CHAPTER 24 A Sleepless Night and a Walk to Rosings
Darcy entered the room with the rest of the gentlemen and noticed that Elizabeth was now sitting with Lady Catherine. But unfortunately, for some reason, she no longer stole glances at him. In fact, she seemed more subdued than ever.
He attempted to talk to her but her responses were quiet, even cheerless. She did not leave Lady Catherine’s side the entire evening. Eventually he stopped trying to approach her altogether and settled instead for Diana’s company. She, at least, could be counted upon to take him out of himself.
The evening passed as unsuccessfully as it had begun and he went to bed that night, thinking that Elizabeth had turned irrevocably against him.
Perhaps she had been too offended by his unwillingness to discuss Wickham.
Another proof of his arrogance and conceit.
He did not blame her at all for thinking ill of him.
He spent the night in restless turmoil, then awoke the next morning wishing to avoid everyone’s company. Eschewing the breakfast room altogether, he went directly to the stables and began to saddle his horse.
“What are you doing here, Darcy?”
He looked up to find Diana at the entrance to the stables, looking curiously at him. “I saw you leave the house and decided to follow. Are you distressed by something? And would you care for some company?”
*****
Elizabeth also spent a sleepless night, her mind constantly tormented by thoughts of Darcy - his unhappy childhood and unerring sense of duty.
Oh what have I done? she thought for the hundredth time that night.
To have turned down a man who was so good, responsible and loyal.
And later to have taken Wickham’s side against him - Wickham who was everything deceitful and wrong.
And now he shall marry a woman fifty times my worth, and a hundred times my beauty. Why would he not?
But she could not let it stand like that. She had to tell him - no matter the cost to her dignity - how much she respected him, and how sorry she was for having taken Wickham’s side against him. She would do it in the morning, she thought - awaken early, then go to him. Nothing else mattered.
She rose from her bed before dawn (She did not actually awaken as she never went to sleep in the first place), put on her simplest day dress, and made her way towards Rosings.
She walked along the lane, hearing the chirping of the birds and the gentle rustling of leaves.
She shivered quite a bit at first, but soon became warm because of her rapid pace.
She was a little lightheaded and knew she was behaving irresponsibly.
In fact, she did not actually know what she would do when she arrived at Rosings.
Her only thought, for the moment, was to get there.
And the only thing driving her was the need to speak to him - before it was too late; before he became engaged to Diana.
She stood at the edge of formal gardens and stared at the manor house. He must still be sleeping, she thought, but would probably awaken within the next few hours. She sat on a nearby bench and waited, thinking further about what she might do.
She could wait for calling hours, of course.
And perhaps - ostensibly - call on Diana.
And then she might ask Diana if she would allow Elizabeth to see her cousin for a short while.
But would Diana allow it? And was it even honorable for Elizabeth to ask Darcy’s soon-to-be fiance?e for the opportunity to meet with him?
Regardless, it was the only plan she could think of for the time being.
On the other hand, perhaps Darcy himself would simply appear from inside the house.
That would certainly make things easier.
However, something else happened that was unforeseen.
A maid came out of the servants’ entrance, carrying a large pail.
It was someone she knew and could easily approach; for she was the sister of Charlotte’s maid, Mary.
“Pardon me, Sarah?”
“Oh! Yes, Miss Bennet? You are out early…”
Elizabeth made a dismissive gesture. “Sarah, I was wondering if you would do me a favour. I am looking for…Lady Diana…”
“Oh, yes, miss! I know her - the beautiful lady who came with the earl and countess. Their daughter, as was.”
Yes, she is beautiful, thought Elizabeth, feeling more of an urgency to find Darcy than ever. “Is she within? I would like to speak to her, if I may. Although it is rather early.”
“Oh no, miss. Lady Diana has already awakened and left the house.”
“Has she?” asked Elizabeth, feeling unaccountably disappointed. Who would have thought that Diana would rise so early? She was so frustrated that she hardly caught Sarah’s next words.
“She and Mr. Darcy have gone riding.”
“Pardon me?”
“Lady Diana, miss, has gone riding with Mr. Darcy,” Sarah said slowly, as if speaking to a child. “They left close to an hour ago. Or perhaps a little more.”
“Oh, I see…” said Elizabeth, now confused about what her next course of action should be. “Ah…thank you, Sarah.”
“‘Twas nothing, miss.”
She allowed Sarah to pass and stood hesitantly near the side entrance to Rosings.
Eventually, she returned to the bench she had sat on before and considered this new piece of information.
Mr. Darcy and Lady Diana had gone riding together.
