Chapter 6
6
TRAVIS
I was terrified to show up at work the next morning. I’d taken a woman’s virginity and just walked out on her. Sierra would have every right to be furious with me.
And now I had to face her. The dread that sat like a lump in my stomach wasn’t because I’d been a dick. No, the reason I had tossed and turned all night was that I was in trouble. I’d known it even before I came inside that condom. A condom I didn’t want to wear because I wanted to feel her around my bare shaft.
Normally, my top priority would be preventing a pregnancy, but even that didn’t bother me. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea of having a child with this woman.
And that was the problem.
I stepped from my truck and stared at the front door of the Rosewood Ridge Retreat Center, thinking back to Sierra’s suggestion about automatic doors. She was smart, but my connection with her was so much more than that. I felt comfortable with her. Like I could talk to her about anything.
When was the last time I’d felt that way around a woman I was attracted to? Never. The answer was never. But I didn’t do relationships.
So, I took a deep breath and imagined a concrete wall sliding down to shield my heart. Then I took long, confident steps toward the door. I jerked it open and stepped inside.
My plan was to blurt out a “good morning” if Sierra was in the lobby. Chances were, though, she wouldn’t be. She spent most of her day in her boss’s empty office. She’d sit on the floor, laptop on her lap, and work for hours.
Not today, though. Today, she was standing in front of that office door, and she wasn’t alone. A brunette stood next to her.
“Hi,” the brunette said.
I nodded at her. “Morning.”
Then I shifted my gaze to Sierra, determined to keep things as impersonal as possible. But I felt my features softening at the sight of her. It would take more than an imaginary concrete wall to keep this woman away from my heart.
“This is Travis,” Sierra told the brunette. “He’s the contractor. Travis, this is Montana. She’ll be setting up our spa. She’s a massage therapist.”
I had a frown on my face as I shifted my attention to the brunette. My frown had everything to do with the chill I felt from Sierra’s general direction. I might not be able to keep things impersonal, but she sure could.
Maybe I’d misjudged things. Maybe our encounter in the office meant nothing to her, and I was the only one getting way too serious.
My words didn’t match my thoughts, though. “The spa isn’t even built yet, and you’ve already hired a massage therapist?”
“My grandma and Ashlynn’s grandma were best friends,” Montana said. “I’m helping set up the business, especially the salon, but I run my own massage therapy business in Knoxville.”
“She’s really good,” Sierra said. “If you have any aches and pains, she can help.”
I stared at Sierra, trying to make sense of my own emotions right now. I didn’t want a woman touching me, professional or otherwise, ever again.
Okay, that might be extreme. Eventually, I’d have to go to a doctor for something. I might even need a massage therapist someday if I injured myself on a job site.
But the very thought of another woman laying hands on me right now made me cringe. And that was a problem if I didn’t want to get serious about Sierra.
Montana suddenly dropped her gaze to her phone. She had a strange expression as she did so. I guessed she’d been studying me and Sierra, trying to figure out what was going on between us.
That told me Sierra hadn’t mentioned what happened yesterday. Of course not. This was a professional setting, and Montana obviously knew Sierra’s boss.
It made no sense, but it bugged me that Sierra hadn’t been talking about me. I wanted her so shaken by having sex with me, she had to tell someone.
“Nice meeting you,” I told Montana.
I tugged my gaze away from the two women, stepping back and turning around. My attention went straight to the paint can on the floor to my left. That was what we’d been doing yesterday when the storm rolled in.
I started working, determined to keep my back to her. I didn’t even realize she’d retreated to the office at some point. When I turned around, she was nowhere to be seen and the door was closed.
Good. It was for the best. I’d finish out my work today and maybe over the weekend, I could get my head on straight.
But the more I thought about her choosing to stay behind that door and ignoring me, the more restless I felt. She should be wondering why I was pushing her away. It wasn’t even that I was bothered that she seemed to have brushed off what’d happened yesterday. I simply could not bear being away from her.
I barely made it a half hour before I was knocking on the door. I heard her rustling around in there for at least a couple of minutes. She didn’t answer.
I knocked again, more persistent this time. That seemed to get her attention. The door burst open and she stood there, left hand on her hip, right hand on the door handle.
“Do you need something?” she asked.
Her face was the picture of professionalism. She gave me an impersonal smile—the same smile she probably would have given someone stopping by to sell her something.
“Why are you hiding in here?” I asked.
Now that it was out, the question sounded even more absurd to me than it no doubt did to her. There was nothing saying she had to stay out in the lobby. She usually left this door open, but if she’d closed it the first or second or third day, I wouldn’t have thought a thing of it. After what happened yesterday, though, it felt deliberate.
“Just trying to get some work done.” She tilted her head. “Did you need me for something?”
