10. ZANE
ZANE
No matter how hard I try, I cannot get the pity look Ava had when she saw my scars off my mind. She gave me the same stare that makes me avoid people in the first place.
I was right to tell her off because from now on, anytime she looks at me, she will have the image of my scars in her mind and she’ll never look at me with another emotion other than pity.
I also don’t like the fact that she saw me so vulnerable. This gym is supposed to be my safe space. As much as I say it’s a secret, I know the rest of my family knows about it, but they don’t question me or dare come in here.
Miss Diva is the first one to do so, and I hate it.
After she left, I thought that if I kept working out, I’d be able to burn the image from my mind, but it didn’t work, so I gave up and decided to call it a day.
I run into my old man just as I’m headed for my cabin to shower and get some rest after this exhausting day. I wait for him to speak first as he must have a reason to seek me out.
He chooses to start by scolding me. “Duncan told me what happened with Miss Rowe. You didn’t have to be so cold to her, you know—she’s a paying customer.”
I shrug since I already did my part, which was to sell her the horses. After-sale activities like flirting are not part of my responsibilities as foreman.
“Then you should have dealt with her,” I retort.
This earns me a slap at the back of my head. I ignore him and keep walking, hoping he will get the hint and leave me alone, but he does the opposite and follows me instead.
“How are you holding up, son?” he inquires, switching tones.
I tilt my head at him, wondering where the concern is coming from. Hank Morgan is a great dad, but he’s not really known for heart-to-heart talks. He raised us like a pack of wolves, but that’s only because Mom died early, leaving him to raise four wild teenagers and a toddler—but he did his best.
“I know it’s not easy for you to have Ava around given your history, so I just wanted to check in and make sure you’re okay,” he explains.
Says the man who forced me into picking her up yesterday. He didn’t seem to care much about my feelings then.
“I’m fine,” I grunt, choosing not to tell him what I really think.
Even if I’m not, there’s nothing he can do about it. Ava is already here; they all seem pretty thrilled, so I have to find a way to come to terms with it.
He narrows his eyes, not really believing me, but he knows he won’t get any more from me. He stops my movement with a hand on my shoulder. “My hope is that with Ava around, you two will be able to clear the air between you so we can all move on.”
His words don’t have the comforting effect he thinks they do. These people fail to realize that the accident isn’t even the issue—it’s the aftermath that followed that broke me.
“Don’t keep your hopes up.”
“Zane...”
“I’ve had a long day. I need to get back to shower,” I say dismissively, shrugging his hand off before walking away.
“It’s about time you confront your demons, son,” he yells after me.
That statement only makes me angrier, leaving me feeling like I need to punch something. All I wanted was a peaceful day, free of all things Ava after what happened in my cabin this morning and evening at my gym, but it seems that’s hoping for too much.
My old man has just ruined what little peace of mind I was holding onto, and just when I think I’m done with human interaction for the day, I find Ella waiting for me outside my cabin. The livid look on her face lets me know that my nightmare of a day is far from over.
“Did you say something to Ava?” she demands once I’m within earshot.
She already knows I did; otherwise she wouldn’t be here confronting me.
“You did, didn’t you? That’s why she was acting so weird this morning and crying just now. What did you tell her?”
She was crying? I didn’t mean to make her cry. What did you expect, Zane, that she’d break out in song and dance after you told her off? Be real!
Ella steps closer, and I resist the urge to step back. I’m almost a foot taller than her, but she’s intimidating when she wants to be. This position seems familiar. Oh wait, I’ve been in it with Ava twice, only roles were reversed and I was the aggressor.
She pokes her manicured finger at my chest. “I swear to God, Zane, if you ruin her stay here, I will castrate you with a rusted machete and feed your bits to the dogs.” She takes a breath, lowers her hand, and softens her tone, which lets me know what she’s about to say will be gut-wrenching.
“I know how much you lost five years ago. I’m sorry about that—the whole world is sorry—but you are not the only one who suffered loss.
You have no idea what she’s been through and how she continues to suffer.
So, get off your high horse and try to act like a freaking human being for once.
The world does not revolve around you, Zane Morgan, so stop making everyone else miserable. ”
I was not wrong. Her words manage to pierce through the armor I have built around myself over the years.
Wait, what does she mean by I have no idea what Ava went through and continues to?
As far as I’m concerned, I was the one who lost his whole life in that accident.
I was in a coma for weeks, had to be in physical therapy for months after I was discharged from the hospital, and found out that my bull riding career was over.
Ava walked out of that accident with nothing but a few scratches and went on to have an amazing music career.
From my perspective, I was the one who lost everything, so I’m entitled to how I feel and act.
Or maybe I’m wrong and there’s much more to this than meets the eye? I don’t know—I’m confused as fuck now.
Ella decides she’s not done before I get the chance to question her about her previous statement.
“If she decides to go back to LA—and God knows that is the last place that she should be—I will make your life on this ranch a living hell. Yes, more than it already is. Mark my words,” she threatens.
“Are you done?” I ask, needing to ask her about what she just said before.
“Am I done? Did you just ask me that, you self-centered asshole?”
“Yes, I need to a...”
She doesn’t let me finish and instead shoves me. “Argh, you’re insufferable. You know what, you stay away from Ava. She already has enough on her plate without having to deal with you being a constant dick toward her,” she demands and turns to walk away.
“El, wait,” I call out.
“What?” she spits angrily.
“What did you mean by LA is the last place Ava should be?”
“That’s not my information to share. Maybe if you apologized to Ava, she’ll tell you,” she replies, her tone a bit softer.
“I have nothing to apologize for.”
My reply makes her mad all over again. “How about being a class A asshole to her from the moment she landed here when she’s done nothing but try to atone for the past?”
“She’s the one who has to apologize to me,” I assert.
“She would, if you gave her a chance, you dick. It’s all she’s been trying to do,” Ella retorts.
Maybe Ella is onto something. Maybe I overdid it and was too rude to Ava when all she’s been trying to do is make amends. But I don’t dare admit that to her.
When she realizes that I’m not going to say anything else, she storms off in a huff. Her words stick with me though, and I’m left believing that there’s more to this story than I’m aware of.
But I’m not in the right capacity to deal with it right now. I’m too tired—mentally, physically, and emotionally. I’ll talk to Ava tomorrow when I’m in a better frame of mind.
After showering and having dinner, I’m getting into bed when a thought pops into my mind. What if Ava decides to sleepwalk tonight as well? I have no idea what she’ll do when she finds the door locked.
Why do I care though? Of course I care—I’ve always cared even when I’m busy pretending not to.
For this reason, I find myself getting out of bed and leaving both my front and bedroom doors unlocked. I refrain from taking the pill that knocks me out because I want to hear her come in, that is, if she does.
True to my prediction, a few minutes past midnight, I hear my bedroom door creak open, followed by soft footsteps headed for my bed.
I hold my breath as a soft body crawls in next to me.
She seeks me out with her arms, and once she makes contact, she cuddles up to my side, sighs in contentment, and keeps sleeping.
Warning signs go off in my head, and I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but I need to find out why she sleepwalks now when I know she didn’t before and what has her running from LA.
After we figure that out, then we can dig up our past. For now, I tentatively wrap my arms around her, hoping to provide whatever comfort she’s seeking.
She holds me tighter when I do so, and I find myself smiling and smelling her hair.
It smells really good. Not the time, Zane!
After adjusting us to a more comfortable position, I drift off to sleep as well, leaving the unsaid for dawn.