Chapter 22
Twenty-Two
CAMILLO
Waking up to Aleric like this was strange. My morning routine had always been private—the healthcare workers my parents hired to take care of me after the accident had been impersonal and under strict orders to keep everything under wraps. I forced myself to think of them like robots in order to cope with the fact that they had to touch me in the most intimate places and see me at my most vulnerable.
And while I eventually got used to it and learned to do almost everything on my own, it didn’t change the fact that I’d made a vow to myself. Even if I did fall in love with someone, I would never let them see me like that. We could be like the couples in medieval times where they kept separate bedrooms, met for sex, and then retired to their own spaces.
But now that I had Aleric in my arms first thing that morning, I realized I never wanted to wake up any other way.
The last six weeks had been hell—a self-imposed hell that I had no right to complain about, but that didn’t matter. Being away from him had threatened to ruin me. I knew I was taking a risk saying nothing, but I also knew him.
I knew he would set himself on fire if it meant burning down the people who tried to hurt me, and I wasn’t going to let him do that. Whatever Christoph’s problem was, I was not going to let him ruin what Aleric had worked for.
He had clawed his way to the surface, bloodied knuckles and ragged nails, and I would spend the rest of my life making sure he never suffered again. So long as he let me. And now that I’d confessed and my isolation from him was over, I felt whole again.
Stretching my arms above my head, I groaned to test how much gunk had settled in my lungs overnight. I didn’t feel too bad, so I didn’t rush to move. Instead, I pushed fingers into Aleric’s messy hair and grinned when he murmured and nuzzled against me.
I’d expected him to be a cuddler, but I hadn’t expected to like it so damn much. I could see his legs wrapped around mine, and I carefully felt below us to make sure he wasn’t in danger of crushing my bag. One humiliation I didn’t need this early on in the relationship was leaking piss all over him.
It was half-full and needed a change, but it was one more thing that could wait.
“Mm why up?” he muttered.
I fought back a laugh. “I think it’s past eight.”
“Too early.”
I stroked my finger over his cheek until he opened his eyes. They were unfocused and blurry and so fucking beautiful. He blinked sleepily at me. “Hello.”
His mouth curved into a grin, and he turned his head to smudge something like a kiss over my ribs. It sent sparks up and down my spine. “How do princes spend their mornings? The show made it up.”
I snorted. I’d seen their version of it. A tie-wearing butler came in and lifted Aleric from the bed, wheeled him into the bathroom, and dressed him and brushed his teeth and hair. They conveniently left out all the toilet shit—literally—which I was fine with. I didn’t need the general public knowing I started my day with a good anal fingering.
“Bathroom to start. Usually I do coffee and then brush my teeth, but I think I’ll swap those two today.”
He frowned, looking adorably confused. “Why?”
“Because I want to kiss you, and my mouth tastes like a dead rat.”
“Mm, dead rat,” he said, then surged up to kiss me. I took it. I didn’t care how sour it was. It was indulgent and soft and perfect. Just like him.
“I do need a piss though.”
He groaned but rolled over toward the wall, which gave me space to sit up and grab my handle to scoot toward the edge of the bed. My feet were a little more swollen than usual, but I didn’t feel like anything was off. It was probably because he’d been lying on them all night.
“Need help?” he asked.
I shook my head. Maybe we could keep a few secrets for a little longer. “I’ll be about half an hour. Sleep more?”
“Mhm.” He rolled over without argument and closed his eyes again.
It allowed me a moment to indulge just looking at him, but eventually, I had to grab my chair and head for the bathroom. My routine took forever, but it allowed me to disconnect from my body and focus on Aleric and what came next.
There was no point in denying that I wanted this—that this was everything. And there was no point in denying that he didn’t want me back. This wasn’t a fling. This wasn’t a hookup. He wasn’t a Roget replacement.
I had fallen in love with him. I was willing to do anything and everything he asked except let go without a fight. But it wasn’t going to be easy.
