Sixteen
Selene
I shuffle from one side to the other on the balls of my feet, anxious to end this nightmare once and for all. After the last talk I had with Vincent, I knew he’d come through for me. I’m not sure how he was able to pull it off, but when Gio’s attorney dealing with James’ case called to tell me he was being released and I could pick him up at noon the very next day, I didn’t ask too many questions. I just got in my car and drove all night to make sure I was here on time.
The minute I see James being ushered out the jail gate, I run to his side and jump in his arms.
“Missed me that much, huh, Beautiful? I should get locked up more often,” he teases, placing a soft kiss on my temple. My own smile grows wide seeing how he’s still able to find humor in life, even after this whole sordid ordeal of being framed for the murder of his best friend.
“I’m just glad all of this is over.” I sigh, feeling the weight of the past month leave my burdened shoulders.
“Not yet. There are still plenty of loose ends they have to tie up, but at least I’m no longer their prime suspect. Whoever killed Ed is still out there though, and he deserves just as much justice as I did.”
I look up at his concerned, scruffy face, and it astounds me how his thought process works. Ed was an asshole, and in my eyes never deserved James’ friendship. He was a lowlife, a cheat, and a compulsive gambler. I watched him screw James over time and time again, and his death, although unfortunate, didn’t come as a surprise to me. What did shock me was anyone thinking that James could be responsible for it.
“I’m sure that the police will do their best to find the real culprit, now that they know you didn’t do it.”
“Well, aren’t we the glass-half-full type of girl all of a sudden?” He jokes, giving me another tight squeeze.
I punch his firm stomach, and he feigns injury as he pulls away from our embrace.
“Come on, Handsome. Let me take you home.”
“Never thought I’d be so happy to hear those words.” He chuckles at my side as we both head to his truck. Before he gets in, he throws a wink my way, and I give him a soft smile in return.
I know these years haven’t been entirely easy on him. Living with me, for one, takes tremendous effort. But I am grateful that we somehow found each other.
Once both of us are strapped in, I turn on the ignition and radio, leaving the hideous jail behind us, hoping to never set eyes on it again and relieved that this whole thing is over. However, once we get on to I-65 S, my relief is overshadowed with the dilemma I have to face now that James is out of jail. My mind feels as if it’s being bombarded with problem after problem, catastrophic blows coming from all sides—a wasted battlefield of my own creation.
James is now free, but that doesn’t mean we have our freedom back yet. Too many people know of James’ existence, which means they can pinpoint exactly where we are. While I was able to solve one crisis, I now had to find a way to fix the impending one, which might arrive on our doorstep any day.
“You’re scowling,” James remarks, turning down the radio playing his favorite country song, a buffer I had installed to keep him occupied while trying to figure things out.
“I don’t scowl,” I deflect, never taking my eyes from the road. I know if I turn to face him, I’ll see the same preoccupied look I was trying to avoid.
“Yeah, you do. Quite often actually. You no longer happy I got my ‘get out of jail free card’?” he jokes, trying to lighten my pensive mood.
“Don’t be silly. Of course I’m happy. I’m just thinking about where we go from here,” I confess, my face as calm as possible as not to alarm him. He just survived one hellish experience, so I would hate to drop another one of my messes on his lap so soon.
“What do you mean? What’s going on in that pretty, little head of yours?”
I bite my lower lip and the metaphorical bullet simultaneously.
“We can’t stay in Nashville anymore. It’s not safe.”
“Hmm.” I hear him mumble beside me.
“Too many people know who you are now; meaning they know where we live and how to get to us. We need to change that before anyone decides to pay us an unexpected visit. I have worked too hard to be caught now by my father, or worse, Ciro.”
“So what are you planning to do about it?” he questions apprehensively.
“We use the money Mammà gave me and disappear. Start fresh somewhere else. I won’t expect you to come with us if you don’t want to, but it won’t be safe for you either, should you decide to stay,” I explain cautiously, hoping he understands this isn’t something to take lightly.
