Chapter 29
Sloane
The skyline's teeth rise against the New York night.
As soon as we squeak open the heavy fire door to the rooftop of my old apartment building, I see Lucas, small and desperate, waiting for me.
Rafe stands beside me, gripping my hand as a breeze rakes my arms, slips under my collar.
I think of what it would be like to fall.
My heart pounds against my ribs as I step onto the gravel-scattered rooftop.
I've been dreading this meeting since Lucas texted, his message cryptic but urgent: We need to talk.
Now. Alone. Something in those words made my stomach twist. Lucas has never been the dramatic type—that was always Maddy's role in our little trio.
I take a deep breath, memories flooding back.
Lucas teaching me how to play poker during those endless summer nights in his parents' garage.
Lucas holding my hand at Maddy's sixteenth birthday when I had a panic attack.
Lucas and I huddled together at her funeral, our shared grief a bridge between us when words failed.
We've been friends for so long that confronting him like this feels like confronting a part of myself.
Lucas doesn't hear us at first, pacing, running his hands through his hair like he's losing his mind. But then he stops. He sees us. My heart slams hard. It slams hard, then shatters.
I haven't seen Lucas since that afternoon at his house, at Maddy's house, when we promised to investigate her death together.
He was going to pull himself together, out of the swamp of grief, and then we would confront Ethan together.
So much has happened since then, and he hasn't replied to any of my messages or taken my calls.
And the closest thing to a message I've received from him was when I saw his name listed as a co-owner on Maddy's bank account.
I desperately search his face, hoping to find some flicker of the Lucas I've known most of my life, some trace of the boy who made terrible jokes to cheer me up, who once punched a kid who called me a dog-killer, who cried openly when Maddy got into her dream school.
Maybe there's still an innocent explanation for everything.
Maybe his name on that account meant something else entirely.
Maybe I've misread all the warning signs.
But the man before me is almost unrecognizable.
The Lucas I knew was always solid, dependable despite his occasional moodiness.
This Lucas looks hollowed out from the inside, skin stretched tight over his bones like he hasn't eaten in weeks.
His clothes hang off him, and the shadows under his eyes have darkened into bruises.
He looks haunted. No, hunted. Like someone who's been running from something terrible and has finally been cornered.
"You came," Lucas says, his voice a mess of grief and anger.
His eyes flicker to Rafe, and Rafe's hand tightens around mine. The protective gesture steadies me, gives me strength I didn't know I needed.
It should feel colder up here, but the chill doesn't sink in. Nothing does.
"Of course I came," I say, my voice tight.
The last time I was up here was with Maddy and Lucas and a bunch of friends from college, drinking sparkling wine and watching the sun set over the city while we celebrated finishing our exams. Seems like a million years ago.
Lucas doesn't smile. I'm not sure he knows how to anymore.
"I need to tell you something," he says, desperate and rushed. "Before they get to me. Before I get myself killed."
Rafe tenses beside me, but he doesn't say anything. His silence is a threat.
"Then tell me," I say.
I step closer, my pulse pounding like a hammer.
I've practiced this moment in my head a dozen times on the way over.
What I would say, how I would react if my worst fears were confirmed.
But now that I'm here, facing Lucas, all my rehearsed responses evaporate.
I'm left with nothing but raw instinct and the desperate hope that I'm wrong about him.
Lucas looks like he might break apart, shatter right in front of me.
"I fucked up, Sloane," he says. "I fucked up so bad."
My chest is tight. I can barely breathe. I look at him, waiting for the blow to come.
Lucas's voice is flat, a sound already resigned to defeat.
"I gave them access to her account."
At first, I blink, the words not quite registering.
"What?"
"Maddy. Her name. Her bank login. I gave it to them," he confesses quietly.
The gravity of his words hangs in the air, ephemeral yet heavy, like smoke refusing to dissipate.
"You did what?" I demand, my voice cutting through the silence.
He rushes his next words, as if speeding through them could somehow lessen their sting.
"They offered me a cut. Said it'd be quick. Just a way to move some money, nothing traceable. They were using the fight ring, and she was so removed, so innocent and untouchable, so it made sense. She wouldn't even notice—"
I interrupt, my voice icy.
