KAT
Bebe and Pax had become a fixture at the townhouse. As much as they missed their home, they wanted to experience the boys’ first few weeks.
Bebe helped so much around the house that I didn’t suffer from the normal new mom exhaustion. Rowdy insisted we get into bed by nine each night. He also napped with me in the afternoon when the boys went down. In fact, every day, from one to four, the house fell silent with everyone resting.
When Ford Reed visited, Pax refused to admit the napping to his older brother.
“I stay awake and keep guard,” Pax told Ford, who rolled his eyes. “I can see why you’d need to nap, though, on account of your age.”
Rowdy had warned me about his father’s competitive nature with Ford.
Despite their bickering, the brothers remained best friends.
I watched Pax and Ford taunt each other about their grandsons’ looks and dick sizes.
Having spent most of my time around women, I found the men fascinating.
Would Cavan and Colson poke at each other in the same way one day?
Shay and Bebe exuded an ease with each other that came from being friends for decades. They could share a look from across the room that held as much meaning as a complete conversation. Maria and I often used the same trick at work.
The enormity of so many new people in our lives left Maria overly quiet and me frequently crying.
“My hormones were all over the place after each of my kids,” Bebe said, and Shay nodded. “Each time, I thought I was ready for how moody I’d feel in the weeks after I gave birth.”
“She was nuts,” Pax agreed. “But nature is nuts. What can you do?”
I smiled at Pax’s attempt at kind words. He was a rough man with the biggest heart. His brother had the same vibe. They weren’t as open about their feelings as Rowdy could be, but I never doubted how much they loved their families.
Little Memphis promised a bigger family and a large group of friends. The idea excited me, but saying goodbye to Little Rock felt terrifying.
“I only have a few more weeks of vacation before I’ll need to put in my notice,” Maria reminded me as we fed the babies their last bottles before bed. “I feel guilty about leaving a good job.”
Rowdy sat nearby, silently watching us and likely plotting how to get his way.
“I struggle with the idea of never returning to the clinic,” I admitted and smiled at Rowdy. “Every time I feel panicky over quitting, I remind myself that Little Rock doesn’t have the Reed family. In Little Memphis, we’ll be able to start over fresh.”
When Maria fell silent, I knew she feared what starting over fresh would mean for her.
I was moving to a town to be with the father of my children.
His family had already wrapped me up in their affection.
Rowdy had talked about building a house in the neighborhood where his parents and Lula lived.
I could picture my future, even if the details remained unanswered.
Maria enjoyed none of that clarity. She had no choice except to follow me. I would have been in the same situation if she had met a man. In fact, every time she started dating someone new, I’d consider how my life might change if they got married.
Not every man was bound to be cool with his woman’s twin sister shadowing his every move. Yet, somehow, Rowdy understood I could only be happy if Maria was nearby.
That’s why Rowdy suggested I ask Maria to sleep in bed with me on the night he would spend in Little Memphis. I hadn’t wanted to talk about his impending absence since every little thing triggered my hormonal outbursts.
“I’ve gotten attached to having Rowdy around,” I said in Estonian to my sister as we cooked dinner. “I’m afraid I’ll act like a crybaby once he isn’t around.”
“It’d be strange if you didn’t miss him. You’ve spent more time with Rowdy than I’ve spent with all my boyfriends combined.”
Frowning, I doubted her comment. After all, Maria had dated men for months while Rowdy and I had only been together for weeks. Yet, her relationships had remained casual, superficial even.
I wished Maria could meet someone tied to Rowdy’s world. She’d never gotten emotionally involved with any of the men she dated in the past. Something always held her back. I had the same problem with every man except Rowdy.
But with my biker baby daddy, I no longer held back. Rowdy brought out the best in me. I’d even gotten over some of my self-loathing toward my flabby belly.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Rowdy said the day before he left for Little Memphis. “It’s only for a single night, but I’m used to having someone sexy to cuddle up with. Let me hump your leg like a horny dog.”
Laughing, I toppled on the bed with him, where we spent the next ten minutes doing very naughty, over-the-clothes action.
“When you get me worked up like that,” Rowdy said after he found relief, “I’m not particularly surprised I knocked you up. My jizz feels more powerful when we’re together.”
His praise left me feeling sexy no matter how out of shape I was. However, we were still getting to know each other.