“I’m not leaving you two to fend for yourselves,” he quips back, hurt I even suggested such a thing.
“We can take care of each other just fine, but it would be nice to have you with us. We could even go to Mexico and buy a small house on the beach so you can drink Coronas all day while chatting up the exotic locals,” I tease with a slanted grin.
He lets out a huge laugh that comes straight from the gut, and the sound warms my worried heart.
“You and I both know my romancing days are far behind me,” he snickers.
I give him an understanding nod, and pat his knee in solidarity.
“Speaking of which, I still have a bone to pick with you,” he adds with a hint of disappointment. I arch my eyebrow feigning ignorance, when he deadpans unequivocally, “You told them I was your husband.”
“So?” I shrug, my tone is unapologetic at the sound of his disgruntlement.
A pregnant pause ensues, making me turn to glance at the man who is looking at me with displeasure in his brown eyes. I turn away and squint my eyes, hating how I will never live up to his moral code.
“Don’t look at me like that, James. You are my husband,” I quip back.
“We both know that isn’t true, Beautiful.”
I choke on my own saliva and choose to downplay my actions with his usual lighthearted rebuke.
“I beg to differ, Handsome. I have the marriage certificate to prove it,” I singsong, hoping it’s enough to sway his mood.
“Yes, but I have the empty bed I’ve slept in for the past ten years to prove we are not,” he replies sternly.
“We were never about that.” I slump my shoulders, and lean my head back on the headrest, wishing we could avoid this topic altogether.
“I remember an occasion or two where we were,” he teases, sensing how uncomfortable this conversation is for me.
“You mean when too much tequila was involved, and we were at our worst? If I recall, we both regretted it the minute the sun came up.”
“True. Our relationship was never about that. Both of us are still too tied up in lost love. Sleeping alone with our ghosts has always been preferable to living a lie,” he hushes under his breath.
“James…” I whisper, patting his knee again softly, knowing exactly the pain he feels every time we broach the subject of his late wife. It’s much the same way I feel whenever he mentions the pieces of my heart.
“It’s okay, Selene. Regardless of all that, I love my life, or at least I try to. But when we came up with this plan, it was so the Outfit wouldn’t find you. You said so yourself. They were always looking for a high-class young woman, and would never even consider suspecting a modest mechanic’s wife to be the girl they were searching for. But things have changed now that you’ve gone to the ‘boss’ himself, as you call him. I would assume that since you were so forthcoming with my existence, you would have told him the truth. All of it, Selene, not just bits and pieces. It would have been the decent thing to do, don’t you think?”
“I couldn’t do that,” I stutter.
“And why not?”
“Because I just couldn’t, James! The only reason I went to Chicago was to save you from a certain death sentence, not to give them false hope. It’s best they think I’ve moved on. It’ll make it easier on them when we disappear again. It would be crueler if made them believe I was coming back when I am unable to. And anyway, I don’t want that life. I never did, especially not now.” I relent, the nervous energy bleeding out of me.
“That might be so, but you also want them. And as much as you try to push them away, that won’t ever change. I always told you that this life is a short one—too short to have so many regrets. The men you love are alive, Beautiful. Living and breathing. I would give anything for more time with Lori, and I just don’t want you to lose your chance at true happiness because of fear. You will never find the same love in someone else’s arms. You and I both have that in common.”
“James, I do love you,” I affirm, facing him so he can see the sincerity in my words.
“I know you do, Beautiful. And in my own way, I love you, too. But we both know it pales in comparison to the real deal. Now that you’ve seen them, I’m not sure you’ll be strong enough to resist the love that has been tormenting you all these years.And I for one, don’t approve of you denying yourself the chance to be happy,” he counters, and I again thank my lucky stars that James crossed my path when I needed him most.
“I know you mean well, I truly do. But you know it’s not that simple.”
“It can be. The truth will set you free, Selene. If only you let it,” he insists lovingly.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. There are too many variables to consider. Too many dangers and lies to overcome. At least this way, I’m the only one who knows the sacrifices I’m making in order to keep them safe.”