"She noticed."
Lucas nods, shame flooding his features.
"Yeah. She did. She came to me, furious. I told her I'd fix it. That I'd shut it down. But I didn't. I let it ride. I needed the money—"
Rafe steps forward, his voice low and dangerous.
"You needed cash, so you sold your sister's name to the Callahans."
He shakes his head, a shiver seeming to pass through him. Lucas flinches.
"I didn't think they'd kill her."
Rafe's voice sharpens.
"You let her confront them without telling her the truth. You let her walk into the lion's den, and you stood there."
Rafe's jaw is tight, his fists clenched. I watch his knuckles turn white and place a hand gently on his arm. Not to restrain him, just to remind him I'm still here.
"I thought they'd scare her. Maybe threaten her job. I never—" Lucas's voice is choked with regret.
Rafe advances, cutting him off.
"You never thought. Period."
In a flash, Rafe grabs Lucas by the collar and slams him into the brick ledge. Lucas doesn't fight back. His hands remain at his sides.
"Rafe," I say, my voice hoarse.
Through gritted teeth, his nose inches from Lucas's, Rafe seethes.
"You don't get to play the victim here," he snarls.
Lucas barely breathes.
"I'm not. I know what I did. I know I—"
"You killed her, Lucas," I interject sharply.
Those words halt everything. The wind moves around us, but we remain frozen. Just the hum of traffic from way down below and the sound of a dried-out potted plant tipping over in a gust.
"She trusted you. And you let them use her. Like she was nothing," I add softly, my voice hollow.
The moment I met Maddy is burned into my mind, bright and forever.
She sat down beside me one day in the insanely crowded high school cafeteria, plunked her tray next to mine with a clatter, and announced with absolute certainty that she was my new best friend.
Just like that. I still remember the way she grinned, that mischievous spark in her eyes as if she already knew she would change my life.
She was right. It wasn't long before it was the two of us, inseparable, working our way through school and everything else that came with it, from late-night study sessions to movies and heartbreaks and ice cream benders.
I think of all those years with her by my side, her laughter like music in my ears, her loyalty so fierce and unbreakable. My new best friend. Until she was gone.
Lucas doesn't respond because there's nothing to say. He takes it all, each word like a bullet he expected. His eyes are hollow, filled with the devastation he can't put into words. It's the first time I've seen him look like he might cry. He runs a hand through his hair, grabs a fistful and tugs.
"I didn't want any of this," he finally says. "I didn't want her dead."
"Then what the fuck did you want?" I shout.
His shoulders hunch, his whole body pulling in on itself.
"I wanted to keep you safe, Sloane."
His words hang between us, full of guilt and grief.
Rafe lets go of Lucas roughly, shoving him away as if the very touch of him is poison. Lucas stumbles back against the ledge, a gasp escaping his lips, chest heaving like it might burst. A shiver runs through him, his eyes wild and frantic, like a hunted animal backed into a corner.
"You didn't want her dead, but she's dead, Lucas," I say, my voice low. "And now you want to play the hero?"
I feel my blood pounding, a rush in my ears.
Rafe is silent. His jaw is hard, his eyes harder.
Lucas doesn't look up. He doesn't look at me.
"Maddy said she was going to tell you everything," he says, his voice small. "You would have told your dad, got yourself involved to protect her and probably gotten yourself killed. So I panicked. I panicked and I let her die."
It feels like I'm the one falling, plummeting through the city. The ground is rushing up at me, ready to break every bone. Every heart.
"All because you owe someone money, huh?" I say, my voice thick and angry.
Lucas nods. He can't look at me.
"How much?" I say.
"Too much," he says. "More than I could ever pay off."
I thought my heart broke. I was wrong. It's breaking now.
Rafe steps up on Lucas, towering over him, his jaw like iron.
"You were laundering money for the Callahans?"
Lucas's body is rigid, like he's waiting for a blow. But he doesn't back down. He barely nods, and his voice is brittle, paper-thin.
"Y—yes."
"From the fight ring?"
"Yes."
Rafe leans in, crowding Lucas against the edge of the building, as he demands the next words, and I wonder if Lucas will even have the strength to say them. "Who? Which Callahan?" Rafe's voice is quiet now, so low and cold it could slice through skin.
