Chapter 18
Dear Readers
I am so sorry it has been so long since I wrote, but what a month it has been!
If I’m honest, it’s all because of the Lents.
The rest of it seems very status quo: my uncle, the bratty children, their mother.
I try not to think about the pain, because it might swallow me whole if I give name to the grief which still haunts my every step. But … the Lents!
It is hot today, but it isn’t raining, which means I can take the terrible twins out of the house.
You would think they might melt away like that witch at the cinema from the slightest touch of water, the way they carry on so.
When it rains, I can’t get them to budge outdoors.
Today, we went to the Park, but the Lents don’t meet me there anymore.
Their mother, she would tell my uncle if she caught me talking to them, and I can’t have that.
He is mostly leaving me alone now, and I much prefer that to the alternative.
Did I mention the most wonderful news? If I forgot, it is because I am in love!
The phrase itself seems magical enough to cherish, like a charm I would hide away in a box somewhere, but I am not in love once, nay, I am in love with four men.
I don’t know how to handle the situation exactly, nor can I strum up the proper shame or resistance to the sensation.
Logic demands, I cannot be in love with all four of them. It’s simply not done.
I don’t know how I would choose, though, if asked to pick just one.
Nathaniel is so serious, yet I alone have the ability to tease forth his laughter.
He holds my hand while we walk or touches the small of my back, and it thrills me every time.
His southern accent is thicker than his brothers’, wrapping around me with the smokey temptation of whiskey.
Robert is the adventurous one. He met me alone one day then took me to the top of such a tall building!
I would swear we could see the entire world from up there, and the Park looked like a postage stamp of green in the center of all of it.
Victor is so hard-working and always happy, his smiles so easy and contagious.
He loves music and dancing, and says we should try something new every day.
Last but not least is Ed, the brother who goes so quiet sometimes, I worry that I bore him.
Then suddenly, he’ll hug me tight against him and tell me that I outshine the very stars outside his home in Louisiana.
They always want to see me, but since they can’t meet me at the Park anymore, I drop the kids off before I visit with them all over the city.
They don’t love the need for subterfuge, because they want to pick me up at home.
I try to picture how that could go with my Uncle, but I can’t imagine it would go well.
Until next time,
D
AUGUST 29 TH 1966
Warmer weather today, but I hardly noticed as I walked home, my hand firmly in Ed’s.
He insisted on walking me home tonight. I thought he was quiet, but although he keeps his thoughts to himself, when he speaks, he means what he says.
It makes it matter more, strangely enough.
Tonight, he insisted he was walking me home.
My uncle is busy, since he’s been meeting with Mr. Yamasaki’s team all the time.
I suppose the fact that he is busy should give me more time to myself, but it never seems to work out that way.
Instead, it seems when he has more to do, his attention is more rapt.
What is even more odd is how he became absolutely obsessed with John Lennon’s apology for his remarks about the Beatles being more popular than Jesus.
Honestly, I wouldn’t have known that he knew who the Beatles were.
He is angry a lot.
This morning he pulled my hair. Maybe that is a strange nothing thing to mention, but he was upset, ranting about John Lennon and then glass … A second later, he yanked on my hair so hard, tears threatened. I’m not sure what to do, if anything, about it.
Still, today Ed walked me home, and I loved the attention.
I would take some hair pulling if it meant more moments like that.
He waited, watching until I walked inside my house.
He said earlier that he would be speaking to Nathaniel soon, because there were things about them he wanted me to understand.
I can’t think of anything they could possibly tell me that would in the slightest hamper my regard for them.
I teared up, though, because I don’t know what I’m going to do.
It seems likely they will ask me to choose which of them I like best, or perhaps which of them likes me the most. What will I do if they try to make me choose?
I would be happy with any of them, I know I would, but I fear I would be equally miserable without any one of them; I want them all.
I am a selfish, bad person.
D.
SEPTEMBER 30 TH 1966
Readers,
The weather is cool, with leaves crinkling under my footsteps on my long walks.
I go by myself, because the weather is beautiful, and my charges are back in school.
I never thought I would miss them, the ragamuffin children, but I do.
I am trying to figure out some television I could enjoy.
But I can’t settle into watching anything.
Then my uncle hit me because he didn’t like that I couldn’t seem to concentrate.
A smack right across the face, shocking me before the pain even registered.
His eyes seemed so huge and dilated when he did it, focused on me in an awful way I won’t ever forget.
I remember how my mother was not close with him, and admit I may avoid watching television with him in the future.
Then again, everything is awful.
I can’t ever see the Lents again. I can hardly write for how upset I am, but I can’t see them. Never again.
D.
The knock on the window from outside made me jump.
I looked up from the laptop screen quickly.
Jeremy smiled at me when I tugged back the curtain to see who visited, and he crooked his finger in the universal sign that he wanted me to come outside.
When I would’ve headed for the bedroom door, he shook his head and pointed at the window again, motioning as if I should open it.
I shook my head at him before I realized they were doors .
Sliding doors. I never had one in my bedroom before, so my hand shook a little as I worked the latch and tried to open it.
“It sticks,” he explained apologetically when I managed to get it open.
“Come on. I want to show you around. The others are hiding in their rooms. Well, Phoenix might have gone out. I can’t keep track of him, but Julian and Barrett are on full Hamptons retreat.
I’m not a coward, though, so I came out to gather you. ”
I smiled, stepping outside to join him before closing the door behind me. “Where are we going?”
The door to my room swung open again, and Dina stood there.
“Nowhere currently, sweet girl. Jeremy, back to the house with you. Dinner is in an hour, and she doesn’t need to meet your parents for the first time while covered in sand and grit.
Worse, you both end up standing everyone up because you took her on an adventure.
You may not care what they think, but Alatheia will. ”
He groaned, stuffing his hands in his pockets like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Were you waiting right behind the door or something?”
“No, I just have excellent timing. Come, give me a kiss and then on with you. You can sneak her out without me knowing later tonight or another time. Oh, but not tomorrow. We have to buy more bathing suits for her, so I plan to take her shopping.”
The blond twin raised his hand as he walked toward us. “I volunteer to help.”
She swatted him gently on the arm. “Out now, my darling. He was the crankiest baby, Alatheia. Just the worst. I swear, he screamed for six months straight. His brother was so cuddly and easy, but Jeremy came out screaming. I sometimes think he still would be screaming, if he could.”
He winked at his grandmother. “Maybe I will. Just wait. See you later, Princess.”
When he had finally exited, she locked the sliding doors then closed the curtains. “You’ve been traveling all day. Go shower. When you’re done, pick out an outfit that is smart but casual. Something that will match these.”
I looked down to see she held beautiful ivory pearls. I knew nothing about jewelry but even to my untrained eye, they had to be worth a fortune.
“Dina, I can’t possibly take these.” I didn’t even want to touch them, for fear I might break them.
She took my hands, placing the pearls firmly in my palms. They were cool to the touch, and surprisingly heavy.
“These are old, and they belonged to my mother-in-law. The only nice piece of jewelry she ever owned, actually. We never understood each other, and I can’t say that I was ever her favorite person.
Still, I think she thought that without me, they might have come back to her.
” Her gaze was wistful, far away. “They wouldn’t have.
It wasn’t me that kept them away. Well, not just me.
They didn’t like it there, but I digress.
She gave this to me because she was afraid that the other ladies would know that I wasn’t like them.
She wanted me to have something that said I was important, too. ”