Chapter 8 #2
Like him the least? “I don’t really qualify things like that in my head,” I said, not sure what he meant.
Nor had anyone ever given me the chance to decide who I liked better or worse.
Multiple friends? Who do I like better? That was stuff out of books, not from my reality.
“Besides, I work for your Granny tomorrow. She keeps sending me off, but she actually has a project, and I would like to get some work done.”
“It’s a Saturday. She’s never going to let you work on a Saturday, anyway,” Barrett explained as he stepped forward. “We’ll take her upstairs now. Tomorrow, you can spend the morning with Jeremy, but afterward we’ll all have lunch together.”
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Just because he says things with authority, it doesn’t mean we have to obey him. Older doesn’t mean wiser. We can figure out our own timing … like he did today.”
The doorman held the door as the brothers escorted me inside. My insecurities clanged warnings, my brain suddenly full of questions. Is that amusement in the doorman’s eyes? Why? Does he find us funny? Is it ridiculous because they choose to spend their time with me?
“See what I mean?” Julian laughed, nudging me with his elbow and obviously not noticing my panic. “They both like to be in charge.”
“Right,” Barrett agreed amiably. “Maybe Jeremy and I discovered early on that if we didn’t corral you and Phoenix, then nothing would get done. Besides, our parents are too busy being themselves to notice what you guys are plotting.”
Jeremy shook his head, stepping closer to his brother. “Not fair. You can’t equate Julian with Phoenix. They are different situations altogether. Julian is a free spirit, and I’m not sure what Phoenix is.”
Julian shifted next to me as the elevator dinged. “Right now? He’s lost.”
I pointed out almost absently, “You guys talk about him differently. I noticed how you all sort of frown when his name comes up.” I shouldn’t comment .
It’s none of my business . I winced, shocked at my own loss of self-control.
Usually, I thought things through more before speaking aloud. What is the matter with me?
Barrett stepped off the elevator first when it stopped.
“Our youngest brother is on a journey, but the path he chose makes it hard for us to follow him. That’s how our mother put it recently, and I don’t disagree with her assessment.
Some of it is their fault, but some of it is his fault or because of his choices.
Some of it, though, is just sucky shit that’s out of our control.
Regardless of the reasons, Phoenix remains a constant worry in the back of our minds.
Recently, he told us he no longer wants anything to do with our lives, so you likely never have to worry about him anyway.
It’ll probably be a very long time until you ever meet or deal with Phoenix. ”
Well … that’s interesting . Why doesn’t he want anything to do with his own brothers?
In a moment of insight, I wondered if their family might not be so different from mine after all.
Tons of my relations didn’t want anything to do with one another.
I thought of my mother again, and her choice to isolate away from her family entirely—the family I currently lived with who tormented me daily.
I followed Barrett to my apartment, though.
He pointed at the door. “This one? Or the one down the hall?”
“That one.” Awkwardly pulling out my key, I barely fumbled as I unlocked the door with all three of them staring at me.
It opened with a squeak, and we stepped inside together.
Automatically, I paused, my senses on hyper alert.
I listened carefully for the sound of my aunt or my uncle moving around in his bedroom.
I heard neither, so I breathed out a jagged breath of relief.
After a silent thank you to the universe, I led the Lent brothers to my room.
Once we reached the door, though, I froze again, remembering the confined space.
We wouldn’t all fit in my room—it simply wasn’t that big.
Jeremy looked at Barrett before I could decide what to say. “Isn’t this a four-bedroom layout? Aren’t they all similar in this building?”
“Yep.” Barrett nodded, his lips curved into a stern frown. “It is.”
Since Julian already noticed as much before, it didn’t matter if I answered. “I’m only here for six months. Why bother giving me a nice room for such a short stay? Besides, I’m unwanted.” I sighed. “Look, it doesn’t matter.”
No one answered until Julian gestured toward the closet. “Are your clothes in there?”
“I have better taste than him,” Jeremy said as he sat down on my bed with a regal air. Julian began shifting through the hangars, giving each garment careful consideration before going to the next. I positioned myself strategically in front of my dresser—I wouldn’t be sharing my undergarments.
