enough.
That plagued my thoughts as I sipped horrible coffee and waited for Bear to return.
“ No bodyguards today?”
Carl slipped into the chair next to mine.
I set the cold cup down so I wouldn’t spill it. “ What are you doing here?”
He chuckled. “ Following you.”
That wasn’t creepy at all…right? “ Nice to see you care.”
His grin deepened. “ You know I don’t.”
I turned to face him. “ Then why go through all this?”
There was a glitter of light that danced across the shadows of his eyes. “ Because it brings me so much joy to see you sad.”
“ I think that’s the first honest thing you’ve said to me.”
“ Don’t get used to it.” His eyes dipped to my clothing. “ Harlot .”
“ Murderer .”
Another grin. “ It takes one to know one.”
“ How’d you kill Fish ?” I could use that information to bring justice to the world. Maybe in prison he wouldn’t have a choice whether to donate bone marrow or not.
His finger went up and wagged from side to side. “ You don’t get my secrets anymore, Mary - Rose .”
I leaned back. “ No ? A shame. This conversation’s going to be so short.”
That made his eyes narrow as he tried to see through me. Then he leaned forward. “ Did you know Beth has me banned from the visitor list? Her own donor can’t see her to wish her well.”
“ You’re not going to donate again.”
“ You and I know that. But the doctors don’t. They’re prepping me.” He tipped his head as if to say, See ? I can play this game better .
“ When’s your last shot?” They came in a series of daily doses. And if I could time a quick murder with his last dose, maybe…
“ Monday . And I expect you to be with me for that one.”
I saw the game clearly. “ Not sooner?” Hopefully , he’d say no just to spite me.
His face twitched as he adjusted his plan. “ Yes . Sooner . Tomorrow in fact. Unless you want to come with me now and save everyone the grief.”
“ I can’t go with you today. I promised I wouldn’t.”
There was a moment his face flushed red, but he remained infuriatingly calm in expression. “ Tomorrow then.”
“ I can’t tomorrow, that’s a day early. You made a bargain. That’s almost like making a vow.”
He scanned the cafeteria for anyone paying attention.
No one was. That emboldened him. “ Did you know that two members of the Destroyers own houses on a public lake?
It would be so easy for an early boater to pull out a sniper rifle and shoot that pregnant woman dead when she goes out to drink her morning tea.
Surely Sprout figured that out already. If not, I’d warn him as soon as I talked to Bear .
“ Or the other one? The pretty dark-haired one? She’s vulnerable every time she stops in front of the gate.
It takes two seconds to register her car on the sensor.
That’s two seconds too many. And she’s such a trusting soul.
Or maybe I’ll just go to Philadelphia and kill her sister. Lily is all alone there.”
Carl didn’t expect my reply. He motioned to the hospital around us.
“ And that old broad. The mom? She’s a target every time she takes an emergency room shift.
I don’t even have to be there. I can pull in a favor.
She’d be dead that very night. And you are already aware of how easy it is to get to Zoe . They can’t watch everyone all at once.”
He was right, there were too many variables to cover everyone. But he hadn’t factored in the Destroyers ’ propensity for violence. I’d witnessed firsthand how quickly that escalated. Even Zoe was a party to it.
“ How long do you think they’d let you live if you took one of their women out?”
“ They let the tow truck driver live.” He laughed.
That drew attention because most of the people in here had seen so much sorrow, laughter was almost foreign.
But with the clean-cut image he portrayed, and his easy smiles at the curious, they buried themselves back into their self-imposed misery to avoid thinking about joy.
“ They are so worried about losing their millions, they’re slipping.
They’ve become the establishment and are shackled by it. ”
The sheer relish he put into that word sent skitters up my spine.
“ Zoe was just a warning. Tomorrow , Rose . Come back to me before the sun sets, or someone else becomes a martyr on your altar of defiance.” He stood up and leaned in for a parting shot, “ I almost forgot, Happy Halloween .”