Chapter 34
Lyra
I
carry the flowers Rand gave me as we walk to a gazebo on the side of the hotel.
“These are beautiful,” I tell him for the third time.
“Not as beautiful as you.” It’s strange for him to sound so serious. I haven’t spent much time with him, but all of our interactions have been light-hearted and funny. Rand is a very funny guy.
“What do you do when you’re not wooing princesses?” I ask as we settle on the bench. Rand pours us each a glass of champagne and sits close beside me.
He smells nice, a mix of soapy innocence and sexy musk, and his red hair is thick with just the right amount of curl that makes me want to run my fingers through it.
“Good to know that my wooing has been noted.” He grins. His cheeks are freckled, but the tan blends them together.
“We would have red-haired babies,” I say out of nowhere.
“And you’re already thinking of procreation?” Rand nods. “That’s very encouraging.”
“I’m encouraging until I have a reason not to be.”
“What did Asani do to give you a reason?” he asks. “Just to make sure I’m not following his lead.”
“He was nice,” I relent. “But…”
“But he might have had different views, like how he thought princesses are there to look pretty and help make the world more peaceful?” Rand grins at my surprised expression. “He made some comments in the house before you sent him home.”
I frown. “This is information I should have known.”
“You would have heard about it if you hadn’t sent him home,” Rand assures me. “There’s a bit of a protective vibe in the house.”
“About me?” He nods. “That’s sweet, but it makes me think of growing up with my brothers, and I don’t really want to think of any of you as a brother type.”
“Not even Spencer?”
“Spencer is my brothers’ friend, not my brother.”
“It’s cool. He seems like a good guy.”
“How’s he doing with the others? Starting late and all.” The question slides out before I can stop it.
I should not be talking about Spencer when I’m with someone else.
But Rand indulges me. “He’s been watching more than interacting. Getting the lay of the land.”
Because that’s what he does. Spencer observes to find out what he needs to know, then sets the stage for others to shine.
I wonder if he’s actually capable of taking the spotlight for himself.
But it looked like he’s doing fine with his dance earlier.
Enough about Spencer. “How do you like staying with twenty-five men?” I ask as I finish my champagne.
“Twelve now, until you send the next batch home.” He refills both of our glasses and clinks his against mine. “If we’re being honest, I’ll say that I really don’t want to be part of the next batch sent packing.”
“You like it here, then?”
“I’m in it to win it,” Rand vows. “Win the heart of the fair maiden.”
I lean back against the cushions and survey him. “Tell me something about myself that you don’t think the others know,” I invite.
Rand studies me. “You give off the vibe of being this incredibly amazing, vivacious woman, someone who can conquer the world if you put your mind to it.”
“Everyone knows that,” I say with a cool smile.
“I’m not finished. That’s what you show, what you want others to see.
But I think, what I see, is that deep down, you’re a little lost. I think you want someone to step up and take care of you, but without telling you they’re taking care of you.
Like your not-brother Spencer. I’m betting he’s always tried to take care of you, but lets you know what he’s doing. I don’t think you like that.”
I don’t reply because, wow. It’s like Rand took a peek inside me. I didn’t even know I had a problem with that.
“I’m a teacher in the real world,” Rand says. “I’m insightful and observant.”
“You don’t have to be insightful and observant to know you don’t have to worry about getting a yellow rose tomorrow.”
Spending time with the men like this lets me really see what they’re like. Do I imagine what it might be like to be in love with them? Of course.
When I was with Tanner, I pictured what our life might be like. I imagined a social life full of parties and friends around his hockey career.
I also realized I would need something more in my life, to compete with Tanner’s love for his sport.
With Rand, I imagine a smaller life. Maybe in Battle Harbour, maybe somewhere else. I’m not opposed to relocating, but I might have an issue making my life smaller to fit into his.
I’ve always imagined a life with Spencer.
As we walk back, I know Rand isn’t going to be the one, but I’ve had fun with him and don’t want to hurt him by telling him that now.
Maybe I could change my mind.
Grayson meets us at the hotel and gives me a minute to say goodnight to Rand before he ushers me to the car for the drive back to Camille’s.
“Good day?” he asks.
“It was a lot of fun,” I tell him, leaning my head against the seat. “Do I get to keep the dress?”
“We could probably arrange it. It does suit you.”
“Thank you for keeping us out of the water. I’d hate to ruin it.”
Grayson laughs. “You saw that episode, did you?”
“Over a million views on YouTube. It’s a classic.”
“That dance with Spencer is going to be up there,” Grayson warns. “How are you feeling with him here?”
“Is this off the record, or for the cameras?”
He gestures to the empty car. “There’s only us here.”
“It’s a little disconcerting,” I admit. “I feel like I’m two people—the person I am in my life, and the person Spencer thinks I am.”
“They’re not the same person?”
“I don’t know. I always got the sense that Spencer—and my brothers—don’t really give me a lot of credit for being capable.”
“I think you’re very capable.”
“I know I’m very capable. Rand said I could take over the world if I wanted to, and he’s right.”
Grayson laughs. “I think you could be very scary, Your Highness.”
“I know I can be.” My smile fades. “But I’m not sure Spencer sees me like that.”
“I’d say that is something you need to find out. Not assume, but find out for sure.”
“I want to give him the next date rose.”
Grayson sighs. “There’s a few weeks to go,” he hedges. “Lots of men left.”
“When you were the Suitor, did you ever wonder that you wouldn’t be able to find someone?” I ask in a soft voice.
“I knew it was Bexley right away,” he tells me.
“But the longer we got into the show, I started to worry that she wouldn’t be able to stick it out.
It’s a lot for the contestants—and I know, because I’ve been one of the contestants as well.
It’s part of the problem—sometimes you make this amazing connection with a person, and instead of focusing on it, nurturing, you’re forced to keep making connections with other men. That’s tough for everyone.”
“Which is why I’m ready to explore the connection with Spencer now. I’m giving him the rose tomorrow.”
I’m glad Grayson doesn’t bother to argue with me.