“Granny did pretty well,” he said as he looked over his shoulder.
“But you won’t need most of this stuff once you’re in school.
We wear uniforms, regardless of your school.
You’ll use most of this for going out and weekends.
Maybe sometimes after school, if you take the time to change.
” He smiled at me. “Did they make you wear uniforms in Chicago?”
I shook my head. “No. But in San Francisco they did. It seems common for private schools.”
“Why aren’t you going to school with them?” Barrett asked, gesturing with his thumb between the twins as he sank onto the bed next to Jeremy. “It’s the closest school. The rest of your family has history there, so it makes sense.”
Jeremy gave him a look I couldn’t decipher. “Maybe we don’t talk about it right now?”
I felt like I owed them at least a little more information.
“To her credit, I think my aunt tried to get me into the school at first, but they didn’t accept me.
I did really badly last semester in Chicago.
” I hated talking about it, but I pushed forward.
“I’m dyslexic, or so my mom said. Anyway, I don’t think I’m very smart.
Not when it comes to school stuff, at least.”
All three of them made some sort of sound to the negative, but I waved them away, disinterested in their faked assurances about my intelligence. They don’t know me well enough to make a call.
“Focus on the clothes. Does anything work?” I pointed to the closet, hoping to end the discussion.
Julian cooperated quickly, saying, “A lot of it, I think. Don’t get me wrong, none of us are what you would call experts on women’s clothing.
In my opinion, though, most of this is like what I see other women wearing.
We’ve gone there a lot because Barrett loves jazz.
Here, try this and this, I think. If nothing else, I would really love to see you in this. You’re very pretty and …”
Barrett laughed, jerking my attention from Julian’s eyes to his own, which scanned down my body even as he ribbed his brothers. “No game. None.”
Julian grinned, rubbing the fabric of a sweater between his fingertips.
“You’re just jealous because I get to touch her clothes while you have to watch.
” His brother lowered his head briefly in acknowledgement before his smile appeared.
I noticed they shared the same smile, then glanced at Jeremy confirming the identical expression on all three faces.
I found it so cool, the way they could be so different yet so similar all at the same time.
I blinked, shaking away the distraction of the three men. I needed to focus and get changed.
“Maybe you three could wait in the hallway while I change?” I suggested.
Barrett jumped up, his instant need for gentlemanly chivalry apparent. “Absolutely. See you in a minute.”
“Take more than a minute,” Jeremy said then winked at me. “There’s no rush. However long you need. He can patiently wait for his jazz for as long as you want. Personally, I would be happy to wait forever for more of your time. In fact, if you like, we could go somewhere else.”
Barrett shoved him in the shoulder. “She likes the music, too, you know.”
“She hasn’t experienced so many things. We’ll fix that.” They walked together into the hallway, laughing and arguing. I shook my head, wondering if life could ever be dull with them around.
Julian didn’t budge, though, his intense gaze making my cheeks flush before he even spoke.
“You know you’re smart, right? You’re guarded, but I can tell.
I find you utterly interesting. There’s so much about you I look forward to discovering.
Regardless, though, and despite whatever happened in Chicago, it didn’t happen because you’re not smart. It wasn’t you; it was them.”
I swallowed. He didn’t know—luckily—the true depths of my stupidity, but then again, I wasn’t planning to tell him.
He didn’t know how much of what happened that should’ve been obvious— was obvious in retrospect—yet I remained oblivious until it was far too late.
I don’t need to rehash it , I reminded myself, blowing out a breath.
It happened. I couldn’t undo the past, so I had to keep moving forward.
If I kept moving, putting one foot in front of the other, doing the next right thing, I would eventually be on my own.
After that, I would never see any of them ever again, just like my mom.
Julian waited as if he expected me to respond in some way. Does he think I’m going to burst into tears and thank him for seeing the real me? I almost snorted in laughter, because the me he described didn’t exist in reality.
Finally, he said, “I missed you today. That’s weird for me. I don’t miss people very often. I usually pride myself on having everything I need.”
I shrugged, his words falling off me easily. “Maybe because I don’t talk much. You probably just find me a challenge or something.”