Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
T ressy
As I excused myself to use the restroom at the restaurant where we were having brunch, I couldn’t help thinking that Rowdy was hiding something.
After our talk this morning, all I could think about was the fact that Rowdy had a secret he didn’t want to tell me. And I wanted to know. I wanted him to trust me enough to tell me. Which was ridiculous, because we barely knew each other. And I had a pretty big secret myself.
Which was getting harder and harder to justify keeping.
When we’d arrived at the restaurant, almost everyone had greeted me like a long-lost friend.
The Angels cooed over my “absolutely adorable” daughter and introduced her to their children, a few of whom were the same age. She was now happily playing in a special corner of the restaurant rigged out just for kids, with coloring books and crayons and toys, watched over by a revolving stream of parents .
Rowdy’s teammates had welcomed me with smiles and not one had said anything even slightly snarky about my relationship with their captain. Rebel might’ve started to say something, but Rowdy had stuck an elbow in his side before any words had escaped.
Only Rain had been preoccupied and not very talkative, her attention clearly somewhere else.
And Rowdy had been…Rowdy.
“Hi. I know you.”
The voice brought me out of my thoughts, and I looked down at the boy standing in front of me in the hallway where the restrooms were located. I smiled down at him, the only thought on my mind was getting back to Rowdy and Krista. He wasn’t much older than Krista, maybe eight or so, his little freckled face intent as he stared up at me.
My smile widened. “Hi there. Are you looking for the men’s room?” I pointed down the hall. “I think it’s the next door.”
“I know you.”
He looked at me with wide, hazel eyes and the most self-assured look I’d ever seen on a child’s face. Panic twisted my gut into a knot, and my lungs froze for a split second. Then I immediately tried to dismiss it. This little boy had no idea who I was. I needed to calm down.
“I don’t think so, sweetie. I’m not from around here. My name’s Tressy.”
“No, I know that. But I know you. You’re on my favorite TV show.”
You’ve been caught.
Okay, don’t panic. Deep breath. He probably thought I was someone else.
“What’s your favorite TV show?”
“You’re Mabel Ann. On ‘Broad Street.’ I recognize your voice.”
Shit. Shit. And double shit .
I kept a smile on my face, but it was tough. Damn it, I didn’t want to lie to this baby. I didn’t want to tell him he was wrong. Make him doubt himself. Because he was right.
But damn, I really didn’t have to like it.
“Broad Street” had made me one of the most recognizable child actors in America for a brief period of time. Until the show runners’ egos had gotten too big and killed the show with their outrageous demands.
That’d been more than fifteen years ago and, until recently, it’d held cult classic status because there’d been copyright issues with some of the music, which had kept it from being syndicated or licensed.
Until recently, when the producers had gotten those problems worked out, and “Broad Street” had become something of a sensation again. Mainly because of Denee.
The excitement on this little boy’s face made my chest tight and my pulse beat faster. It’d been years since I’d been recognized as Mabel Ann. My hair had been red back then, and I’d been this little pudgeball of energy, the perfect sidekick to the perfect girl-next-door Denee Henning, who’d become so famous and then died so tragically.
It still hurt my heart to think about everything she’d lost. Everything she’d never get to do.
Noting the small bench along the wall, I lowered myself onto it and gestured for him to sit next to me. He scrambled up onto the cushion, still staring at me with that adoring smile.
My lips curved, though my heart beat like a trapped bird. “What’s your name?”
“Brandon, but everyone calls me Bud.”
“Bud, if I tell you a secret, do you think you can keep it?”
He nodded so hard, I thought he might hurt himself. “I won’t tell anyone. Not even my mom and dad.”
Damn it, that hurt. I didn’t want this baby keeping secrets from his parents. I wouldn’t want someone telling Krista to keep secrets from me. Shit.
But self-preservation had become second nature.
“That was me, but it was a really long time ago. I was about your age when I started on ‘Broad Street.’”
“I knew it! I knew it was you.”
He didn’t exactly shout the words, but I winced because it sounded really loud in the hallway.
For the next few minutes, Bud talked my ear off. In a good way. About everything he loved about the show and how he had watched the whole thing in, like, two weeks, and it’s the only show he wanted to watch now and, then he went into detail about episodes I’d long forgotten filming.
But I smiled and nodded and let him talk. And let his enthusiasm infect me. That show held so many good and bad memories for me. It was impossible to separate them now, they were all so tangled together in a mess that sometimes it still hurt to think about it.
Finally, he had to take a breath, and I could get a word in.
“I’m so glad you enjoy the show, Bud. That makes me really happy. But I do need to ask you a favor.”
He nodded again. “Sure!”
You’re a horrible person.
“I would really appreciate it if you could please not tell anyone who I am.”
I held my breath as I waited for him to react. I was expecting more questions, maybe a few tears. Instead, Bud grinned from ear to ear.
“It’s a secret.”
I winced inwardly. “Yes, it’s a secret.”
Damn it, I felt like a pervert, though I wasn’t asking him to do anything weird or illegal. I was simply asking him not to reveal my past.
Bud bounced off the bench, promising again not to tell anyone and how great it had been to meet me. Then he headed back down the hall, leaving me sitting there, feeling like an awful person.
This sucked. I wanted to go after Bud and tell him to go ahead and tell his parents, tell whoever he wanted. I didn’t have anything to hide. Who would even recognize me anymore? More importantly, who would care?
So, I used to be a child actress. A fairly successful one, yes, but never a household name. Not like Denee. And then it all went away. I hit puberty, and I hadn’t been cute anymore. I hadn’t been small and adorable and chubby. I’d been skinny and had acne and boobs. I didn’t fit the Hollywood teen stereotype.
