Chapter 19
In my dream, there’s a woodpecker who will not shut up. The stupid bird is pecking against the walls of my room until it gets
stuck in my chimney and is absolutely relentless.
“Hannah,” the woodpecker says.
I shoot straight up in bed and open my eyes. There’s no tenacious bird outside my door, but there is a very sexy prince who’s
trying to get my attention. I climb out of bed and open my front door. Finn, who is wearing dark slacks and a button-up shirt
open at the collar, slips in.
“Either you were debating whether or not you wanted to see me or you’re a very deep sleeper,” he says.
“The latter.” I flick on a light and immediately recoil from the brightness, which makes him laugh. His laughter stops short.
“Now this is an alluring little getup,” he says, blatantly drinking in my appearance.
I’m wearing short-shorts and an oversized crewneck sweater. Not what I would consider sexy at all.
“I will never understand the hetero male mind.” I turn off the overhead light and switch to a lamp that’s much less abrasive.
Now that I’m awake, I’m giddy he’s here. I shuffle to him and wrap my arms around his waist, breathing him in. His arms instantly
welcome me. He holds me tight, placing a kiss on the top of my head.
“I’ve missed you,” he said. “I’m sorry about this afternoon. Beatrice—”
“I’ve missed you too.” I cut him off because I don’t want to talk about his ex-girlfriend right now. I involuntarily shiver
because the floor is cold on my feet and my legs were under blankets mere moments ago.
“I’m sorry I woke you up.” He pulls away to look at me, a lopsided grin on his face. “Though perhaps not that sorry.”
“Come get under the covers with me.” I lead him to my bed and we both climb in. It’s a twin, so we have to get really close
to fit, which suits me just fine.
His arms are around me, my head on his chest, and the quilt is pulled up. I feel so safe and comfortable, the stressful events
of the day feel like they happened a lifetime ago: my call with Gigi, the agony of seeing perfect Beatrice in real life.
As if reading my mind, Finn strokes my hair and says, “You still haven’t told me about your conversation with Gigi.”
I relay the phone call, including the part where I hung up. I try to keep my voice steady, but by the end, I feel tears threatening again. Finn kisses the top of my head again and gives me a squeeze.
“That must’ve been hard. But you’re glad you did it?”
I sit up so I can see him better. We lean against the bed frame. He takes my hand and intertwines our fingers, a now familiar
tradition when we’re close.
“I am. Avoiding her was becoming its own monster. Now that I’ve faced that initial call, I don’t have to hide from her anymore.
Not that she’s going to call again.” I know Gigi well enough to know that. She’ll turn her attention away from me and toward
volleyball, toward starting college in the fall. We chose schools that are within an easy driving distance of each other,
but we can just as easily not make that drive too. “I’m going to miss her, though. Miss what we had.” Saying it out loud pushes
a tear to the edge and down my cheek.
Finn leans over and kisses it away. “I’m so sorry this happened to you. You are brilliantly kind and good. You don’t deserve
it.”
Being with him feels so right, but it’s battling against Tina’s warning: You would do well to be careful. And that’s on top of the distant alarm bells I’ve never been fully able to silence in my own mind, a constant reminder that
whatever Finn and I have, whatever’s going on between us, it has an expiration date.
“What’s going on with you and Queen Bea?” I ask suddenly.
“Referring to someone as ‘queen’ who isn’t royalty is a punishable offense at Inveresk Castle.” Finn’s tone is light, but
I can tell he’s irritated by the question. “Are you really worried about her?”
I tap my chin. “Am I worried about the tall, lithe goddess who you planned on marrying and is now living under the same roof
as you . . . hmm . . .”
“Hannah.” He takes my hand and kisses it. “I had no idea having her here was bothering you this much. I apologize. Truly.
If I could kick her out—well, it’d be rude because she’s my friend—but I’d do it anyway to please you.”
“You don’t have to kick her out.” I snuggle in closer to him, reminding myself that he’s here with me. He snuck out to be
with me. Any restlessness I had as a result of our three’s-company ride dissolves. When Tina’s stern face appears in my head again,
I swat it away. I’m tired of being careful, I tell her. Being careful has gotten me nowhere. I want to stop following a plan and start following my feelings. “Thank you for coming here tonight,” I tell him, leaning forward to pepper his neck with soft kisses. I move up and catch
his earlobe between my teeth, and he moans in response.