Did I need her for something? No, I needed her for nothing.
“I don’t need a woman,” I said. “I’m perfectly fine on my own.”
I had my routine down. It never once bothered me to go home to my empty cabin. Not until the day she arrived here. Since meeting her, every night I looked around my cabin, trying to figure out what was missing.
“Okay,” she said with a shrug.
My words didn’t seem to bother her in the slightest. Didn’t she get it?
“I’m happy with my life the way it is,” I said. “I have work, my truck, and a couple of buddies I get together with for beers every weekend. Some chick would just complicate things.”
At the word “chick,” her eyebrows shot up. Had the word been a step too far? Maybe, but that was the least of my worries right now.
“Sounds like a full life,” Sierra commented.
“Dammit, no.”
Again, her eyebrows lifted. I didn’t say the words at a raised volume, but they were forceful. I wasn’t speaking to her, though. I was speaking to myself.
“It’s not a full life,” I said. “I’ve lied to myself for years, saying I didn’t have time for a relationship. I’m not even home enough to care for a dog. But that’s only because when I am home, I’m staring at the TV, trying to drown out the silence in my cabin.”
“I don’t understand.”
She scanned the lobby behind me as if she couldn’t figure out if this was some sort of prank. Maybe she thought someone had put me up to it.
“Look,” she said. “I never asked you to do anything for me. You made it clear you’re not interested in a relationship. Let’s just move on.”
“You’re not interested in a relationship, either, are you?” I asked.
I was waiting for her to give the word. To offer an out. But the longer I stood there with her staring at me, the more I realized I didn’t want her to say that. It would be devastating.
“That’s not true for me,” she said. “I realized that yesterday. I’ve always wanted to be a mom someday, but not necessarily now.”
So, what did she realize yesterday? I should ask. The words wouldn’t come out, though, and I wasn’t sure why.
No, I knew exactly why. I was afraid to hear the answer.
“It’s not your fault.” Sierra sighed. “You were honest. I guess I’m just not ‘casual fling’ material.”
“That’s what you figured out yesterday?” I asked.
Crossing her arms over her chest, she looked around. Anywhere but at me. I ached to close the distance between us and pull her into my arms. But I didn’t budge.
“My heart got involved.” Staring toward the windows, she shrugged again. “Not your problem. We can continue to work together. I’ll be a total professional.”
“Your heart got involved,” I repeated. Of everything she’d said, that was all I heard. It was all I wanted to hear. “I always said I didn’t need a woman.”
Biting her lip, she lowered her stare to the ground. She thought I was delivering bad news. She was sure I was breaking her heart. But I’d punch anyone who hurt this woman.
“Then I met you,” I said.
Her brow furrowed, but she still didn’t look up at me. She was waiting to be hurt, even as I was doing the opposite.
“It happened long before yesterday,” I rushed to add. “That first day when you walked out of that bedroom, I was hooked. I haven’t stopped thinking about you since.”
Now she looked up at me, her eyes sparkling with confusion. She probably thought she’d misheard.
“You said earlier—” she began.
“Those are the words I’ve been telling myself all week,” I interrupted. “I thought if I put them on repeat, eventually they’d stick.”
“So yesterday, when you rushed out of here…?”
“I was chickenshit,” I said. “I wanted to get you pregnant and marry you and move you into my cabin. Not necessarily in that order.”
For what seemed like hours, she stared at me without speaking. In the silence, I was sure she could hear the pounding of my heart. But I did my best to look cool and calm on the outside.
“You want to get me pregnant?” she finally asked.
There was no mistaking the smile that spread over her face. It was like the sun coming out after days of rain.
“I wanted it yesterday and I want it today,” I said. “I can fight it, but I’m miserable without you. I can’t enjoy anything.”
Her smile widened, boosting my hope she felt the same. I was pouring out my heart here. I’d never done that before. I was usually on the other side of this conversation.
“I know it’s a lot,” I said. “And I’m not suggesting we get married and start that family today. I’m just saying?—”
“We should see where this can go?” she asked.
Now I was the one smiling. A big, goofy smile, I was sure.
I took a tentative step toward her. “If, that is, you’re game for it.”
“Oh, I’m game.” She took a step toward me. “And we can start practicing our baby making after work today.”
“Now that you’ve had your first orgasm, you want more?” I teased.
“I’ll never get enough of you,” she said.
“Promise?”
Her expression turned serious then. The look in her eyes went straight to my heart.
“Promise,” she said.
So much was packed into that one conversation. So many things that we weren’t saying. We weren’t ready to use the “l” word yet, but I would be soon enough.
All I knew was that I’d be with this woman the rest of my life. And I couldn’t think of anything I wanted more.