13 - Sophie
13
Sophie
My guilt about Johnny’s performance didn’t end when the rodeo lights came on and the fans slowly exited the arena. It remained as I walked to my car, and persisted for the first hour of my shift at Billy Bob’s. Liz was working the same bar as me tonight, but she was kind enough not to mention Johnny’s performance again.
Fortunately, it was slightly less crowded than it had been on opening night. And I wasn’t closing today—I was getting off at ten.
“Got any plans for our night off tomorrow?” she asked.
Thankful to take my mind off the rodeo, I said, “Yes! I mean, no, I don’t have plans. You don’t want to spend your night off with Travis?”
“He’s got game night with the guys,” Liz waved a hand. “How about we go somewhere away from the rodeo crowd? Like on Magnolia Boulevard?”
“Let’s do The Usual,” I said, referencing a bar that we liked. “The worst we’ll have to deal with are TCU students.”
“I’ll take them over this crowd any night,” Liz said.
I didn’t expect to see Johnny tonight, so it was a surprise when I looked up from the martini shaker and saw him and Eli leaning across the bar to get my attention. His face wasn’t as green as it had been earlier, and he was wearing a rueful smile.
“Didn’t think you’d be back so soon,” I admitted, hefting the bottle of TX whiskey. “Shots?”
Johnny’s face twisted like he had been punched in the gut. “Please get that bottle out of my sight.”
“Sorry. Couldn’t resist.”
Eli clapped him on the back. “I, for one, think it’s mighty hilarious.” He grinned at Johnny. “Come on, pal. You’ve always been able to laugh at yourself.”
“I’ll be ready to laugh at myself after two more showers or three more nights of sleep, whichever comes first,” Johnny replied. “I’ll take a soda water with ice.”
“Make it two, darlin’,” Eli said, holding up two fingers.
“Coming right up.” I filled two glasses with ice. “I saw the performances today. You got robbed, Eli.”
He slapped his palm down on the bar. “I did get robbed. I swear Chrissy Applefart bribes the judges. His bronco was like a newborn kitten compared to what I had to ride.”
“If it makes you feel any better, most of the crowd agreed,” I said.
He leaned one arm on the bar and gave me his best smile. “You know, that does make me feel better. Thank you, darlin’.” He jerked a thumb at Johnny. “What’d you think of his performance?”
I gave the blond man a sad smile.
“You don’t have to say anything else,” Johnny told me. “I don’t much feel like hearing it. I just came here to let you know I’m going to leave you alone.”
I blinked. “Oh?”
He nodded. “I can’t afford to blow the other events. My livelihood depends on my performance here. So this is the last night I’ll be visiting the honky tonk.”
Another customer slid around him and placed a half-finished glass of beer on the bar. Johnny sniffed the air and then wrinkled his nose.
“In fact, I’ll probably give up alcohol for the rest of the rodeo,” he added. “Or the rest of the year. Or the rest of my life.”
“Aw, that’s the defeat talkin’,” Eli said. “After you win the Steer Wrestling event next week, I’m draggin’ your ass back here and buying you a victory beer.”
“If I win that event,” Johnny said, “I’ll let you.” He accepted his soda water and tipped his hat to me. “Sorry for all the trouble, Sky Eyes. Have a good night.”
A deep sadness spread through my chest as he walked away.
Eli watched him, then turned back to me and cleared his throat. “Now that Mr. Buzzkill is out of the way, we can get down to business. I’m still single, and have recently scored second place in the Saddle Bronc Riding event.” He reached beneath his flannel shirt and pulled out a silver medal. “But I won’t be going shot-for-shot with you any time soon. No ma’am.”
He gave me a wink, then joined Johnny at a table on the other side of the room near the stage where a guitar player was strumming.
“You actually did it,” Liz said to me. “You stopped a guy from flirting with you without slapping him.”
“This is the part where a good friend would tell me I shouldn’t feel guilty.”
Liz grimaced. “I don’t know, Sophie. He looked pathetic in Dickies tonight, and is nursing that soda water like a sad puppy. I think you broke him.”
Ugh. So much for not feeling guilty.
The flow of customers and drinks distracted me for a little while, but I kept glancing across the room. Johnny and Eli were turned away from me, facing the musician playing the guitar on stage. They were indeed ignoring me, as promised.
But I didn’t feel happy about it.
I felt like an asshole.
As the evening dragged on, I thought about what had happened last night. Johnny had pushed me, asking personal questions. I wasn’t a stranger to that, not at work, but last night was the first time I had ever answered a guy truthfully.
I opened up to him about my ex, Trent.
That’s not who I was. I didn’t let people in; I kept them at arm’s length. I certainly didn’t tell them about the worst thing that had ever happened to me, my greatest shame. That was a part of my life I had never told anybody other than Liz and my parents.