They were alone, somewhere on the grounds of Rosings, perhaps even beyond.
And the thought of this made her unbearably sad.
Perhaps Diana had already spoken to Darcy, as her mother wished her to do.
Perhaps, realising that her mother was right, she went ahead and put the suggestion of marriage to her cousin.
And Darcy, thinking that Elizabeth was no longer an option - or even no longer desirable - might have agreed to the plan.
Perhaps Diana had always been at the back of his mind; and now, seeing her in such close proximity to Elizabeth, he may have realised how much better she was for him than the impertinent country miss who had dared refuse him - and in so egregious a manner.
Elizabeth stood up and began to walk. She really had no destination now, but only knew she wished to get away from both Hunsford and Rosings.
The sun had come up by then and cast an ethereal glow over Lady Catherine’s rose garden.
It was so beautiful, it made Elizabeth want to cry.
She went there now and began to stroll between the rows, inhaling their lovely scent and feeling the sense of loss becoming stronger within her.
She would never have a chance to apologise now, and show him her changed opinion.
She would never be his wife, nor ever again the recipient of his love.
He would marry Diana and lead a charmed life with her.
Diana would preside over his table at Pemberley as Lady Anne had once done.
She would throw lavish balls and merry house parties, a glorious testament to the Darcy name.
Perhaps Darcy would remember Elizabeth on occasion, and recall the warm feelings she had once elicited in him. But this would only occur for a moment or two, and he would then recall how she'd spurned his love…and thought so little of him.
She was in the midst of all these musings when she heard her name called.
“Elizabeth! Is that you?”
She looked up to find Diana coming towards her from the direction of the stables.
With her was Mr. Darcy. She stared at them, not knowing what to say.
For even now, they might be engaged. Would she then have to congratulate them?
But, no. Darcy would never be so cruel as to present his new betrothed so abruptly to the woman he once proposed to.
Elizabeth forced herself to smile (though it may have come out as a grimace) and said, “Good morning, Diana. Mr. Darcy.” She could not bring herself to look at him.
“Miss Elizabeth, are you crying?” he asked. “Has something happened to distress you?”
“No, not at all,” she murmured, staring toward the flowers. “I just wished to come here, that is all.”
How idiotic that sounded.
She sniffed and began to walk away.
“Miss Elizabeth, wait!”
She turned to see that Darcy had come up behind her.
“Would you care to come in for some refreshments?” he asked. “I am certain that breakfast has been set out in the parlour by now.”
“Thank you, no. I believe I shall return to the parsonage…”
“But that is a mile away, Miss Elizabeth, and you have likely not walked that far since recovering from your illness.”
“No, I suppose I haven't…” she said absently, “not until today.”
Elizabeth suddenly realised that she had rarely left the vicinity of the parsonage except to sit in the garden, at least for the last several weeks. Thankfully, Lady Catherine had sent her carriage to bring them to Rosings the night before.
“Then you must be tired,” said Darcy, looking worriedly at her.
He is so kind, thought Elizabeth. After everything I have done, he still considers my wellbeing.
And then she recalled her purpose in being here and wondered if she should still apologise.
She looked at his concerned expression and decided that she would.
Even if he married Diana, at least he would not think as badly of her as he would otherwise.
She was about to do so (despite Diana’s presence) when that lady suddenly said, “I really am tired from that ride, Darcy, so perhaps you will escort Elizabeth back to the parsonage? I am certain Anne would not mind if you used her phaeton.”
Still looking anxious, Darcy said, “Would that meet with your approval, Miss Elizabeth?”
“I…yes. Thank you.”
Diana smiled and walked away, leaving her alone with Darcy.
They had not been alone since he had carried her down the stairs several weeks ago and sat with her in the garden. It seemed a lifetime ago.
Darcy offered her his arm and she took it.
They began to walk towards the stables, neither speaking.
When they arrived there, Darcy asked the groomsman to ready the phaeton and, before long, she was sitting in the conveyance with him.
She knew she would not have much time - as the parsonage was only a mile away - and thus prepared to voice her regrets.
However, after going only a few hundred yards into the woods, Darcy stopped the phaeton and turned to face her. “Miss Elizabeth, I was wondering if I might take this opportunity to share something with you…something that concerns George Wickham.”
She wondered what he meant and wished to hear what he had to say.
But there was also a chance that he would tell her - everything.
And then she would never have a chance to tell him that she trusted him - despite not precisely knowing what had happened between him and Wickham. She could not allow this to happen.
And so she decided to tell him first what was on her mind.