Life was already hell for Aleric on set. The cast didn’t trust him and didn’t hold back letting him know they were just waiting for him to fuck up, the director was making his life miserable, and the crew acted like he wasn’t part of the team. He was stubborn—and God, he was beautiful for that—but I knew it was killing him.
Being with me meant more scrutiny. It meant more eyes on him. It meant gossip and paparazzi following him around, articles being published about him. It meant even the few secrets of his childhood that were left behind being dragged into the open.
I was used to a life with no peace, but I knew it was all Aleric wanted.
Asking him to be with me was asking him to take on a burden that might destroy him before we got our happily ever after. I needed to find a way to fix it.
I just didn’t know how.
“Knock knock?”
I was just sliding off the toilet when Aleric’s voice floated between the cracks in the door. I quickly flushed, then rolled over to the sink. “Come in.”
He padded in, still sleepy, his hair sticking up in every direction. He blinked his blurry eyes at me, then smiled like he was happy to see me. Because shit…he was. “Hi, baby,” he said, his voice a sleep-thick rumble.
I shivered and tilted my head up as he cupped my jaw and bent over to kiss me. “Oh. You’re naked.”
I was. My cock was bare and tube-free, lying limp against the seat of my wheelchair. He licked his lips like he was hungry for it, and then he quickly shook his head and pulled back.
“Oh my God, I’m sorry. I know you hate that. I?—”
“My darling,” I said, reaching for his hand. “I don’t mind when it’s you.”
He let out a breath. “You’re just really fucking beautiful, okay? It’s hard not to touch you all over.”
“I don’t mind if you touch me. Anywhere.”
His pupils dilated. “But?—”
“Aleric.” I turned my chair with one hand and tugged on his wrist until he got the message and dropped to his knees. God, I wanted to keep him there always. “Crawl forward.”
He let out a chest-deep groan as I let him go, and he pressed his hands to the floor and closed the distance between us. His eyes moved up, searching for mine, and I held his gaze. When I saw the line of tension in his body ease, I grabbed his chin.
“Kiss it.”
“Your—”
“Yes.”
He licked his lips, and I felt warmth crashing through my chest. I hadn’t let anyone near me like this. Not since…not since him . Not since Hugo had made me feel special and sexy only to find out he was a complete psychopath. But this moment—right here—was allowing me to prove to myself that he had not ruined me.
That I was sexy. That I was worthy. That I could let someone have access to all of me and it wouldn’t hurt.
Aleric was reverent as he reached out, cupping my dick in his hand. I watched him roll it against his fingers, and then he squeezed gently as he brought his lips to the head. It was a risk. I had no control of bodily functions down there, but watching him had me worked up in ways I hadn’t felt in years.
I groaned in spite of myself, and his gaze snapped back to mine. “Good?”
“So fucking good. You are so good. Jesus, Aleric. Kiss me. Please.”
He surged up to meet me, gripping the back of my head with his free hand as his tongue pushed against mine. It wasn’t a fight—it was a dance. We fit together like two perfect puzzle pieces that didn’t belong to a set. We were on our own.
Just us.
“Are you still touching me?”
“Yes,” he murmured against my lips. “Do you want me to stop?”
“I want you to make me come.”
His hand left my hair, and he scraped nails against the side of my neck, then down to pinch at my nipples. My skin heated again, my chest heaving with breath. I was so close. I could feel the pinpricks of my orgasm drifting over my skin. His lips moved from mine to my pulse, and he scraped his teeth over it as both of his hands moved to my ribs.
He dug his nails in, searching, searching until, “Oh fuck. Oh fuck,” I gasped. I was so worked up, so primed to feel him. My legs immediately began to spasm, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t even slow down. He stroked his firm touches all around the most tender parts of my body where I could feel it the most.
My vision went white at the edges, and I knew my heartbeat was a little too fast, but I didn’t care. I gave myself to him—exactly as I was. Exactly the way he wanted me.