So, that afternoon, while Bebe and Pax drove to the grocery store with Maria, Rowdy and I sat on the couch and asked each other personal questions.
“What’s your greatest fear?” Rowdy asked me.
Freezing, I instantly thought of Maria dying.
“I used to have anxiety attacks over losing my sister. Our mother’s death felt so surreal.
Lora went away in an ambulance and never came back.
We didn’t see her body. There was no memorial.
For a long time, it felt like she was still alive in the world. ”
Wiping the tears from my cheeks, I sighed. “I felt so little attachment to any of our other families. It felt a lot like when you have a new teacher for the school year. You know them and like them, but you never expect them to stay in your life.”
Rowdy hugged me against him. “But Maria is real.”
“Yes, and I feared I’d lose her like Lora lost her twin sister. In her journals, she often talked about how she felt half alive with Lyda gone. I was so afraid that would happen to me. It sounds selfish, but I’d rather be the dead twin than the one left behind.”
“Losing someone I love is also my greatest fear,” Rowdy admitted as he cradled me.
“I’ve never suffered any real losses. However, a guy named Joker was my dad’s club president and was like an uncle.
Years ago, he got really fucked up in a motorcycle accident.
He survived, but if he hadn’t, I think I could have dealt with it.
You know because he had lived a long life. ”
Nodding, I glued myself to Rowdy and tried to see his world.
“But when Lula was taken by criminals last year, I felt certain she would die. I wasn’t able to rationalize her potential death like I had done with Joker’s. I’m not usually that negative, but I believed my sister was gone forever.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you and your family.”
“Lula ended up turning that shitty experience into a positive one by nailing things down with Exile. But I’ll never forget the dread I felt when she was missing.”
“And you nearly lost your friends Cher and Stevie.”
Rowdy sighed. “I don’t like to remember how they looked in the hospital. Cher’s head was wrapped up. She seemed so fragile. Though I can be cold as ice when I’m dishing out violence, I’ve got no stomach for my people suffering.”
“Do you worry more because they’re women?”
Rowdy shook his head. “I cried the hardest when Rock was stabbed by a psycho. I couldn’t see past my tears, but I’m fairly certain he cried, too.”
Grinning, I shook my head. “Is that your way of saying we should stop talking about such dark things?”
Rowdy adjusted my body, so I was using his lap as a pillow. “Tell me something embarrassing about yourself.”
Without missing a beat, I admitted, “The police pulled me over when I was stalking a biker.”
“No, share something embarrassing that doesn’t involve my hot body.”
Sighing, I thought back to a cringeworthy memory. “During an elementary school production, I tried to change places with someone to allow me to stand closer to Maria. I ended up tripping and falling half off the stage. Even the teacher laughed.”
“Share the bitch’s name, and I’ll trash her car.”
Grinning at his offer, I insisted, “Now, your turn.”
Rowdy stroked my forehead and smiled. “Back when I bit off that guy’s nose, I was showing off for Rock. He’s always hassling me like a bully. That’s why I spit the nose chunk at him.”
“Was he impressed?”
“He claimed I was a weirdo, but I suspect he was intimidated by my ballsy move to win a fight.”
“Good. Screw his bully shit,” I said, winning a grin from Rowdy.
“What’s the most embarrassing band you secretly love?”
“The Bee Gees. Their song ‘How Can You Mend a Broken Heart’ always makes me cry.”
Rowdy frowned while admitting, “I have no idea what that song is.”
“Don’t put it on,” I warned. “I will cry.”
Looking at his phone, Rowdy considered if hearing the song was worth my tears.
“Okay, my turn,” he said. “I used to listen to ‘Three Little Pigs’ by Green Jelly on repeat. It’s one of the worst songs ever recorded, but I loved it.”
“Is that a big band song?”
“No, baby, it’s an alt rock thing. Don’t listen to it. You’ll struggle to ride my dick afterward.”
Rather than harp on our embarrassing musical tastes, Rowdy and I decided to listen to big band songs and cuddle up on the couch.
Soon, we’d share these moments in Little Memphis.
I couldn’t quite picture his condo despite the pictures he showed me.
The city felt overwhelming, and I wasn’t sure how I would take to living in a condo building.
However, Little Memphis was a town filled with people who already cared about Maria, the boys, and me. There was no going back. Rowdy’s home would soon be mine.