Yet when Johnny asked, it all just came flowing out.
Why had I done that?
Sure, I’d had a few shots. But they hadn’t really kicked in yet when I told him about Trent. I wasn’t even buzzed, let alone spill-my-secrets drunk.
There was something about him, and about Eli too, that I was strangely drawn to. It reminded me of the way I felt when I first met Trent three years ago. He was so ruggedly handsome, so real in a way that very few men were. Johnny and Eli had that same quality. Completely genuine. Open and warm and unique.
And I had pushed them away with a sneaky trick.
It bothered me throughout my shift, the guilt flaring hot like a stab wound. Was the way I opened up last night a one-time thing? Was there more to these men that I was missing out on?
Eventually, I couldn’t speculate about it any more. I had to know for sure.
“Hey,” I said to Liz. “Cover the bar for a minute?”
She flashed me a thumbs-up while flirting with a customer who was nowhere close to being in her league.
I left the bar and walked out to the floor of the honky tonk. It was more crowded now than it had been when my shift began, customers filing in to listen to the twangy country music from the man on stage. Eventually I reached the other side of the room, where I had seen Johnny and Eli sitting just a minute before.
But now the table was occupied by a gaggle of women in cowboy hats and sequin dresses.
“Are you our waitress?” one of them demanded when she saw me. “I’ll have an espresso martini…”
“Make it two!” one of the others said.
I mumbled something about them needing to order at the bar, then began searching through the room. I had just seen Johnny sitting here before telling Liz to cover for me. They must have left.
I hurried out of that room and down the hall, into the main dance area. The entrance to the entire establishment was to the left, where a line of people were slowly coming in, gazing around with wonder at the largest honky tonk in the world. I must have been too late.
Then the crowd parted just enough to give me a glimpse of blond hair sticking out from beneath a tan cowboy hat.
Johnny .
I practically shoved gawking customers out of the way to reach them. I hadn’t imagined it—that was Johnny, with Eli on the other side of him. Relief flushed into my veins like ice water in a pint glass.
But they weren’t alone, now. They were chatting up two women.
“And that’s when I said, let’s do it!” one of the women was saying as I approached. “You only live once, right?”
Johnny gave a laugh—a fake laugh, I could tell. Then he saw me and his smile turned genuine.
“I’m sorry,” I told him without preamble. “I’m used to immediately pushing people away. It’s part of being a female bartender, plus all the other baggage I told you about last night regarding… my ex. But you’re a really nice guy, and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you. I get off in half an hour if you want to get a drink. Or just food if you were serious about never drinking again. Either way, I’ll be at the bar until my shift ends.”
One of the women stepped forward into my personal space. “Um, excuse me? We were having a conversation .”
“Relax, botox,” I said to the woman. “I don’t know if you’re thirty or seventy, because you’ve got more plastic than all the beer cups in the trash can over there. But I said my peace. He’s all yours.”
As I walked away, I heard Eli laughing heartily. The other woman snapped at him, “What are you laughing at?”
“What Sophie just said,” he replied. “Did you not hear her? That was fuckin’ hilarious .”
The last thing I heard was the woman scoffing in offense.
My heart was pounding as I went back to my bar and relieved Liz, who was swamped with customers now. I wasn’t used to making big gestures like that, especially in front of several people. Eventually, my pulse returned to normal as I served beer and collected tips. It felt good to say that to Johnny, and I was looking forward to seeing if he accepted my offer.
But when my shift ended, Johnny wasn’t there.
“I’m still proud of you,” Liz said as we exited out the back of Billy Bob’s. She put her arm around me. “And who knows. Maybe he’ll change his mind in a day or two. He’s probably still in rough shape after what happened at Dickies tonight.”
“Maybe,” I said, but I wasn’t as optimistic as her. It felt like I had missed my chance. Johnny was going to focus on the rodeo, just like he said he would.
“It’s okay, sweetie,” Liz put her arm around me and gave me a side-hug. “Want to go somewhere and get a drink?”
I shook my head. “Honestly, I just want to go home, put sweat pants on, and start my rewatch of White Lotus.”
“Season one or two?”
“Both, obviously .”
When we rounded the corner of the building where the employees parked, there was a man waiting for us. My first instinct was to call one of the Billy Bob’s bouncers. Female bartenders often had creeps waiting for them to finish their shift, and our bouncer was an ex-military guy with nine granddaughters and a bone to pick with anyone who harassed women.
It wasn’t a creep, though. It was Johnny leaning against my car with his arms crossed over his chest. Liz made an excited noise in her throat when she realized who it was.
Johnny gave me a rueful look as we approached. “I’m not drinking for at least a week,” he announced. “But I’d love to buy you dinner.”