CHAPTER 9 A Conversation Within the Dream
“Why do you not go downstairs for a while, Jane,” said Charlotte, “while I sit with Elizabeth? Mr. Bingley is in the parlour with the doctor.”
Darcy saw Jane Bennet’s eyes light up for a fraction of a second before she gave a brief nod. “Thank you, Charlotte. I shall be downstairs if you need me.”
Once she left the room, Charlotte indicated a chair by Elizabeth’s bed and motioned for Darcy to sit down.
“Will you not sit as well, Mrs. Collins?”
“Thank you, no, Mr. Darcy, for I must see to some household matters first for a few moments.”
“Yes, of course,” said Darcy, surprised but grateful that he would have a few moments alone with Elizabeth.
“I shall of course leave the door open,” she added.
“Yes, I understand. Thank you.”
He turned now to Elizabeth and wondered what he could say to her.
The first thing he did was remove his gloves and hold her hand.
She may still be compromised despite the door being open and she probably would not appreciate having to marry him were that to happen.
And yet he depended on Mrs. Collins’ judgement in allowing him here.
Perhaps he could do her some good. He would certainly try.
“Elizabeth…” he said softly.
*****
Elizabeth was again in her world of coldness.
But this time it was bright. She pulled on the thin fabric of her pelisse but it was not nearly enough.
She walked slowly through the bright cold landscape as snow swirled around her, and her body continued to ache.
Her back, legs, arms and head throbbed with an incessant pain.
This was her entire world for the time being - pain and coldness.
And the feeling that she wanted it to end.
She knelt on the ground then lay on the snow, unable to walk any further.
She knew somehow that she was dying and thought detachedly that death would at least save her from the inconvenience of this pain.
The only regret she had…was him. Poor Darcy, who had never loved before.
So shocked and hurt. It brought tears to her eyes to think of him.
To think that she would die and never have a chance to tell him how much she appreciated his proposal…
and love. She closed her eyes and gave herself over to the snow. And then she heard her name called.
Elizabeth, it said softly. It was low and gentle and infinitely soothing.
Elizabeth, it repeated. She wished she could have responded to it, but speech was beyond her at present.
She noticed a warm hand holding her own.
How comforting it was. Perhaps he would hold her hand as she passed into the next world.
Perhaps he would not leave her. She decided to assume that it was Darcy.
It sounded like him, after all. Though vastly different from the words of love that seemed to be ripped from his mouth against his better judgement during the proposal.
She squeezed the warm hand and luxuriated in its feel.
It was the one bit of warmth amid her world of coldness.
Please awaken, my love, said the voice, now more insistent. Do not leave your friends. Do not leave your family. And most of all, do not leave me.
She felt she was in love with him - whoever he was.
How could she not be? He was so gentle and kind and soothing.
She felt that he loved her. Felt as if he would do anything for her.
No one had ever made her feel that way before.
Though she could not speak, Elizabeth wished for him to know that his feelings were returned.
She focused all her strength on that one point of contact between them - their joined hands.
She tried to close her fingers around his, but nothing seemed to happen.
She wished to scream because she could not move.
And then it became all too much for her.
And Elizabeth gave in once more to her world of snow.
She awoke, still in the snow, but it seemed to be a warmer snow.
She longed to hear his voice again but was still mute and still unable to move.
The warmth of his body seemed to keep some of the cold away, but unfortunately it was still there.
It was a coldness, it seemed, that came from within herself, something she could not escape.
Her body began to shake and she felt herself more firmly held by him.
She felt embarrassed for shaking in his arms and realised that she was flailing.
She began to cry, thinking about this. How embarrassing it was that she was shaking so much, and in Mr. Darcy’s presence.
Why could she not control the movements of her own body?
And then she felt his fingertips brush her tears away.
There, there, Elizabeth, he said, there is no need to cry. I am here with you and shall not leave you. Do not be sad, love. Only remain with me and you shall be well again.
His words continued, low and soothing. His fingers, continuing to wipe the tears from her face.
Eventually her shaking did abate, somewhat.
But she still cried, thinking how kind he was, despite the fact that she had refused his offer of marriage.
And had told him that she did not even like him!
How silly she was for having said that. If she could ever speak again she vowed that she would tell him this. Tell him how much she loved him.
And then she felt him kiss her forehead. It was so light she almost believed she imagined it. But, no. She saw his brown eyes and dark hair and the snowy landscape above them. She could have died happily just looking into his face, and knowing that he forgave her.
He cannot treat me like this and still be angry, she thought to herself.
She smiled slightly and tried to stop worrying that she was shaking so much.
*****
Darcy had felt her stir slightly after encouraging her to awaken.
Perhaps he imagined it but it seemed as if she squeezed his hand.
Although afterwards there was no more movement from her.
Nevertheless he kept hold of her hand and continued to whisper her name and all manner of soothing words.
Eventually he felt that she needed him to be closer. So he decided to remedy this...
He was sitting on her bed now, with Elizabeth against his chest and the headboard at his back. He excused his behaviour by telling himself it was all for Elizabeth’s comfort.
Time passed. And he closed his eyes.
Darcy was just beginning to relax and believe that she was getting better.
But then without warning her temperature rose once more.
Her body began to tremble. Perspiration, that may have been mixing with tears, dripped down her face as her shaking - or shivering - grew more violent.
He wondered if he would have to put her in the ice bath again, or if she would die right there in his arms. Darcy rocked her and tried to wipe the tears away.
The shivering went on for quite some time.
He used his handkerchief at times to wipe her brow, then noted with more certainty that she was sobbing.
He tried to soothe her and tell her there was no need for it.
If he could, he would have changed places with her.
But all he could do was hold her close, thinking irrationally that, if he was close enough, he might even be able to take some of her suffering within himself.
Finally, unable to think of anything else to do, he kissed her.
Her skin burned his lips and he almost cried himself, thinking how terribly she must be suffering.
His handkerchief was sodden and now he could only use his cravat to dry her tears.
And sometimes his fingers. But he continued to talk to her, and hold her.
And cradle her head against his chest, and press his cravat against her cheek.
He did not know where Charlotte was and did not even care.
This was how Charlotte found him when she returned to Elizabeth’s room after close to an hour of absence.
“I came earlier,” she said in a low voice, “and so did the doctor.”
Darcy nodded but just looked at her.
“I asked him if we needed to use the ice bath again, but he said we should wait. And so we did. He shall be up soon, with another sedative that he is mixing in the kitchen.”
Charlotte stepped forward and felt Elizabeth’s forehead. “I think her fever is lower, but the doctor shall be the one to confirm this.” She gave Darcy a nod of thanks. “Perhaps you would like to go downstairs for a while, Mr. Darcy?”
He blinked and thought, No, I do not wish to leave. But he realised that Charlotte was actually telling him to go, not asking. So he gently lay Elizabeth back against her pillow and stood up.
He gave Mrs. Collins a brief smile which he thought was not quite a smile, then proceeded down the stairs.