“I’m coming, I’m coming. Kiss me.”
His lips returned to mine just as my climax rushed through me. My body slammed back against my chair, my chest arching against his. I rubbed back and forth, trying to feel as much of his body as I could, and his kiss gentled as my breathing began to even out.
“Fuck.” My voice was thready and soft.
His fingers reached up and pressed against the side of my neck. “Too much?”
“No.” I took a few calming breaths, and I knew I was okay. Pushing him back, I stared into his eyes. “I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”
“I think I did,” he said. And shit, he was probably right. I’d spent most of my adult life ignoring those tiny little things that most people didn’t.
I never jerked off. My pleasure was eighty percent emotional, and I wasn’t sure I would ever like myself enough to get worked up high enough to come on my own. So I ignored it when I had needs. And when they became too much, my default was to call Roget and let him work it out of me.
Now, I had Aleric.
“Talk to me,” he said.
I realized I’d been quiet for too long. “Thank you.”
His brow furrowed. “You don’t need to thank me. I lo—” He stopped, his face bright red, and he looked away.
I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t let another chance to say it pass. Cupping his cheek, I drew him close. “Aleric.”
“I’m sorry. I’m?—”
“I love you.”
His body froze, lips parted. His wide, frantic eyes were the only thing moving, darting around my face like he was searching me for a lie. “Camillo.” The way he said my name was shattered, terrified, and hopeful.
“I love you,” I said again. “I’m in love with you.”
His eyes closed, and after a moment, I saw tears sitting at the base of his lashes. Shit. Shit. Had I ruined this?
“Sweetheart. Aleric, please look at me.”
He shook his head firmly. “No. I can’t.”
“Why not?” I wasn’t going to take it back, but I would humble myself and beg him not to panic and leave me. “You don’t need to say it back. But I needed you to know.”
He sniffed. “It’s not that. I’m crying.”
It took everything in me not to laugh with relief. “What does that matter?”
“Because I don’t cry, okay! I mean, I cry on cue for camera, but I haven’t…” He swallowed thickly, then finally blinked his eyes open, and a couple of tears rolled down his cheeks. “I stopped letting anyone see me cry after…everything.”
My heart twisted in my chest.
“It’s been a very, very long time since anyone has said that to me.”
I wanted to pull him into my lap and wrap around him so no one could ever, ever hurt him again. Instead, I pressed my fingers harder to his cheek and dragged my thumb through the wetness on his skin. “You were going to say it, weren’t you?”
He glanced away, nodding. “I’ve felt it for a while, but, uh…I didn’t want to scare you off.”
“I’m not afraid.”
“You were.” It was an accusation, and he wasn’t wrong.
I was afraid for him, and I was afraid to let anyone close to me again. But I realized that I’d trusted him for a long while now.
“I was, yeah. You know how that trauma can sit on your chest and make it hard to breathe. But I’m not afraid of us. Not anymore.”
He took a deep breath, then leaned back. “I feel like I should let you get dressed.”
Glancing down, I realized that I was still stark fucking naked and probably about to piss in my chair. I looked back at him, then burst into laughter. “God, this is embarrassing. Can you get me some clothes?”
“I get to pick?” he asked, eyes alight.
I snorted. “Yes, my darling. You get to pick.”
We didn’t say much as I got ready. While I put in my new catheter and got dressed, Aleric hopped in the shower, and it wasn’t until we were at my little breakfast nook that we broke the silence with anything besides pointless small talk.
“I didn’t say it back.”
I glanced up from my bowl of oatmeal. “Say what?”
“I love you,” he said. My entire body shuddered at the sound of those three words. I watched him swallow heavily—the way it made his Adam’s apple bob. He cleared his throat. “Because I do. I’m in love with you too. You know that, right?”
“I know.”
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.
“You’re not telling me something.”
