Chapter Ten
Rowan
I spread an array of little clothing on the bed and tried to figure out what to wear tonight.
I was meeting Summit at the club and, despite feeling a bazillion times better about things between us, I was still clueless in a lot of ways.
Tonight, in theory, was going to put an end to that, which was why this decision was so hard.
If I went to the club wearing jeans and a button-up, what was I signaling to him?
That I only wanted a friend or possibly someone to date?
If I went all decked out in my little gear, how would he see that?
Would he assume I wanted someone to do scenes with and nothing more?
If I went in a little-light outfit, big but with a playful side, would I feel comfortable?
“Why are clothes so hard?” I plopped face-first onto the bed.
If I was going to be on time, I needed to leave in an hour and decided a shower might help me make my decision.
It didn’t, but I smelled nice. In the end, I opted to be little coded so that I didn’t need to change at the club, but to bring clothing in case I wanted to.
I wasn’t going to completely hide my little side. That wouldn’t be fair to either of us.
I walked in, my backpack slung over my shoulder.
I had my favorite jeans on and a little-too-snug crab T-shirt with a rubber ducky on it.
If we decided the night was going to turn bigger and he wanted to go elsewhere, I had a button-up shirt in my backpack.
If we decided to play in the little room, I had a pair of short shorts I could throw on.
I was prepared, at least as far as my clothing went.
I was not, however, prepared for the way he took my breath away when I rounded the corner to see him standing there.
He was dressed in a suit, probably came from work, and I’d never been a suit guy.
I always thought they were silly, and people said a man’s suit is his aphrodisiac, or whatever, but the way it clutched him? Yes, please.
We checked in, and he asked if I wanted to sit in the lounge area where it was quiet and private and we could get something to drink and some snacks. Playing was great, but we really needed to talk first. We found seats near the back.
“How have you been?” Summit asked a complicated question.
Something about the tone of his voice said he really wanted to know. That green light had me telling him how I spent too much time trying to figure out what was happening between the two of us. How I didn’t know if he was flirting or looking for a friend, if he wanted a boy or a date.
I probably sounded like one of those guys who cling to the first man who looks their way. Summit never treated me as one.
He listened to every word, asked clarifying questions without a hint of judgment, and not once had me feeling like I needed to shut up already.
When I was done, he explained he understood where I was coming from and then asserted he was very much interested in men, specifically in me.
He went on to let me know he was a daddy but had never been big on doing random scenes with strangers who had no desire to be more than a stranger.
“I would like to pursue you as both a man and a daddy.”
“I’d like that, Summit. A lot.”
I’d never had such an open, upfront conversation like this. There was no ambiguity now. We both knew what each other was looking for. Sure, there were details to figure out along the way, but it was a nice, comfortable start.
“Now that’s settled, what do you think about us playing for a little bit?”
“Did you want me to change?” I was cute and little-coded, but I was far from Chained little-room attire. They didn’t have a dress code or anything, but most of the littles showed up in their best outfits.
“No, I think being dressed like this is good. You look adorable.”
I beamed at his small praise.
“We’re not at the level of trust where falling into little space is the healthiest. You want someone you trust completely and we aren’t there yet. Before we play that deeply, I wanted you to trust me and we aren’t there yet.”
It wasn’t rejection; it was respect.
“Thanks, Summit. I’d like to play with you.” Not calling him Daddy was hard, knowing we were about to walk into a little space to play.
He offered me his hand and we went and left my backpack in the group changing room then walked into the little room together.
It was quite active for this early in the evening, which was perfect. Being playful and fun was contagious and one of the reasons I loved coming to Chained.
Ms. Lily had set up a sticker game, a sort of treasure hunt designed to show off the new setup she’d just completed. Ms. Lily was great about making this playroom always feel fresh.
We started by going from area to area, looking for the treasure and adding a sticker to our page.
It was the perfect activity for our first time here because, as we stopped at each play area, we were able to talk about whether we liked doing that particular activity: puzzles, books, blocks, clay, all of it.
It was a fluid conversation that might have been awkward and clunky in any other setting.
Once we collected all our stickers, we sat down with some magnetic blocks, playing together. It was fun. He let me lead and was never bossy, but also not a pushover. I had a feeling a day of being little with him would be better than I could imagine.
I enjoyed our time together, and when some of his daddy friends came with their littles, I was happy.
I didn’t have a lot of little friends, and meeting more was always something that I looked forward to.
But a few minutes in, I was also conflicted because I really wanted Daddy to myself, even though he wasn’t my daddy.
“Hey, are you okay?” He gave my knee a squeeze.
“Yeah. Sorry, I just got distracted.”
I thought about the night Sammy slept over and how he encouraged me to be honest and brave even when I felt anything but. It gave me the courage to push the thoughts aside for now.
“I’m really glad you’re here,” I said.
There was so much more we needed to figure out, from if we had enough in common to if our daddy and little personalities meshed well enough for more than this type of light play. But for now, tonight felt like a big step forward. Any step forward was a step worth taking.