My mom had tried… God, how she’d tried to make me the next big thing. Dyed my hair. Hired a dietician. A personal trainer. Weekly dermatologist appointments. Daily acting classes.
She’d tried to make me into someone I wasn’t. And I’d gone along with it. Because I loved my mom and sister, and I wanted to provide for them like I always had. Until it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t getting the roles my mom thought I should be. I just had to try a little harder, do this differently, do that differently. Until it’d all become just so much noise. Too much noise for a teenager with an attitude and a chip on her shoulder. A teenager who wanted to go to college.
“Tressy? You okay?”
My head popped up to see Rain walking down the hall with Caity, the Angels’ captain, their expression almost identical. Frowns and concern. Jesus, how bad did I look?
“Yeah,” I smiled. “I’m fine. Is Krista okay? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to leave her for so long?—”
“She’s fine. No worries.” Caity waved a hand next to her head like she was stopping traffic. “I think the team wants to hire her as their mascot. She’s certainly cuter than anyone else in the organization.”
“Tressy, did something happen? ”
Rain continued to study me like I was bug under a microscope. It made me want to squirm. I wasn’t used to people questioning me. Being concerned about me. It was as uncomfortable as it was unusual.
“No, nothing happened. I just sat down for a second and I guess I lost track of time.”
Caity shrugged it off. “Everybody needs a few minutes to themselves sometimes. Anyway, I’m just gonna…”
She pointed to the bathroom door and disappeared. Leaving me with Rain. And the questions she wasn’t asking.
Rain just stood there for a few seconds, before she sat next to me on the bench.
“You know I don’t care if you sleep with Rowdy. I mean, he’s my brother, and I think he’s an idiot, but he is a good guy.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just nodded, my cheeks flaming red, and all the other shit that I’d been thinking about still rolling around my head.
“But he can really be blind to some shit. And he totally thinks he’s needs to fix everything for everyone. Sometimes, he forgets not everyone needs something from him. So, do you?”
I had no idea where she was going with this. “Do I what?”
“Do you need something from him?”
Do I?
“No, I don’t.”
“Are you in trouble? I know you said you’re not but?—”
“No, I’m not. Honestly. It’s just… my mom and I are having issues. Our relationship is a little more complicated than most.” I didn’t even think about what came out of my mouth next. The conversation with Bud must have loosened my tongue. Or maybe I was just tired of holding it all in. And I didn’t want to tell Rowdy and have him look at me differently. “Many years ago, I was an actress. A pretty successful one, actually. I supported my mom and sister. We lived really well. For a while. And then I grew up. ”
I waited for Rain to ask the question, the one I didn’t want to answer. I could see it forming there behind her sharp, dark eyes.
“You know you’re allowed to have a life of your own life, right? At some point, you have to live for yourself.”
I blinked, because that was so not what I’d expected to hear.
“I mean, yes, I know that. But when you grow up with your entire family depending on you, you develop some weird phobias of your own.”
Rain shrugged, like we weren’t having a pretty heavy conversation outside the bathroom. “Hell, you can develop those anywhere. I feel like my family would fall apart if I weren’t here to keep them all in line. Parents included. And maybe they would. But that’s not on me. You know? And it’s kinda shitty for your mom to put you in that position.”
I knew that, but it still brought up the old defensiveness. My back went stiff, and it took me a few seconds to shove those feelings back down. Because she wasn’t wrong.
“I know that. But… she’s my mom.”
“And family comes first.” Rain’s smile sharpened. “Trust me, I get it. The Lawrences are nothing if not family first. But sometimes you gotta do what you need to do for yourself.”
“And if that means hurting those you love?”
Rain shrugged. “It sucks, but sometimes you can’t help it. If they love you, they’ll forgive you.”
I thought back to those texts from my sister and the ones from my mom. “Or they’ll guilt you into thinking it’s all your fault.”
Rain’s nose crinkled and her expression turned sympathetic. “Ugh. That sounds…not fun. Is that why you don’t want to go back? I mean, St. David is a good place to hide out. But most everything catches up with you.”
“Sounds like you have some experience with that.”
Rain’s lips twisted, and I knew my observation was right.
“Maybe a little. ”
“So why do you stay?”
“Maybe I have nowhere else to go.” She shrugged. “Maybe I just like it here.”
“Where would you go?”
“I don’t know.” Rain just smiled. “I haven’t given it much thought.”
“Bullshit.”
They both turned to see Caity leaning against the open door to the bathroom, arms crossed over her chest. The dance team captain looked young enough to have just graduated from high school, but she had to be at least twenty-one because she’d been drinking last night. Toned, tight and perfectly put together, Caity made me feel like a grandma in my black cargo pants and slouchy green shirt.
Red hair in ringlet curls and green eyes flashing, she stared at Rain with serious attitude.
Rain arched her brows and stared back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Caity rolled her eyes. “And again, I say bullshit.”
She sang that last word, and when I turned back to Rain, I saw her eyes narrow down to slits. Then she gave Caity the finger and turned back to me. “You ready to get back to the party? I’m sure Rowdy’s missing you by now.”
Nodding, I walked back to the dining room with Rain, who looked tense, and Caity, who looked way too satisfied with herself.
And as soon as I stepped out of the hallway, I caught sight of Rowdy, holding Krista’s hand like it was the most natural thing in the world. My daughter looked up at him like he was this amazing shining toy she’d just discovered. I couldn’t remember my daughter ever looking at anyone like that. Not my mom, not my sister. Not anyone in our small group of friends at home.
“He gets that look a lot.” Rain had stopped next to me, and I glanced at her, just to make sure we were on the same page. Rain wore an exasperated grin now as she shook her head. But the love she had for her brother emanated from her like a physical force.
Everyone loved Rowdy. So, of course, it wasn’t a shock that I’d fall for the guy.
The hard part would be leaving him.