Lucas breathes out the answer.
"The son. Dale."
Rafe lets out an explosive curse.
"Fuck!"
He slams his fist into the brick wall, and a crack splits right down the mortar. If it weren't for the gloves, I'm sure his knuckles would be shreds of flesh and bone, dripping blood on the pavement.
But I can't focus on him. Can't drag my eyes away from Lucas. My friend. Maddy's brother. The guy who got her killed.
All this time, and he never said a word.
Each beat of my heart is like a bomb, and I need to match it with the sound of a scream.
I want to run. I want to leave him here, to watch him crumble. I want to grab his shoulders and shake him until he cracks. I want to scream and scream and scream until the only sound is my voice against the skyline, the echo of my heart pounding.
"I was drowning," Lucas says. "And I dragged you down with me."
He finally looks up, and the look in his eyes is the saddest thing I've ever seen.
"Say something, Sloane," he says, and it's a plea.
"What can I say?" I reply.
"Anything," he says. "Say you hate me."
"Right now?" I say, and my voice cracks. "Right now, I do."
Lucas closes his eyes, like the words are too much. Knives, cutting him to the bone. But they're not enough. Not nearly enough.
"I'll find a way to make this right," he says. "I promise, Sloane. I'll fix it."
"How?" I shout. "How do you fix this?"
I want to grab him by the collar and demand he take it back. Take back Maddy's death, take back his silence, take back every fucking secret he kept. I want to shake him and make him tell me why. Why he left me in the dark. Why he let her die.
Instead, I let my arms fall to my sides, limp and useless.
"I don't know," Lucas says, his voice a broken whisper.
We're all a mess. The three of us, standing there with the wind rushing past. Rafe is a storm cloud, silent and dark, waiting to explode. Lucas is a downpour, steady and hopeless, desperate for a break. I'm the crack of lightning, ready to split everything apart.
Lucas takes a breath, but it sounds more like a sob.
"I think about it every night. How she looked when she found out. I'd never seen her that angry. Or that scared," he says.
Lucas turns to me, his voice heavy with regret.
"I didn't want to die. But now… every day feels like a punishment."
Rafe's voice cut through the tension, flat and unyielding.
"Not enough of one."
Lucas closes his eyes, as if bracing for a physical blow that never comes. Rafe remains still, the air thick with unspoken words.
"I'm sorry," Lucas says. "I'm so fucking sorry."
The words hang in the air, spinning between us.
Then they fall, drop from the rooftop to the ground far below. Lucas drops with them.
He sinks to the ground, his head in his hands.
"Maddy died because I was too weak to help her," he says, his voice muffled by his grief.
It feels like I've been falling forever. I don't know if I'll ever hit the ground.
"I can't do this," I say, stepping back, turning away.
Lucas looks up, frantic, his eyes wide and wild.
"Please, Sloane. I need you. I don't have anyone else," he says, each word a crack in his voice.
I shake my head. "And what about me?" I say. "What do I have?"
The world spins around me. Everything is off-kilter. I want to be steady, but it's impossible.
"Tell me what I'm supposed to do," he says. "Tell me, and I'll do it."
I turn my back, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
Lucas lets out a sound like an animal in pain. It echoes off the empty rooftop. I feel it in my bones.
"I wish it was me," he says. "I wish it was me instead of her."
He is a wreck, a mess of apologies and pain and tears that never come. His voice shakes, then disappears.
Rafe finally steps forward, a shadow, a tower.
"You're lucky," Rafe says, his voice low, hard. "You're lucky you're the closest thing she has to family, or you'd be a lot worse off."
Lucas doesn't flinch. He doesn't fight back.
He just takes it because it's all he can do.
"Please," Lucas says. "Please don't leave me like this."
We turn away. We leave him like this.
We reach the fire door, and I stop. I look back, and Lucas is smaller than I've ever seen him, the wind ruffling his hair and loose clothes.
I thought I was falling. I thought the city was rushing up to break me.
But it's not the city.
It's the truth. It's Maddy. It's everything I lost when she died.
I thought I was falling, but it's worse than that. I'm not falling at all.
I'm frozen, suspended, waiting to crash.