Chapter 3
3
SIERRA
“ M mm.”
I closed my eyes as flavors bounced around my mouth. When I opened them, I found Travis staring at me.
“Sorry,” I said. “It’s been a while since I’ve had good pizza.”
He pulled a slice from the box and slapped the lid closed. The pizza place had been packed, so we’d grabbed our order to go. Now, we sat on the floor in the room that would soon be my boss’s office. It was the only area of the lobby besides my guest room that wasn’t covered in drywall dust right now.
“How have you missed out on pizza?” he asked. “I thought that was a staple of every twenty-something’s diet.”
I sighed. “I’m surrounded by health nuts. First, it was my mom. Then I went off to college and ended up with three roommates. One was allergic to everything, one was terrified of chemicals, and the other was vegan.”
“I guess pizza isn’t vegan.”
I gave him a look. “You can find vegan pizza. I’m not sure you want it, though.”
“I don’t even know what’s involved, and it’s already a ‘no’ from me,” he said, taking a generous bite of his slice and shaking his head.
“I’m hoping to make friends with some pizza lovers around here.” I wiped my mouth with the corner of the napkin and set the slice on top of it on my lap. Then I reached for one of the bottled sodas we picked up at the pizza place. “I haven’t seen too many people my age, though.”
“You won’t find very many up here,” he said. “Although this place will bring them in droves.”
“I’m sure I’ll meet plenty of guests my age once the retreat center opens, but I’m talking about permanent residents.”
“People move here to get away from everything,” he said. “Not too many women your age want to do that.”
I tilted my head slightly. “Is that what you wanted? To get away from everything?”
“I guess so. I love nature, so that’s a big reason, but yeah, I’m not the most social guy in the world. But mostly, it’s work. With all the development around here lately, I stay busy.”
“You can’t ask for much more than that,” I said as I took another bite of pizza. “I graduated with a hospitality degree. I had no idea how tough it would be to find decent-paying work.”
I wasn’t exaggerating about that. I had to move back home to North Carolina after graduation. I pounded the pavement for a while, but the longer I lived at home with my parents, the better a move to another state sounded. So I started looking at East Tennessee, where I’d gone to college. At least it was familiar. And Rosewood Ridge was a short drive to Knoxville, where I still had some friends.
“I don’t know any men your age, either,” he commented.
His statement snapped me out of my thoughts. I stared at him as I finished chewing and swallowed.
“Most of the men around here are old like me,” he added.
“I’d hardly call you old,” I said, setting my napkin and pizza down again to take another drink. “You’re what… thirty-five?”
“Thirty-six,” he said. “And I’m guessing you’re twenty-three.”
I nodded. He’d probably assumed that from hearing I was a recent college graduate.
My heart was beating a little faster at the topic of conversation. He had clearly been fishing to find out my age. Was I too young for him?
I’d never imagined dating an older guy, but suddenly, it was all I could think about. Not just dating him. Kissing him and touching him and having him touch me.
Maybe an older man was the perfect person to lose my virginity to. He’d know what he was doing. He could show me things—if, that was, he was even interested in me once he learned I’d never had sex before.
“I’m focusing on my career right now,” I blurted before my mind could drift any further.
Who was I trying to convince? Certainly not him. He hadn’t even indicated he was thinking about me romantically. Or sexually. Or in any way but as a woman from work.
But he had to feel this…whatever it was between us. That couldn’t just be me, right?
“You’re young,” he said. “Plenty of time to settle down and start a family, if that’s what you want someday.”
“What about you?” I asked.
In the seconds that followed, I second guessed getting so personal. I was interested in finding out if he was single, but it wasn’t like I was thinking long-term with this guy. I wouldn’t want to give that impression.
No, it was an honest question. And he appeared to be thinking it through. There was a story behind the way his eyes glazed over. His expression hardened too, like he was shutting himself off from me. From the world.
“I wish I could say I’m focusing on my career,” he said. “I’m just not the relationship type. At one time, I thought I’d want kids, but that would involve committing to a woman, and that just isn’t me.”
His words felt like a punch to the gut, and they shouldn’t have. He was my boss’s contractor. As I told him earlier, we needed to keep things professional. What better way to keep us in line than to be aware of the fact that he was a playboy type? He probably slept around with whatever single women he could find in the surrounding area.
“No commitments.” I nodded. “So, you…date around?”
I was getting way too personal. He’d have every right to tell me to mind my own business.
He uncapped his bottled water and took a swig, pausing as though thinking through how to answer. Or whether to answer at all.
“I’m celibate,” he said.
I nearly choked on the swallow of water I’d just taken. This guy seated on the floor in front of me wasn’t having sex?
“By choice?” I asked.
He laughed. “I guess you could say that. I had a nasty breakup a few months ago. We’d only been dating a couple of months, and I use the term dating lightly. I’d made it clear I’m not into anything serious, but she was sure she could change me. She started pressuring me to define the relationship, and when I finally broke it off, she accused me of using her for sex. Apparently, she only has sex with men she plans to marry someday.”
I chewed my lip. I wasn’t all that different from this ex of his. If I had sex with someone, I’d probably find it hard to avoid getting serious.
Or maybe not. Maybe, just maybe, I could have a one-night stand with the hottest guy I’d ever seen and walk away with good memories. It would be an experience that would help me when I did meet the man of my dreams.
“Guys don’t want to know that about a woman?” I asked. “That she only wants to have sex with a man she plans to marry?”
He chewed thoughtfully for a long moment before wiping his hands on his now-empty napkin, opening the pizza box, and pulling out another slice. Even then, he took another bite, chewed, and swallowed before he spoke.
“I can’t speak for all men, but I’d say if it was the right woman, a man would be fine with that.”
“And your ex wasn’t the right woman?” I asked.
“I wasn’t looking for the right woman.” He shrugged. “She was hot. Had a great personality. We got along. I figured we’d see where it went. But no, she was not someone I could see marrying someday.”
So, even he recognized he could see himself marrying someone someday. It wasn’t completely out of the realm of possibilities. I didn’t point that out, though. Just kind of locked it away in my brain for later.
And that was why I couldn’t have a one-night stand with a guy. I was already looking for possibilities that he could be up for something serious, and I didn’t even want anything serious right now, did I?
The more I thought about it, the more I doubted myself.