“That’s very swoonable, what you’re doing there,” he says.
I laugh into his skin. “See? My made-up word is catching on.”
My hand moves down his chest and stomach, which flexes in response.
I get close to the waistband of his pants, and he lets out a breath.
The anticipation building between us creates a heady, intoxicating chemistry.
I run my hands back up his chest, pressing myself against him.
Everything in my body, from the top of my head to my toes, is tingling with want.
He catches my lips with his, our mouths opening.
Heat passes between us. I reach down to see just how much he’s enjoying this attention.
Before I get there, I ask if it’s okay. He affirms that it’s more than okay, and he pushes himself against my hand.
I’m so turned on, I’m lightheaded. I want everything, all of him.
When his hands rake down my back, squeezing my bottom, and then tucking underneath my thigh, I freeze. He instantly stops
and pulls away.
“Are you okay?” he says. His hands are off me, his voice full of tenderness. “We can just talk, if you want.”
I want to do more; I want everything, but.
Heat rises up my chest, my neck. I’m certain it’s blotting my cheeks.
“You can tell me anything,” he coaxes. “Or nothing, it’s up to you. I can even leave, if that’s what you want.”
I grab his wrist. “No, I want you here, I want to touch you and be touched, I just . . . I have to warn you about something
before we do more.”
“Is it that you have extra toes?” he says with a serious nod. “That’s more common than you’d think.”
I laugh, and the tension building in me breaks. I’m just going to be honest with him.
“I’ve never . . .” I will not hide my face, I’m just going to say it. “Climaxed with a partner before.”
“Oh,” he says, taking the information in. There’s no judgment in his voice. If anything, there’s a curiosity. “And that’s
something you’d like to experience.”
“Yeah.” I bite my lower lip, thinking how best to put into words something I’ve never said out loud before. “I’ve only been
with one person and every time we hooked up, I’d be having a good time, then get in my head about it. The whole thing frustrated
him and embarrassed me, and I just don’t want to have that come between us.” I gather the courage to meet his eye.
“This became a point of conflict?” he asks carefully.
“Kind of.” I try not to think about how this must’ve made Gigi so much more appealing. She’s always been free and shameless
in her pursuit of pleasure.
“Well, then, he’s a complete wanker,” Finn says with more bitterness than I’m expecting. “The guy can’t meet your needs and
then makes you feel bad about it?”
“Well, it’s my fault too, though,” I say.
“But you can climax by yourself,” Finn clarifies. When I nod, he throws up his hands. “Nope, I’m sorry, Hannah, the verdict
is, he’s a wad and you deserve to feel better than you’ve ever felt.”
While the conversation may not necessarily be sexy, his reaction to it absolutely is. Rather than say this to him, I push him back and straddle him. I rock my hips a little to create friction, which makes his eyes roll back.
“Oh my god, Hannah.”
This physical experience, the sight of him turned on, it’s all working for me. I ride him for a little longer, taking his
shirt off in the process. I declare his body swoonable, and then he places his hands on my hips and stills me.
“Something wrong?” I ask.
“Yes,” he says. “We’re going to take care of you first. I don’t care if I have to dedicate the rest of my life to this very
valuable cause.”
“It might take a while. It might not even happen,” I warn him.
“But won’t it be fun to try?” he replies with a wicked grin. He flips me onto my back, his hands at the hem of my sweatshirt.
“May I?”
I nod, already feeling my body buzz and build with the anticipation of his effect on me. His hands reach up to fondle my breasts
as he plants gentle kisses on my stomach. It feels so good, but it’s not enough.
“More,” I murmur.
His kisses travel down to my hip bone. As his hands trace under the waistband of my shorts, he looks up to make sure I’m on
board. I’m so on board, I whip the shorts off myself. He hums in appreciation as his mouth travels inside my thigh. I beg
him this time. “More.”
It doesn’t take all night. It doesn’t even take an hour for Finn to bring me to the peak and back down again.
“Your turn,” I whisper into his ear. I take him in my hands, my mouth, and then climb on top of him again to ride the friction.
When ecstasy comes, it comes for both of us, and it is spectacular.
My head falls onto the pillow; Finn’s rests on my chest. My fingers comb through his hair as our bodies ride out the aftershocks
until they’re replaced with the sweet glow of satisfaction.