“But you aren’t the only one, are you? Remember it’s not only you who is forsaking your family. You’re also making the decision for Jude as well.”
I grind my teeth at the low blow James has resorted to make his point.
“Jude will understand. They are only names and faces on photographs for him. They’re not real to him as they are to me,” I reply harshly.
“That’s just another lie on top of the millions you tell yourself every day. Jude is clever, sensitive, and has too much of a curious mind not to question your actions. Sooner or later, he’ll want to know where he came from. And him being your son, he’ll move heaven and earth to get the answers you deny him.”
“That’s not fair. I’ve never kept him in the dark.”
“True, but you never gave him the chance to tell you what he wants, either,” James reprimands.
“My son isn’t even ten yet. He has no say on the matter. I’m his mother, and he knows that everything I do is to protect him.”
“To keep him safeguarded, yes. But what about protecting his heart, Selene? Don’t you think keeping him away from his family is doing more harm than good?”
His question is so heartfelt that I almost forget we grew up in such different realities. While James was horseback riding and climbing trees or swimming in lakes, I was being torn apart by my father, while still learning how to be the perfect mafia principessa . I want Jude to have the childhood that James had, not the nightmare I escaped from.
Once another long bout of silence sets in, I sigh, relieved James is smart enough not to push the subject any further.
Or so I thought.
“What are you going to tell him about us moving?” James asks, coming from another angle to support his argument.
“I’ll think of something,” I bite back.
“So you are going to lie? To Jude? To your own flesh and blood?” He shakes his head, disappointed with my reply.
“I have to! You don’t have to come if you have a problem with how I deal with the situation,” I warn coolly.
“Oh no, you don’t. You and Jude are my family, and I won’t allow you to run away from me so easily. Before you might have been successful in doing it to them, but that’s only because they had no idea you were a flight risk. I know better. Wherever you go, I’ll go with you.” He laughs as if the mere idea is unfathomable to him.
“James—”
“Don’t ‘James’ me, Beautiful. This is not up for debate. Ten years ago I offered to help you in any way I could. I have devoted the last decade of my life in keeping that promise. I won’t turn back on my word now,” he affirms, crossing his arms over his chest to make his point clear.
I bite my inner cheek to keep silent, knowing nothing I say will make him change his mind. Especially when I, too, am bound by a promise that I made when I was only twelve years old—to always put the happiness and wellbeing of the pieces of my heart above my own, and to protect them in any way I could.
Always and forever.
How can I argue with James when his moral compass is so much more righteous than mine?
Life on the run isn’t fun and games, and taking my family across the country to hide from the devil and a mad man isn’t what I intended to do either. Still, I can’t presume that they won’t somehow learn of my whereabouts if we stay in Nashville. It’s just a risk too dangerous to take.
My thoughts are still rambling on when I turn into our neighborhood and see in the distance, a silhouette of a man sitting on our stoop. A black limo, which is parked on the curb of our street with a chauffeur sitting idly inside, is a clear indication of who exactly awaits me at my doorstep.
“Shit!” I groan, slapping the steering wheel in annoyance and aggravation.
“Who’s that?” James asks, taking stock of the pretentious car and the man now standing on our lawn.
“Vincent.”
“That’s Vincent? Pompous asshole, isn’t he?” he remarks taking another look at Vincent’s car. “Couldn’t be less conspicuous, huh?”
“It comes with the job of being king. Why hide what you are when you can gain more by flaunting it in people’s faces.” I shrug.
“Where is he? Where’s Jude?”
“Next door with Mrs. Henderson, but I told him we should be home around this time.”
“Shit. Okay, no worries. I’ll go next door and stall him, while you deal with our visitor,” James suggests.
I throw him a stiff nod.
“Selene?”
“Yes?”
“Get rid of him. If he finds out about Jude, I doubt the world is big enough for you to hide.”
“Why would you say that?” I ask rubbing my lower lip raw.
“Because I wouldn’t rest until I found you both. And by looking at him, I can tell you that he won’t either.”