He let out a small breath, glancing toward the window. I had a view of the courtyard, which was now a glorified parking lot. There used to be gardens, but the upkeep was costing the taxpayers money, and it was worth not to have some glorified lawn that served no purpose besides taking up water.
But I missed the green sometimes.
“Promise me you won’t freak out,” he said.
I raised a brow. “That feels like a guarantee I will freak out.”
He didn’t argue, which set me on edge. Licking his lips, he reached for a napkin and began to twist it in his fingers. “I’m about eighty percent sure Christoph has been in contact with Hugo. And I know that he contacted Otis to offer insight into his relationship with you. Otis told me about it right after we wrapped for the night.”
I probably should have freaked out, except I knew. Deep down, I knew there was no way Hugo hadn’t come forward once he realized they were making a TV show about me. I was mostly surprised he hadn’t gone to the press yet.
“I think I want to quit after season two,” Aleric said.
Now, that shocked me. I dropped my spoon. “Aleric?—”
“I can’t do this if they’re going to bring Raul in as your main love interest. And it’s going to get really fucking weird and meta if we go public with our relationship. Also…” He trailed off, and something in his face looked terrified.
My heart began to beat a little too fast in my chest. “Talk to me.”
“I have some offers…um. I still have to officially audition, but the parts are pretty much guaranteed. A couple of feature films and one recurring character on a TV show that’s been on for three seasons and has been renewed for another two.”
“That’s great. That’s…” I froze. It wasn’t here, was it? In Caverna. It was somewhere else. Somewhere across the ocean. “The US?”
He looked down at his hands. “I’m never going to escape my reputation here. I’m never going to be left alone or allowed to show everyone who I am. If I want to make something of myself in this industry?—”
“You have to leave,” I rasped.
He nodded. “I’ll come back, of course. Caverna is my home. Every time I have breaks, I’ll be here.”
It hit me that this wasn’t just him floating an idea of doing this together. This was him saying he was going to leave. “You don’t want me to go with you?” I didn’t mean to say the words aloud, but it felt like I was being stabbed in the heart.
His gaze shot up to mine. “I…well. You’re a prince.”
I stared at him. “So? When has that ever mattered to you? You were irreverent the second I met you! Now you’re worried about protocol?”
“No, I…shit. I mean, are you even allowed to leave your…position?”
I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “What position? I have wheelchair basketball—which I suck at—one day a week. I have a handful of friends and the occasional appearance at a children’s hospital if my parents arrange it. I write books because there’s nothing else for me, Aleric. My brother has children and royal duties and training. I’m so far removed from the crown that the only way I’d get it is the death of my entire family, and if that happened, I wouldn’t be able to survive. The only thing I have that belongs to me is you.”
He was staring at me, unblinking. “So. You’d…you’d want to come? To be with me?”
The idea was wholly terrifying. A new country far away from my creature comforts? Leaving my medical team behind? And Cillian? He wasn’t married any longer, but he had family. His kids were grown, but he still saw them at least once a week.
I couldn’t ask him to do that.
And in all honesty, would I even need to? We were a nobody country with a tiny military that was mostly for show and a handful of trade agreements. Our main export was honey, for fuck’s sake. If I went to the States, I could be anonymous. Just…some guy.
“Camillo,” Aleric said very softly.
I looked at him. “Quit this fucking show.”
He burst into laughter and jumped up, moving around the table until he was at my side. And then, once again, he knelt. “It’s more complicated than that. I have a contract, and right now, I cannot afford to get sued. Especially because I’ll lose.”
“I’ll pay for?—”
“No,” Aleric said softly. “No. I can’t risk my reputation getting any worse. But if I can go somewhere to start over while letting the last of my life here fade, and if you come with me?—”
“I will.” I wasn’t sure I could make that promise so readily, but looking into his eyes, it was the only answer I could give him. It would be hard. It would be complicated. But none of that mattered.
“We can make it work.”
Grabbing him by his shirt, I lifted him until we were at eye level. “Together.”
He nodded, then leaned in, and he kissed me.